Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 278869 times)

Slick · « **Reply #1550 on:** 20 Jul 2009, 17:09 »

uhhhg I do not want to do that because if it works and she decides she does not want to chuck off then I will always think 'well fuck she didn't want me until I told her to chuck off' because I think I would like to think that relationships can be more mature than that.
This girl is cool but I keep ringing through to her voice-mail which isn't set up on her phone and part of me wonders if she is just not picking it up.
Sometimes it is all happy-eyes and laughing and other times it seems like total disinterest.
This is probably what I deserve though.

I just want to cook her some delicious fuckin' steak with peppercorn sauce though! Come on!

calenlass · « **Reply #1551 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 03:05 »

ugh suck sucky fucking suck

negative creep · « **Reply #1552 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 08:57 »

Well, as some of you might know by now, there is this girl I like. And I am still very upset about the situation.
I have come to the decision that the best thing to do is probably to just tell her how I feel. The question that I have is: How?

There are four different options:

A: Tell her in person. This could be complicated because I don't know if and when I will see her again.
B: Send a lenghty message via the internet, explainging in detail how I feel.
C: Call her on the phone. Con: I'm not very good at that and I have never spoken to her on the phone before.
D: Send her a text message by mobile phone.

So what do I do?

evilbobthebob · « **Reply #1553 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 09:03 »

I recommend A or C. Both are a lot more personal than text/internet, so if it doesn't go as well as you hoped, at least you'll have the solace of being personal. Plus it may seem kind of cowardly to do it over the internet/text, whether you can see her again or not. I'm in basically the same situation myself; I'm just waiting until I see her again.

michaelicious · « **Reply #1554 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 09:05 »

Write her a series of anonymous letters about all of the little things you like about her. Include seemingly unintentional clues so she can figure out the letters are from you.

michaelicious · « **Reply #1555 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 09:07 »

Or maybe do a sexy dance.

Slick · « **Reply #1556 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 09:43 »

Do a sexy dance.

imapiratearg · « **Reply #1557 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 09:58 »

Quote from: calenlass on 21 Jul 2009, 03:05

ugh suck sucky fucking suck

Joseph · « **Reply #1558 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 10:51 »

Quote from: Slick on 21 Jul 2009, 09:43

Do a sexy dance.

And post a video.

allison · « **Reply #1559 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 10:58 »

I think you should tell her in person. If I were her, I would rather that be the way. It's more mature. If not, try by phone. Barring that, I guess go with the sexy dance?

Now my turn:
I was out with a friend on Saturday night, and met a lot of people that he knows. The next day he called me to tell me he'd given my number to one of the dudes we were sitting with. Now that guy is texting me quite a bit, asking me what my schedule is like and if I would like to go out. I am not interested in this at all but I am bad at saying no and I'm worried I will end up going out with him.

Should I turn him down cold or give him the pity date?

michaelicious · « **Reply #1560 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 11:05 »

Tell him that you are sorry, but you only date men of colour.

Josefbugman · « **Reply #1561 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 11:06 »

Say no to anything romantic but see if he's interested in friendship related stuff?

I mean I have been a bit too keen to make friends in the before now and done stuff like this.

Aimless · « **Reply #1562 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 12:47 »

Meet the guy, have a friendly friend-date, let him know that love and sex are not happening. More fair, more friendly, more fun

iamiam · « **Reply #1563 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:04 »

actually, this leads me to actually ask for some advice (!)

what is the best way to let a guy know that you are not interested in a real date and want to just hang out casually? i have had guys ask me out by asking me if i'd like to 'go grab something to eat', and known that they actually meant 'hey let's go have dinner together just the two of us because i am into you'. and even though i was interested in hanging out with them as friends i was afraid that they might take it the wrong way and see it as a date so i would just panic and be like 'oh no sorry i already ate and i'm busy tonight and uh maybe some other time okay?'

how does one go about saying 'sure let's hang out and grab something to eat but this isn't a date and i only want to be friends so please don't expect anything more' without actually saying it?

Aimless · « **Reply #1564 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:18 »

Everyone's different, but I think it's better to either just say it outright, or say it through allegory or say it offhandedly with your mouth full of food as if the thought that this was one of THOSE dates didn't really cross your mind.

