Fun Stuff > BAND
Stereotypes
KharBevNor:
Not if you want to play off Dio.
If you're thinking of copying anything else off of Children of Bodom, have your keyboard player (if there is one, and there should be) swigging vodka from a brown paper bag. Also, remember that smoke machines are your friend, and every band member needs their own sword to wave around during any parts they aren't ripping out ludicrous metal madness.
salada:
well i can only think of max 2 or 3 people who will get this here, but if you do it makes (horrible, horrible) sense.
--- Quote ---How to be a Junglist.
Kids, worried that scary junglists will show you the screwface when you step inside the dance? Don't worry, as these style tips will help you fit in, and soon you'll be begging for Grooverider to rewind 'the Odyssey' just like everybody else. Boh!
Steps
1. Boys: shave your head. It will better accentuate your fierce scowl and, if you like drumfunk, hide your imminent balding. Also, don't forget to grow a soul patch.
Girls: it doesn't matter what your hair looks like. You will be heavily outnumbered and therefore in high demand. If you should find this is not the case, post a picture of yourself on a D&B message board, and watch the replies roll in. Hint: your acne and fat arse are meaningless in the D&B world.
2. Clothes for boys: include hoodies, t-shirts and baggy trousers, (Carharrt, Stussy, arctic camo) no matter what style of D&B you prefer. Alternatively, if you and your crew all reach the club wearing Rockports and burberry caps, the DJ will probably play some hilariously-titled wobble tune for you, and rewind it five times. Proper, proper, proper.
Clothes for girls: see number 2. Just make sure that it's obvious you are a girl.
3. Rewinds: if you particularly appreciate the DJ's selection, make a funny gun-shape with your fingers and shout at him/her. Do not do this in any other circumstance, or it might lead to trouble. In any case, the DJ will undoubtedly rewind the biggest tunes anyway, even if the crowd were to sit there in stony-faced silence.
4. Your upbringing: Even if you grew up riding ponies and shooting pheasants on an estate in Buckinghamshire, or eating grilled-cheese in a trailer in Kansas, you still have bare love for all the mans in Brixton town. Practice teeth-sucking. Represent.
5. Mock everything.
6. Your musical background: you were born into this world to the sound of 'Amen Brother' by The Winstons, the mobile hanging above your cot was built by King Tubby, and you were the first kid at school to own signed copies of albums by NWA, 2Pac and Demon Boyz. The copies of "Please Hammer Don't Hurt Em" and the first Ugly Kid Joe album must have appeared in your record collection by mistake.
7. If you're from the UK, you have been around since day one, cause we invented this music, OK? If you're from the U.S., you heard it on a mixtape in the mid-nineties, and don't forget we invented hip-hop, you busted-teeth haters. If you're from anywhere else: STFU.
8. Everything started in 1992. That's all anyone cares about.
9. Saying any of the following in a sentence: "Seen, innit, mate, oi, innit, oi, oi, oi, respek" automatically qualifies you as a junglist, too. Congratulations.
10. Always, ALWAYS say you are a producer, and that you have several tracks "on lockdown." Fruity Loops is perfectly acceptable. If pressed, drop obscure terms like VST, Sub-bass Frequency Drop off ranges, Hi-pass noise click filters, ultramaximizing super limiters or Reese Boxes.
Tips
- Whatever you do, pay close attention to whatever style it is currently trendy to claim influenced you to begin listening to drum and bass. This varies as rapidly as the British weather, so watch out. A sudden switch in the mood of D&B could leave your knoweldge of the lyrics to 'Incredible' looking rather old hat. Likewise, the inexplicable nostalgia for late-nineties techstep may die a death very soon. In 2005, you will invariably be down with the "liquidy dub" styles.
- To be truely 1337, download crappy 320 conversions of dubplates from set rips, mix them together using FS and then pretend superstar DJ's "sent" you them.
- If in doubt, you and your "bredren" hung out at Speed, but you met your current crew on the dancefloor at the Blue Note in '95.
- Be sure and put down anyone that doesn't roll with your kru, even if (esp. if) they are into the same things you are. You want to make sure that everyone knows your are the original elite junglist. Example: Some guy says he likes an artist who's music you've included in a mix. Immediately tell him how wack he is and that said artist was a lot cooler a few years ago.
