THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => ENJOY => Topic started by: RobbieOC on 14 Jan 2008, 21:34
-
Does anyone else have any? I received this one from a dirty santa party recently, and I cannot wait to watch it. I've just been waiting for the most opportune time. I feel I must say this now: I have transcribed everything exactly as it appears on the VHS box (punctuation and everything, except for the cast list, which I've added some extra bolding stuff to, just to point out some of the highlights of the all-star cast). This just... wow. I just can't wait to see how they move from one plot point to the other, based on the info given on the back of the box.
Reggie’s Prayer
“A powerful fiction story about a superstar-turned high school coach who transforms at-risk kids into champions.”
Cast List:
- Reggie White
- Pat Morita (a.k.a. Mr. Miyagi)
- The Giant
- Cylk Cozart
- M.C. Hammer
- Rosey Grier
- Brett Favre
- Mike Holmgren
- Keith Jackson
- Bryce Paup
- Mel Renfro
- William Roaf
Football superstar Reggie Knox (White), retires at the top of his game to become a coach and 10th grade history teacher at Principle Osaki’s (Morita) inner city high school.
Mr. Portola (The Giant), the neighborhood thug, has been recruiting kids into the fringes of street crime. When a football player gets tangled up in Portola’s underworld schemes, the boy is kidnapped. A wilderness chase pits Reggie against Portola while the life of a 16-year old boy hangs in the balance between good and evil.
Two high school janitors (Holmgren and Favre) offer up a “home-made” play that just might win the big game for Portland Central High School if Reggie can find his lost sheep in time and return safely.
I love that they throw in Favre and Holmgren as janitors, who happen to create some super amazing football play. Anyone up for a watch party? I'll make popcorn.
-
I would love to watch this.
I have a blacksploitation called Lady Cocoa which is pretty rad (despite the sound not really working). The film was made at the height of "Mean" Jo Greene's career, or something, so his is in most of it, but has no lines whatsoever. Apparently the directors didn't trust his delivery.
-
Oh my god, dude, I want that movie.
When was it made? I'm guessing around 1996 seeing that's the year they won the Super Bowl.
-
I cannot believe that I own a copy of Who's Harry Crumb, but I do.
-
When was it made? I'm guessing around 1996 seeing that's the year they won the Super Bowl.
©1997 Reggie White Studios, Inc.
Yep.
-
(http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/8025/cannibalgh8.jpg)
Actually, I sort of can believe I own this. I was on a pretty mean Troma kick back in high school.
-
I really wanted to like Cannibal the Musical but damn, it's just not very good. It's not up to the high standards Troma set with such incredible films as Killer Condom (no, I'm serious, check it out) and Tromeo and Juliet.
-
Indeed, but as with all Parker / Stone works, the songs are worth a chuckle or two (though not on the scale of Team America)
I go down to CU every once in awhile and eat at the Alfred Packer grill.
-
Santabear's High Flying Adventure (1987)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v32/TheHusseinSkank/110825.jpg)
Cast:
Bobby McFerrin
Kelly McGillis
John Malkovich
Dennis Hopper
Santabear, Santa Claus's most trusted helper, is charged with delivering presents to the South Pole, where nobody believes in Santa Claus. However, his evil twin, Bullybear, complicates matters by framing Santabear and stealing the presents with the intent to break them and then give them to children to completely destroy their faith in Santa Claus. Santabear has to escape with the help of a bear aviatrix named Missy and then he saves Christmas and all that. I haven't actually watched this since I was about 7. Look at that insane voice cast, though.
-
Killer Condom (no, I'm serious, check it out)
I watched this movie years ago. Every time I tell people about it, I get a lot of strange looks.
-
The comic book of Killer Condom is better than the film. Also, man, you should see some of the design work HR Giger did that they pretty much rejected.
It is one of my ambitions to amass the best collection of incredibly awful horror films ever. Thus I own:
(http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/59/171959.jpg)
Have you ever wondered what happens if you let two black metal fans make a vampire flick with a budget of under a thousand dollars? Wonder no more. Notable for it's USBM soundtrack and for the scene where a vampire angel rips out a nuns vagina with her teeth.
(http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/00/192700.jpg)
Or: Man, John Savages career has slid a long way since The Deer Hunter.
(http://www.horroria.com/i/nposters/00/56/5647-Z7.jpg)
An english proffessor dies in a hunting accident whilst out in the woods with his son. Naturally, the boy starts quoting Beowulf and eating his fathers kidneys, and goes on corrupt other children, turning them into a cannibal plague that sweeps creepy, religious fundamentalist backwoods communities.