As long as you say it with in a good way... like, you let him know that you take him seriously, you know? But with a smile. I think that, for most guys, that might be best. Because then you get a fun outing, you don't get shot down in a mean/hurtful way, and you don't have to go for weeks being all torn and confused, asking every single one of your forums what the best way would be to win over this new girl of your dreams

MrBlu · « **Reply #1565 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:21 »

Quote from: Slick on 20 Jul 2009, 17:09

uhhhg I do not want to do that because if it works and she decides she does not want to chuck off then I will always think 'well fuck she didn't want me until I told her to chuck off' because I think I would like to think that relationships can be more mature than that.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHHAHAHAA

MrBlu · « **Reply #1566 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:24 »

Ok I'm sorry, that was wrong.

MrBlu · « **Reply #1567 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:25 »

What I really think you should do is; just talk to her and get closer to her, until some feelings come out. Then approach her with your argument.

MrBlu · « **Reply #1568 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:26 »

And then if she's all wishy washy and completely annoying and decides it's a good idea to keep you tethered by the hope of a relationship, even though she knows you like her, THEN tell her to chuck off.

Slick · « **Reply #1569 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:28 »

Yeah no I've been trying that and not much is going on.

Aimless · « **Reply #1570 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:37 »

How long have you been waiting? How long are you prepared to wait? Have you kissed her?

Drill King · « **Reply #1571 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 14:58 »

So I have recently moved to a new city and I am suddenly confronted with woah lots of cute boys and boys I can seduce and generally be a run-a-about. However, I have a neighbor that has been really wonderful in helping me adjust to moving, and he is pretty lovely, the problem is that I am starting to get that butterflies in stomach crush on a guy, and I do not want this. Is there any way to have my cake and eat it too?

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1572 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 17:45 »

So, relationship thread. I have noticed a problem I have when it comes to the dating type of relationship. Pretty much, the problem is that I don't really understand the concept. I don't understand what it is supposed to mean, or what you are supposed to feel for the person you are going out with, or any of that. Can someone explain this to me? I'm pretty well lost.

MrBlu · « **Reply #1573 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:10 »

When you find someone you really like, and you're in a relationship with them, you'll know.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1574 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:21 »

That really isn't helpful. I don't understand the way it works, why someone would date, the entire thing. I wasn't asking about how I can tell if someone is "the one".

MrBlu · « **Reply #1575 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:22 »

That's not the question I answered. And people date because that weird girl with the glasses who collects yarn and reads Neil Gaiman books might be the one.

(oh, I'm talking about myself again)

Eris · « **Reply #1576 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:36 »

People date because they find someone that they kinda like in certain ways (maybe they also like Neil Gaiman books) and want to get to know them better. They go on dates to see if they have more in common and can possibly make it a proper relationship, or if the only thing they have in common is what initially attracted them in the first place. The girl may like Neil Gaiman, but through dates you might find out that she's a conspiracy theorist, which could be a deal breaker.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1577 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:44 »

I think I'm just not asking the right questions, because I understand what you guys are saying, but it isn't quite what I wanted to know. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, maybe what I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

NeverQuiteGoth · « **Reply #1578 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:48 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 17:45

I don't really understand the concept. I don't understand what it is supposed to mean, or what you are supposed to feel for the person you are going out with, or any of that.

You're right on track

Quote

I'm pretty well lost.

That's what you're supposed to feel.
Dating is a horror. I don't understand why anybody does it either.

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

maybe what I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

Companionship. Love. Sex. Etc.

That's an entirely different question though.

nobo · « **Reply #1579 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:57 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

You enter a relationship to prevent the person you've come to like from having a relationship with other people. Getting married is just a way of making it morally illegal for the person you're dating to sleep with people who are not you.

Unosuke · « **Reply #1580 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:58 »

So I'm single and junk now. was one of them long distance ones so when we decided to break up i was relatively cool with it. but now I long for a local girl but I'm not good at that thing where you meet new people.

Eris · « **Reply #1581 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 18:58 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

I think I'm just not asking the right questions, because I understand what you guys are saying, but it isn't quite what I wanted to know. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, maybe what I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

So you're calling the whole relationship process in its entirety dating? Like, meeting someone, actual dating, the eventual relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) deal is being summarised as 'dating'?

