I can't help but notice that many of you here are sexually frustrated. Well, I would like to offer a solution.
You see, I too am sexually frustrated. The problem is that whenever I attempt to do something about it, girls get really annoying. They'll want to talk about feelings and such like. They'll get clingy and want a relationship. And I'm just not that type of guy! I don't want to know about how other people feel, it's just not my thing. I care enough about how I feel, and thinking about myself uses up so much time that I just can't spare any to consider OTHER people. I can't risk girls falling completely and totally in love with me anymore unless there's at least one border between us, preferably an ocean.
Now, I know a lot of you here are modest, insecure and generally just really shy or intimidated. Many of you are afraid of getting out there and meeting people. Some of you have impossible standards or unrealistic expectations of what a gratifying relationship should be. Whatever the reason, it's clear that you're not getting any. And I have just the solution!
I have sold exactly all of my belongings, save for the things which make me look really cool and hip. If you can put me up for just one night, I can visit each and every single one of you in turn to help relieve you of this terrible terrible burden. I'm just that generous. This is ideal for you all, and for me. See, there's no attachment which is good for me, and I can pretend to be whoever you want me to be, which is good for you, as I'll be whatever type of guy you fantasize about meeting, if only for one night. I shall dress to impress and lie through my teeth for your pleasure. I promise I am of applaudible hygeine and will shave whatever you want me to shave. I have a variety of costumes that will enable me to be whatever type of guy you want to sleep with: Subversive businessman, double-hipster, african american, crocodile dundee, Admiral Nelson, you name it. Hell, if you can spot the cash, I'll even wear beastpaint.
For the price of a bed for the night and breakfast in the morning, you will receive:
Two weeks of build up over the net while I get into character in order to make the act more convincing
One day of sight seeing in your town.
One date with the guy of your dreams (sweet nothings will cost you extra)
One night of mindblowing sex while I use and abuse and otherwise degrade you in any way I see fit.
You have to understand that there's likely going to be a huge waiting list for this, so it'll take me a while to get through all of you, and you'll have to excuse me if I forget your name.
To apply, just post a picture of how attractive you are. Has to be a full body shot. I need to be able to filter out fatties and uggos.
Alternatively, send an email to
[email protected] or just text PERFECT NIGHT to 011 22 NRC SST
