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Eye contact
Welu:
I'm the same with eye contact, the best I've gotten is to look around the person or at their general area. I understand this isn't great but I try to at least face them. My boyfriend and a couple close friends I can make eye contact with for short periods but as soon as I'm aware of it I get really uncomfortable.
I am a sales assistant and it used to be commented on a lot (by my coworkers/boss, the only time a customer mentioned it was when they were doing a stealth inspection) but four years later, they've all seen me try and I've just not got the hang of it. Even the regular customers know I'm not trying to be rude, because I still smile and talk and try to have an approachable body language.
I'm not sure what to say about job interviews. I think I usually end up staring at the person or doing the looking-around-them thing.
Redball:
Eye contact to me is a fleeting contact with someone i'm talking to, not making contact and holding it. Seems to me it could be a learned thing, but I'm not sure how it would be learned. Never thought of it as showing romantic interest, unless it was someone I wasn't talking to, and she caught me eyeing her. I don't think I'm too old to blush in that case.
nekowafer:
I feel like looking people in the eye seems rather intimate. Like you said, Elysiana, it seems like I'm telling them I like them. Even though I know that that is not what it means, it still feels too close to me.
I guess the best question to ask is, how long should I be making eye contact, and when do I look away? I'm assuming this is not an easy question to answer. I feel like most people just learn this sort of thing instinctively.
Is it cold in here?:
If I correctly remember the class I took, about 70% of the time.
In an early-stage personal safety situation, giving someone enough eye contact can make him feel respected and thus could forestall some kinds of escalation.
I bet you get along well with cats! They seem to feel safer without eye contact.
"What's the difference between an introverted computer geek and an extroverted computer geek? The extroverted one lifts his gaze when he's talking to you to stare at your shoes instead of his own."
Redball:
--- Quote from: nekowafer on 06 Sep 2012, 17:09 ---I guess the best question to ask is, how long should I be making eye contact, and when do I look away? I'm assuming this is not an easy question to answer. I feel like most people just learn this sort of thing instinctively.
--- End quote ---
My first thought, since I'm alone in the house with no one to check it out on, is to tell you to flick your eyes at the face or eyes of the person you're talking to for a second, then away. Sometimes you'll look at each other at the same moment. My second thought is to try it out with a close friend, i.e., practice on a friend. My third thought is to check out whatever you find on the web such as this: http://www.succeedsocially.com/eyecontact. That article makes it look like a difficult habit to acquire and retain in adulthood. But perhaps if it improves the quality of conversations you have, the reward would help to retain the habit. But I'm just wingin' it here. I think I make eye contact often enough. Sometimes I do it consciously, but I've no idea what has led me to do so.
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