Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT 2947-2951 (27 April to 1 May 2015)
Neko_Ali:
As someone who lives with depression, both in my self and in friends/room mates... Yes I know how draining it can be on both sides of that fence. I try to keep my depression mostly to myself when I can. Because I know there's nothing that other people can do to help me. So when I am in a depressive phase, I will tend to isolate. I don't want to drag other people down, and I'm in no fit shape to be around people anyway. On the other hand it is incredibly tiring to be around people who just go on about the things wrong in their life, especially when there is nothing you can do to help, and/or they are not doing or can't do anything to help themselves. And usually it is the same issues over and over because they either aren't dealing with those issues, or they are things they can't do anything about. So yeah... It's not their fault, but it can be very draining to be around them. I look on it something like a life guard and drowning person... If you see a friend going under, it's natural to want to help... but in their panicing it can be near impossible for a non-professional to help and they could wind up dragging you down too, without meaning to. I've been that person who tried to help everyone... and more often than not I've wound up paying for my kindness.
amykathleen:
--- Quote from: Jab on 04 May 2015, 03:18 ---The disease MAKES people selfish, in the sense that they become self-obsessed- they're still selfish, but it's not their fault. That's part of why depression utterly SUCKS.
--- End quote ---
I understand that illnesses of any kind are hard on the people who care about the patient, but you keep insisting that people with depression are selfish. Selfishness is not caused by depression, it's caused by selfishness. It's true that selfish people may use illnesses, either mental or physical, as an excuse for their selfishness, but just because they might claim depression as their reason doesn't make it so. Anecdata time:
The most generous, selfless person I know is a friend of mine, whom we shall call Kelly, because this is not her name. Kelly participates in almost every volunteer opportunity offered to her by the church she attends. When her friends are sick, she brings them soup. When her friends are sad, she bakes them cookies. But Kelly also has depression. Because of that, her rule for sad-friend-cookie-times is that she will provide cookies, hugs, and information about mental health resources if needed, but she can't listen to other people's problems or provide advice. Also, when she has a depressive episode, she's not able to do all the kind things she normally does, but always apologizes.
The most heinous, selfish person I know is my aunt, my mom's sister, whom we shall call Nancy, because this is not her name, and because she insists on calling others "Negative Nancy" when they disagree with her. Nancy has no illnesses, mental or physical. But she is an incredibly selfish person and believes herself to be the center of the universe. She is selfish all the time - she expects everyone to drop everything to do whatever she wants - but when she is sick or injured, she uses this as an excuse to try and get people to feel sorry for her. There was a point in time when I was in high school when Nancy's selfishness was particularly absurd. My mom had just had a radiation treatment, my sister had just had her wisdom teeth out, and I had just had foot surgery. So all three of us were at home, in pain, resting, while my dad was at work. Nancy dropped by without warning, and was furious that we hadn't prepared dinner for her or put on nice clothes before she came over. Her "reason" for coming over and demanding to be fed, although she had been told weeks in advance that she couldn't rely on us during that week? She had gotten a paper cut the previous evening and "couldn't cook." I think we all wanted to strangle her.
TRVA123:
I don't think that depression makes people selfish. (or shelfish, although they can be solitary as an oyster) I think that sometimes selfish people have depression.
In addition to suffering from depression myself, I have several friends who also have depression. None of us experience it in the same ways. We support each other to the extent that we are able.
But friendship is a two way street.
One friend, who lived a distance away from me, accused me of being a bad friend to her because I wasn't hanging out with her as much as I used to when we lived together. I admitted that it was my bad, and began making more time for her. but she flaked on me 75% of the time. No call, no show.
When I would ask her later, she would say "I'm sorry, I fell asleep" or "oops, I forgot". I know that sleeping very deeply or irregularly and forgetfulness can be symptoms of depression. But she was holding down a job, she was able to keep other commitments. I came to the conclusion that she clearly didn't prioritize my time, or my friendship. If she had, she would have called and said "sorry, I'm too tired, I need to crash." or something of that nature.
Needless to say, I stopped making time for her, and now I only invite her to things where other people will be attending, so that if she flakes, my time isn't wasted.
Maybe this makes me a bad friend, after all, I didn't do absolutely everything I could to be supportive for my friend who had depression. But friendship goes two ways, and her flaking on me all of the time was frustrating me, annoying me, and causing me to feel more anxiety.
Thrillho:
I think we're perhaps being a bit too reactionary to the word 'selfish' as being a criticism... I think depression can be extremely selfish, because you sometimes can't see past your own nose. It's just that it isn't your fault.
pwhodges:
Perhaps say "self-absorbed" rather than "selfish"; that comes over as less judgemental (though I agree it's not exactly the same).
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