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Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 17:09

Title: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 17:09
What shall I do with them?

Prize for the most creative suggestion.

The Questionable Content Forums disavow any and all harm, bodily or otherwise, caused due to the improper use of bottles of human urine. -JC
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: ampersandwitch on 24 Mar 2008, 17:15
What is the prize?

Is it three bottles of human urine?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: IronOxide on 24 Mar 2008, 17:17
The Golden Stream:
2 Oz human urine
10 Oz vodka

Drink until you don't realize you're drinking urine anymore.

EDIT:
This can also be known as the "Hidden Camera"
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 24 Mar 2008, 17:26
Threaten to drink them on your blog unless people give you large quantities of money.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: crohnsy on 24 Mar 2008, 17:42
urine balloon fight......
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Cam on 24 Mar 2008, 17:49
Dilute the urine and use it to start a hydroponic garden. 
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Switchblade on 24 Mar 2008, 18:00
step 1: Leave the urine stored in an airtight container for couple months, then filter it through ashes. Allow the filtered fluid to evaporate, leaving behind crystals of potassium nitrate (AKA saltpetre). keep a little urine left over.

step 2: finely grind and mix with finely ground charcoal and sulphur, with the weights 75 parts Potassium, 15 parts charcoal and 10 parts sulfur. stir in your remaining urine until you have a thick black paste. Leave out in the sun to dry. Once dry, finely grind up the resulting "biscuit" into a powder.

You now have gunpowder. What you do with it is up to you. Those bottles could make for some fine shrapnel, if you were inclined towards making a bomb (seriously though, DO NOT BUILD A BOMB! I am very serious about this.)

The amount of saltpetre you get out of a mere three bottles of urine won't make a lot, though. so it might be worth looking into gathering a LOT more urine first.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: crohnsy on 24 Mar 2008, 18:05
s(seriously though, DO NOT BUILD A BOMB! I am very serious about this.)


telling someone how then saying do not do it, hmm  probably not one of the smartest posts I've ever read on the internet..........
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Switchblade on 24 Mar 2008, 18:09
Well, there are other uses for black powder. It's pretty much the best way to scare cats out of your flower garden, for example.

Hell, if somebody let off an explosion (Even a small one) near MY asshole when I was halfway through a Number Two, I'd be constipated for a month...
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: dennis on 24 Mar 2008, 18:15
Stand out in front of a drug testing clinic and sell them.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Spluff on 24 Mar 2008, 18:22
Market it as an upper class wine, and sell to the rich and famous.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Aminal on 24 Mar 2008, 18:24
throw it on a freezing road so you can walk the Golden Path hurr hurr
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Switchblade on 24 Mar 2008, 18:26
Y'know, this reminds me of an old joke.

It's about a guy who called his doctor complaining about a pain in his arm. The doctor tells him to come into the clinic, and bring a urine sample. So, the guy does, and trundles along. When he gets there, the doctor shows him this big shiny machine in his office and says "This thing arrived an hour ago and I've been itching to try it out. Here, just tip your urine sample into that funnel and press the green button."

The man does so. The machine clicks and whirrs for a second and then announces: "You have Tennis Elbow. take some painkillers and rest." The Doctor writes him a prescription for painkillers, tells him not to use his arm too much, and to come back in a week.

As his next appointment's coming round the next week, the man decides to test the machine's limits, and gets urine samples from his wife, daughter and father, mixing them with his own. For good measure, he ejaculates into the mixture, and then heads over to the office. As before, the doctor bids him empty the concoction into the machine's funnel and press the green button.

After whirring away for a few seconds and then announces:

"1: Your father needs a new hip, get him to a surgery.
2: Your wife is doing cocaine. Get her into rehab.
3: Your daughter is pregnant. Talk to her.
4: Your tennis elbow will not get better if you do not stop masturbating."
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Lines on 24 Mar 2008, 18:37
Pull a Piero Manzoni and sell it as 100% Pure Artist's Pee.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 24 Mar 2008, 18:50
JENKEM
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ballard on 24 Mar 2008, 18:51
Am I the only one curious to know how you obtained these bottles?

