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Eye contact

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nekowafer:
I have had problems with eye contact for as long as I can remember. I had a feeling of it letting people see my soul, as a kid. As an adult I realize that this isn't true. But it still freaks me out.

I can make eye contact with people I've been intimate with; either a relationship or casual sex. I can do it with some close friends, as well. But it makes me feel almost sick to do it with anyone else.

My therapist tells me that it's incredibly important, and a change that I must make, whether I want to or not. What do you think? Is it that important?

I do realize that it is one of those things people pay attention to when you're interviewing for a job, for example. But is it something that is important outside of that sort of situation?

Papersatan:
I think it depends where you look when you are avoiding their eyes and who you are talking to. 

Avoiding eye contact can make you seem shy, embarrassed or insincere.  This doesn't matter much when you are getting change from a cashier, but it does when you are trying to make a friend. 

Maybe it would be helpful to look at it in the reverse.  If someone is trying to make eye contact while talking to you and you keep avoiding it then they are opening themselves, offering their soul to be looked into, but you are refusing to do so.

pwhodges:
But too much eye contact without a degree of switching away can seem forced, insincere or aggressive; a degree of balance is also required, which may vary according to circumstances (a salesman would be expected to be more in-yer-face than many people, for instance).

Zingoleb:
I'd just like to point out how well your avatar suits this thread.

Elysiana:
^ That's a genius observation!

Neko, I've always had trouble with this, too, even with people I'm close to. When I was younger I remember thinking that if you made eye contact with someone too long they'd think you liked them (as in, were interested in them), and so I made sure I barely looked at anyone - especially the boys I really did like, but it extended to everyone else too eventually. I learned to cross my arms so I wouldn't seem too forward, and never cross my legs with my toe pointing at them... I had all sorts of rules designed to protect me from anyone thinking that I might like them, because for whatever reason that was horrifying to me.

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