Ok, I'm going to start by saying I AM SO SORRY that this post is a thousand miles long. I just couldn't stop myself. Please forgive me!
The girl who lives with us is SUPER nice, really friendly kind, compassionate...but she does leave a mess wherever she goes. I feel like a dick saying things to her about it and when I have done, she takes it very personally.
You might want to start a system in your apartment with small baskets in the common area- one for each roommate. If someone leaves something lying around, another roommate can put it in that person's basket. Then, the baskets eventually make their way to that person's room. Plus, it's less annoying to you because it's confined to a small-ish space instead of strewn about everywhere. It's a gentler way of dealing with her crap since you're not just pointing the finger at her, you're saying "anyone can forget to put something away every once in a while". Though...that will only work for her possessions. If you put rabbit poo in there, you're sure to piss her off.
The whole ride home, the only thing she said was, "I don't know how you're going to get a job if that's how you are around people." Oh, yes, thank you for rubbing my insecurities in my face. That makes me feel awesome. (If you can't tell, I'm a little bitter about this all; tl;dr is that I just wanna live aloen)
This makes me so mad. She has no right to judge you based on an obvious mental health issue. She has no clue what you're dealing with and it is ridiculously insensitive for her to assume you can just magically fix yourself. Panic attacks are serious things that are incredibly difficult to deal with. The hardest part for me is always "Why are you crying??" because I don't always know why it's happening, it just is! You have every right to be bitter towards someone as disrespectful as that. Mental illness still has such a stigma attached to it and I hate it so much. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. If I knew her, I'd tell her off for you. Don't mess with someone who has wonky brain chemistry!! It's not nice!! (Oh, and you can always work in an office....I interact with an average of 2-3 people a day)
Document ALL damage and pay very close attention to the contract. Some renters do their best to fuck you over, others are awesome. Just be careful! Look up reviews of rental agencies.
This, a thousand times...
When I was moving out of my last apartment (which was a run-down, ancient building and had mice chewing through the ceiling tiles from the attic to eat everything in sight), the landlord tried to tell my fiancee and I that we were the ones who caused all the damage, even though the previous landlord (who owned the building for 2 out of the 3 years we lived there) was working on renovating the building and had gotten to every apartment but ours. Everything was in dire need of repair: the shower caulk was peeling off, one of the stove burners was not functioning (and the stove was horrifying. i never made anything inside of it....just on top), a few of the windows didn't open, the radiator covers were rusting and bent, the paint was cracking on a few of the walls. I moved in with my then-boyfriend because i was desperately trying to leave my parent's house and didn't care where i ended up (i had moved out at 17 to live in nyc and things just didn't pan out. i moved back in when i was 21, but just couldn't do it any longer. i think i stayed with them for 6 months). We talked about moving out of the run-down place, but stayed because the original landlord kept saying he was going to move us into one of the newly renovated spaces for the same amount of rent, but he never did. Then he gave us a week's notice that he sold the building, after we had already renewed our lease. Long story short, we were blamed for everything that was wrong because our first landlord never documented a proper inspection. The new guy docked $500 of our $950 security deposit (including $50 for a missing refrigerator drawer that never existed in the first place). So, we sued him for it because none of it was our fault. We documented all the times we had to call him to fix stuff and he never came, the rodent infestation, etc. We contacted the previous landlord to see if they would come to court with us. They agreed to do so, we told them the court date and they told us to call them back in a few days to iron out any paperwork we needed and tie up any loose ends. Then they started avoiding us. We called every few days to see what was up before they called my fiancee and told him that they couldn't come, 3 days before the court date. The new landlord then decided that he was pursuing a counter-suit because he "should have taken all of our deposit but was just being nice". We never made it in front of the judge because we were called back to talk with a "mediator". After 3 hours of arguing til we were all blue in the face, he agreed to drop his suit if we dropped ours. Neither of us had much proof of the initial condition of the place, so it ended up being a "he said/she said" thing.
Moral of the story: document EVERYTHING. Take an inventory of all the "removable" items in the apartment when you get there and photograph them. Photograph all damage, even if it's just scratches on the floor. Some properties are rented by nice, decent people. Some are not. It is impossible to tell initially because they will be as nice to you as humanly possible because they want your money. Be nice to them back, don't let them know that you know that they might be a jerk. Just cover your ass.
Also- if something breaks, call them right away. The longer you wait, the worse it will get. Stay on them if it takes them a while to fix it- if they never do, and it's still broken when you move out, you are responsible for paying for it.
I've been living on my own for a little under 10 years now and it blows my mind how much i've learned. A few other things to remember:
-Always talk about anything that bothers you with your significant other as soon as you can. Don't harp on every small issue, but if something really bothers you, don't let it fester. You will end up resenting them because all you can think about are the little things that annoy you that you "graciously overlook" for the sake of your relationship. Don't do that. You're not helping your relationship by letting problems slide, you are hurting it. Some things are worth talking over, some things are not. The only way to find out what those things are is to live with your boyfriend for a while. If something is merely a tad bit annoying, try and let it go initially. If it is truly one of your pet peeves, speak up.
-Make a list of responsibilities that each of you has to live up to. My fiancee and I have a chore schedule, we each do specific things and we each pay specific bills. We try to make things as even as possible, but we're realistic in the sense that if one person is overwhelmed, they know they can ask for help. We also "traded" chores that we hate doing. I have guinea pigs, whom I adore....but I HATE cleaning their cage. He has to iron his shirts for work and the last time he used the iron he almost threw it out the window. Now he cleans the cage and I iron shirts.
-Never let leftovers sit in your fridge for more than a week. No one should have to witness the horrors that can come from neglected edibles.
-Monitor your bank account online if your financial institution gives you the option. I started out doing it sporadically a few years ago and now I check it once a day. Really helps cut down on overdraft fees because you don't think you have more than you really do.
-Avoid credit cards like the plague. I took out 3 of them when I was 17, maxed them out, missed a huge number of payments and flushed my credit score down the toilet. I've spent the last 4 years trying to plunge it out.
-If you have to pay for laundry, do it once a week. It's a lot easier to deal with $10 weekly than it is to wait until you have no clothing left and have to shell out $50 to wash a giant clothing mountain.
-Use coupons when you grocery shop. Last year alone, I saved over $5,000 in groceries just by using coupons. If something you use is super cheap, stock up on it if it's a nonperishable. If you can buy 1 bottle of shampoo for $5, or 10 bottles of shampoo for $5....what would you rather do? Of course, don't buy more than you can store. You don't want your belongings to take over your entire living space and start suffocating you.
-Before you move, go through your stuff and throw out anything that you know you don't need/don't want/are keeping just because your Great Aunt Mildred bought it for you when you were 12 and you feel bad throwing it away. She won't mind. The less you have to move with, the happier you'll be.
-Invest in some under-the-bed storage boxes. Most affordable apartments aren't necessarily the biggest ones out there. You will learn to cherish every square inch (centimeter?).
-Keep all of your bills in a central location and pay them as soon as you can. I get paid biweekly and the first paycheck of the month goes to student loans, credit card payments, any other big expenses. The second paycheck pays the rent. It goes this way every month so I know I will never miss anything or end up short. (I have another horrifying roommate story that taught me this lesson, but I think I'll save it for another post. It makes the crazy landlord story sound like a day at the beach and this post is already way too long).