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Vivid phrases from people we know

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BeoPuppy:
I once got called up by a friend who cheerfully informed me that he had stigmata.

Pilchard123:
Astigmatism? Or did he actually mean stigmata?

BeoPuppy:
No, he actually meant stigmata. But he announced it in an amazingly cheerful voice so I nearly died laughing. When that had passed, a good 15 minutes later, it transpired that he was very pleased to have found a DVD of the Gabriel Byrne flick.

jwhouk:
Now that right there is a non-sequitur.

Patrick:
These are pretty sexist or slut-shamey ones from my rather conservative Southern mom, but they still crack me up:

"She didn't hit 30, 30 hit her. With a crowbar wrapped in barbed wire."
"If she'd had as many pricks stickin out of her as she's had in her, she'd look like a porcupine."

My friend Anna, re. Elliott Smith:

"well, the thing is with elliott is that i think he ate breakfast and pooped out beautiful songs every day so he really made it hard to not be obsessed with his shit"

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