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Slept like that

6 (15.8%)

Woken up like that and gone "Where are my pants?"

8 (21.1%)

Gone "Forget my pants, what language are you speaking?"

7 (18.4%)

Actually thought about what has happened on your couch?

11 (28.9%)

Then reached for some serious disinfectant?

1 (2.6%)

Gorged on latkes?  

5 (13.2%)

Total Members Voted: 34

[Border Reiver]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

[Sorflakne]

You can do it, Hanners!



Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

[Border Reiver]

The comic she was up before midnight, so for a really short poll:

You've been out machoed by Hanners.  For your follow up will you be

more faithful then Sven  2 (40%)
more practical than Wil  0 (0%)
more sleazy than Amir  1 (20%)
more naive than Winslow  1 (20%)
Something to do with pancakes  1 (20%)
 
Total Voters: 5

[zilch365]

That was a REALLY short poll cause I wasn't able to post a reply before it changed. Anyway, pancakes and pints. That is all I need.

[Akima]

You can do it, Hanners! Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

This strip will only serve to swell the ranks of Hanner-fans. But what is she using to heat the paperclip? Her heat-vision?

[westrim]

She's missing a hair net and neck guard of some type.

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You can do it, Hanners!

Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

Wait, you've seen this before?! I had never heard of doing something this insane before the last strip and it seems really... insane! I wonder who it was that first tried this solution?

You can do it, Hanners!

Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

Wait, you've seen this before?!

You can do it, Hanners! Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

This strip will only serve to swell the ranks of Hanner-fans. But what is she using to heat the paperclip? Her heat-vision?

It is odd that they're doing this in the bathroom rather than the kitchen, since I'd presume you normally heat the wire on the stove (oh, unless its not gas..), and so everyone can watch.

[matachin]

Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

Having sealed up a minor X-acto knife wound with a 15W soldering iron by myself, all that's really required is a clean work area and a little bit of courage.

Before someone asks, it hurt like a bitch but was the only real way to hold it closed since a butterfly was falling apart.  I was lucky enough to not have nicked a vein in the first place.


Hanners can get a good bit of sympathy from me for a lot of things, but not if she can't help field-dress a few minor wounds.  She'd downright pass out if she had to handle some of the things I did before I turned 25, which completely exclude broken bones but include blowtorches, taking the side out of a finger, dropping a solid 70lbs of concrete on my toe (no, I wasn't wearing work boots...no one else was prepared that day either), or a few snakebites (non-poisonous).  Those are the gentle ones.

[ysth]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

[raoullefere]

Aaaannndd she chokes. Personally, drunk or not, I'd never let someone else do this to me if I could possibly do it myself. For that matter, when I have bloodwork done, I watch what the incompetent boob tech* is doing.



*No, most of the time, the lab techs do fine. But every once in a while, I get, to paraphrase Neal Young, a miner for a vial of blood working on me.

[Exar_Kun]

I can't tell if the strip title is a pun on "Wallace and Gromit" or not. If it is, "Shame on you Jeph..."

[Kugai]

Focus Hanner-san, focus.









Mr Miyagi has left the building

[Jeff7]

Granted though, it is pretty creepy putting the heated end of a paperclip through your fingernail...doesn't hurt though, just don't push too hard and it's easy as pie.

Yeah, I've never heard of this "treatment" either.

[Jimor]

What I've been told to do is to apply pressure to the nail to prevent the pooling of blood beneath it in the first place. I've never smashed a digit hard enough to really test that, though.

[Carl-E]

... insane! I wonder who it was that first tried this solution?

Someone who had lost a nail once before, and realized it was from the pressure beneath.  It probably goes back to the days of blood-letting! 

You really only need this if the damage infiltrates beneath most of the nail, like Marten's.  Smaller trapped blood-blisters just grow out with the nail.  It's fun when they reach the end and you can finally scrape them out...

[Border Reiver]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

I'd be insulted if I actually cared, I don't think that I've come across as Equadorian, or have I?

There are examples of trepanning going back before we know how to write, so the principle of what Hanners is doing is fairly old (cut a hole to release the blood and the pressure to prevent worse damage).  I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safefty boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

[westrim]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

I'd be insulted if I actually cared, I don't think that I've come across as Ecuadorian, or have I?

There are examples of trepanning going back before we know how to write, so the principle of what Hanners is doing is fairly old (cut a hole to release the blood and the pressure to prevent worse damage).  I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safety boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

I'm not getting the "insensitive clod" part.

