Fun Stuff > CLIKC
Dragon Age 2: Fuckin' Bitches, Stabbin' Dragons
KvP:
I find it almost entirely devoid of anything I'd call "great". It even lacks Bioware's greatest strength (IMO), which is an effective sense of pace. I'd compare it more to a green curry I tried to make recently - I slapped all the ingredients together haphazardly and only had coconut cream, not coconut milk. Everything (except the chicken) came out stiff and undercooked and the lack of coconut oil to hold the sauce together led to its evaporation into a slightly spicy, greasy oil.
So DA2 was a poorly planned concoction of undercooked elements that failed to come together in a coherent or satisfying way. All that was left was sadness.
satsugaikaze:
I guess I was going to post something about how people wanted one game but got a completely different one, and so their expectations of what the Dragon Age standard was, weren't met, etc.
But I think we've probably been over that a few times in this thread already >:
KvP:
For giggles, here is semi-infamous AV Club commenter ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER's review of the game:
--- Quote from: ZMF ---HORSESHIT. THIS GAME IS A STRAIGHTUP DISAPPOINTMENT ESPECIALLY AFTER THE ALLENCOMPASSING OWNAGE OF MASS EFFECT 2 AND IM GONNA BREAK DOWN WHY BUT FIRST LET ME JUST SAY THAT I AM A HUGE FUCKING FAN OF DRAGON AGE ORIGINS I PLAYED THROUGH THAT SHIT FOUR TIMES. ALSO I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE GAMEPLAY IN THIS GAME BECAUSE IM AN XBOX MAN SO ALL THAT PC WHINING DONT MEAN A FUCK TO ME. SO HERE ARE MY BIGGEST ISSUES
1. REUSED ENVIRONMENTS. ITS 20FUCKING11 AND THERE IS NO FUCKING EXCUSE FOR USING THE SAME FUCKING LAYOUT FOR SEVEN DIFFERENT MANSIONS. BUT JUST AS BAD IS SENDING ME BACK TO THE WOUNDED COAST FOR THE SIXTEENTH FUCKING TIME TO KILL SOME BANDITS. LIKE WHY NOT THE MOUNTAINS OR THE DEEPROADS OR AN ISLAND OFF THE COAST OR STARKHAVEN OR THE FADE OR MAYBE A JOG BACK TO FERELDEN? NOPE BACK TO THE FUCKING WOUNDED COAST. AGAIN. SERIOUSLY AFTER A WEEK OF PLAYING I KNOW THE FUCKING WOUNDED COAST BETTER THAN I KNOW MY APARTMENT BUILDING. ID SAY THERE ARE LITERALLY EIGHTY PERCENT FEWER LOCATIONS THAN IN ORIGINS AND THATS EVEN BEFORE THE DLC. TOTAL RUSHJOB BULLSHIT WHICH BRINGS ME TO NUMBER TWO
2. YOU BASICALLY NEVER LEAVE THE FUCKING CITY. AND DONT GIVE ME THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT STORYTELLING WHATEVER BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT ITD BE LIKE IF DRAGON AGE ORIGINS NEVER LEFT DENERIM. NO REASON THEY COULDNT HAVE MADE KIRKWALL A MORE VARIED AND EXPANSIVE PLACE WITH NUMEROUS LOCALES INSTEAD OF SENDING ME TO THE SAME FUCKING FOUR SECTIONS OF TOWN EVERY SINGLE QUEST. HEY HAWKE GO TO LOWTOWN. HEY HAWKE THEYRE IN DARKTOWN. HEY HAWKE THEY WENT TO THE GALLOWS. HEY HAWKE YOU JUST MISSED THEM THEY RAN OFF TO THE WOUNDED COAST. BIG FUCKING SURPRISE. AND WHAT THE FUCK DOESNT THE CHAMPION OF KIRKWALL EVER HAVE BUSINESS ELSEWHERE? ME I AINT THE CHAMPION OF SHIT BUT I STILL MANAGE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF DETROIT ONCE IN AWHILE BUT APPARENTLY OUR BIG HARD FUCKING HERO HAWKE DESPITE HIS FABULOUS FUCKING WEALTH IS HAPPY STARING AT THE SAME FUCKING BRICKS FOR SEVEN YEARS STRAIGHT
3. THE CHARACTERS BLOW. ASIDE FROM VARRIC AND BETHANY I DIDNT GIVE A GOOD FUCK ABOUT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE. COMPARED TO ALISTAIR DUNCAN STEN LOGHAIN LELIANA AND MORRIGAN THIS IS ONE WEAK FUCKING CREW. AND MUCH LIKE AWAKENINGS THEY DECIDE TO BRING BACK ONE OF THE WACKEST MEMBERS OF YOUR POSSE FROM THE PREVIOUS GAME. SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CAT ANDERS. AND STOP FUCKING HITTING ON ME YOU SKEEVY MOTHERFUCKER
4. STORY IS HALFASSED. SPOILERS AHEAD: ALL THIS AWESOME SETUP WITH THE QUNARI THAT FEELS LIKE A DIPLOMATIC TIMEBOMB AND ITS ALL FOR SHIT. FLEMETH SENDING YOU ON A QUEST THAT COMES TO NOTHING. AND YEAH A CLIFFHANGER ENDING? THIS IS HALF A FUCKING GAME AT BEST
