Topic: Post Here if You're Sexually Frustrated (Read 89066 times)

Jimmy the Squid · « **Reply #550 on:** 08 May 2009, 17:07 »

That's what she said.

Patrick · « **Reply #551 on:** 08 May 2009, 17:35 »

Oh fuck my life it is SO NOT FAIR to see all these really really fit dancer chicks in nearly nothing.

Upside: most of them are single

Downside: but now I don't emit that "I am in a committed relationship" pheromone anymore or something

Nodaisho · « **Reply #552 on:** 08 May 2009, 19:14 »

Solution: make an excuse for them to see you playing a guitar.

While it's on fire, and you are doing a backflip.

Wasteroo · « **Reply #553 on:** 08 May 2009, 19:28 »

I refuse to read the previous posts for context but whoever is being coerced into flaming backflips I am begging you to succumb to peer pressure and do this. Please.

KvP · « **Reply #554 on:** 08 May 2009, 20:35 »

Quote from: Scandanavian War Machine on 07 May 2009, 13:54

guys, Chuck Palahniuk has gotten alot better at writing!

See I don't think that's the case. He's turned from a pulp novelist into the Todd Solondz of the literary world. It's writing as punishment. All he can really do at this point is continually escalate the unpleasantness.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #555 on:** 08 May 2009, 22:24 »

Dammit we're talking about our bad sex lives not our bad books

Zingoleb · « **Reply #556 on:** 08 May 2009, 22:25 »

~~Fucker~~

~~Non-fucker~~

You jerk type of person

SirJuggles · « **Reply #557 on:** 09 May 2009, 00:14 »

Heh. Visiting home this weekend. Saw the lady friend this evening. If you'll excuse me, I will now exit this thread, stage left...

negative creep · « **Reply #558 on:** 09 May 2009, 01:13 »

"you can't undress me right now because I'm too fat" (...that's what she said)

what.

I guess that brings me back to the other side of this game, i.e. sexually frustrated instead of frustrating.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #559 on:** 09 May 2009, 01:36 »

Masturbation causes hand cramps and chafed genitalia neither of which are pleasant

Zingoleb · « **Reply #560 on:** 09 May 2009, 01:36 »

Basically what I am saying is that I want to fuuuuuck

Johnny C · « **Reply #561 on:** 09 May 2009, 03:19 »

Quote from: Zingoleb on 09 May 2009, 01:36

Masturbation causes hand cramps and chafed genitalia neither of which are pleasant

neither of these are true unless you are jerkin it with those golf gloves that have the little rubber dimples on em

Zingoleb · « **Reply #562 on:** 09 May 2009, 06:19 »

It's actually pretty funny what your doctor will tell you when you can't afford American ones and get peoples in undistinguishable accents.

This sounds racist, but for years my doctor was "Satya Sahukar" and my therapist was "Choon Yeon" and I really didn't have much faith in either.

I'm posting in this thread more than I should. More than people want to hear me. I'll be leaving now (stage right, so as not to cause any accidents)...

calenlass · « **Reply #563 on:** 09 May 2009, 06:37 »

So I'm not sure what this says about me, or whether or not I can say I'm still sexually frustrated (insofar as I ever was?) anymore, but I had a bitchin' dream last night wherein I had sex with Patrick Stewart. And then we cuddled.

Inlander · « **Reply #564 on:** 09 May 2009, 06:41 »

Patrick Stewart, or Jean-Luc Picard?

allison · « **Reply #565 on:** 09 May 2009, 07:14 »

It was definitely Picard.

valley_parade · « **Reply #566 on:** 09 May 2009, 07:27 »

Quote from: Zingoleb on 06 May 2009, 20:13

The girl I'm interested in is half-French, half-Japanese.

She's also 1,500 miles away

Le sigh.

Dude, you realize you just summed up the entirety of "Pinkerton", right?

negative creep · « **Reply #567 on:** 09 May 2009, 07:43 »

Quote from: negative creep on 09 May 2009, 01:13

"you can't undress me right now because I'm too fat" (...that's what she said)

what.

I guess that brings me back to the other side of this game, i.e. sexually frustrated instead of frustrating.

Strike that, I don't really care enough to be actually frustrated.

A Wet Helmet · « **Reply #568 on:** 09 May 2009, 08:50 »

Quote from: Inlander on 09 May 2009, 06:41

Patrick Stewart, or Jean-Luc Picard?

Or Professor Xavier?

Jace · « **Reply #569 on:** 09 May 2009, 11:20 »

Oh man, calenlass (can I call you katie? I believe that is your name, but we aren't super well acquainted, just a couple times in meebo), I think I had that same dream. But without the sex. Just a dream of 8 hours of cuddling with Patrick Stewart as he said technobabble.

Zingoleb · « **Reply #570 on:** 09 May 2009, 11:36 »

Quote from: valley_parade on 09 May 2009, 07:27

Quote from: Zingoleb on 06 May 2009, 20:13
The girl I'm interested in is half-French, half-Japanese.

She's also 1,500 miles away

Le sigh.

Dude, you realize you just summed up the entirety of "Pinkerton", right?

I've...never heard of it.

McTaggart · « **Reply #571 on:** 09 May 2009, 11:52 »

It's an album by a band called Weezer. It's ok, insofar as any album by Weezer is ok. Don't confuse Weezer with that band that did that song 'Teenage Dirtbag'. They are different bands entirely.

calenlass · « **Reply #572 on:** 09 May 2009, 12:29 »

Nah, more like this.

Patrick · « **Reply #573 on:** 09 May 2009, 14:37 »

Katie that picture gave me a raging hard-on, you are NOT HELPING

Siibillam-Law · « **Reply #574 on:** 09 May 2009, 17:32 »

Man. Not only is it Patrick Stewart, but he's got a goddamned moustache!

