Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT

WCDT strips 3681 to 3685 (19-23 February 2018)

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pwhodges:

--- Quote from: brightwings00 on 19 Feb 2018, 03:33 ---If what my SO had to say about my looks was "Well, sure, she's prettier than you, but..." you can bet your butt I'd be out of there.

--- End quote ---

I would ask you in turn: Why?  Isn't "prettiness" a rather arbitrary thing to feel judged over?

Emperor Norton:

--- Quote from: brightwings00 on 19 Feb 2018, 03:33 ---
--- Quote ---EDIT: Also, people need to get over the fact that more than likely, your SO doesn't think you are the most attractive person, the smartest person, the funniest person, the most whatever person on the planet. Maybe it comes from being poly myself, but it just seems like a really unhealthy thing to expect.
--- End quote ---

What does being poly have to do with it? Genuine question.

And sure, I know I'm not Lupita N'yongo or Manny Jacinto, but how does my SO telling me that lead to anything supportive or productive? Attractiveness is all subjective, anyways. If what my SO had to say about my looks was "Well, sure, she's prettier than you, but..." you can bet your butt I'd be out of there.

--- End quote ---

Feels obvious to me on why being poly has to do with it? If my wife is dating someone else, I'm sure that they have at least some qualities where she prefers them over me, and the other way around, where I have some qualities she prefers over them. If she tells me what it is, it probably wouldn't phase me, as long as she still loves me, wants to be with me, then it isn't a big deal.

The thing is, I've always been a person where I'd rather have honesty than pretty lies. And there is a difference between someone telling you that out of the blue and someone responding to something you said with it.

By saying what she did, if Dale thinks that Emily is prettier than her (also notice that he did air quotes around prettier, he could have meant in a traditional sense, whereas he was going to say something about finding her more attractive regardless, we don't know because he got cut off) he is given three options: 1. Lie, which I don't think anyone should have to do in a relationship, or 2. Avoid the subject entirely, in which case Marigold is still going to have it confirmed in her head (of course, he avoided saying it, its because he believes it!) 3. Tell the truth but say it doesn't matter to how he feels (what it looked like he was doing).

People shouldn't be put in positions where they feel they have to lie in a relationship.

In my opinion, honesty in a relationship IS the best option.

brightwings00:

--- Quote from: pwhodges ---I would ask you in turn: Why?  Isn't "prettiness" a rather arbitrary thing to feel judged over?
--- End quote ---


--- Quote from: Emperor Norton ---By saying what she did, if Dale thinks that Emily is prettier than her (also notice that he did air quotes around prettier, he could have meant in a traditional sense, whereas he was going to say something about finding her more attractive regardless, we don't know because he got cut off) he is given three options: 1. Lie, which I don't think anyone should have to do in a relationship, or 2. Avoid the subject entirely, in which case Marigold is still going to have it confirmed in her head (of course, he avoided saying it, its because he believes it!) 3. Tell the truth but say it doesn't matter to how he feels (what it looked like he was doing).
--- End quote ---

I guess for me, it's just weird to quantify things like attractiveness and humour and intelligence, where it's like everything's on a scale and you can measure it. It'd be like saying "this apple is obviously better than this orange", only every single person on Earth is a different kind of fruit. (Maybe Emily has more of the traits society has deemed attractive--height, a thin frame, clear skin, etc.--but I think we can all agree that society has some BS expectations in the first place.) So when an SO says "Well, she's 'prettier' than you, but...", it's like a) that's not nice, helpful or useful for you to say, b) why is there a competition in the first place?

I mean, yeah, I believe Dale was getting at "you're beautiful and funny and smart to me, because you're you"--which is the important thing--but the way he worded it all was so atrocious I think even a non-chronically insecure person would be going 'what the everloving hell'.

Emperor Norton:
It isn't a contest. Marigold is the one making it a contest.

And despite what you say, I can't imagine you don't have friends you find funnier, friends you find more empathetic, friends you find smarter (to be fair, we usually break this down much further than just overall smart. I consider my wife to have much better language skills than me, but we both know that I'm better than her at math). It doesn't mean they are better as people, or that you care about them more or less because of it. Like you said: It isn't a competition. Not being a competition doesn't mean that we don't all have our strengths and weaknesses.

I mean, if your computer broke down (assuming of course, that you aren't the friend who is good with computers), you know which friend you would call right? It isn't a situation where all of them are equally smart.

brightwings00:

--- Quote from: Emperor Norton ---It isn't a contest. Marigold is the one making it a contest.

And despite what you say, I can't imagine you don't have friends you find funnier, friends you find more empathetic, friends you find smarter (to be fair, we usually break this down much further than just overall smart. I consider my wife to have much better language skills than me, but we both know that I'm better than her at math). It doesn't mean they are better as people, or that you care about them more or less because of it. Like you said: It isn't a competition. Not being a competition doesn't mean that we don't all have our strengths and weaknesses.

I mean, if your computer broke down (assuming of course, that you aren't the friend who is good with computers), you know which friend you would call right? It isn't a situation where all of them are equally smart.
--- End quote ---

Marigold started it, but Dale said "You're not a super-genius" and "Well, she's 'prettier' than you, but..." He's really not helping. (It's possible I'm more sympathetic towards Marigold here because, well, I am Marigold in a lot of ways.)

And I do get what you're saying about strengths and weaknesses, but I think "good looks" and "humour" and "intelligence" are too broad as terms to be quantified as such. I mean, because one friend is good at computers doesn't mean she/he is/they are objectively smarter than the others. 

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