5. FIRST DAY DLC. NO FUCKING EXCUSE FOR THIS EVER AND EVEN THE FANBOYS CANT DENY THAT. GREAT BIG CASHGRAB FUCK YOU TO THE FANS
6. BULLSHIT SIDEQUESTS. WHAT THE FUCK I FIND SOMEBODYS MISSING URN AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE TO FIND WHO IT BELONGS TO AND THEY GIVE MY A PALTRY FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS AND THATS A QUEST? WHAT THE FUCK? AND WHATS WITH ALL THE JUNK IM COLLECTING ANYWAY? WHY THE FUCK IS THE WEALTHY CHAMPION OF A CITY SORTING THROUGH PEOPLES FUCKING GARBAGE PICKING OUT MOTH EATEN SCARVES THAT ARE WORTH ALL OF SEVEN CENTS? FUCK I MEAN IT AINT LIKE ELDER SCROLLS WHERE THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS JUST LAYING AROUND EVERYWHERE THERE ARE ACTUAL TREASURE CHESTS FILLED WITH BROKEN SWORDS AND TORN TROUSERS THAT CLOG UP MY INVENTORY AND ARE COMPLETELY USELESS. JUST A REALLY FUCKING WEIRD MECHANIC
BOTTOM LINE THEY SHOULDVE JUST CALLED THIS SHIT DRAGON AGE KIRKWALL AND RELEASED IT FOR $39.99 AS A KIND OF PRECURSOR TO AN EPIC ALLTIME AWESOME FULLBLOWN INSTALLMENT IN THE DRAGON AGE SERIES. INSTEAD THIS SHIT FEELS LIKE THAT DIRECT TO VIDEO ROADHOUSE SEQUEL THAT HAD WILL PATTON INSTEAD OF SWAYZE. LOST A LOT OF FAITH IN BIOWARE WITH THIS
--- End quote ---
"No homo"s aside, he probably captures most of the solid arguments against DA2's design.
I think the single biggest thing they could've done with DA2 to make it better would have been to create a number of substantial sidequests ala ME2. As it is the entire first 12-15 hours of the game (even companion quests!) consists entirely of the tiny little quests that you find within the city hubs of ME2 - Lots of investigating whether or not the presidium lakes have fish.
Alex C:
--- Quote from: satsugaikaze on 15 Mar 2011, 19:12 ---I guess I was going to post something about how people wanted one game but got a completely different one, and so their expectations of what the Dragon Age standard was, weren't met, etc.
But I think we've probably been over that a few times in this thread already >:
--- End quote ---
My problem with this summary is that it neatly sidesteps the question of whether this other game is any good. Personally, I don't really think it is so far, even if some bits are fairly charming-- as has been pointed out repeatedly now, there's simply too much Jade Empire in here. Johnny's Streets of Rage comparison seems apt, and as a former WoW player I'd say the PC controls at least give things a definite MMO feel. As a former hardcore raider, you'd think I'd be OK with that, but so far I am not. The problem is really quite simple: At its best, WoW is a game that is ultimately about teamwork, communication, repetition, failure and eventually success. You encounter a scripted series of events mingled with semi-random effects and you learn what things do and put your heads together to compensate for what your group can and cannot do in the encounter. There are consequences for fuck ups, dying is considered routine, and eventually you learn. Unfortunately, Dragon Age 2 copped the mechanics but not the context, which is basically the exact opposite of what any game designer should have learned from Blizzard's money making machine. So in DA2 you certainly can put some thought into how you use your cooldowns and such, but ultimately there is precious little reward or reason why you should do so. The game doesn't even really go out of its way to acknowledge how awesome you're doing Tony Hawk or Bulletstorm style, so why not just mash like crazy? I don't mean to come across as the sort of guy who thinks every game needs to be ball bustingly hard or anything, but at the same time I'd like to feel like my decisions count for something.
Ikrik:
Ok, that ZMF review was super-difficult to read.
Is the game seriously almost entirely urban? I've heard that a lot of the game is set inside a city, how much of that is true?
And honestly, I thought the characters in Origins were unbelievably bland, how are the sequel's managing to live up to that?
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