Unosuke · « **Reply #1582 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:00 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

You could be like me and subscribe to the silly notions of true love and all of that kind of stuff.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #1583 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:06 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

I think I'm just not asking the right questions, because I understand what you guys are saying, but it isn't quite what I wanted to know. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, maybe what I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

Okay, wait, are you asking why people and society at large feels the overwhelming need to have to be in a relationship and never be single because that is bad?

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1584 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:11 »

Quote from: Eris on 21 Jul 2009, 18:58

So you're calling the whole relationship process in its entirety dating? Like, meeting someone, actual dating, the eventual relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) deal is being summarised as 'dating'?

Sorry, I'm socially illiterate. And when you are a teenager, most relationships you know of cram all of the steps into a short time frame, which makes it harder to observe from the outside.

Unosuke, I love my friends, doesn't mean I want to date them. I don't understand in particular what makes someone want to have a relationship with someone rather than be friends.

Not so much that, Zingo, just that I don't understand why or how everything you could feel that would make someone "special" gets put under the same heading.

Lines · « **Reply #1585 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:17 »

Guys, say you have been hanging around a lady and you have been having fun, what would you do if she one day told you, "Hey, you should ask me out," what would you do? (Or girls, should I go up to this guy and say, "Hey, you should ask me out.")

I am getting all sorts of mixed signals and I do like this guy, but I get the feeling he's a bit shy about these things.

Unosuke · « **Reply #1586 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:20 »

Well, if I liked the girl in the same way, then I'd totally ask her out. My problem is I'm scared being told "no" or "eww go away" or "I only like you as a friend"

a pack of wolves · « **Reply #1587 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:21 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 18:44

I think I'm just not asking the right questions, because I understand what you guys are saying, but it isn't quite what I wanted to know. I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words, maybe what I'm having more of a problem understanding is the need for a significant other, the purpose of having one?

I'm guessing that sex, companionship etc has already occurred to you and what you want to know is why these things need to be fulfilled by a specific kind of relationship: the romantic. Basically, I'd say it makes life easier. In the early stages establishing that the two of you are going on dates sets up some parameters for the relationship, distinguishing it from the kind of relationship had with a friend and defining some expectations. We use established social norms to help us construct appropriate behaviour all the time, it's a handy shortcut and since it is the norm acting differently and just making everything explicit would seem weird. When I make friends with someone I don't give them a list of ground rules but several are established by the nature of the relationship, same goes for family members or work colleagues etc. For example, though we've never had a conversation to make this explicit I would expect my girlfriend not to be perturbed if I kissed her whereas I wouldn't be surprised if most of my friends were.

There are a lot of reasons for separating a romantic relationship off from other kinds of relationships and these tend to vary a lot from person to person, but mostly come down to setting up what's appropriate behaviour with the addition of making a statement about the significance of that particular relationship. In addition to the legal aspects a wedding is a means of declaring to the community the importance of a relationship between two people and then having the community celebrate that relationship by doing some really bad dancing. When it comes to the appropriate behaviour an awful lot of it comes down to who you're fucking. Even most open relationships have very clearly defined parameters about what is and isn't acceptable when it comes to sex.

In short: shit's complicated and just saying "we're a couple" makes it a hell of a lot easier.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1588 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 19:22 »

Why not just ask him, rather than asking him to ask you?

edit: that was to Linds.

APoW, that makes sense, I guess. I still don't see the point, but I guess that is just me.

20 jazz funk greats · « **Reply #1589 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 20:09 »

Quote from: Slick on 20 Jul 2009, 17:09

I just want to cook her some delicious fuckin' steak with peppercorn sauce though! Come on!

steak,
kinda makes me wish things worked out between us.

Quote from: Patrick on 16 Jul 2009, 15:38

Hey relationship thread. There's a friend of mine back in Albania who apparently decided that now would be a perfect opportunity to inform me that she likes me.