- Even if you are paralysed from the neck down, front like you are a DJ waiting for your big break. You have an enormous collection of dubplates back at the lab (ie. your mum's gaff, where you are known as "Raymond" rather than "RuffJunglist92") and have mastered a triple drop with the three most obscure Metalheadz b-sides outside of London. In reality, you have spent the last three years vainly attempting to beatmatch 'Bad Ass' with 'Bodyrock' in preparation for the day Helter Skelter call you because Nicky Blackmarket has a flat tire on his BMW.
- Be sure to flex your internet gangsta abilities at any given moment; be sure to reference commonly used Internet Relay Chat channels as who you rep: case in point #iamdnb, #dnbmonstertrux - for the young ones being tuff, please start in rooms like #dnbcarebears.
- Be ready to use the term "roller" as if you actually know what it refers to.
- Clownstep is in the eye of the beholder - don't be afraid to deploy this term against any artist who dares to play any tune that offends you and your spotty, virgin mates hanging out at the back of the club. Maybe a girl will hear you slagging off said big name artist and invite herself back to your flat to debate the merits of the No U-Turn back catalogue. Alternatively, you could just slag said artist on the DOA forum and be forced into an embarassing climbdown when they threaten you with a kicking after somebody forwards them your post.
- If you ever sell an older tune on Ebay, it will always be BUKEM RARE.
- Make sure that everybody knows that you smoke blunts all day every day and ecstasy is for retards who dance and look foolish.
- On forums, if you wish to really cement your status as Stupid Chav, for girls pick a username that begins "Lady". For fellas, MC quotes in CAPITAL LETTERS are a must, and maybe a football-related image.
--- End quote ---
JLM:
salada - that's awesome. Although I think "junglism" has gotten so metacynical that true junglists will actually hate on those who refer to themselves as a "junglist," even if they do it themselves on bbs, DOA, cov-ops, etc.
MilkmanDan:
That's pretty much prerfect, except for the fact that I would never ask for a rewind of The Odyssey. I really don't like anything by Drumsound & Bassline Smith, to be honest.
I'm seeing DJ Zinc on Saturday, and I'll be sure to yell both "Bo!" and "Rewind!" as much as possible.
Sideways:
Stereotypes, musical-based or otherwise, exist because people are bleating, ignorant sheep. The masses crave conformity.
Indie music. It's not about listening to what you want to listen to, or wearing what you want to wear... it's about trying to out-obscure all your peers, and bragging about getting your clothes at value-village, or a second-hand store. Of course, there are going to be people who really just like the music, and really just dress that way... but ALL of them? Yeah, right. I'm going to fly to Japan in my jet fighter now.
Metal. It's just as bad. Supposed non-conformity, anarchy, etc. If a metal fan was truly a non-conformist, or anarchist, he would show up to a Varga or Kreator concert wearing a frilly pink tu-tu.
Rap, R&B, techno/electronica/rave, Industrial/goth... all symptoms of the same thing. The funniest part of it all, to me, is just how deluded some people can become. The Goths, for instance. Go to a goth club, and see just how 'individual' all the black-clad, white-make-up-wearing, spike-collared kids are. Yeah, you're really standing out... when you look exactly like everyone else around you.
My roommate listens to some of the most obscure indie music in the world. He would put 99% of you to shame with his collection and his range of knowledge. Does he work in a coffee shop, or music store? Nope, he works in Public Relations. Does he dress in ratty clothes that look second-hand? Nope, he's well-dressed. Does he listen to the music he listens to because he feels some need to diverge from the mainstream? Nope, he just really enjoys it... like he enjoys metal, and rap, and electronica, and rock, and new age... etc.
Some people (the rare cases) listen to music they like because they like it. They watch movies they like not because they're subtitled, or raved-about at indie-film-festivals, but because they just like those movies.
I listen to Radiohead, Roy Orbison, Nine Inch Nails, Matmos, Sigur Ros, The Beatles, Dire Straits, Sting (The Police), Elvis, Patsy Cline, Audioslave, Metric... because I like each and every artist for different reasons... not because I feel I have to fit in with some peergroup (god knows where I would fit in musically, were I to try!).
I'm an individual, because I am me. I'm not trying to be something, I'm just /being/. Most people don't live this way, from my experience.
And stereotypes are there because they're almost always true.
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