P.S. Patrick you're a terrible person.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 24 Mar 2008, 19:00
Hey at least I didn't tell him how to get explosives out of it. Just massively powerful hallucinogens that leave the taste of raw sewage in your mouth for weeks.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 24 Mar 2008, 19:20
Is there any way to make a liquid carbonated? Because if so, do whatever that process entails, then buy a couple of six packs of cheap ass piss beer. Replace the piss beer in the first six pack with the actual carbonated piss, then find an enemy who can chug beer faster than you. Challenge them to a drinking contest.

Just, don't mixup which cans hold what, though you may not be able to tell anyway.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ballard on 24 Mar 2008, 19:26
Soda Club (http://www.sodaclubusa.com/default.htm) (though I'm sure there's cheaper, homemade ways).
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: bryanthelion on 24 Mar 2008, 19:28
flush it down the toilet.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 24 Mar 2008, 19:31
Now that I think about it there's a CO2 pump thing at work for the fountain machine = greatest revenge on fucking asshole customers of all time.

Edit: You know, three bottles of urine to a man dying of thirst in the desert wouldn't sound half bad I'm betting, give them to him while you're driving past in your gas guzzling four wheel drive SUV, you earth killing bastards.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Nodaisho on 24 Mar 2008, 19:57
Hey at least I didn't tell him how to get explosives out of it. Just massively powerful hallucinogens that leave the taste of raw sewage in your mouth for weeks.
Hey, explosives are good things to know about. Now I just have to figure out how to get hold of sulfur and charcoal when the zombie apocalypse happens. Blackpowder revolving rifle. Or I could just make a bow...
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Jooooosh on 24 Mar 2008, 20:54
He drank some water and waited 20 minutes
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: thegreatbuddha on 24 Mar 2008, 21:05
Fill up a bottle of Bud Ice with it, and leave it in your refrigerator. Make sure it is the only beer there. When someone asks for it, let them drink it. Taking a man's last beer is a douchebag move, and deserves reciprocation.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Joseph on 24 Mar 2008, 21:12
Threaten to drink them on your blog unless if people give you large quantities of money.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 21:33
Ok let me rephrase this... WHY? Why would you collect and save 3 bottles of human urine?

I've been playing a lot of old half-life mods online. Didn't want to take the time to get up and piss.

I filled up a can as well earlier.

I really should probably just tip them away, but I am sure there must be a good use for it.

I tried painting with it already, but it doesn't stain enough.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Liam on 24 Mar 2008, 21:47
You, sir, have the chance to practice the long-forgotten Black Cookery Arts. Baste a turkey with the urine, mixed with cloves of garlic and the blood squeezed from a roadkill raccoon and you have a Deep Turkey, an unspeakably delicious dish from beyond the realm of sanity. Bon appetit.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 24 Mar 2008, 21:54
I do not live on a continent blessed with raccoons.

Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 24 Mar 2008, 22:13
can't you boil down urine and get phosphorous? You could make a night light!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Tom on 24 Mar 2008, 23:39
Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.

It is also not a drug per se. Methane and hydrogen sulfide (other gases associated with sewage) is just getting collected and people are allegedly huffing it.

The 'effects' are consistent with hypoxia and side effects such as diarrhoea and other gastrointestinal diseases can be attributed to the composition of the initial substance used.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ozymandias on 25 Mar 2008, 00:29
Why not just lick some toad instead?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: ruyi on 25 Mar 2008, 00:53
I've been playing a lot of old half-life mods online. Didn't want to take the time to get up and piss.

I filled up a can as well earlier.

you know, i respected you
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Tom on 25 Mar 2008, 01:07
Why not just lick some toad instead?