Do I:
A) stab her in the face for not telling me when I could've done something about it?
B) stab her in the face for telling me at all?
C) sit around and get more depressed?
D) other?

d) forget about all that and meet hotter ladies in canada!

okay now seriously thread, i have more questions/rambling about open relationships.

sooooo i met another boy at a future of the left show and had makeouts with him. he was all sweet and didn't try to grope me or get me drunk or invite me back to his place to bang cause he is classy. (or maybe cause it wouldn't have been possible anyway? dunno.) he is like my indie dream boy (mostly looks-wise but his personality/taste in music is decent as far as i know) and if i were 15 or 16 i would be madly in love with him BUT I AM NOT. it would be kinda cool to bump into him again (and have more makeouts) but that is probably not gonna happen anytime soon cause we don't live in the same city and didn't exchange contact info. that's not really the issue at hand here though. the point is, i am still capable of flirting/hooking up with someone even though i don't do it often/haven't done it much in the past either. now, my boyfriend is ...not as suave, shall we say. he is kinda shy and hasn't met any sexy new ladies since we've agreed to the open relationship. he has jokingly asked to help him meet women. but i have never played matchmaker for anyone before and have no idea how to. what do i do? and should i even be helping him with that in the first place? part of me feels like it's not MY fault that he can't get anyone else at the moment (i'm sure that could change. he's not a horrible person, he just has extremely low self-esteem. and that doesn't even become apparent until you've gotten to know him better, so it's not like he's instantly turning off the womens by being a whiny mopey fuck) and that maybe he should try harder to make the first move instead of relying on my help? at the same time i can see why he'd struggle with it. it can be intimidating. even for confident people (ie, myself.) and i kinda feel like it's not fair to him that i am having a relatively easy time finding new guys to get involved with and he's not really getting to experience everything an open relationship has to offer. it's not supposed to be one-sided.

help me internet.

xoxo,
anna

Lines · « **Reply #1590 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 20:19 »

Quote from: Nodaisho on 21 Jul 2009, 19:22

Why not just ask him, rather than asking him to ask you?

edit: that was to Linds.

No idea. I may end up doing that, honestly.

Nodaisho · « **Reply #1591 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 20:22 »

I know some girls that are reluctant to ask guys out, seems like there is still a bit of subconscious stigma about that, think that could be it? Just seems kind of odd to ask someone to ask you out.

edit: Oh, and if he is interested in you, if he is the shy type, he will be overjoyed that you asked him. Trust me, I should know.

ViolentDove · « **Reply #1592 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 20:52 »

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 14:04

how does one go about saying 'sure let's hang out and grab something to eat but this isn't a date and i only want to be friends so please don't expect anything more' without actually saying it?

You should just actually say it, but in a nice way?

I would say most of the time if a dude asks a lady out somewhere and the lady says yes he will assume that there is a romantic possibility unless it is explicitly stated otherwise.

Also ladies asking dudes out is a good thing and the world would be a better place if it happened more often. Many guys can be all kinds of oblivious, and also cannot read minds, and therefore will probably not pick up on any kinds of "signals" that they should ask you out short of a sexy dance or delicious steak.

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #1593 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 21:09 »

Quote from: 20 jazz funk greats on 21 Jul 2009, 20:09

words.

It kind of sounds like your boyfriend is probably not an ideal candidate for an open relationship. I mean I don't think he has any problem with the concept but it tends to work better for people who have a higher level of confidence and it is possible that if he doesn't receive much attention from other ladies that he might resent you for being better at it. On the other hand I'm not sure that it would be appropriate for you to take him out and act as wingman/woman/person, simply because it might get weird. From what I understand (and no I've never been in an open relationship) you really don't want to know too much about what your partner is doing other than if they're safe etc... because that could cause problems unless you are totally fine with your partner playing away (which, admittedly, is a mindset I have trouble identifying with). Basically all I can safely suggest would be talking to him and trying to help him build up his self-esteem and confidence but I would advise against going out and helping him pick up ladies. You might need to discuss with him whether he is going to be ok with you engaging in sexual activities with other people if he isn't because that just sounds like a recipe for huge amounts of resentment to me.

iamiam · « **Reply #1594 on:** 21 Jul 2009, 23:06 »

Quote from: ViolentDove on 21 Jul 2009, 20:52

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 14:04
how does one go about saying 'sure let's hang out and grab something to eat but this isn't a date and i only want to be friends so please don't expect anything more' without actually saying it?

You should just actually say it, but in a nice way?

