Have some boot camp anecdotes, I wrote them up for a Marine Corps thread, but they're pretty funny.
We had a recruit in our platoon the DI called Stump, short guy by any standard. Well one day late in 1st Phase, Stump approaches our Drill Hat, and reports that he has lost his sling keeper. "Well. This recruit would like a new one." "...You'd like a new one huh?" Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Cobb's voice is calm at this point. "Well recruit, I don't have one, so what you're going to do is, when we go to chow tonight, I don't want you to take any food. I want you to get a big pile of spoons. No forks or knives those might fuck up your guts. Then I want you to eat those spoons, so tonight, in the squad bay, you'll shit out metal pellets, then after lights out, you can forge yourself a new sling keeper. Understand?" Stump gave his best "Yes Sir!" with a confused look on his face and hopped back in formation.
Right around that same time one of the other recruits, Z, was a couple seconds behind on pretty much every drill movement and order we received. So Gunny Cobb stops the formation. "Recruit Z. Is the hamster on the wheel?" "Sir?" "You heard me. Is the hamster on the wheel? See, I don't think he is. Name your hamster recruit." "Sir, this recruit's hamster's name is Gordy." Gunny Cobb leaps into Recruit Z's face with a knife hand "Well you tell Gordy to stop fucking hydrating, and get the fuck back on the wheel!" and from then on, Gunny would correct Recruit Z, and remind him to tell Gordy to stop hydrating and get on the wheel.
My other favorite boot camp story, the one where we all, as a platoon and our DIs truly lost our shit laughing. We're up at Edson Range aboard Camp Pendleton, Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Cobb put on his black belt the day before, and he and Senior Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Starky, now a Chief Drill Instructor for those fucks over at G Company, are both away, which means we're left with Drill Instructor Staff Sergeant Raphael and Swan respectively. Let the games begin. We're forming up for chow. "Get out of my barracks right now. Zero! Get in my barracks right now. Zero. Formation outside right now." and so on, when Swan yells "Run to the chow hall right now!" we scramble towards the chow hall "Zero! Formation right now!" scramble back. The DIs have a new game. So we do that for a little bit, in and out of the barracks trying to get online or get a formation, we're all mostly having fun at this point, it had been a relatively slow day, then SSgt Raphael yells "Run to MCRD right now!" and everyone stops for a second and looks at each other like "Where the fuck is MCRD from here?" and the whole platoon scatters to the four winds. SSgt yells "Zero!" and pulls his cover down and steps back inside the barracks with SSgt Swan because they're both laughing too hard and most of the platoon is "frozen" laughing our collective asses off.
*Zero is the command word to instantly and immediately freeze in place, if you're in midair you're expected to hover.