Johnny C · « **Reply #575 on:** 09 May 2009, 18:50 »

Quote from: calenlass on 09 May 2009, 12:29

Nah, more like this.

Nah, more like this.

calenlass · « **Reply #576 on:** 09 May 2009, 19:32 »

Ok, yeah, basically like that.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #577 on:** 09 May 2009, 20:02 »

I don't know if this thread is serious or not anymore, but the more people tell me how incredibly attractive I am currently, the more I begin to think there is something seriously deficient about my personality that is keeping girls away.

Tyler · « **Reply #578 on:** 09 May 2009, 20:20 »

And hanging out with either of you, I felt as if I was playing for second place.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #579 on:** 09 May 2009, 21:14 »

Tommy that is definitely a thing.

Tyler, if it makes you feel better I always found you incredibly threatening!

Tyler · « **Reply #580 on:** 09 May 2009, 21:27 »

Lets hug it out, guys.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #581 on:** 09 May 2009, 21:30 »

No homo.

Tyler · « **Reply #582 on:** 09 May 2009, 22:10 »

I know you enjoyed those cuddles.

Ballard · « **Reply #583 on:** 09 May 2009, 23:23 »

I'm pretty sure I just got home from a threesome that we had in public in a clearing in Central Park after smoking several bowls.

Life is good. I'm too dazed to say much of anything else really.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #584 on:** 09 May 2009, 23:27 »

Damn dude you are really cool.

Johnny C · « **Reply #585 on:** 09 May 2009, 23:28 »

new york sounds awesome i'd love to visit some time

Ballard · « **Reply #586 on:** 09 May 2009, 23:33 »

Kieffer I can never really tell if you are mocking me or serious but whatever you are a pretty cool dude anyways.

Professor Snuggles · « **Reply #587 on:** 10 May 2009, 09:04 »

oh, so like.

o/ \o
|--o--B-|

Hat · « **Reply #588 on:** 10 May 2009, 09:34 »

Quote from: Zingoleb on 09 May 2009, 01:36

Basically what I am saying is that I want to fuuuuuck

Josefbugman · « **Reply #589 on:** 10 May 2009, 09:39 »

Guys, what do you call a period of your life where you don't have anyone to be interested in? I don't want to get laid especially but at the moment I would really like to fall in love with someone, I'm getting increasingly bored of how boring my love life is.

Explanations why I should/shouldn't below.

valley_parade · « **Reply #590 on:** 10 May 2009, 09:51 »

"lonely".

Josefbugman · « **Reply #591 on:** 10 May 2009, 10:02 »

Ha, I guess thats kind of true, I am surrounded by friends (for a given value of surrounded by), I just haven't found anyone to fall in love with.

Ballard · « **Reply #592 on:** 10 May 2009, 10:18 »

Sam's just jealous 'cause nobody wants to fuck his beard.

88888
-4----(-)
---8888
88888 (|======8
888

Josefbugman · « **Reply #593 on:** 10 May 2009, 10:24 »

I have grown my beard now, summer is only happening every couple of days here.

Inlander · « **Reply #594 on:** 10 May 2009, 16:32 »

Quote from: Josefbugman on 10 May 2009, 09:39

Guys, what do you call a period of your life where you don't have anyone to be interested in?

"Lucky".

Patrick · « **Reply #595 on:** 10 May 2009, 17:31 »

There may be an end to my spaqija (I finally found out how it is spelled) in sight.

WriterofAllWrongs · « **Reply #596 on:** 10 May 2009, 19:29 »

...but Patrick, you are making out with like every chick in Albania. How are you spaquia'd at all?

Emaline · « **Reply #597 on:** 10 May 2009, 19:57 »

The other day a coworker gave me a copy of the movie Attack Girls Swim Team Vs The Undead. Upon watching my undubbed, lacking subtitles copy, I realized that it is less cheesy Asian horror, and more Asian lesbian porn, featuring hot young girls fighting zombies when they are not making out or fingering each other, which I mean, I had no complaints about. I love hot women, and hot women making out are great. Throw zombies into the mix and I'm pretty much in heaven. I'm such a female pig. Whatevs.

I guess I didn't realize how much I actually enjoyed this movie, or how long it has actually been, or how incredibly sexually frustrated I am, because I honestly did not believe it. I was in sexual frustration denial. I had two dirty dreams that night. One where I detailed what it was like when a woman gives you head vs a man to a friend that I used to fool around with. In the other dream, I fucked another friend, in front of his girlfriend, while we were defending ourselves from zombie dogs, and three eyed cats, while watching zombie movies(I love my subconscious).

A normal person would just ignore these dreams. Not I. I contacted the friend from dream B and told him all about it. That was Friday. Since then, he and I have been texting each other nonstop, telling each other very dirty things that we'd like to do to each other. I mean, these texts are extremely explicit. And he has a girlfriend. And I have basically been have text sex with him all weekend, because god fucking damn it I need to get laid. And he has a girlfriend. And I had my chance at this dude, but basically, I am a very fucked up girl, and wasn't interested at all. But now I am basically allowing dude to cheat on his girlfriend by sending him hugely inappropriate texts.

So, I am a terrible person. But oh man. This is great and I love it, and it's terrible and unfair, and I don't care because man I love telling this dude horribly dirty things. I have him wrapped around my finger. God I am horrible.

tl;dr I am a terrible slut and I don't care.

But maybe convince me to stop?

Tyler · « **Reply #598 on:** 10 May 2009, 20:14 »

You are kind of a bitch.

JD · « **Reply #599 on:** 10 May 2009, 20:18 »

What are you doing tonight?

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Author Topic: Post Here if You're Sexually Frustrated (Read 89066 times)

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