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Bedazzled thread

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Zingoleb:
Someone plants a bomb on your person. You explode, splattering everything with yourself. Congratulations! You are one with the universe.

I wish I had a cello.

J-cob9000:
You receive a cello but are incapable of learning how to play it.

I wish I had some fireworks.

MrBlu:
Click. Click. Boom.

I wish I could clean myself instantly.

Zingoleb:
You can - by falling into a tub of acid.

I wish I could win the lottery.

MarkTBSc:
You win the lottery and spend the rest of your life never being loved by anyone again. They all want you for your money. Even your existing friends become corrupted by the desire for it and you end your life in the only respite possible, living penniless and alone on the street.

I wish I had a really good cheeseburger right now.

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