I would say most of the time if a dude asks a lady out somewhere and the lady says yes he will assume that there is a romantic possibility unless it is explicitly stated otherwise.

yeah but like... the problem is if the guy does not explicitly state that it's a date, then i feel really weird and awkward saying something like 'sure, but just as friends' or 'yeah, but just so you know i'm not dating right now.' it just feels so presumptuous even though i secretly know what he actually means. and i'm afraid that he'll answer 'yeah well i just wanted to hang out as friends what are you talking about?' and i'll feel like an asshole even though i'll know it's a lie.

even though i am normally a #1 proponent of candidness and bluntly telling the truth to people, i am sort of hoping there might be an easy way out on this that i am missing :c

calenlass · « **Reply #1595 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 00:24 »

Quote from: Unosuke on 21 Jul 2009, 18:58

I'm single and junk

So I was reading through phonetic symbol transcripts of various accents earlier today. I had to read this three times to grasp that you weren't trying to say "single and drunk".

MrBlu · « **Reply #1596 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 00:51 »

Quote from: Linds on 21 Jul 2009, 19:17

Guys, say you have been hanging around a lady and you have been having fun, what would you do if she one day told you, "Hey, you should ask me out," what would you do? (Or girls, should I go up to this guy and say, "Hey, you should ask me out.")

I would totally love if that happened to me. Especially considering I'm talking to this one girl who I almost refuse to (afraid to) approach her with anything, since at one point, she and my best friend were talking/flirting/kissing/blahblah and she gave him crap because she didn't know what she wanted. Oh look, my sentences are running into each other again. I must be tired.

Go for it.

Alex C · « **Reply #1597 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 00:57 »

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 23:06

and i'm afraid that he'll answer 'yeah well i just wanted to hang out as friends what are you talking about?' and i'll feel like an asshole even though i'll know it's a lie.

The funny part of this particular song and dance is sometimes it really isn't a lie. Not often, but it comes up. For example, last year my younger cousin moved to Minneapolis and asked an acquaintance I introduced him to once if she wanted to hang out because he didn't really know anyone else up there. She texted me all panicky about it because she thought they had zero chemistry, which was true since he was so deep in the closet at the time that he was having regular lunch dates with Aslan. It killed me not to respond with anything more than "Nah, he's not interested; I think he's seeing someone." Someone with a penis. He's completely out now though so such things don't really come up anymore, thankfully.

est · « **Reply #1598 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 01:19 »

Quote from: Drill King on 21 Jul 2009, 14:58

So I have recently moved to a new city and I am suddenly confronted with woah lots of cute boys and boys I can seduce and generally be a run-a-about. However, I have a neighbor that has been really wonderful in helping me adjust to moving, and he is pretty lovely, the problem is that I am starting to get that butterflies in stomach crush on a guy, and I do not want this. Is there any way to have my cake and eat it too?

As an expert cake eater and butterfly catcher it is my professional opinion that you must suck the next six dicks you see.

Jace · « **Reply #1599 on:** 22 Jul 2009, 01:52 »

Quote from: Alex C on 22 Jul 2009, 00:57

he was so deep in the closet at the time that he was having regular lunch dates with Aslan.

Wanted to point this out specifically. That is an excellent quote.

Quote from: iamiam on 21 Jul 2009, 23:06

and i'm afraid that he'll answer 'yeah well i just wanted to hang out as friends what are you talking about?' and i'll feel like an asshole even though i'll know it's a lie.

You can instead of being all presumptuous and whatnot, respond to "hey, wanna go out for lunch/dinner sometime" with "like a date?" and see what his answer is. Then you can lead into the other things like "oh, sorry, I'm not really dating" or "Well, I just want to go out as friends" without assuming anything because you'll already know his intention for this particular outing.

I would ask for advice on my problems but they are so convoluted they gave me a headache. Remember how there were 3 girls I wanted to do things with. I met the one who likes to cheat's boyfriend and dude is seriously super cool, he and I vibe on the same frequency and he is a new friend. The church girl basically wants nothing to do with me for various reasons, one of which being that I told her I only had physical feelings for her even though that was just something I said in the throes of a self-hate rampage I was having. I am still trying to break one girl and her shitty boyfriend up though.

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Author Topic: Please, Just Let Me Die Already (Read 278869 times)

Zingoleb