I thought this thread had serious potential to get creepy or fanfiction-y.
Thank you for proving me wrong. This thread is full of awesome.
Lemme see what I can do...
EDIT: Holy mackeral, this is a goldmine. I want to do this all the time.
RAVEN (ditzy): Umm, like, I've been with Questionable Content, from like, almost the beginning. But eventually I like, had to leave, you know? Cause there I was all day telling the same joke over and over again, right? The one where I'm all ditzy and don't understand what people are saying. And eventually I developed this, like, inflection, where everything I say sounds dumb! And, and people thought it was cute! I could help anyone on the crew with , you know, measurements and calculations, right? And I'm, like, really good with world history. Like I'm really good with dates, but like, I can interpret the events too, like tell you the greater consequences of 1066 and the Industrial Revolution and stuff. But eventually I'm getting invited to parties just so I can say smart stuff while sounding like... well, like this. And that time I left? Rehab, lots of rehab, for my voice and stuff. But after so long I just couldn't, like, get back to my previous voice! So now I just sort of have to, you know, live with it. I totally should have taken out insurance on my voice or something.
HANNELORE: Oh, the fans are just the
worst. Maybe Faye's fans are a bit creepier, but mine are by far the most obsessive. That's not right. I'm the obsessive one around here. Or I pretend to be. I'm not actually obsessive-compulsive, but there are people who just run up to me and try to hug me, just so they say they can. And some of these people CLEARLY haven't washed their hands for hours beforehand. So now I've got their grimy fingerprints on the back of my dress, and if I'm lucky, that's the ONLY place they are. I've had to issue a couple of restraining orders against my fans, and I really don't want to do that, cause clearly they love the show, and that's great, but there has to be a place where you say enough is enough. I remember, one of the comic's lesbian fans stalked me for a WEEK, then approached me at one of the conventions and declared that she had legally changed her name to Hannah Lawes the day before. I had to break out the restraining orders after she admitted to stalking me, then insisted that she would BECOME me, as if, as if I don't really exist? And that was just one incident, but really it happens a lot more often than it should. So yeah, if I seem a bit distant from my fans at the conventions, that might be why. Maybe I've only just come away from a bad experience. Best way to prove that you're not one of the creeps is to actually get a coherent sentence out.
FAYE: Yes, I am actually that tough in real life. I didn't used to be though. Back when we first started I was generally relying on my bulk to give me the edge over Marten and Dora, who are SKINNY AS HELL. (laughs) Don't tell them I said that! But, ah, then Penelope came along, and while she was still fairly skinny, she actually had some serious muscles on her, and we realized that we would be unable to do the bits in the beginning where I was consistently, well, bullying her. So I had to find some way to get in shape. Then I discovered Muay Thai, and it was great! Soon I was actually able to take Penelope in a fight! We actually had sparring matches in between scenes to determine which of us was better at bullying than the other. It was a lot of fun actually (laughs). I don't get to fight as often any more, but I may have accidentally adopted a Muay Thai stance in a couple of places... we'll see if that shows up in the finished product.
SVEN: Some people can pull off the Casanova routine, you know, sleeping with every girl you lay eyes on, being able to effortlessly woo them, that sort of thing. Neil Patrick Harris can pull that off. But he's actually gay, you know, so people know, in real life, that he's not actually sleeping with lots and lots of women. For me, it's different, because I'm straight. And I guess people do assume that my lifestyle is actually having as much meaningless sex as possible. Well no, it's not like that at all. In fact I really kind of hate my character right now, not cause he's necessarily a bad person, but because of what he's done to my life. I've been typecast, so people look at me and either they don't know who I am or they say "Hey look, it's Sven from Questionable Content! Look out, he has a gaze like a cockatrice!" and they avoid me. Kinda hurts, really. That's part of why I persuaded Jeph to try and make my character turn over a new leaf. Not sure how it'll work out yet, but hopefully it'll paint me in a more sympathetic light with the fans.
TAI: For me, by far the best part of this gig was becoming a lesbian icon among not just the fans, but everyone in the LGBT community. I'm honestly a lot more about the sex than, say, Ellen DeGeneres, but I don't mind that (laughs). Seriously, eventually we're going to get gay marriage, and Ellen's been a great part of this campaign. And after we get the gay marriage, maybe we can think of moving on to the polyamory. I think that issue's going to be a lot more contentious, and there will be people saying that gay people are trying to take over sex, or something, but you know, that's crazy people for you. In the end, polyamory has to be fought for largely in the LGBT community, cause when you have three or more people, at least two of them are gonna be of the same sex, right? (laughs) Ideally, if we could get polyamory to be universally accepted without too much fuss, that'd be great. What I don't want is for it to become a serious issue, and that's kind of the character I think I play when I'm playing Tai the lesbian. The message I want to get out to my audience is to not think too much into it. As long as you stay sensible about it, just conduct your sex life however you want. Have fun with it!
PENELOPE: The rest of the cast say I'm the most under-appreciated character of the lot. I think that title might go more to Will than to me, but I guess I do serve one important purpose. That is, I'm always the one who persuades Jeph not to bury the forums. (smiles at the camera) Yeah. That's right. What, you thought Cristi did that job? Not a chance in hell; she agrees with him for the most part. And apparently it's paying off, or that's what Raven tells me anyway. I don't know, she used some kind of complex formula based on swearing and number of angry moderator posts, but apparently the forums are about 40% more sensible than they were before, say, the big break-up. So that's good! I guess I'm more working in the fan networking and public relations side of things than being an actual cast member these days, cause even outside of my character I'm the sensible one who gets things done, but that's alright. I don't think Jeph quite knows what to do with my character anyway.
Oh, and were you wondering how we did the whole 'me meeting Pizza Girl' thing? Trade. Secret. Not allowed to say anything about it. Got any theories about it? I can respond to all of them right now: (coyly) Mmaaayyybe.
ANGUS: I guess I can understand why the fans don't like me as much, cause, you know, suddenly I'm dating Faye after only being an annoying bit character for the first couple of years. But that was a lot more to do with contract negotiations. See, at the time of my introduction I was auditioning for a part in Randy Milholland's Something*Positive, and it was looking good, but it was taking a while to introduce my character, so I took on the role of Angus to pay the bills while everything was getting sorted out. But then a whole bunch of stuff happened, and my character was never even introduced. I don't blame Randy for that, he was juggling a whole bunch of stuff anyway, and he needed to make a whole bunch of cutbacks. But I realized that I still had a part with QC, and I persuaded Jeph to renew it. He liked my idea of Professional Strawman so much that he actually upgraded me to a much bigger part, and from there it kind of followed on that I became Faye's... er, boyfling, I guess we're calling it. (laughs) So Questionable Content turned into my big break! It's been great, really, the cast is all very nice and great to work with. And occasionally I do get fans who approach me at the conventions.
SHEBLY: You know, I actually can talk outside of the comic. I have no idea why none of the fans make a bigger deal of this.