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Author Topic: warning?  (Read 20205 times)

frullic

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warning?
« on: 13 Apr 2009, 09:09 »
what do you think was on the GSX 9500's warning on the box?
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JD

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Re: warning?
« Reply #1 on: 13 Apr 2009, 09:21 »
Do not put in reach of children.
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Re: warning?
« Reply #2 on: 13 Apr 2009, 09:34 »
Do not operate heavy machinery after using.
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Random832

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Re: warning?
« Reply #3 on: 13 Apr 2009, 12:16 »
Caution: GSX9500 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. GSX9500 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use GSX9500 on concrete. Discontinue use of GSX9500 if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. If GSX9500 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. GSX9500 may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, GSX9500 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of GSX9500 of any and all liability. Ingredients of GSX9500 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. GSX9500 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt GSX9500. GSX9500 comes with a lifetime warranty.
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Jimor

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Re: warning?
« Reply #4 on: 13 Apr 2009, 12:34 »
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
GSX9500 comes with a lifetime warranty.

"I'd like a refund."

"And why is that, sir?"

"It killed my wife."

"Well I'm afraid that means the warranty has expired. Good day."
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Zingoleb

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Re: warning?
« Reply #5 on: 13 Apr 2009, 12:48 »
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
Do not taunt GSX9500.

Your wife probably ignored this warning.
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JacobSnickers

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Re: warning?
« Reply #6 on: 13 Apr 2009, 17:50 »
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Jeff7

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Re: warning?
« Reply #7 on: 13 Apr 2009, 18:29 »
May cause immaculate insemination.

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Jimor

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Re: warning?
« Reply #8 on: 13 Apr 2009, 18:30 »
Quote from: Zingoleb on 13 Apr 2009, 12:48
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
Do not taunt GSX9500.

Your wife probably ignored this warning.

Well, you know how Doms are...
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KickThatBathProf

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Re: warning?
« Reply #9 on: 13 Apr 2009, 19:50 »
Quote from: JacobSnickers on 13 Apr 2009, 17:50

Oh man.  The GSX9500 is really HAL 9000 in dildo form.  We are all doomed.
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Spluff

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Re: warning?
« Reply #10 on: 13 Apr 2009, 19:53 »
Point away from face.
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frullic

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Re: warning?
« Reply #11 on: 13 Apr 2009, 20:20 »
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
Caution: GSX9500 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. GSX9500 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use GSX9500 on concrete. Discontinue use of GSX9500 if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. If GSX9500 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. GSX9500 may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, GSX9500 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of GSX9500 of any and all liability. Ingredients of GSX9500 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. GSX9500 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt GSX9500. GSX9500 comes with a lifetime warranty.

You have won THE GAME
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Shmee

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Re: warning?
« Reply #12 on: 13 Apr 2009, 20:26 »
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
Caution: GSX9500 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. GSX9500 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use GSX9500 on concrete. Discontinue use of GSX9500 if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. If GSX9500 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. GSX9500 may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, GSX9500 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of GSX9500 of any and all liability. Ingredients of GSX9500 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. GSX9500 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt GSX9500. GSX9500 comes with a lifetime warranty.

Happy Fun Ball?
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Kugai

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Re: warning?
« Reply #13 on: 13 Apr 2009, 23:17 »
Quote from: KickThatBathProf on 13 Apr 2009, 19:50
Quote from: JacobSnickers on 13 Apr 2009, 17:50

Oh man.  The GSX9500 is really HAL 9000 in dildo form.  We are all doomed.

I'm sorry KickThatBathProf, this conversation can serve no further purpose.


:D
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akronnick

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Re: warning?
« Reply #14 on: 13 Apr 2009, 23:45 »
Why don't you take a stress pill and we can talk about this.
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Akronnick, I can think of no more appropriate steed for a Knight Of The Dickbroom than a foul-mouthed, perpetually shouting, lust-crazed bird with a scrotum hanging from its chin and a distinctive cry of "Gobble gobble gobble".   --Tergon

JD

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Re: warning?
« Reply #15 on: 14 Apr 2009, 03:53 »
Do not overuse
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ndperfesser

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Re: warning?
« Reply #16 on: 14 Apr 2009, 09:06 »
Quote from: Random832 on 13 Apr 2009, 12:16
Caution: GSX9500 may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. GSX9500 contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use GSX9500 on concrete. Discontinue use of GSX9500 if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations. If GSX9500 begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. GSX9500 may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, GSX9500 should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of GSX9500 of any and all liability. Ingredients of GSX9500 include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. GSX9500 has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq. Do not taunt GSX9500. GSX9500 comes with a lifetime warranty.

Do not feed the GSX9500 after midnight
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JacobSnickers

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Re: warning?
« Reply #17 on: 14 Apr 2009, 12:33 »
It doesn't even need a warning label.

Let me put it this way, Mr. KickThatBathProf. The 9500 series is the most reliable vibrator ever made. No 9500 vibrator has ever made a mistake or distorted information. They are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.
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Zingoleb

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Re: warning?
« Reply #18 on: 14 Apr 2009, 12:47 »
Does this mean it cannot penetrate fools?

