Fun Stuff > BAND

Ricidulous lyrics!

<< < (19/21) > >>

KharBevNor:
Oh jeez, that's reminded me. Though they're a joke band, fuckin' Blackthrone

PANZERFAUST DIVISION BLACKTHRONE

The world is becoming a very black
Prepare for our next attack
When you come with your panzers
We rise and shoot with panzerfausts
Then you die!

Black forces of evil!
Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone
Infernal hordes of Satan!
Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone

You can't live after we have killed you
Because you are then very necro and dead
Your panzer is to be broken after we've
risen with our panzerfausts

Dark evil Inferno men!
Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone

Our defence-line is so thick
With the power of evil we attack and kill
You cannot do anything because we always have
our panzerfaust division Blackthrone ready

Dark evil Inferno men!
Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone
Hellish outlaws from Satan's side
Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone

Panzerfaust Division Blackthrone
Fistfucking the face of you
666 times in a day
Our defence-line is so thick
With the power of evil we attack and kill
Your tanks will be broken always


--- Quote ---"You can't live after we have killed you
Because you are then very necro and dead"
--- End quote ---


\m/

And on the note of uber-metal piss-take awesomeness, who could forget the mighty Tankard?

666 PACKS

We have a deal with Satan
A contract signed in Hell
We sacrifice a virgin
He makes our record sell

SATAN! - To Antichrist we pray
EVIL! - To hit the charts one day

666 Packs - Seven days of death and pain
Satan - Thirteen hours blood will rain
666 Packs - Nine black bats will eat your brain
Satan - Good with numbers? Join our cult

We have the baddest evil
Come buy our merchandise
A plastic skull, a T-Shirt
That says "I shit on Christ"

SATAN! - is thrashing to the beat
EVIL! - on seven days of week

666 Packs - Seven days of death and pain
Satan - Thirteen hours blood will rain
666 Packs - Nine black bats will eat your brain
Satan - Good with numbers? Join our cult

On stage we slaughter poultry
In songs we slaughter man
Black masses, guts and torture
We do the worst we can

SATAN! EVIL! - on blood and gore we feast
SATAN! - I am your Judas Priest

666 Packs - Seven days of death and pain
Satan - Thirteen hours blood will rain
666 Packs - Nine black bats will eat your brain
Satan - Good with numbers? Join our cult

Kai:
Three Businessmen - I walk for my Lawn

I walk for my Lawn
I walk all day Long
All the time it's hard for me
Feel the pain inside my knee
I hit a rock
it flies up and breaks the skin
I swear I'll never do this kind of thing again

Everydau it's like a madman in the jungle
Trying to cut all of it down

I walk for my lawn
I don't eat nylon
Polyester's OK
I like it all day
I see a purple double knit sweater walking by
Unattached to a body pushing a hand mower

All of a sudden I look outside
And the grass has grown so much taller
I don't know how I could let my lawn go
I'm living in urban squalor

I tried to start the mower with my foot inside the hole
I sliced off four toes, oh no
The blad caught some of the blood
And spewed it all over the ground
My next door neighbor hear my screaming sounds
They calld an ambulance it showed up right away
They said 'Are You Crazy? Are you gone?"

I walk for my lawn even with one foot gone
I don't eat nylon - The day is so long
My neighbors have cadillacs
I have a battle axe
I'm going after the Joneses
I'm not going to use this mower anymore, oh

Don't you know sometimes the pressure of living in the
Golden ghetto gets to me
I don't know what to do
I get on a riding mower and I got after my Neighbors - Slash
Augh!

I'm so tired
"It's okay, it's just Jack on his riding mower."
I'm so tired, polyester's okay
At leas that's what some say - I'm so tired
I don't eat nylon, don't eat nylon, don't eat nylon

Praeserpium Machinarum:
Sum 41 - A.N.I.C

(F**kin' Shit)
You look like ass
You smell like shit
So why are you such a dick?
You walk around like you're the tits
You always make me sick
Bound for agony
You life's catastrophe

You look like ass
You smell like shit
So why are you such a dick?
You walk around like you're the tits
You always make me sick
Bound for agony
Your life's catastrophe

You're an asshole
You're an asshole
You're an asshole
You're an asshole
You make me sick

Edgar Allan Poe, go home, this is a masterpiece, beautifully rendered piece of true adversion for the everlasting and OMINOUS universe.