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51IrBIgFE2L._SX220_.jpg)
(http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/561/phpthumbphpru5.jpg)
I thought I would post both DVD covers for this, as it is interesting how the european one is a rip-off of 28 Days Later, and the american one a rip off of 300. Speaking of ripping off 28 Days Later, imagine that film. Now imagine that it was all shot on handycam. Now imagine there were only 15 extras. Now add in a liberal touch of The Blair Witch project. You have this film. Surprisingly, there were actually some scary bits.
(http://www.custom-bikes.com/bordures/B00006G8IV.jpg)
Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is one of those films were the title does not leave you guessing as to the films content. The evil midgets, uzi toting blind kids and creepy circus music soundtrack are all welcome surprises however.
(http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/08/139008.jpg)
You will notice a lot of these are vampire flicks. Vampire films really are the bottom of the low budget horror barrel. Even more so than zombie flicks. After all, all you need is some fake fangs, a few goth extras (they may even have their own fake fangs) and lots of blood. Razor Blade Smile exemplifies this, whilst also managing to skewer lots of vampire film cliches and be a lot of fun. It also has that one scene. I won't spoil it for the uninitiated, but if anyone else has seen this..."Murder isn't funny!"
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41M2TD1DDEL._AA280_.jpg)
At the end of Modern Vampires (Revenant in the UK), a gang of vampire gangbangers fight Count Draculas vampire mafia in a vampire S&M club. That's really all you need to know.
(http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/MG/185167~Surf-Nazis-Must-Die-Posters.jpg)
If this film were as awesome as its cover suggests it should be, then there would be no more need to manufacture pop culture, and we could all just sit around in a state of Zen bliss. Alas.
(http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/coverv/26/139526.jpg)
A psychotic film nerd begins to dress up as characters from movies in order to murder people who have crossed him. He dies in a hail of gunfire on top of Grauman's Chinese Theatre screaming "I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD MA!". Surprisingly unentertaining.
(http://i11.tinypic.com/2ueig7o.jpg)
This film stars Dani Filth. 'nuff said. Ok, no, not enough said. At one point, Dani transforms into a lovecraftian monstrosity and impregnates this goth chick with a hideous mutant spider baby that eats its way out of her womb. Oh, and he eats a cat.
(http://membres.lycos.fr/gorezone/dvdcrypt/pix/reviews/mno/nightstalker.jpg)
I learned a very important lesson from Nightstalker, which is that taking crack makes your head spin round really fast and Satan appear in your rear view mirror telling you to kill people whilst grindcore plays. This film only gets truly ridiculous when the 'evil' effects used for the Nightstalker start to be linked to other actions. Like when one cop takes some heart medication, and then his head whirls round accompanied by tortured screaming, or when a similiar thing happens when another cop sexually harrases a co-worker. Night Stalker also probably deserves to win a prize for how loosely it is based on the actual story of Richard Ramirez.
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51YPMA4MRSL._AA240_.jpg)
It's a big regret of mine that I have not yet been able to convince anyone else just how good this film is.
(http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/149/1930~Bloodsucking-Freaks-Posteres.jpg)
You think you've seen misogyny? You ain't seen shit boy. Also, best evil midget ever.
(http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6305058873.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg)
Oh Troma. Some film geek once told me that this was the first feature length film to have a cinema release that was shot entirely on video. Anyone know if this is true?
-
(http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51BJQ7QHPEL._AA240_.jpg)
(http://www.matchflick.com/flickimages/16838.jpg)
No doubt two of the worst movies ever. And I own both of them. (I also own the MST3K version of Manos, which is much better.)
-
^ Why would you ever buy the original Manos? Had you seen the MST3K version before buying it?
And why wouldn't people watch I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle? The name alone sells.
-
Also, my kid brother and sister own pretty much every Land Before Time sequel they made. Which, just for your information, they are almost finished with number 14.
:-D Yikes.
-
I have Jesus Christ Superstar on VHS.
I have this
(http://www.davorin.ba/muzika/userfiles/image/Enciklopedija%20-%20Laibach/1996%20-%20Jesus%20Christ.jpg)
]]
-
My dad got this for Christmas as a gag gift from his brother and sister:
(http://www.1000misspenthours.com/posters/postersa-d/caltikitheimmortalmonster.jpg)
Apparently, they saw it as children and teased him relentlessly about how Caltiki was going to eat him. It is horrendously bad. Great find, awesome gift.
And this next one is another one I don't own, but I plan to. I saw it up at college with some friends and it is the most glorious 50's B Sci-Fi movie spoof of all time.
(http://www.sonypictures.com/groups/us/documents/image/p7088048.jpg)
-
^ Everyone should own Lost Skeleton of Cadavra.
