Ok, I'm back on the bra thing again because
what in the actual fuck is going on with my bras/boobs?? I know we covered this on page one but waaaaaahhhhhh. I was going to put this in Vitriolic Letters but I think it's too Boob-y for that.
Dear Whoever Decided That Bra Sizing Needed To Be Such a Huge Pain in the Ass,
You suck.
I thought I was wearing the right size. So I didn't bother to read that Epbot article until a few days ago. It led (naturally) to me reading for a few hours about how bras are supposed to fit, where x goes, how to adjust y so that z doesn't happen & how you're supposed to put them on (I always though "Backwards" was the answer to that lol).
Apparently, my bands are too big and my cups are too small. Could have fooled me! BUT, the "gore" never lies flat. I have literally NEVER had this happen with any of my bras. I never considered that I might be wearing the wrong size, I just assumed that my boobs were abnormally heavy.

I've only discovered that it's an issue because the underwire started ripping through the last bra I bought for 45 freaking dollars. According to one bra sizer, I should be wearing a 34FF and/or H (!?!) using the same sizer but a different method of measuring, I get a 34K (WHAT?).
I tried the sizer @ VS's website and apparently, I have sized out of them. Even online.

My question is this: for any of you who have tried the sizing guide on Reddit (linked from Epbot), did you bend over to measure or measure standing up?
HALP! I want a bra that I don't hate!