Topic: QC Captions Vol. 118.5 (Read 9607 times)

iduguphergrave · « **on:** 12 Jun 2013, 14:07 »

Not enjoying the heat wave. NEW IMAGE:

EDIT: The heat is melting my brain. I forgot it's wednesday, not sunday, and started a new thread. Oh well can't change it now.

celticgeek · « **Reply #1 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 14:09 »

Marten: "Eight Strings?"
Salesguy: "I have one with 188 strings!"

MillionDollar Belt Sander · « **Reply #2 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 14:14 »

MARTIN: It is full of spiders why is it full of spiders.

SALESDUDE: Resonance.

Sidhekin · « **Reply #3 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 14:33 »

Marten: Got my first real eight-string?
Salesdude: Plaid until my finger's bled.

(So sorry.)

Mr_Rose · « **Reply #4 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 14:49 »

Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."

K1dmor · « **Reply #5 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 15:02 »

Marten: "Could you get the oil out of it?"
Salesdude: "Yeah, but i couldn't do much with the "PintSize" carved on the back".

Carl-E · « **Reply #6 on:** 12 Jun 2013, 22:39 »

Marten: "Isn't that neck a little short?"

Guitarzan: "Yeah, it's the ukelele model."

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #7 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 01:55 »

Ahem ...

MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?

DSL · « **Reply #8 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 05:09 »

Quote from: PintsizeForPresident on 13 Jun 2013, 01:55

Ahem ...

MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?

SHOPDUDE: "I never wanted this job, you know."
MARTEN: "You didn't?"
SHOPDUDE: "No, I wanted to be ... a lumberjack! Ohhhhhh, I'm a ..."
MARTEN: "You've got the shirt for it."
MODERATOR (in British Army colonel's uniform): "Stop! Stop! This is far too silly!"

techkid · « **Reply #9 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 05:41 »

Marten: "This guitar sounds like a cat going to the toilet through a sewn-up bum. Can I exchange it?"
Storekeeper: "Shit! I think I got your order mixed up with some dude named Crash..."

Soul Music wasn't a great book, but it does have it's moments.

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #10 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 05:42 »

Quote from: DSL on 13 Jun 2013, 05:09

Quote from: PintsizeForPresident on 13 Jun 2013, 01:55
Ahem ...

MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?

SHOPDUDE: "I never wanted this job, you know."
MARTEN: "You didn't?"
SHOPDUDE: "No, I wanted to be ... a lumberjack! Ohhhhhh, I'm a ..."
MARTEN: "You've got the shirt for it."
MODERATOR (in British Army colonel's uniform): "Stop! Stop! This is far too silly!"

MARTEN: No please, let him sing! I could accompany him on this guitar!
SHOPDUDE: So now it IS a guitar! Why on earth did you insist it was a goddamn parrot just now?
MARTEN: I did not!
SHOPDUDE: Yes you did!
MARTEN: No I did not! Look, who are you, the Spanish Inquisition?

Zebediah · « **Reply #11 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 05:58 »

GORDON: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPIDER INQUISITION! Among our weaponry are surprise, fear, orbital bombardment, and - oh, I'll come in again.

DSL · « **Reply #12 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 06:40 »

SPECIALS BOARD: Spam, spam, spam, mocha and spam.
PENELOPE: "Spam's off, dear."

MillionDollar Belt Sander · « **Reply #13 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 06:49 »

I declare the thread won, however there is only one Internet you'll have to divide it up fairly.

(dibs on the slow-motion jogging-chicks portion!)

jwhouk · « **Reply #14 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 06:59 »

MARTEN: "Geez, she forgets what day it is, just once..."
GUITAR GUY (who looks suspiciously like Jeph): "Yeah, and all of a sudden it's Monty Python Quotation Day."

cesium133 · « **Reply #15 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 07:03 »

Quote from: Mr_Rose on 12 Jun 2013, 14:49

Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."

Marten: "Hey, there's..."
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. That's my boyfriend, Gordon."

DSL · « **Reply #16 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 07:33 »

Quote from: cesium133 on 13 Jun 2013, 07:03

Quote from: Mr_Rose on 12 Jun 2013, 14:49
Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."
Marten: "Hey, there's..."
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. That's my boyfriend, Gordon."

MARTEN: "Hey, there's ..."
SALESDUDE: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. Not so loud. Everybody will want one."

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #17 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 08:01 »

And now for something completely different:

MARTEN: How to recognize different types of guitar from quite a long way away.
SHOPDUDE: No 1: The 8-string.

Skewbrow · « **Reply #18 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 09:23 »

Marten: "8-strings. You need to be a frekking spider to play that!"
Salesdude: "Or an Octopus."

DSL · « **Reply #19 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 09:30 »

NARRATOR: "And now Mr. F.G. Spiderman of Wains Cotting, Kent, demonstrates how NOT to be seen."
SPIDER: (Explodes).

(Cue exterior shot of CoD and audio of "Liberty Bell March" by Sousa, interrupted by elaborately drawn but crudely animated tungsten rod dropping from orbital height on CoD. End credits ran five minutes previously.)

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #20 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 12:23 »

Marten: "Pull my finger."
Salesman: "No way, I'm not falling for that. My AnthroPC does that every week."

Kugai · « **Reply #21 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 16:42 »

Marten: ".....and then I pushed that little button on the left there."

ShopDude: "Yeah, we heard the explosion from here."

