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Bedazzled thread

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0bsessions:
You can both dance and sing, you just happen to do both incredibly poorly by most societal standards. No one ever wants to be seen with you, you become a social pariah and you turn to booze for comfort.

I wish I had some tasty strawberry fruit rollups.

Aimless:
You get some tasty strawberry fruit rollups. You realise you can't make yourself eat them, after having read this entire thread. They lie in your cupboard taunting you to the day you move into the nursing-home.

I wish I could play guitar like Mark Knopfler :(

Tom:
Not only can you play like Mike Knopfler butyou can only play like him, you are doomed to be forever a tribute act. Something that is entirely useless whilest the members of Dire Straits are still alive and playing.

I wish my body didn't absorb mercury.

Patrick:
Your body no longer absorbs anything. Sucks for you, now you're gonna die of malnutrition.

I wish I didn't have to actually do anything in order to be clean. Too lazy to shower right now.

snalin:
An ex comes by and rips your penis of. You are now forever clean, as in "not-sinful".

I wish for caramels and camels and cola-cubicles.

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