Wouldn't the toad get annoyed? :-D
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Spluff on 25 Mar 2008, 01:10
[insert toad related oral sex joke here]
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 25 Mar 2008, 05:24
Also, Patrick, Jenkem is made from shit, as you well know.

Damn. I was hoping you'd actually huff your piss like any normal person.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 25 Mar 2008, 07:42
Fill up a bottle of Bud Ice with it, and leave it in your refrigerator. Make sure it is the only beer there. When someone asks for it, let them drink it. Taking a man's last beer is a douchebag move, and deserves reciprocation.

Man, if he used PBR instead, I'm pretty sure no one would be able to tell the difference.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: onewheelwizzard on 25 Mar 2008, 07:52
(http://m.assetbar.com/achewood/autaux?b=M%5ea11f09b8576e606bcb5038dfdb92fb821&u=http%3A%2F%2Fachewood.com%2Fcomic.php%3Fdate%3D06262006)
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 25 Mar 2008, 21:01
I am a notorious dirtbag.

Jenkem is a prank/IRL troll, I thought pretty much everyone knew this.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Hat on 25 Mar 2008, 21:22
Start collecting bottles of human shit, and human blood, as well as more urine and tell people you have the most comprehensive collection of Joy Division records in the country.

Alternative: Speciality designer perfume?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Tom on 26 Mar 2008, 00:34
I am a notorious dirtbag.

Jenkem is a prank/IRL troll, I thought pretty much everyone knew this.

So did I.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Jimmy the Squid on 26 Mar 2008, 01:31
Piss, shit, blood, semen and saliva. All this will produce demons for you.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 26 Mar 2008, 06:16
in b4 2girls1cup
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 26 Mar 2008, 09:04
It's actually 2girls3bottles now.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 26 Mar 2008, 13:28
I hope it involves Super Soakers.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 26 Mar 2008, 16:07
I'm betting there's always a website for that, law of internet fetish porn right?

And even if there isn't, Khar can start it now.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: WriterofAllWrongs on 26 Mar 2008, 16:24
Am I the only one who immediately thought of slip n' slides?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Cartilage Head on 26 Mar 2008, 19:33
 Black bile, yellow bile.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 26 Mar 2008, 21:27
And even if there isn't

There is.

So, right now, most of the suggestions boil down to:

1) drinking it
2) frollicking in it
3) making or tricking someone else into drinking it
4) making it into a bomb

I could have thought up all this on my own. Come on people.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 26 Mar 2008, 21:37
Hey, a night light does not fit into any of those categories!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Hat on 26 Mar 2008, 23:18
Use it in a ritual to please Satan?

I don't know Khar, there are not THAT many uses for urine!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Nodaisho on 26 Mar 2008, 23:35
Make an alternative fuel source out of it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Narr on 27 Mar 2008, 00:46
Has anyone suggested selling it to drug users trying to pass drug exams yet?

There's awesome money to be had in that, so I'm told.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Nodaisho on 27 Mar 2008, 01:00
There is an idea... there would have to be something they do to prevent someone from doing that though.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 27 Mar 2008, 03:25
Besides it would all come back positive for too much metal.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Jimmy the Squid on 27 Mar 2008, 04:32
Khar, I believe I mentioned making demons.
Read more Clive Barker.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: jhocking on 27 Mar 2008, 08:18
Has anyone suggested selling it to drug users trying to pass drug exams yet?

Stand out in front of a drug testing clinic and sell them.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 27 Mar 2008, 08:21
You could try lighting it on fire.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Oli on 27 Mar 2008, 09:03
Make a tiny lego castle with a urine moat.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 27 Mar 2008, 10:02
Has anyone suggested selling it to drug users trying to pass drug exams yet?

Lets just say that would probably not be a good idea for anyone.

Shit is stale and full of alcohol and THC, yo.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: jhocking on 27 Mar 2008, 10:03
You could always sell it to druggies who need clean urine, and then laugh at them when they fail the test anyway.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 27 Mar 2008, 10:44
now that's an idea!