MillionDollar Belt Sander · « **Reply #22 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 17:42 »

ROUND 1:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?

ROUND 2:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.

ROUND 3:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.

*DING*

TheEvilDog · « **Reply #23 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 21:14 »

Marten: "You, err, you need to plug it in. You know... To power it..."
Salesdude: "....Wow. Mr. Grace was right. I am the worst musician and salesman in the store."

Sorflakne · « **Reply #24 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 21:15 »

Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.

cesium133 · « **Reply #25 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 21:17 »

Marten: You mean that busker outside Coffee of Doom...
Salesguy: With only one guitar string, he's done half the population of Northampton.

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #26 on:** 13 Jun 2013, 23:49 »

MARTEN: It'll get me laid, right
SHOPDUDE: Funny you should say that. *starts undressing*

*cue cheesy porn flick music*

MARTEN: What's all that hay doing here?

DSL · « **Reply #27 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 11:33 »

Quote from: Skewbrow on 13 Jun 2013, 09:23

Marten: "8-strings. You need to be a frekking spider to play that!"

GORDON (OP): "You rang?"

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #28 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 14:07 »

Marten: "Can you do anything about my hangnail?"
Clerk: "Sure. Put your finger down on the counter and I'll hit it with the guitar."

Akima · « **Reply #29 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 15:21 »

Quote from: Sorflakne on 13 Jun 2013, 21:15

Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.

So... Bass-players get all the action?

PintsizeForPresident · « **Reply #30 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 15:50 »

MARTEN: It will get me laid, right?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, the number of G-strings on your guitar increases your chance!

(When thrown from the audience and caught on the guitar's neck?)

Kugai · « **Reply #31 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 17:10 »

Quote from: MillionDollar Belt Sander on 13 Jun 2013, 17:42

ROUND 1:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?

ROUND 2:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.

ROUND 3:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.

*DING*

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #32 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 17:51 »

Marten: "Why would I want that when I already have ten guitars?"
Store dude: "With eleven of these you have 88 strings, so it's just like having a piano."

jwhouk · « **Reply #33 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 18:11 »

Quote from: Akima on 14 Jun 2013, 15:21

Quote from: Sorflakne on 13 Jun 2013, 21:15
Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.
So... Bass-players get all the action?

Well, McCartney's on his third wife...

Is it cold in here? · « **Reply #34 on:** 14 Jun 2013, 18:22 »

Marten: "What is that?"
Clerk: "It's a kind of musical instrument, like a drum or a tuba except it makes different kinds of sounds."

Eddie 88 · « **Reply #35 on:** 15 Jun 2013, 01:29 »

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"
"Yeah, it's called an eight-string guitar. You can do major-thirds tuning on one of these babies."

Quote from: Is it cold in here? on 14 Jun 2013, 17:51

Marten: "Why would I want that when I already have ten guitars?"
Store dude: "With eleven of these you have 88 strings, so it's just like having a piano."

You, sir, have earned my vote.

Loki · « **Reply #36 on:** 15 Jun 2013, 02:28 »

Quote from: Eddie 88 on 15 Jun 2013, 01:29

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

...and all the while, the floor is full of hay.

DSL · « **Reply #37 on:** 15 Jun 2013, 07:27 »

Quote from: TheEvilDog on 13 Jun 2013, 21:14

Marten: "You, err, you need to plug it in. You know... To power it..."
Salesdude: "....Wow. Mr. Grace was right. I am the worst musician and salesman in the store."

Well, somebody's been served (audio cue: cash registers).

Eddie 88 · « **Reply #38 on:** 18 Jun 2013, 17:49 »

Quote from: Loki on 15 Jun 2013, 02:28

Quote from: Eddie 88 on 15 Jun 2013, 01:29
"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

...and all the while, the floor is full of hay.

You, sir, lose 10 Points for that awful, awful reference :p

jmucchiello · « **Reply #39 on:** 19 Jun 2013, 10:31 »

Quote from: DSL on 13 Jun 2013, 06:40

SPECIALS BOARD: Spam, spam, spam, mocha and spam.
PENELOPE: "Spam's off, dear."

Uptight MP Fan: No, no, no, that should be "Mocha's off".
PENELOPE: But it's my only line.

FunkyTuba · « **Reply #40 on:** 19 Jun 2013, 12:47 »

Quote from: Kugai on 14 Jun 2013, 17:10

Quote from: MillionDollar Belt Sander on 13 Jun 2013, 17:42
ROUND 1:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?

ROUND 2:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.

ROUND 3:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.

*DING*

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'

Thank you two for saving me the trouble

Pilchard123 · « **Reply #41 on:** 19 Jun 2013, 14:47 »

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Yes, but for another $2000, you can buy this one that goes all the way to 12.

Kugai · « **Reply #42 on:** 19 Jun 2013, 15:30 »

Quote from: FunkyTuba on 19 Jun 2013, 12:47

Quote from: Kugai on 14 Jun 2013, 17:10
Quote from: MillionDollar Belt Sander on 13 Jun 2013, 17:42
ROUND 1:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?

ROUND 2:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.

ROUND 3:

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.

*DING*

MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'

Thank you two for saving me the trouble

*Bows Courtly style*

MillionDollar Belt Sander · « **Reply #43 on:** 19 Jun 2013, 17:57 »

Your welcome! NOW BACK TO TEH 119 THREAD!!! GO ON NOW! SCAT!!!

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: QC Captions Vol. 118.5 (Read 9607 times)

TheEvilDog