...I know this is cheating a bit but they sort of ask for it ;)

banev:
When it comes to ridiculous lyrics, mighty metalheads SACRED STEEL cannot be far:

Dark Forces Lead Me To The Brimstone Gate

[A retrospect on the Dark Lord's ninth forbidden Journey]
([THE TYRANT KING:] "I look into myself to ask the Fates for answers but even the Voices of my Soul remain silent. Still sleeping I murmur the Ritual Words of the time-lost Invocation : ARA'SHA NIMU KO'SHA ! The third Dream-Gate opens and I fall onward through the Crystal Ball...")
(The apostate on the Voyage to the center of Cythraul)
"Weird Dreams, dark Visions, black Spells ensorcell me !
Sword tight (in my trembling hands), grim mission, come forth those Voices sing..."
[THE WITCH:]
"The Secrets once forbidden are gifts to be unveiled !
Beware (my son) ! For Hell's Damnation waits if you should ever fail !"
(The Sojourner is trapped in the Delirium of the Fall)
[THE TYRANT KING:]
"A royal Balefire (I see the Valkries taking my dead body to the Hall of Kings) !
A King's soul, haunted, doomed !
A Warrior's death pyre ! A mortal earthbound tomb"
"I follow to the Ancient Call, DARK FORCES !
I'm falling through the Crystal Ball, DARK FORCES !
I've come to face my Sacred Fate, DARK FORCES !
(I beg thee) DARK FORCES, lead me to the Brimstone Gate !!!"
"Death-Ring ! Black Magic ! Your Wielder I shall be !
Doom-Sword ! Dark Terror ! Your Steel my Victory !
Wrath-Sceptre ! Wand of Spells ! Sign of a God-King's Reign
I fear not Death nor Hell nor Fire !!! I shall not fail !!!"
("I enter to the Stygian Pyramids. Realm of the descendants of a race even older than the Old Gods themselves !")
"Shield blessed by Sorcery, anointed by her Spells
I'm drawn into the Black Abyss of fiery Hell !"
("I am reborn in Bloodshed to wreak Havoc, Death and Hate
Upon the lost souls doomed, where endless Pain awaits !")
"I call thee... DARK FORCES ! DARK FORCES ! (Priests of the Serpent-Race !)
DARK FORCES ! (Sorcerers of Time ! Disciples of the Worm !)
DARK FORCES ! DARK FORCES !
LEAD ME TO THE BRIMSTONE GATE !!!"
(Before the Council of the Serpent. The Dreamer stands alone, facing the Trial of the Elder Gods.)
[THE ELDER GODS:]
"Behold these Treasures ! We know your Soul is pure.
Take them and use them to rule this World once more !"
(The Neophyte on the way back to the second Dream-Gate)
[THE TYRANT KING:]
"Thus spake the Elders !
The Gods of Metal, Steel and Iron and Glory
(I am) Reborn to reign as King !"
"DARK FORCES LEAD ME TO THE BRIMSTONE GATE !
DARK FORCES LEAD ME THROUGH THE BRIMSTONE GATE !!!"
("Passing the third gate, I return to the crimson world.")
"...And to a world of Slaughter I awake !"

-

Army Of Metalheads

Come hold me close my dear Brother
Now as I take my last Breath
So many Souls I have taken
Now it's the time for my Death
I'll drink from the Skulls of the False Ones
With my Comrades waiting beyond
We'll fight 'til the End of Forever
'Til the Final Battle is done
Anoint me in Metal and Steel
In Death I am King
Metalheads
Metalheads
Metalheads
Our Army of Vengeance is back from the Dead
Metalheads
Metalheads
Metalheads
Our Army of Vengeance is back from the Dead
Reign from a Throne made of Thunder
Wielding the Lightning of War
Hunting the Posers forever
In Life as in Death evermore
Gathering Soldiers of Metal
Undead, Immortal and True
Leading them into the Battle
An Army of Cold Iron Doom

KharBevNor:
On the subject of the first Sacred Steel, NOBODY can defeat Bal-Sagoth

And Lo, When The Imperium Marches Against Gul-Kothoth, Then Dark Sorceries Shall Enshroud The Citadel Of The Obsidian Crown

