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Random Puns
bhtooefr:
From http://imgur.com/gallery/t5LaE:
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu.
A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an ornithological behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck".
Is it cold in here?:
Someone at a party was discussing a concussion she got by walking into a door.
Her doctor, she said, had asked if she had done it again since.
Straight lines like that don't come along just every year.
There was a quick quip of "One does not simply walk into more doors".
Akima:
I might borrow mere elements of that pun.
FunkyTuba:
A mother with a prodigiously kinky hair texture who wore it naturally got a modeling job based on the resulting look. She saved all the proceeds in order to fund the purchase of a needed item for her son William who in his burgeoning career as a violinist had broken the means with which he had previously produced sound on the Stradivarius he was borrowing.
When asked what her strategy was she replied:
"I'm using my 'Fro Dough to buy a Bill Bow."
TheEvilDog:
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
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