*make sure they are drug users who don't know who you are or where you live.*
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: carrotosaurus on 27 Mar 2008, 13:17
Boil it down to its components and then snort it. LIKE COCAINE

edited for bad grammar.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: ledhendrix on 27 Mar 2008, 13:26
Pour it down the toilet, where it belongs...
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: NarwhalSunshine on 27 Mar 2008, 13:32
throw them at your principal from high school.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: thegreatbuddha on 27 Mar 2008, 13:36
Try selling it on ebay
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: karl gambolputty... on 27 Mar 2008, 13:51
Divide it up into little vials, make a bunch of necklaces with the vials as pendants, and give them to your friends and family, and say "If you really love me, you'll wear this." 

Then post their responses to this thread.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: jhocking on 27 Mar 2008, 14:18
I vote for karl's suggestion.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Barmymoo on 27 Mar 2008, 14:33
I vote for Oli's suggestion, that is INSPIRED.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 27 Mar 2008, 15:21
karl gets my vote as well.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 27 Mar 2008, 15:45
AND MY AXE
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: clockworkjames on 27 Mar 2008, 16:30
Sell it to junkies anyway and when they get results back saying they failed, they would fail anyway but you got some cash.

Then laugh at them.

[EDIT]How did I miss that? Hivemind?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: ummmkay on 27 Mar 2008, 16:34
You could always sell it to druggies who need clean urine, and then laugh at them when they fail the test anyway.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 27 Mar 2008, 16:39
Boil it down to its components and then snort it. LIKE COCAINE

It'd be funny if, by doing so, there would be a significant amount of drugs there.

Separate it out from the urine crystals and you'd be a pioneer in recycling!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 27 Mar 2008, 16:42
Just use it as bong water, give yourself a little boost
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 27 Mar 2008, 17:34
it's official, Boro Bandito wins "Worst Idea '08"

how does it feel?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 27 Mar 2008, 18:31
Are you kidding? That, vs. shooting each other with super soakers full of it, drinking it, snorting piss crystals, using it as a slip-'n-slide? Using it as bong water is the worst idea here? I mean, its not at the top of the list of good ideas either, but I was saying it to be funny after all.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 27 Mar 2008, 18:52
I think we're looking at least amount of displeasure to the pissee, here.  Snorting piss crystals might kill you, but after that, using it as bong water is probably the next worst thing he can do if he wants to have fun with it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 27 Mar 2008, 19:00
The suggestion was because he said that his piss is probably extremely positive for levels of THC, and the one where patrick said to recycle it. And really, is using it in a bong that bad? I mean, its not as if he'd be drinking it(which is personally my least favorite choice, even over snorting it), and I'm pretty sure as far as quality it can't be much worse (probably better) than week old bong water that I've known friends to reuse(over and over and over again). It's more or less a medium used to cool down/filter the smoke right? I doubt any sort of fumes would be coming off of it that could harm a person.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: jhocking on 27 Mar 2008, 19:13
I don't know much about the mechanics of how a bong operates, but I would assume you'd be inhaling any smell coming off the liquid, in which case yech.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 27 Mar 2008, 19:22
Hell I wouldn't do it, but maybe Khar would, and this thread is for his purposes.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Spluff on 27 Mar 2008, 19:32
I don't know much about the mechanics of how a bong operates, but I would assume you'd be inhaling any smell coming off the liquid, in which case yech.

Trust me, bong water does not smell good anyway.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: frullic on 27 Mar 2008, 19:51
seriously, try eBay! Sickfucks buy full diapers so why not piss?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KibBen on 27 Mar 2008, 23:07
AND MY AXE

I lol'd.

So, yes. Boil it down, reduce it, make a sort of thick sauce. Put this on cupcakes.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: pat101 on 28 Mar 2008, 06:29
I don't know much about the mechanics of how a bong operates, but I would assume you'd be inhaling any smell coming off the liquid, in which case yech.

