Topic: what would jesus rock? (Read 13881 times)

heretic · « **on:** 04 Jun 2005, 22:21 »

what type of music would jesus listen to? i'm thinking deerhoof because only he would understand it and to make that music they must know something normal people don't.

either that or pop-country

Mnementh · « **Reply #1 on:** 04 Jun 2005, 22:31 »

I see him as more of a folk country fan, lots of John Denver. Or maybe Bob Dylan and Joan Baez.

Or perhaps something in Aramaic

heretic · « **Reply #2 on:** 04 Jun 2005, 22:36 »

ah yes the language barrier. but i'm guessing he has the gift of tounges. for the sake of a good thread, lets say he has good taste (and by good i mean what goers of the QC forum consider good)

Inlander · « **Reply #3 on:** 04 Jun 2005, 23:11 »

Reggae. I figure Jesus is pretty chilled.

Johnny C · « **Reply #4 on:** 04 Jun 2005, 23:40 »

NoFX.

est · « **Reply #5 on:** 04 Jun 2005, 23:54 »

to stop this from turning into a "list your favourite genre/band here!" thread, let's try putting in reasons why he'd listen to it.

Jesus is a pretty laid back dude. i'd say that if he were gonna listen to rock he'd listen to stoner rock. he and his buds would sit around pulling cones and listening to Kyuss. then when they ran out of weed Jesus would just go out and turn some other plant into pot & bring it back in.

the lord doth provide, and all that.

Inlander · « **Reply #6 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 00:00 »

Quote from: est

then when they ran out of weed Jesus would just go out and turn some other plant into pot & bring it back in.

Or vitamin pills into amphetamines. After all, Jesus was way cool.

sp2 · « **Reply #7 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 00:39 »

Jesus would dig Hendrix. You know, because Hendrix is the sex.

Praeserpium Machinarum · « **Reply #8 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 01:04 »

Jesus Christ Superstar maybe?

either that or klezmer-metal just for the hell of it, I don't think he would be into any of that god-praising classical stuff, though he might have a liking to David's harp, because David rocked on that harp...I think

KharBevNor · « **Reply #9 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 02:39 »

Theologically, Jesus would probably like every genre equally.

Though in reality, the guy is a born folk-snob. I mean, come on, he even had a beard!

IronOxide · « **Reply #10 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 06:03 »

Quote from: Praeserpium Machinarum

Jesus Christ Superstar maybe?

I love Jesus Christ Superstar. He'd probably lounge around and be like, "I remember that! Hey Simon, remember when you all burst into song to rally up support against the pharacies?"

I think that he listens to laid-back music, like Jack Johnson, because he's awesome.

nickyandthefuture · « **Reply #11 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 07:00 »

I don't think Jesus was all that laid back. Dude cursed a tree for not being in season and preferred to die rather than sneak out of town at the end. I bet he would suplex John Denver if he ever met him (maybe he's doing it now). He certainly has a collection of Bob Dylan records, but I think his Pixies albums get played more often and sometimes, when no one is watching, he listens to Van Halen.

heretic · « **Reply #12 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 07:50 »

of course jesus was laid back, he came up with "turn the other cheek" although this doesn't mean he'd only like laid back music. he'd probably be hardcore into Grime, a Dizzee Rascal dude. this would be cause i think jesus has a sense of humor and this would be the funniest thing to see him bumpin in his...what car would he drive?

Aphi · « **Reply #13 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 08:12 »

I can totally see Jesus chillin' to The Postal Service, settled down on the grass with a nice Isaac Asimov piece.

Kai · « **Reply #14 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 08:27 »

Zappa, Because Zappa is hardcore. Also, Zappa's been up there with Jesus for about 12 years now, more than enough time for him to listen to every album by him, making Jesus the only person to EVER listen to every Zappa album ever.

Damniel · « **Reply #15 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 08:28 »

personally i think jesus would dig all music equally...either that or rap...i can see jesus in G-unit or D12...well i can anyway

Aphi · « **Reply #16 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 08:30 »

That just gave me a crazy vision of Jesus. He's got to have a grey trenchcoat, complete with fedora, and a matching pair of handguns hidden in a waist holster.

"Take /that/, bitches!"