-
Dude. Movie night at Khar's house.
I have a friend who has a million traded/bootlegged tapes and DVDs, and two of the best he has shown me are:
Redneck Crackheads - This is a home video tape that has somehow gotten copied and shared around by a select few, which is in fact home movies of some rednecks buying and smoking crack and doing other wacky things. What really sets it apart is that someone, at some point, dubbed over some really creepy ambient-industrial music over most of it, which just adds to the bizarre awesomeness.
Heave Metal Band Plays For Retards - I don't remember which band, but this is a metal band (a pretty good one, too) who plays a show at a school/center for what is basically "prom for retarded/Down's Syndrome/etc. kids". The best part is that the kids are TOTALLY into it, and a couple times the chaperones try to stop it and say the band is "making fun" of the kids and the singer is like "Um, no, really, we're not, and look how much fun they're having." Highlights include footage of an ongoing shy-romance between two of the kids, the male of which is clearly too shy to ask the girl to dance. It's actually a pretty touching video.
-
zerodrone, those movies sound amazing.
-
(http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/8025/cannibalgh8.jpg)
Actually, I sort of can believe I own this. I was on a pretty mean Troma kick back in high school.
A senior at my college last year put this on as a play. It was....entertaining? Maybe? I'm not sure.
-
I have in my possession a crime film titled King Midas (http://imdb.com/title/tt0352494/).
Tommy Gold makes a living out of dealing drugs. One day he gets caught carrying cocaine. He is sentenced to ten years in prison, but gets released after two years. In prison Tommy had plenty of time to think things over and as soon as he is released, he wants to return to his old job. Since he doesn't have any money, he pays a visit to Uncle Murphy, a loan shark. With his newly found fortune, things are seemingly going very well for Tommy. He's becoming more famous by the day, but still it's not enough. Tommy wants even more. He decides to buy a studio for his hip hop musician friend Chief, which Tommy can use to make his business look more legit.
Made by real-life drug dealers and convicted felons. The Connecticut State Police tried to confiscate the rights to the movie under drug-forfeiture laws.
So much about this movie is fantastic.
- The cover depicts a bald black man holding a gold-plated shotgun. Neither of these things appear in the film.
- There is a rap interlude detailing the "story of King Midas."
- There is the ugliest stripclub.
- At one point the lead actor forgets his line, so the actor playing his friend has to make up a line that includes both King Midas' line and his own.
- The sex scene is visibly uncomfortable for the actress playing the love interest, and King Midas seems not to notice at all.
By the end of the film I was past the point of tears.
-
(http://i11.tinypic.com/8bop3xi.jpg)
Actually a cool documentary!
-
Is that Ziggy Stardust crying in a red dress in the corner of that tape?
-
After the slew of terrible horrors from Narr, I thought I'd pitch in.
(http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a141/blanktom/Sleepstalker.jpg)
'After seventeen years of slaughtering all but one member of a family, "The Sandman" is pending execution. Before his execution the jailers allow a minister to visit him. The minister is a voodoo priest and an ally of the prisoner which the jailers did not tweak. A hex is placed onto The Sandman so when his execution is over his soul can travel to a new body made of sand. The Sandman then plots to kill a man named "Griffin", the last survivor of his family.'
I got this as a gift. I can't even wear it.
-
Cradle of Fear
This film stars Dani Filth. 'nuff said. Ok, no, not enough said. At one point, Dani transforms into a lovecraftian monstrosity and impregnates this goth chick with a hideous mutant spider baby that eats its way out of her womb. Oh, and he eats a cat.
Eats a cat? Man, He cuts it open, all the guts fall out onto a silver platter in a huge lump while the cat is still screaming out, and then he tosses the cat, and picks up the platter and downs it all in one enormous gulp. That is not eating a cat, that is pure awesome. I actually think this movie is freaking sweet, and probably the best low budget horror ever.
-
I'll Agree, "Cradle of Fear" is pretty fantastic. Like an orgasm of Filth and Gore.
-
TV the Movie.
-
(http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/5d/3e/5db3793509a0901686554110._AA240_.L.jpg)
I bought this for one reason only: at one point I lived with a super-goth girl in Toronto. In passing one day she had mentioned that she was in the first couple minutes of this movie, which also has a really brief cameo of David Cronenberg.
It actually is kind of a decent bad movie, though.
-
(http://www.monstersinmotion.com/catalog/images/dvd/batdvd.jpg)
I mainly can't believe I own this movie because it wasn't exactly easy to find when I purchased it. But I mean, Vincent Price is in it. Come on! It has to be awesome.