God I can only imagine the smell of bong piss...
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 28 Mar 2008, 07:01
Hey I still like the idea of shooting it from a Super Soaker at unsuspecting passers-by.

Or I guess you could replace your mate's Mountain Dew with it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 28 Mar 2008, 07:31
Hell I wouldn't do it, but maybe Khar would, and this thread is for his purposes.

No.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Chrasstor on 28 Mar 2008, 07:53
Make Pissicles, then eat one and give the others to your friends, then melt one and drink half and use the rest for bong water and snort whatever you have left. Once you've snorted it, shoot it out your eye at unsuspecting people with super soakers who are high on jenkem looking for clean piss to use at a drug test center.

Also, zombies.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: leperphiliac on 28 Mar 2008, 20:53
Too bad you've not eaten mushrooms lately. You could sell that piss for the drugs in it, cause anyone drinking it would actually get high.

How many things can you do with human urine? Turn it into jello and convince sexy girls to wrestle in it? Ferment it into booze? Hide it behind someone's radiator? Freeze it into a giant icicle and stab someone to death? Whatever you do, get rid of it soon cause it ferments really quickly and will start to smell really bad. Unless that's what you're looking for. Maybe you could mark the neighborhood with it, like dogs do. You could start selling knockoffs of the Piss Christ.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 28 Mar 2008, 20:56
"Spill" some in the holy water at your local parish.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Boro_Bandito on 28 Mar 2008, 22:31
Why just some, go for broke!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Darkbluerabbit on 30 Mar 2008, 00:01
Well, you don't want to create an OBVIOUS color change.  Otherwise you risk not having multiple babies baptized in your pee.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 30 Mar 2008, 04:04
I am pretty sure that in the old baptism font at my hometown's church, a lot of kids would go up and try to drink the holy water (where the hell were their parents), so if it works, you get a double whammy.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: öde on 30 Mar 2008, 12:50
Put some into water pistols and mark your territory.
Use a 3 litre jug and a 5 litre jug measure out exactly 4 litres of urine to defuse the bomb.
Tell small children that you, a grown adult, have collected bottles of your own piss and are asking people what to do with them.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Symptom on 30 Mar 2008, 15:06
Bake a cake with it
post pictures
eat
pictures
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 30 Mar 2008, 16:58
Tell small children that you, a grown adult, have collected bottles of your own piss and are asking people what to do with them.


This is the kind of stuff I want to hear.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Nodaisho on 30 Mar 2008, 17:18
Tell people that it is an elixir of life, and sell it to them for 10,000 pounds a bottle. Take advantage of the only known infinite thing in the universe, human stupidity.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 30 Mar 2008, 18:06
Market it on the internet as weapons grade liquid uranium.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Jooooosh on 30 Mar 2008, 18:17
Hold a bus full of people hostage with it, and make exorbitant demands.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 30 Mar 2008, 18:29
Wet T-shirt contest.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: frullic on 30 Mar 2008, 21:21
let them ferment and then leave them in a parking lot...
preferably where there is a high chance of someone running over it!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: MadassAlex on 30 Mar 2008, 23:47
Stand out in front of a drug testing clinic and sell them.

Ahahaha, oh my God. This is the winner, right here.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Sox on 31 Mar 2008, 05:27
Set up a table in a public park. Pour them into a jug, set out some plastic cups. "Urine: £20 a cup."
Ebay?
Take them to the streets and ask what you should do with them?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 31 Mar 2008, 08:09
Hold a bus full of people hostage with it, and make exorbitant demands.

I would pay money to see this happen.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: axerton on 01 Apr 2008, 06:44
I know there's been plenty of 'trick people into drinking it' but how about tricking someone into wearing it as aftershave or perfume?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: ledhendrix on 01 Apr 2008, 11:34
Step 1 - Put urine in cup

Step 2- Slide sheet of non bendy plastic over the top

Step 3 - Turn the whole thing upside down taking care not to spill any

Step 4 - Carefully place the now turned upside down aparatus onto a table (anyones you like) and slide the sheet away

It will look like there is just a cup sitting upside down on a table, it won't leak and whoever removes the cup won't be to best pleased.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 01 Apr 2008, 13:36
THAT is the best idea I've heard so far.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: SilentJ on 01 Apr 2008, 15:38
Fill up one of the cups and freeze it.  Make sure it's completely solid.