Signum_Tenebrae · « **Reply #17 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 08:45 »

he'd probably like all that Worship Together gospel crap

MrTeapot · « **Reply #18 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 09:59 »

*shakes head*

Everyone knows Jesus was black, he's up there right now holding his crotch and busting rhymes about his bitches. Probably comes down to earth on weekends to freestyle beatbox in hip hob clubs.

ASturge · « **Reply #19 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 10:01 »

But he would not like Gangsta Rap.

He probably prefers Public Enemy

La Creme · « **Reply #20 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 10:02 »

Quote

I love Jesus Christ Superstar. He'd probably lounge around and be like, "I remember that! Hey Simon, remember when you all burst into song to rally up support against the pharacies?"

"Yeah, you and those zealots had that choreography down. If only fuckin' Caiafas (or whatever the spelling is) and his crew hadn't showed up you guys would have gotten to finish that crazy-ass hippy-cheerleading of yours."

Jesus listens to Glam Rock. I can just see him singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and wearing a tight shiney silver jumpsuit and rockin' the solo on a mirror-pickguard silver telecaster.

Jesus's favorite band to see live are the Dandy's. His favorite instrumental group is Sons Of Otis. He also spends his Sunday mornings sipping extremely light and sweet cofee and listening to The Sugarplastic.

Druid · « **Reply #21 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 10:46 »

Jesus would be into ambient techno and new age.

Patatat · « **Reply #22 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 11:49 »

His collection would go from.

Iron & Wine
to
Johnny Cash

Jesus is a big fan of the Cash.

Johnny C · « **Reply #23 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 12:51 »

Would he be mellow, or would he be listening to more overtly political stuff? Also what would he think of "I Have Forgiven Jesus?"

Willis · « **Reply #24 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 16:33 »

From what I've learned through going to church on a pretty-much weekly basis is that Jesus liked to hang out with tax-collectors. Apparently tax-collectors, circa 30 AD, were pretty much the bottom of the social ladder. No one liked them. He hung out with the tax collectors and these other individuals who were looked down upon and not respected. So using this theory, Jesus would listen to and embrace the musical genres/artist that are spat upon. So I'm figuring he would listen to some combination of: Backstreet Boys, Anal Cunt, Britney Spears, and 1108 Thugz.

That or KISS, cause they're like Jewish.

~~Willis

Merkava · « **Reply #25 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 16:34 »

Two words.

Jam Bands.

godbowstomath · « **Reply #26 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 17:20 »

I would like to change the direction of this thread by informing you all that Devendra Berndhart is Jesus.

Skibas_clavicle · « **Reply #27 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 17:22 »

Quote from: Inlander

Reggae. I figure Jesus is pretty chilled.

BAHAHAHA! Second'd!

Johnny C · « **Reply #28 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 18:33 »

Quote from: godbowstomath

I would like to change the direction of this thread by informing you all that Devendra Berndhart is Jesus.

I don't think anyone can disagree.

BrittanyMarie · « **Reply #29 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 19:02 »

Jesus would listen to Love or maybe The Incredible String Band, both are folk/psychedelic. With a little acid and baroque pop thrown in. And Devendra Banhart and Joanna Newsom.

BusterKeaton · « **Reply #30 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 19:46 »

Quote from: Willis

From what I've learned through going to church on a pretty-much weekly basis is that Jesus liked to hang out with tax-collectors. Apparently tax-collectors, circa 30 AD, were pretty much the bottom of the social ladder. No one liked them. He hung out with the tax collectors and these other individuals who were looked down upon and not respected. So using this theory, Jesus would listen to and embrace the musical genres/artist that are spat upon. So I'm figuring he would listen to some combination of: Backstreet Boys, Anal Cunt, Britney Spears, and 1108 Thugz.

That or KISS, cause they're like Jewish.

~~Willis

I somewhat agree with your post but your overgeneralizing jesus routine. In his evangelizing work he associated with people from all walks of A.D. era life. Everyone from kings, scribes, pharisees, criminals, laymen etc. So i think that would have really broadened his musical scope. And yeah david amazing harp chops. His cover of stairway to heaven is so good its almost literal.

Inlander · « **Reply #31 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 19:58 »

Let's all pause for a moment to contemplate Jesus's sound-system. Man, that'd be one sweet set-up. I think he'd buy the shittiest, cheapest little tannoy 'cause you know, he was humble and everything, but then with one touch of his hand . . . WHAM! Quadrophonic sound lushness, rockin' out with the air guitar . . . Yeah.

