Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT 2947-2951 (27 April to 1 May 2015)
Jab:
The problem of course is that to someone who doesn't fully "get" Depression as an illness, people with depression just come across as self-centred, whiny babies. During "Mental Health Awareness" training as a Union Steward, I got to listen to a Professor who actually detailed the cold, hard reality that yes, people with Depression ARE a pain in the ass to deal with. He acknowledges that it's not their fault, but that the concept of being annoyed by depressed people is a real, natural thing. And that yes, Depression can feed into a person becoming very self-centred and self-obsessed. Depression is a horrible thing to go through, but it can also take a toll on everyone AROUND that person. I know several people with Depression, and while sympathetic to them, they are EASILY the most selfish people I know, because the disease breeds that into them- instead of helping you out or talking you through YOUR problems, they just wallow in self-pity and are unable to do anything.
It's whether or not someone can understand that it's NOT ALL THEIR FAULT, y'know?
ZoeB:
I had a bout of severe anxiety. Disabling. The kind that affects the involuntary nervous system. On a scale of 1-20, about 18 (there was a test). You might have seen videos of WWI casualties with "shell shock", uncontrollable tremors etc. That was me.
It only lasted a month. I was lucky, usual prognosis is 3 years for a recovery - if that happens. It often doesn't.
It gave me an insight I'd lacked before, Oh I knew depression, anxiety, panic attacks weren't something sheer willpower could overcome, I knew theoretically. Intellectually. Academically.
But when it came to me, I was angry that I couldn't control it. Angry with myself. I knew it - but I hadn't believed it. Now I know it.
I hope I'm more sympathetic, and a better person, as the result. I couldn't help myself, so I'm not sure I can help others - just sympathise, and let them know that I understand and want to help.
Now where's that "make everything better" button again?
Pilchard123:
Behind the bookcase.
amykathleen:
--- Quote from: Jab on 04 May 2015, 00:13 ---I know several people with Depression, and while sympathetic to them, they are EASILY the most selfish people I know, because the disease breeds that into them- instead of helping you out or talking you through YOUR problems, they just wallow in self-pity and are unable to do anything.
--- End quote ---
(bolding added)
Except for me, as a person with depression, it's not self-pity. It's never been self-pity, and I don't wallow. It's self-hatred, and rather than wallowing in it I drown in it. I hate myself because I'm sure that everyone else hates me, and then I fear that people are thinking about me the way that you are, and that feeds into my anxiety, and then the anxiety feeds back into the depression and makes me hate myself more, and the whole thing spirals out of control until I reach suicidal ideation and have to go back to the hospital. I fucking hate it when people think I'm "wallowing in self-pity" when in fact depression-me can't think of a single person less deserving of pity than I am.
It sounds to me as if you, in fact, are the selfish one. Inability to "do anything" doesn't make a person selfish, it makes them disabled. Inability to be your free therapist doesn't make a person selfish, either, it makes them not a therapist. If I am selfish because my depression makes me stay in bed crying instead of fixing everyone's problems, then I suppose my mom must have been selfish as well when she needed the rest of the family to do the housework because weekly chemo treatments left her almost too weak to move.
Jab:
--- Quote from: amykathleen on 04 May 2015, 01:58 ---
--- Quote from: Jab on 04 May 2015, 00:13 ---I know several people with Depression, and while sympathetic to them, they are EASILY the most selfish people I know, because the disease breeds that into them- instead of helping you out or talking you through YOUR problems, they just wallow in self-pity and are unable to do anything.
--- End quote ---
(bolding added)
Except for me, as a person with depression, it's not self-pity. It's never been self-pity, and I don't wallow. It's self-hatred, and rather than wallowing in it I drown in it. I hate myself because I'm sure that everyone else hates me, and then I fear that people are thinking about me the way that you are, and that feeds into my anxiety, and then the anxiety feeds back into the depression and makes me hate myself more, and the whole thing spirals out of control until I reach suicidal ideation and have to go back to the hospital. I fucking hate it when people think I'm "wallowing in self-pity" when in fact depression-me can't think of a single person less deserving of pity than I am.
It sounds to me as if you, in fact, are the selfish one. Inability to "do anything" doesn't make a person selfish, it makes them disabled. Inability to be your free therapist doesn't make a person selfish, either, it makes them not a therapist. If I am selfish because my depression makes me stay in bed crying instead of fixing everyone's problems, then I suppose my mom must have been selfish as well when she needed the rest of the family to do the housework because weekly chemo treatments left her almost too weak to move.
--- End quote ---
Perhaps you misread my post, or at least misinterpreted it. I acknowledge fully that it's not the fault of the Depression-sufferer. They have a condition, same as anyone with a more-physically-apparent disease like cancer does. Someone suffering from cancer is ALSO hell on their friends & family, the way someone with depression is, and similarly, it is not their fault that they have the condition. While it obviously does not HELP the Depression-sufferer to hear this, that doesn't change the fact that it is true. It sucks all around.
I can see Self-Hatred in many of the people I know who've had depression, now that you mention it. But I've seen a lot of self-pity, too. People who couldn't help but go on and on about their problems, and craving sympathy from others (as a Union Steward where I work, I've seen this from near-strangers, as well). I would assume that with the many different kinds of depression, there would be many different results.
I don't expect friends to be a "free therapist"- that's a gross exaggeration of my point. That people with depression often can't do the most basic aspects of friendship (like being a shoulder to lean on) is my point. That particular case (the "ignoring your problems" bit) is not based on something that actually happened to me anyhow- it's a general reference to how people with depression can seem to others (and had happened to other friends I know). It's not just about me- the friends I have with Depression are often unable to basically care about ANYONE's problems in the group but their own. The disease MAKES people selfish, in the sense that they become self-obsessed- they're still selfish, but it's not their fault. That's part of why depression utterly SUCKS.
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