And I know you're Canadian, not Ecuadorian; your profile said as much. I was just messing around. Don't know why you'd be insulted, though; Quito is beautiful. Or at least it was when I visited.

I know of trepanning, and how old the skeletons are that they've found evidence of the operation on, but more specifically I was wondering who thought "a blood blister under a nail? Oh, I'll just jam a RED HOT WIRE in, and see what happens!" first.

[Wiregeek]

Having sealed up a minor X-acto knife wound with a 15W soldering iron by myself, all that's really required is a clean work area and a little bit of courage.

Hanners can get a good bit of sympathy from me for a lot of things, but not if she can't help field-dress a few minor wounds.  She'd downright pass out if she had to handle some of the things I did before I turned 25, which completely exclude broken bones but include blowtorches, taking the side out of a finger, dropping a solid 70lbs of concrete on my toe (no, I wasn't wearing work boots...no one else was prepared that day either), or a few snakebites (non-poisonous).  Those are the gentle ones.

Oh you sound like FUN. I wanna hang with you!

(for srs)

[Carl-E]

I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safefty boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

Home renovations is why I wear glasses instead of contacts... the day the staple bounced back and stuck in the plastic shatterproof lens was very convincing. 

Also, though I've never needed worse than bandaging either, I've got a few interesting scars, like the one on my forearm when I discovered the 4^th rule of plumbing;

"Never sweat copper joints from below"

The first three rules of plumbing;

1.  Left is hot. 
2.  Shit flows downhill
3.  Keep your hands out of your mouth

[westrim]

4^th rule of plumbing;

"Never sweat copper joints from below"

The first three rules of plumbing;

1.  Left is hot.  
2.  Shit flows downhill
3.  Keep your hands out of your mouth

Is 5. Wear loose pants and low underwear?

[raoullefere]

There's also the special rule of plumbing, which should be adhered to by any who have…doubts about their ability to handle a particular project: don't mess with it, you incompetent twit.

[Border Reiver]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

I'd be insulted if I actually cared, I don't think that I've come across as Ecuadorian, or have I?

There are examples of trepanning going back before we know how to write, so the principle of what Hanners is doing is fairly old (cut a hole to release the blood and the pressure to prevent worse damage).  I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safety boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

I'm not getting the "insensitive clod" part.

And I know you're Canadian, not Ecuadorian; your profile said as much. I was just messing around. Don't know why you'd be insulted, though; Quito is beautiful. Or at least it was when I visited.

I know of trepanning, and how old the skeletons are that they've found evidence of the operation on, but more specifically I was wondering who thought "a blood blister under a nail? Oh, I'll just jam a RED HOT WIRE in, and see what happens!" first.

Have no fear - I take very little offence to almost everything here.  I just enjoy screwing with some people by being the straight man for the jokes.  

I do however take offence to the "agressive salmon" shower curtains - seriously.

[Dliessmgg]

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

I'd be insulted if I actually cared, I don't think that I've come across as Ecuadorian, or have I?

There are examples of trepanning going back before we know how to write, so the principle of what Hanners is doing is fairly old (cut a hole to release the blood and the pressure to prevent worse damage).  I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safety boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

I'm not getting the "insensitive clod" part.

And I know you're Canadian, not Ecuadorian; your profile said as much. I was just messing around. Don't know why you'd be insulted, though; Quito is beautiful. Or at least it was when I visited.

I know of trepanning, and how old the skeletons are that they've found evidence of the operation on, but more specifically I was wondering who thought "a blood blister under a nail? Oh, I'll just jam a RED HOT WIRE in, and see what happens!" first.

Have no fear - I take very little offence to almost everything here.  I just enjoy screwing with some people by being the straight man for the jokes. 

I do however take offence to the "agressive salmon" shower curtains - seriously.

It's still monday and there's already a quote tunnel. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE 

[Kugai]

Nobody expects a Quote Tunnel.

[thaX]

Please don't start singing, I don't think the thread can take it.

[Kugai]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdBQ7uuIQYA

[Border Reiver]

Given that I think Jeph would probably have an embolism if we actually discussed the week's strip in a serious literary manner, so let's have some fun with it.

So long as no one loses an eye its still a game.

[Carl-E]

Ever play lawn darts? 