After it freezes take the cup out, remove the cup, and cut the now-frozen urine into slices.

Slide those slices underneath of people's doors.

When they next try to use that door there will be urine stains on their rug/carpet/whatever.

Especially effective in a college dorm.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Cartilage Head on 01 Apr 2008, 19:01
 1. Pour it into a glass.

 2. Freeze it.

 3. Piss-dildo!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: WriterofAllWrongs on 01 Apr 2008, 20:08
You'd have to be pretty quick with a piss dildo, though.  I mean, 98.6 F + friction?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Cartilage Head on 01 Apr 2008, 23:03
 Also my friend told me about a guy he knew who had a really big house and was really far from the bathroom, so he had big two-liters of piss all over his room. I mean, dump 'em out dude!
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Staralfur on 01 Apr 2008, 23:38
Throw it at The Mars Volta.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 02 Apr 2008, 03:29
Throw it at The Mars Volta.

THAT is the best idea I've heard so far.

Much better.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: chASS on 03 Apr 2008, 18:43
one of my friends drunk urine mixed with mountain dew and then someone told them afterwards.

...they said it tasted good.


you could mix it with three bottles of mountain dew and have six bottles of urine dew.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Chrasstor on 03 Apr 2008, 19:49
Man, your friends really know how to party, huh?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: frunK on 29 Apr 2008, 11:53
drink them for eternal life.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Barmymoo on 29 Apr 2008, 12:59
shooting each other with super soakers full of it

You may be making teh jokes with the super soakers but in my first year of secondary school, on Leavers' Day for the senior students, a gang of guys in balaclavas ran round the school with water guns full of urine. Another gang threw live mice into classrooms. We ended up being locked into our classrooms on the second floor to get away from them. They didn't end up taking their exams that year. Actually I think the mice ones were arrested.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Slick on 29 Apr 2008, 13:47
Yeah it's cute how you guys think you are real countries sometimes.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: muteKi on 29 Apr 2008, 14:10
Geez, and I thought invading freshman dorms to torch the bulletin boards was insane.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ballard on 29 Apr 2008, 15:38
There are two kinds of people. Those who are now extremely happy that they aren't Norwegian, and those who are forever regretful.

Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Scandanavian War Machine on 29 Apr 2008, 15:42
when you said first-graders, i imagined all of these things happening to 6-7 year old children.

that seemed a little harsh.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Hat on 29 Apr 2008, 17:29
Why the fuck why are they doing this again and why is nobody bothered by it?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Caspian on 30 Apr 2008, 00:02
Fill up one of the cups and freeze it.  Make sure it's completely solid.

After it freezes take the cup out, remove the cup, and cut the now-frozen urine into slices.

Slide those slices underneath of people's doors.

When they next try to use that door there will be urine stains on their rug/carpet/whatever.

Especially effective in a college dorm.

This is the best idea so far.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: SilentJ on 30 Apr 2008, 05:19
when you said first-graders, i imagined all of these things happening to 6-7 year old children.

that seemed a little harsh.

I'm glad I'm not the only one.  I audibly blanched at the thought of this going on.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Cam on 30 Apr 2008, 08:17
You would think that this would be enough to start a solidarity movement in the juniors or first graders or what ever you call them to keep them from being kidnapped, stripped, and pissed on.  I don't do well with "hazings".  If people are going to try and kidnap, strip, and piss on me, I am not going with out a fight. 
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 30 Apr 2008, 09:44
Man isn't that all kinds of illegal?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: frunK on 01 May 2008, 06:57
Anyway back to what to do with the pee. Do you still have them? I like the idea from page one where you make explosives out of it, sounds like some good ol' fight club style fun there.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: glyphic on 13 May 2008, 09:44
My roomate in college used to fill milk jugs with piss when he was drunk. He would then let them ferment in his closet until the indentions in the jugs popped out. At this point, he would take a drunken sojourn to the roof of our apartment complex and wait for the happiest-looking best-dressed couple to walk by.