[Chapter 1: The Voyage of the Sorcerer]
The war between the Imperium and the allied Vyrgothian Kingdoms had raged
for years. Beginning as minor disputes over border territories, the conflict
had swiftly escalated into a full-scale bloody war, a vast series of epic
campaigns, fervently perpetua ted by the Emperor Koord and the Over-King of
Vyrgothia, both eager to smite their traditional ancestral foes and to win
great glory and the adulation of their people by seizing victory in battle.
Recent months had seen the forces of the Imperium display a staggering degree
of tactical mastery and battle prowess, contemptuously crushing the Vyrgothian
armies in a series of great battles, 'til at last, following the slaughterous
Rout of the Fields of Kai-Vorg, The Empire's finest fighting force, the fame
d and far-feared Legion of the Ebon Tiger, stood unopposed not five day's
march from mighty Gul-Kothoth, the greatest and most ancient fortress-city in
all the Vyrgothian kingdoms. The Legion of the Ebon Tiger could not easily
count their numerous and r esounding victories, and their commander, the
legendary warlord Baalthus Vane, made it clear to the Emperor that he was
eager to press on deep into the enemy's lands and seize the prize which
awaited him; the siege and capture of ancient Gul-Kothoth! And yet the Emperor
Koord did not order the Legion to march, for disturbing information had of
late been relayed to him by his spies in the Vyrgothian Royal Court... Dire
rumours abounded that the Vyrgothian mages had at last discovered the ancient
arcane r ites which would unlock the aeons-fettered power of the dread
Obsidian Crown, a fearsome mystical artefact countless thousands of years old,
a black-jewelled circlet believed once to have been borne upon the immortal
brow of the legendary Shadow-King him self! And it was written in legend,
that should the ancient spells of might entwining the artefact be reawakened,
then incredible near limitless ruinous power would thus be bestowed upon any
army carrying the Crown into battle... Had the mages of Vyrgoth ia truly
ascertained the time-lost conjurations required to empower the Obsidian Crown,
hidden for centuries deep within the marble vaults of its ebon citadel? Eager
to know the truth, the Emperor dispatched his most powerful sorcerer across
the great In land Sea to the Court of the Over-King, under the pretence of
offering the terms for the Vyrgothian surrender. He was bade use all his
sorcerous skills to discover the truth... a truth soon made clear by the
disdainful refusal of the Imperium's terms, an d the grimly fearsome message
given the sorcerer by Vyrgothia's Master Wizard, with which to return to the
Emperor: "And lo, when the Imperium marches against Gul-Kothoth, then dark
sorceries shall enshroud the Citadel of the Obsidian Crown..."

[The Wizards of Vyrgothia:]
Darkly bejewelled circlet of night,
Crown of the Elder King,
Unfettered at last the Trinity of Might,
The sceptre, the sword, and the ring.

[The Sorcerer:]
I stand upon the oaken planks of this great ship, (the splendid flagship of
the Imperium's navies)
Gazing at moon-gleam dancing on the vast, dark sea...
(And in my mind I behold) black crystals gleaming... ensorcellment!
I am enthralled by this nighted spell...
For I know that the slumbering sorceries
Of the Shadow-King's crown shall soon be reawakened...
And as I return to my emperor (shackled to such woefully grim tidings),
My spirit is borne upon the leathern wings of a great sorrow...

[Chapter 2: The March of the Imperium]
[The Emperor:]
Call forth the Ogre-Mage of the Black Lake
And the Swordmaster of Kyrman'ku,
Let them speak the Words Which Unfetter...
Enshrined for countless centuries, within its darksome citadel,
Five score and ten against the Tiger, (curse) the black crown of the
Shadow-King!
By all the dark gods, I swear I'll not be dethroned!
A seething forest of blackened blades,
A churning sea of ebon war-chariots,
A searing storm of flaming shafts,
All this havoc and more shall I unleash against my foe...
Into battle! The Legion shall march... the fall of Gul-Kothoth is nigh!

The Legion of the Ebon Tiger... six thousand elite warriors of the
Imperium, the pride of the Emperor's forces... Bolstered by heavy cavalry, and
a squadron of deadly scythed chariots... further reinforced by the Imperial
Frontier Army of one hundred tho usand highly trained spearmen and archers...
and never has this force met its match in battle or siege...

[Baalthus Vane:]
Our banner flies ever glorious, undefeated we stand, steeped in victory.
The Iron Phalanx, six thousand strong, our ever-honed blades, the Tiger's
gleaming claws.
Pride of the Empire, Scourge of the Vraii,
Masters at Turonium, and Kai-Vorg.
Smiters of the Southern Host, Routers of the Horde, Bane of the Over-King, we
march to war!
And so, the Emperor himself rides to rendezvous with Baalthus Vane,
accompanied by his sorcerous aide. The Legion of the Ebon Tiger reaches
Gul-Kothoth at dusk on the fifth day of their march from the fields of
Kai-Vorg, halting upon the great arid plan which stretches before the city,
the huge dust cloud sent up by their massed arrival obscuring the dying embers
of the setting sun. As the vast army begins to make camp, arraying their
splendid tents and banners, and assembling their gargantuan siege-wag ons,
the Emperor stands gazing at the huge brooding walls and colossal cyclopean
gates of the city-fortress before him, vowing that a torrent of red slaughter
shall befall Gul-Kothoth, regardless of any sorcerous trinkets the Vyrgothians
may possess, and that the Over-King shall pay dearly for his sublime
arrogance. And twelve leagues distant, an army of five score and ten, bearing
the Obsidian Crown, approaches the city...

[To be continued in Chaper 3: The Wizards Do Battle]

Just look at the TITLE.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page