Still a game, even after the eye's gone. 

[raoullefere]

I think those're banned in the U.S. Kind of like absinthe. So it may not be a game here, eye or no.

[Carl-E]

I think those're banned in the U.S. Kind of like absinthe. So it may not be a game here, aye or nay.

Fixed. 

[Afakaz]

To all of those discussing the viability of this treatment method,

Last year I smashed my toe in an unfortunate masturbatory incident, causing a severe subungual hematoma (lots of blood under the nail); the pressure was intense and the pain was so bad that even dosed up on Vicodin, I left work to go to the hospital...  After waiting for an hour or two in extreme pain, they took me back and performed this operation on me.  It's called "Lancing" and it's been practiced for quite a while.  It was completely painless, apart from the fact that the dull pressing pain became sharper as it ebbed out the hole in my toenail, heartbeat by heartbeat.

...  The sucky part is, they only made a very small hole and I have a nearly X-factor level of healing, so it clotted quickly and the pain resumed, and intensified, and I had to go back in; this time I waited for like FIVE hours, and they punched 3 gigantic holes in my toenail with a heated filament.  It bled nicely, and I didn't have any problems after that.

Long and disgusting story shot; people do this, on the professional and amateur scale, and it works quite well when you do it right.  And it hurts a LOT less than holding onto that hematoma.


Also, pictures of the nail before, during and after are available on request.

[Jeff7]

...
Last year I smashed my toe in an unfortunate masturbatory incident, causing a severe subungual hematoma (lots of blood under the nail); the pressure was intense and the pain was so bad that even dosed up on Vicodin, I left work to go to the hospital...
...

Wait, what?

Um, you know what......I think I won't inquire further.

[Afakaz]

Wait, what?

Um, you know what......I think I won't inquire further.

HAH!  Missed that implication.  It actually happened before work; I called into work and went to the doctor, was there until about 11:30, then I went into work, then I had to leave work and go to the hospital.

[Carl-E]

Gee, I just thought you had a job in porn or something. 

Or maybe you're one of those semen collectors for dairy farmers.  Those bulls can do a number on your toes...

Don't worry, we won't tell.   

[westrim]

To all of those discussing the viability of this treatment method,

Last year I smashed my toe in an unfortunate masturbatory incident, causing a severe subungual hematoma (lots of blood under the nail); the pressure was intense and the pain was so bad that even dosed up on Vicodin, I left work to go to the hospital...  After waiting for an hour or two in extreme pain, they took me back and performed this operation on me.  It's called "Lancing" and it's been practiced for quite a while.  It was completely painless, apart from the fact that the dull pressing pain became sharper as it ebbed out the hole in my toenail, heartbeat by heartbeat.

...  The sucky part is, they only made a very small hole and I have a nearly X-factor level of healing, so it clotted quickly and the pain resumed, and intensified, and I had to go back in; this time I waited for like FIVE hours, and they punched 3 gigantic holes in my toenail with a heated filament.  It bled nicely, and I didn't have any problems after that.

Long and disgusting story shot; people do this, on the professional and amateur scale, and it works quite well when you do it right.  And it hurts a LOT less than holding onto that hematoma.


Also, pictures of the nail before, during and after are available on request.

>masturbatory incident
>toe injury

I'm not sure if I must know how this happened or must not. Ever.

And again, lancing I know (and have done quite a few times), trepanning I know, it's the "stick a needle through the nail, see if that works" that must have happened at some point that perplexes me.

Anyway, yes, pictures please.

It's 2322 here in the nation's capital and I'm bored.

Which nation, Ecuador? How is Quito this time of year?

You forgot to say "You insensitive clod!"

I'd be insulted if I actually cared, I don't think that I've come across as Ecuadorian, or have I?
There are examples of trepanning going back before we know how to write, so the principle of what Hanners is doing is fairly old (cut a hole to release the blood and the pressure to prevent worse damage).  I'm just glad that even after all the time I've spent in HMTQ's service, going hiking/hunting/fishing and doing home renos with without safety boots or glasses I haven't needed more than a band-aid to fix the boo-boos.

I'm not getting the "insensitive clod" part.
And I know you're Canadian, not Ecuadorian; your profile said as much. I was just messing around. Don't know why you'd be insulted, though; Quito is beautiful. Or at least it was when I visited.
I know of trepanning, and how old the skeletons are that they've found evidence of the operation on, but more specifically I was wondering who thought "a blood blister under a nail? Oh, I'll just jam a RED HOT WIRE in, and see what happens!" first.

