Comic Discussion > QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
WCDT strips 4241-4245 (13th April to 17th April, 2020)
Autistic Vulture:
--- Quote from: Thrillho on 19 Apr 2020, 08:37 ---As I said, I do not agree with Jeph that asking someone for their phone number is something that should be never done. However, what is rarely discussed in these scenarios is the nuance involved. I don't think you should always talk to someone if you like them. There are contexts here. Somebody might have just broken up with another person and not be interested in a relationship. They might have trauma. If you don't know them that well, you might have no idea what is going on in their lives that make that conversation difficult before you start it, with them unprepared.
--- End quote ---
Speaking here as an autistic guy who grew up in a small town...
...I've never asked a woman for her phone number. Part of that is growing up in a small town; you didn't need to ask for numbers because they could (usually) be easily found in a 2-3 page section of the provincial phone directory, and memorizing was easy because you only needed to know the last four digits (up until the mid-80s, that was all that was dialed; after that, you still only needed the four digits because everyone had the same exchange). Everyone knew (approximately) where everyone else lived, so finding the right name out of a list of (at most) 4-5 identical surnames caused no difficulty whatsoever.
And thus asking for a phone number just wasn't done. So, to this day, I don't do it because it doesn't occur to me.
Clinton did it right. Giving your number to someone causes much less awkwardness than asking for a number. The pursued person thus doesn't have to give a response at that time, and everyone can be on their way with much less tension in the air.
sitnspin:
--- Quote from: Autistic Vulture on 19 Apr 2020, 09:02 ---Clinton did it right. Giving your number to someone causes much less awkwardness than asking for a number. The pursued person thus doesn't have to give a response at that time, and everyone can be on their way with much less tension in the air.
--- End quote ---
This right here. You make an offer, it is on them to use it or not. You are offering them something rather than making a request of them. That is how you demonstrate your interest in someone and establish a modicum of trust.
Zebediah:
Possibly a significant point in this debate: Jeph said you shouldn’t ask strangers for their phone numbers. He did not say you shouldn’t ask anyone for their phone number.
los_alamos_bomb:
--- Quote ---. However, what is rarely discussed in these scenarios is the nuance involved. I don't think you should always talk to someone if you like them. There are contexts here.
--- End quote ---
--- Quote ---And it's not like that's the only kind of context. Is a woman walking in the park in casual clothes with a friend really cruising for ass?
--- End quote ---
Of course Brun's not necessarily cruising for ass; then again, neither is the guy who asked her out. He was polite and lovely, and we have every reason to believe that he thinks Brun has a good energy, as he pretty openly states that he values his dog's judge of character. And yes, of course there is context to when you should try and deepen your contact with someone. Context absolutely matters. But good lord, if this isn't the right context, when is? They just had a totally harmless interaction in a public place, the ice is already broken, he saw something in her that he liked... That's the perfect time to be up front about the fact that you're interested in someone.
--- Quote ---Spoken like someone who has never had a dude threaten you because you said no to him.
--- End quote ---
I'm sorry that you've had that experience. Men like that are awful and I would never advocate on their behalf. But the solution cannot be "just don't ask people out." The gears of dating grind to a halt that way.
--- Quote ---Asking for them number of someone you just met, especially one you have barely interacted with (like this instance) is rude and presumptuous.
--- End quote ---
It would only be presumptuous if it was a demand. As a simple request, I don't see it. Also, how is he supposed to interact with Brun more if he's not allowed to ask for more interaction? I shudder to think about a world where we can only get to know people that we're already in contact with for other reasons (e.g. coworkers or classmates).
--- Quote ---Possibly a significant point in this debate: Jeph said you shouldn’t ask strangers for their phone numbers. He did not say you shouldn’t ask anyone for their phone number.
--- End quote ---
Except that contact info is often necessary if you want to turn a stranger into not-a-stranger. That puts a Catch-22 onto huge swaths of relationships.
It boggles my mind how we, as open-minded, free-thinking, socially-enlightened people, can claim over and over that 'clear communication is key' for any relationship, and then in the next breath slam shut gate after gate on clear and open communication. "I like you, do you like me," is about as simple as these things get. Why are we so afraid of saying it out loud?
Thrillho:
I'll come back and reply in more detail later, but earlier in your reply asking what we're afraid of, you replied to spin telling us one example of what people are afraid of.
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