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[Pilchard123]

You know the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

Well, a weasel is weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different.

[nekowafer]

STOAT!!!

You know the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

Well, a weasel is weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different.

AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Blue Kitty]

You know the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

Well, a weasel is weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different.

I hear stoats are little assholes compared to weasels

[LeeC]

hehe cuter than expected.


edit: HAHAHA best! thing! eva!

source

[GarandMarine]

Wow! She's almost as annoying as the real thing! (re: cosplay video)

[Akima]

Well, a weasel is weasily recognised, but stoats are stoatally different.

Why didn't the viper viper nose? Because the adder adder 'ankerchief!

[LeeC]

[Sorflakne]

[LeeC]

I approve of that picture.

[nekowafer]

And I find it slightly horrifying.

[Masterpiece]

Only slightly?
pukes

[Pilchard123]

Why is the guy wearing a tiara?

[LeeC]

Why is the guy wearing a tiara?

why wouldnt Ken Jeong wear a tiara?

[Spiff]

This is an ad for belted tires from 1972, using a motto from 2012:

[Papersatan]

DLNE  is harder to put in a hook.

[LeeC]

my brain keeps reading your name as paper-STAN.

[snalin]

DLNE  is harder to put in a hook.

Seize The Day also abbreviates poorly.

[Zingoleb]

I dunno, I could see KMFDM doing it.

[Blue Kitty]

Balls nasty (SFW I promise)

[LeeC]

ordered from grub hub and they sent me this.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cat_vs_internet

edit: hahahaha

[GarandMarine]

These are from a book called disorder in the American courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staing calm while the exchanges were taking place.

Attorney: what was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, 'where am I, Cathy?'
Attorney: and why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan!
-------
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and reeboks.
-------
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No I just lie there.
-------
Attorney: What is your date if birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
-------
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remeber which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
------
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget....
Attorney: You forgot? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
------
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
------
Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's 20, much like your IQ.
------
Attorney: Where you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you gakking me?
------
Attorney: So the date of conception ( of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at the time?
Witness: Getting laid.
------
Attorney: She had three children right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many we're boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Where there any girls?
Witness: Your honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
------
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death...
Attorney: And by who's death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
------
Attorney: Can you discribe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: was this male or female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.
-----
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
------
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up to much of a fight.
-----
Attorney: All your responses MUST be oral, ok? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral...
------
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
------
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?
-------
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Becuase his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[KingOfIreland]

The grammar in some of those is absolutely fucking atrocious.

[Stryc9Fuego]

Oh those poor court reporters, it must be hell keeping a straight face while a sea cucumber in a cheap suit tries to make human sounds.

[Spiff]

At least half of those must come from Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions".

[ackblom12]

[mtmerrick]

o_O

i never noticed that until now.

[bainidhe_dub]

I have a friend who is a court reporter and from what she says, I really wouldn't be too shocked if that stuff was real. She'll put things like this from work up on Facebook:

Chairman: How old are you?
Licensee: 20 exactly 20.
Chairman: (to the board) how old do you have to be to hold a license?
The Board: 18.
Chairman: how long have you been a licensee?
Licensee: 2 years.
Chairman: (silent). Well if you are 20 now and you have held the license for 2 years... that was a stupid question.

[Papersatan]

To be fair, it does not follow that if someone needs to be 18 to get a licence, that a 20 year old would have had their licence for 2 years, unless licensing is compulsory at 18.

[ackblom12]

[LeeC]

made me yawn



elsewhere in midgard

[Sorflakne]

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Becuase his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Win.

[GarandMarine]

At least half of those must come from Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions".

Nope: http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court-Fractured-Moments-Courtroom/dp/0393319288/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368033916&sr=1-1&keywords=Disorder+in+the+American+Courts

[LeeC]

[nekowafer]

I love you, Hamster.

[LeeC]

I am a right bastard but I must share this video!

(click to show/hide)

[Blue Kitty]

[BeoPuppy]

o_O

i never noticed that until now.

No? I always thought it was the essential 'Riker shows his balls moment'.

[Carl-E]

He's actually the tallest cast member (he and Worf are the same height), and has freakishly long legs, to boot.  It probably felt natural with all those short-backed chairs.  You don't even have to pull them out to sit down...

It's also the macho thing - like jumping into a convertible without opening the door.  He probably started doing it to establish that aspect of Riker's character. 



And to show his balls. 

[LeeC]

[nekowafer]

EEE so cute!

That said... laugh load? Like... I'm going to blow a laugh load right in your face...?

[LeeC]

iono.  just showed up one day on my facebook.


WARNING BIOSHOCK 1 SPOLIERS!

[TinPenguin]

[LeeC]

[Akima]

Teddy Has An Operation captures the average surgeon's attitude perfectly: "I can fix you! With a knife!"

[mtmerrick]

I love to use the phrase "we can rebuild ___! We have the technology!" in that sort of situation.

[LeeC]

[Sorflakne]

http://i.imgur.com/sz3TOFr.gif

Ok, am I the only one who had to watch this a couple times to realize that she was catapulting the cat from the pillow, and not her calves?

[ankhtahr]

LeeC: I think I know who's browsing imgur currently. It's a strange feeling spending hours on imgur, only to open this forum and see exactly the same pictures/gifs. But seriously, that baby sloth is so unbelievably adorable.

[Blue Kitty]

[LeeC]

LeeC: I think I know who's browsing imgur currently. It's a strange feeling spending hours on imgur, only to open this forum and see exactly the same pictures/gifs. But seriously, that baby sloth is so unbelievably adorable.

I discovered it a week or so ago and have developed an addiction.  honestly I dont post here half the stuff I send out in emails at work.    I am a lurker though and havnt made an account.  I do not take photos often enough to make one.


@Batman pic: thats cold hahaha!