Have no fear - I take very little offense to almost everything here.  I just enjoy screwing with some people by being the straight man for the jokes.  
I do however take offense to the "aggressive salmon" shower curtains - seriously.

It's still Monday and there's already a quote tunnel. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE  

Ooh, look, there goes one by Warhol!

[Mayhem]

Not Fair.

[westrim]

25 years later Hanners tries to take over earth with her Marten clones, but as soon as they encounter resistance they curl up in a ball and squeal, "don't hurt me! don't hurt me!" Disappointed, her father drops kinetic strikes to wipe them out.

[Akima]

Hmmm... Well cloning is obviously one possibility. Others might include:
 1. Checking Marten's paternity. Hanners is really his half-sister... "There is another."
 2. Measuring Martens midichlorian level... "It's... over 9000!"
 3. Scanning Marten's genes to find out if she needs to seduce him to ensure the ultimate birth of the Qwizatz Haderach...
 4. She's been watching way too many episodes of CSI.

[MegaLexi]

Her father's probably interested in her friends, and asked her to get samples just to make sure they weren't carrying any horrible diseases. After all, his baby girl grew up on a space station, and that coupled with her constant disinfecting probably means she has a weak immune system. He's being a caring father, that's all.

This also opens up the possibility of seeing Hanners' dad, which would be AWESOME AS HELL.


...oh god what if Hanners' dad is marrying Marten's dad. Oh god oh god oh god

[Arancaytar]

25 years later Hanners tries to take over earth with her Marten clones, but as soon as they encounter resistance they curl up in a ball and squeal, "don't hurt me! don't hurt me!" Disappointed, her father drops kinetic strikes to wipe them out.

The clone idea sounds right, but I think Hanners might want one for a different purpose...

[Tuitsuro]

...Aaaaand Hannelore falls right back into creepy-stalker-bitch territory.  Because I can't think of an innocuous reason why she'd want Marten's blood, ffs. 

[scarred]

This is the beginning of the comic's dark turn into dystopian futurist fantasy.

[Mr_Rose]

...Aaaaand Hannelore falls right back into creepy-stalker-bitch territory.  Because I can't think of an innocuous reason why she'd want Marten's blood, ffs. 

Nah, Hanners just collects bodily fluids now.

Just in case.

[Malek]

This much closer to a clone army of Martens.

[Tuitsuro]

Nah, Hanners just collects bodily fluids now.

Just in case.

I'm sure she has a vast collection from each of her friends somewhere in her apartment.  Honestly, I liked it better when she was just going to murder everyone in cold blood.

[Moosehp]

Hmmm... Well cloning is obviously one possibility. Others might include:
 1. Checking Marten's paternity. Hanners is really his half-sister... "There is another."
 2. Measuring Martens midichlorian level... "It's... over 9000!"
 3. Scanning Marten's genes to find out if she needs to seduce him to ensure the ultimate birth of the Qwizatz Haderach...
 4. She's been watching way too many episodes of CSI.

5. Hanners becomes the cross between Dexter and Monk, but sexier.

[Border Reiver]

Starting a little later this morning (I was able to get to sleep last night) and I've now finished the initial duties for work I'm going to steal some time from the Man.

Yesterday's results

Other places you don't want to hear Marten's line

in the garage with two mechanics under your hood  2 (4.4%)
in the bar where the guy's trying to pour your pint  6 (13.3%)
When you groggily come to (anytime or anywhere really)  24 (53.3%)
Making pancakes  13 (28.9%)
  
Total Voters: 45

[Border Reiver]

Ever play lawn darts? 

Still a game, even after the eye's gone. 

Once someone loses an eye its a sport.

[ThePrettyMonster]

Dude, I totally hope she's gunna make a clone of marten but turn it into a girl so Tai can finally got steady with someone.

[akbrim]

Personally, I'm going to go with Hanners is keeping a memento to remind her that she CAN overcome her OCD.

[Carl-E]

Ever play lawn darts? 

Still a game, even after the eye's gone. 

Once someone loses an eye its a sport.

That explains Javelin throwing. 

Personally, I'm going to go with Hanners is keeping a memento to remind her that she CAN overcome her OCD.

I'm with you, akbrim.  But it's still pretty creepy!