Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT strips 4241-4245 (13th April to 17th April, 2020)
ihaveavoice:
--- Quote from: MrNumbers on 17 Apr 2020, 04:16 ---Man wouldn't it be great if it were possible to have the dating experience without anyone having to be uncomfortable at any point?
I think asking is always okay as long as you're prepared for the answer to be no, and you know 'no' means 'no'. Dating is super hard. Meeting people is super hard. You have to make yourself super vulnerable to rejection, which sucks too.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, where the extreme discomfort comes in is when the asker refuses to HEAR the no. My guard is immediately up now whenever a man asks me this after having certain experiences of that type. It shouldn't be such a huge relief when a guy doesn't try to browbeat you into giving him your personal information, but here we are.
Is it cold in here?:
Regular conversation with my wife:
"Thank you for saving me from dating."
"No, thank you for saving me from dating."
los_alamos_bomb:
--- Quote ---Really, Jeph? Really?
"Don't ask Strangers for their number! It could...gasp!...make them feel uncomfortable! And the last thing we can expect grown, adult people to deal with is...feeling uncomfortable!"
--- End quote ---
Thank you! I almost never post to these forums, but Jeph's declaration against asking for phone numbers is just awful enough to draw me in. You should definitely be willing to take no for an answer (graciously), but the idea that we can't pursue or even inquire about people we find interesting is just insanity. If bonds are to be built, someone has to take a chance, or we all just end up huddling in our own caves alone.
If you're one of those people who takes a lot of social cues from QC, please hear me when I say this: Jeph sometimes really gets wound around his own axle about his own hangups, which are often highly skewed from the standards of normal social interaction. On this issue, he is just plain wrong. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to see them again, say so, ask for their number, ask them out. Be kind, be gentle, be gracious in rejection, but for the love of god don't isolate yourself even further in this already isolated world because you're terrified that you might for ten seconds make someone slightly uncomfortable.
Thrillho:
--- Quote from: los_alamos_bomb on 19 Apr 2020, 07:45 ---Thank you! I almost never post to these forums, but Jeph's declaration against asking for phone numbers is just awful enough to draw me in. You should definitely be willing to take no for an answer (graciously), but the idea that we can't pursue or even inquire about people we find interesting is just insanity. If bonds are to be built, someone has to take a chance, or we all just end up huddling in our own caves alone.
--- End quote ---
I don't necessarily agree with Jeph either, but I think you're overreacting.
--- Quote ---If you're one of those people who takes a lot of social cues from QC, please hear me when I say this: Jeph sometimes really gets wound around his own axle about his own hangups, which are often highly skewed from the standards of normal social interaction. On this issue, he is just plain wrong.
--- End quote ---
There is no such thing as 'wrong' in this particular arena. Jeph said that in his opinion, he doesn't think you should ask someone for their phone number. By its very nature it's impossible for him to be wrong.
Measuring against 'normality,' as if normal is a concept that exists or there is an agreed consensus, is perfectly fine unless you're trying to claim this amorphous 'normal' concept as the only correct way to exist.
--- Quote ---If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to see them again, say so, ask for their number, ask them out. Be kind, be gentle, be gracious in rejection, but for the love of god don't isolate yourself even further in this already isolated world because you're terrified that you might for ten seconds make someone slightly uncomfortable.
--- End quote ---
I don't agree with this as blanket advice.
As I said, I do not agree with Jeph that asking someone for their phone number is something that should be never done. However, what is rarely discussed in these scenarios is the nuance involved. I don't think you should always talk to someone if you like them. There are contexts here. Somebody might have just broken up with another person and not be interested in a relationship. They might have trauma. If you don't know them that well, you might have no idea what is going on in their lives that make that conversation difficult before you start it, with them unprepared.
However, at the same time, the common response to this kind of feedback is 'so I guess nobody can ever talk to anybody ever!' as if there are no social cues whatsoever, and that you can't learn to read body language. I'm not saying there is a universal body language for 'come and get it,' but I think body language that reads 'please leave me alone' is pretty easy to pick up on if you bother even slightly with it. This is one of the most malignant aspects at the centre of pickup artistry - that it focuses on trying to break down barriers that a woman puts up and override them rather than simply trying to read whether they're interested. I'm autistic, it should be harder for me to do this than anybody else.
And it's not like that's the only kind of context. Is a woman walking in the park in casual clothes with a friend really cruising for ass?
sitnspin:
--- Quote from: los_alamos_bomb on 19 Apr 2020, 07:45 ---
--- Quote ---Really, Jeph? Really?
"Don't ask Strangers for their number! It could...gasp!...make them feel uncomfortable! And the last thing we can expect grown, adult people to deal with is...feeling uncomfortable!"
--- End quote ---
Thank you! I almost never post to these forums, but Jeph's declaration against asking for phone numbers is just awful enough to draw me in. You should definitely be willing to take no for an answer (graciously), but the idea that we can't pursue or even inquire about people we find interesting is just insanity. If bonds are to be built, someone has to take a chance, or we all just end up huddling in our own caves alone.
If you're one of those people who takes a lot of social cues from QC, please hear me when I say this: Jeph sometimes really gets wound around his own axle about his own hangups, which are often highly skewed from the standards of normal social interaction. On this issue, he is just plain wrong. If you like someone, talk to them. If you want to see them again, say so, ask for their number, ask them out. Be kind, be gentle, be gracious in rejection, but for the love of god don't isolate yourself even further in this already isolated world because you're terrified that you might for ten seconds make someone slightly uncomfortable.
--- End quote ---
Spoken like someone who has never had a dude threaten you because you said no to him.
Asking for them number of someone you just met, especially one you have barely interacted with (like this instance) is rude and presumptuous.
Just mho.
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