Also, watch this (you won't regret it!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwHyfANiVXs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwHyfANiVXs)
Johnny Mnemonic...
hrm...I love Johnny Mnemonic. The book started the Cyber-Punk revolution! It is really kind of a classic, and I will not accept that it is bad. Because it totally isn't.
-
FOR KHAR:
THe dvd i have that looks totally awful (I havent even watched it myself) is called The Grim Reaper, but after much searching I found the original title of the movie is actually ANTROPOPHAGUS whatever the hell that means.
Cant find a picture.
Tourists take a boat to a remote island, where they find that most of the people have disappeared, and something is stalking them. They find a hidden room in the big mansion on a hill, and an ancient diary, which gives them clues to the source of the terror.
It has honestly never touched my DVD player so I couldnt tell you how awful it is. Let me know if you want it.
-
hrm...I love Johnny Mnemonic. The book started the Cyber-Punk revolution!
ObPedantic: Johnny Mnemonic is a short story, perhaps you are thinking of Neuromancer by the same author, which is being made as a $70 million dollar movie with Hayden Christenson as Case, directed by a guy whose resume includes almost nothing but music videos, including Britney Speas' "Toxic" and "Knights of Cydonia".
Unless you were being funny.
-
I was going to say the same thing. But I, you know, didn't.
-
ObPedantic: Johnny Mnemonic is a short story, perhaps you are thinking of Neuromancer by the same author, which is being made as a $70 million dollar movie with Hayden Christenson as Case, directed by a guy whose resume includes almost nothing but music videos, including Britney Speas' "Toxic" and "Knights of Cydonia".
Unless you were being funny.
Knights of Cydonia is one of the best music videos ever made.
But Hayden Christensen? Oh god no. That guy couldn't act himself out of a cereal box.
-
He was pretty good in Shattered Glass.
Other than that, yeah, he sucks.
-
No one could act their way out of a cereal box.
Unless the acting involves cutting or ripping a cereal box open, or perhaps negotiating with the person who put you in the box.
-
I actually think this movie is freaking sweet, and probably the best low budget horror ever.
All I can say is, you need to watch more low budget horror.
Edit:
Like this
(http://www.cinemorte.com/images/Bad_Taste.jpg)
or this
(http://www.notorias.com/social/uploaded_images/evil-dead-movie-poster-small-726586.jpg)
Or, if you like films that are actually scary and disturbing:
(http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/last-house-on-the-left-dvd-cover.jpg)
-
No one could act their way out of a cereal box.
Unless the acting involves cutting or ripping a cereal box open, or perhaps negotiating with the person who put you in the box.
You need to go watch Team America: World Police. Acting is the most important thing in the world.
-
Oh, sure, "Knights of Cydonia" is a good video because it's funny and whatnot, but do you really think that his resume lends itself to direction of something that should be as serious and polished as Neuromancer?
Take a look at his overall track record:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Kahn
-
Dude, Neuromancer is a novel about a super-hacker and a cyborg chick with sunglasses for eyes.
A music video sensibility might actually be appropriate.
Though between Ghost in the Shell, The Matrix and Armitage III there pretty much already IS a complete Neuromancer film...
-
Yeah, when I think Neuromancer I don't associate it with "gently paced" or "understated" very much.
-
Dude, Neuromancer is a novel about a super-hacker and a cyborg chick with sunglasses for eyes.
On the surface, sure. But the actual tone and pacing of the novel are pretty serious and artsy. If we were talking about a movie version of Snow Crash, sure, throw $70 million dollars and the guy who directed "Knights of Cydonia" at it. But we're talking about Neuromancer which, as with all Gibson novels, was much more character and atmosphere-driven than "lol hackerz and cyborgz".
-
(http://www.rhino.com/video/orgy/images/orgycover_200x288.jpg)
Easily the biggest waste of $10 ever, and thoroughly unfunny as well. I thought at least a bucket of cherry syrup would get thrown at someone in a semblance of a bloodbath, but NOOOO, not even that!
-
(http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/1914/adventuresofbaronmunchapd8.jpg)
(http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/7638/003bigtroubrpbigtroublexe0.jpg)
Bad Taste
I didn't care for that, but Jackson's other low-budget gorefest, Dead Alive, was fucking stellar.
-
Wait, what? Baron Munchausen and Big Trouble in Little China are both fucking awesome movies!
:?
-
Or, if you like films that are actually scary and disturbing:
(http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/last-house-on-the-left-dvd-cover.jpg)
I have this. It is awesome.
I don't really own any movies that would be bad. Unless I go through my mom's collection, because she sometimes buys movies she hasn't seen, most of which end up being disappointing.