So many idiots trying to place machinery in their genitals but unable to. Sad.
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Rocketman

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Re: warning?
« Reply #19 on: 14 Apr 2009, 14:57 »
Do not use while plugged into wall.
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bicostp

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Re: warning?
« Reply #20 on: 14 Apr 2009, 20:56 »
Do not look into the operational end of the GSX 9500.
Under no circumstances should you ever *static*
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akronnick

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Re: warning?
« Reply #21 on: 14 Apr 2009, 21:03 »
GSX-9500 has entered the base!
GSX-9500 has entere....*krrrrkrrkkrr*
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Akronnick, I can think of no more appropriate steed for a Knight Of The Dickbroom than a foul-mouthed, perpetually shouting, lust-crazed bird with a scrotum hanging from its chin and a distinctive cry of "Gobble gobble gobble".   --Tergon

Is it cold in here?

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Re: warning?
« Reply #22 on: 14 Apr 2009, 22:52 »
Do not insert in ear canal.
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plethora

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Re: warning?
« Reply #23 on: 15 Apr 2009, 04:30 »
The first time I saw that "Warning" on the box, I thought it said "wang". True story.
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Is it cold in here?

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Re: warning?
« Reply #24 on: 15 Apr 2009, 17:22 »
"Caution: Wet Floor"
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Tybalt

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Re: warning?
« Reply #25 on: 15 Apr 2009, 17:49 »
Caution:  Children Xing
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Re: warning?
« Reply #26 on: 15 Apr 2009, 23:36 »
Do not use this product while operating heavy machinery.
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Shmee

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Re: warning?
« Reply #27 on: 18 Apr 2009, 08:52 »
Quote from: ndperfesser on 14 Apr 2009, 09:06
Do not feed the GSX9500 after midnight

What would one feed it?  :O
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Rocketman

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Re: warning?
« Reply #28 on: 18 Apr 2009, 10:10 »
Quote from: Shmee on 18 Apr 2009, 08:52
Quote from: ndperfesser on 14 Apr 2009, 09:06
Do not feed the GSX9500 after midnight

What would one feed it?  :O

It feeds on virginity.
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DoubleJ

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Re: warning?
« Reply #29 on: 18 Apr 2009, 13:48 »
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LTK

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Re: warning?
« Reply #30 on: 18 Apr 2009, 15:52 »
Do not expose to direct sunlight, as the device may be prone to melting, and the neighbours might see it.
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I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

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Re: warning?
« Reply #31 on: 18 Apr 2009, 16:09 »
Wear protective clothing when using this device.
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raoullefere

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Re: warning?
« Reply #32 on: 18 Apr 2009, 17:34 »
If you happen to own a Cyber-Surrogate Male Companion (commonly known as a 'Robotic Boyfriend'), attach the GSX 9500 as an accessory at your own risk. Don't say we didn't warn you. Because we did. If you're reading this, Hannelore, yes, this means YOU. Love, Dad.
p.s. Ahhhh-haa-ha-ha- ha-ha!
« Last Edit: 18 Apr 2009, 17:46 by raoullefere »
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JD

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Re: warning?
« Reply #33 on: 18 Apr 2009, 21:39 »
So the bait and tackle are out of beta?
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Re: warning?
« Reply #34 on: 19 Apr 2009, 22:55 »
What if the warning said "For external use only"?
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LTK

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Re: warning?
« Reply #35 on: 21 Apr 2009, 14:35 »
"EPIC EQUIPMENT. PLEASE USE RESPONSIBLY."
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Quote from: snalin
I just got the image of a midwife and a woman giving birth swinging towards each other on a trapeze - when they meet, the midwife pulls the baby out. The knife juggler is standing on the floor and cuts the umbilical cord with a a knifethrow.

Kugai

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Re: warning?
« Reply #36 on: 21 Apr 2009, 17:09 »
'Do not use in Zero Gravity locations'
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James The Kugai 

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Re: warning?
« Reply #37 on: 21 Apr 2009, 18:44 »
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Wagimawr

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Re: warning?
« Reply #38 on: 22 Apr 2009, 20:14 »
Come with this if you want to live.
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akronnick

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Re: warning?
« Reply #39 on: 22 Apr 2009, 22:19 »
two words:

Guh, Roan!!!
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Akronnick, I can think of no more appropriate steed for a Knight Of The Dickbroom than a foul-mouthed, perpetually shouting, lust-crazed bird with a scrotum hanging from its chin and a distinctive cry of "Gobble gobble gobble".   --Tergon

raoullefere

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Re: warning?
« Reply #40 on: 22 Apr 2009, 22:41 »
I'm not sure 'Guh' is a word. I think it otomatopia automatopia a soundy thing.
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celticgeek

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Re: warning?
« Reply #41 on: 22 Apr 2009, 22:43 »
As in:  Galinda, with a "guh."  Yes, Onomatopoeia
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Re: warning?
« Reply #42 on: 23 Apr 2009, 14:54 »
I thought of a great one but it's too creepy.

In its place I'll offer "harmful or fatal if swallowed".
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Zingoleb

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Re: warning?
« Reply #43 on: 26 Apr 2009, 15:35 »
Post the creepy one.

POST THE FUCKING CREEPY ONE.
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JD

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Re: warning?
« Reply #44 on: 26 Apr 2009, 15:49 »
Why the hell not? post it.
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Kugai

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Re: warning?
« Reply #45 on: 26 Apr 2009, 17:20 »
'May cause eyes to bleed'
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