Simulacra · « **Reply #32 on:** 05 Jun 2005, 20:26 »

Jesus was always talking about loving people, so i'd peg him for a postal service fan. on the other hand, he had some pretty heavy things to say about the corruption and mismanagement of the hebrew power players, so he totally listened to Rage Against the Machine.

"fuck you I won't do what you tell me"

MrTeapot · « **Reply #33 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 06:03 »

Or he'd be a new age punk.

"Fuck the system, god aint real."

heretic · « **Reply #34 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 06:33 »

he'd probably make his own music too, by manipulating the essence of the universe in such a way that he could create melody by plucking the strings of string theory. he's that damn good. innovation out the butt.

Inlander · « **Reply #35 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 07:14 »

So Bach, then.

(Specially for those of you who have read The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul - yeah it's not quite the same thing, but music of the universe and all that . . .)

heretic · « **Reply #36 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 07:26 »

noooo, no bach, sub-atomic instruments played by plucking the strands of reality.
we could call it jesusabilly or christcore

kikanjuuneko · « **Reply #37 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 11:23 »

Quote from: Awkward Silence

Jesus was F'in metal.

Everyone knows Jesus is fucking metal!

Merkava · « **Reply #38 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 12:29 »

Jesus listens to all music...AT ONCE!!!!!!111ONEND

Switchblade · « **Reply #39 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 15:45 »

Christian Rock and Gospel.

failing that, I can totally se Jesus enjoying a little bit of funk and soul.

Kelamin · « **Reply #40 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 16:28 »

Metal version of queens of the stone age

Laid back stoner rock, with the infusion of metal.

Why would god have given us metal if He didn't intend it to be played?

Other than that the communist in me wants to say EVERYTHING

Inlander · « **Reply #41 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 16:41 »

Quote from: Kelamin

Why would god have given us metal if He didn't intend it to be played?

God gave rock and roollll to you,
Gave rock and rooooollllllll to you,
Put it in the sooooouuuuuuuullllllll of everyone.

Would Jesus have been a member of the KISS army?

Kelamin · « **Reply #42 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 16:42 »

Yes i can see it now, the new christian symbol

Jesus on the cross with KISS make-up

Condition Oakland · « **Reply #43 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 16:45 »

"For my next miracle, I'm going to turn this water into funk."

So funk then, at least thats what the simpsons told me.

sketchyjoe · « **Reply #44 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 18:36 »

Jesus was punk. I can just see him rocking out like HR while sticking it to the man.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #45 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 20:05 »

Quote from: Inlander

Would Jesus have been a member of the KISS army?

Jesus would have played bass for Lordi. No question.

Outshined · « **Reply #46 on:** 06 Jun 2005, 21:48 »

"Dying on the cross!
Dying on the cross!
God's only son!"

...I am so sorry.

Condition Oakland · « **Reply #47 on:** 07 Jun 2005, 08:53 »

Quote from: Outshined

"Dying on the cross!
Dying on the cross!
God's only son!"

...I am so sorry.

Hahahaha, the first time I saw that I was in tears.

Borondir · « **Reply #48 on:** 07 Jun 2005, 09:29 »

Quote from: Signum_Tenebrae

he'd probably like all that Worship Together gospel crap

Really, he'd probably hate that crap as much as any other sane person, sane Christians like me included, hates it. I'd like to say he would be into metal, what with the long hair and anti-power structure attitudes, but I'm gonna have to second the folk-snob thing. He might like some folk metal, though. Orphaned Land anyone?

Kelamin · « **Reply #49 on:** 07 Jun 2005, 17:24 »

Just had a thought

It can only be Eagles of Death Metal, with the album title of

PEACE, LOVE, DEATH METAL

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: what would jesus rock? (Read 13881 times)

heretic

Mnementh

heretic

sp2

Praeserpium Machinarum

heretic

Aphi

Damniel

Aphi

Signum_Tenebrae

MrTeapot

ASturge

La Creme

Druid

Patatat

Willis

Merkava

godbowstomath

BusterKeaton

Simulacra

MrTeapot

heretic

heretic

kikanjuuneko

Merkava

Condition Oakland

Outshined

Condition Oakland