-
Baron Munchausen is so-so. It has it's moments, especially when Robin Williams is onscreen. Mostly it just lost a lot of thecharm it had when I was younger.
Big Trouble In Little China is terrible.
-
I found Backstreet Boys: Backstreet's Back Behind The Scenes about a month ago while I was cleaning my basement.
-
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3c/Good_burger.jpg)
-
I have a bunch of really horrible overseas region encoded lesbian pornography that is actually impossible to jack off to, it is just that ridiculous. If a girl ever said "fuck my pussy" while I was inside of her I would probably throw up a little bit.
Also I had no idea you could region encode VHS tapes but apparently you can. It took me months to track down a tape player that would play them and this involved playing it in a crowded pawn shop more than once which was just super awkward, and all for some porn I couldn't even enjoy.
-
ObPedantic: Johnny Mnemonic is a short story, perhaps you are thinking of Neuromancer by the same author, which is being made as a $70 million dollar movie with Hayden Christenson as Case, directed by a guy whose resume includes almost nothing but music videos, including Britney Speas' "Toxic" and "Knights of Cydonia".
Unless you were being funny.
Actually I just have a printing of Johnny Mnemonic bound on its own, so I mistakingly called it a book instead of stipulating that it is, indeed, a short story. Still doesn't change my opinion on it though. :P And I know very well which movie I was talking about. It starred Keanu Reeves, Ice-T, Henry Rollins, etc. I enjoyed it. It is a little bit hokey, but the story itself is interesting (though it differs from the short story significantly, if you haven't read it/seen it). William Gibson was a pioneer in cyberpunk, and as Johnny Mnemonic was first published in 1981, and his first novel (Neuromancer) was published in 1984, I still think it is safe to say that Johnny Mnemonic was at the start of the cyberpunk revolution, at least as far as William Gibson is concerned.
-
Still can't believe I bought Bloodrayne. I saw it at a movie store and I said to myself.
"Self"
"Yes Joe"
"Isn't that the girl from T-3"
"Why, yes it is Joe" (At this point try to imagine my inner dialogue has a dignified British accent. I Do)
"Lets get it"
Are, you sure Joe. It does say Uve Boll on the cover
"Ewww. But look Billy Zane. Its fucking Zane, how bad can it be?"
"True. But even Billy needs to work, and who knows when they will come up with a sequal to Titanic"
"Yeah. It does come with a free game though"
"A free Bloodrayne game"
"Wow, I guess I shouldnt get it then. Thankyou self"
"No problem Joe"
"Wait, is that Michael Madsen on the cover?"
"Use the Visa, I like the bonus miles"
-
Open Water
Ew. Worst Movie EVER.
-
Bubblegum Crisis: Hurricane Live on a really screwed up (but legit) VHS tape that's almost impossible to watch. And not just because the Japanese girls in it can't dance, have almost no stage presence and don't know how to hold a mic correctly.
On the up side, the music is still fun j-pop rock. It's just best when you listen to the the CD.
-
I have a Christopher Lambert collection...
I collect Christopher Lambert movies...
I am serious, I hosted a small film festival at my college called Lambert Day twice. Do you have any idea how trashed you can get playing Christopher Lambert drinking games?
(also, I own most of the videos mentioned in this thread. And am jealous of the poster above me. Which is wow.)
-
I'm surprised no one has mentioned this one yet:
Ghost Rider
Yes, I bought it cause it was on sale and came with MIB:II and I had not seen Ghost RIder at the time. Oops, my bad.
-
For whoever said they have the worst movie ever, I must disagree -
I own the Sci-Fi Original movie...
EarthSea
Absolutely awful.... but at the same time, every time I watch it, I feel like I'm watching a catastrophe... I can't help myself, the longer it goes on the more I have to watch... It's a terrible addiction - crappy acting, lame story line, fake computer graphics...you name it.
-
not sure what the worst film I own is but recently my mum gave me thw whole carry-on collection on video (she wants to get them on dvd instead now) but i'm not saying their bad at all.
-
Santa Clause Conquers the Martians
It was 99c and great for heckling!
/I wish I could get my 99c back though...
-
THE EVOLUTION OF REVENGE.
(http://bp2.blogger.com/_F_2xvc04me0/RuA45EdY0II/AAAAAAAALOQ/8DjhOlc5InY/s400/Poster.jpg)
Please to watch this trailer. The narrator's voice is wonderful.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2tnp4QCKtk
-
Tremors 4 (only because it was sold along with the original)
-
Challenge the Ninja
also Ninja Wars.
both these are so bad they not only become good they becomes amazing.