Imagine your surprise as you and your main squeeze are heading out to the best party of the season and suddenly a gallon of warm piss explodes on the cement in front of you. Now imagine the walk home, reeking of piss, your girlfriend screaming the entire time. Oh man. My roomate was evil.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 13 May 2008, 09:49
I think that kind of broaches the line past amusing and into "being kind a twat." If I ended up the victim of something like that, I'd probably do my damndest to see you evicted.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: valley_parade on 13 May 2008, 10:17
I mean, our prime minister was in on driving a firetruck into the ocean when he was a russ for fucks sake - and everyone somehow goes along with it.

I want this guy in charge of America.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ozymandias on 13 May 2008, 11:52
Guys I'm never going to Norway now.

That is a fucked up place and I never even knew it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 13 May 2008, 15:04
WHERE ARE THE GOOD IDEAS, YOU GUYS

Here. Just buy some front-row tickets to a Madonna concert, then go wild on the world's favourite scary pop star.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: DoubleAW on 13 May 2008, 15:47
Market it on the internet as weapons grade liquid urinium.

GET IT? EH? EH?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: DoubleAW on 13 May 2008, 20:01
I know it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KharBevNor on 14 May 2008, 06:36
Is russ the thing where you wear those silly red trousers?
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Gemmwah on 14 May 2008, 07:16
I have a friend in Norway who is doing that at the moment, and she makes those red trousers look so hot.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: SilentJ on 14 May 2008, 12:37
That is a fairly large amount of beer between two people.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Barmymoo on 14 May 2008, 12:55
Your point?

And incidentally, by coming into this thread I answered my own question which I posted in another thread, and now I feel stupid.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 14 May 2008, 13:06
That is a fairly large amount of beer between two people.

Respectfully, sir, you are a pansy.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: SilentJ on 14 May 2008, 13:16
That is a fairly large amount of beer between two people.

Respectfully, sir, you are a pansy.

dude that's like fifty beers between the two of them

i'm not saying i wouldn't do it

i'm just sayin'
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ladybug on 14 May 2008, 13:24
Man, I just had to chime in and say that russ everywhere aren't that insane! At my school, the worst thing done to first-graders was drawing on their faces with sharpies, and splashing them with water. We'd get in maajor trouble with the school if the kidnap-stuff happened, and none of us really wanted to do that anyways, because no one did it to us when we were first graders. The worst thing that happened to us when we were first graders, was that some girl got the backside of her thong cut, and the people who did it got in trouble and had to buy her new underwear..

And those huge buses costing an insane amount of money? Mostly around the capital/the larger cities, not everywhere - I mostly walked/rode my bike around - but I wasn't one of the most eager participants. I'd still never spend that ridiculous amount of money on something like that.

So yes, a lot of people go insane and do stupid shit during that time, but not everyone. I wasn't planning on participating, but it was actually kinda fun. 17 days filled with hanging out with friends, doing stuff I usually wouldn't do (barking at dog food in a store, sitting under our desks during an entire lecture, not talking for a day at school, drinking some stuff in a tree, going swimming in the ocean before May 1st (north of the Arctic circle) chugging down beer with a tampon in my mouth (seriously gross), drinking a set amount of alcohol in a tree, spending the night outside of the school, eating breakfast on a roundabout, kissing strangers/friends of the same sex etc), drinking a bit, barbequeing... Fun.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Gemmwah on 14 May 2008, 13:32
I just wish we went so nuts over leaving school over here. From what I've heard, russ is insane amounts of fun, and I would've been so up for that.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 14 May 2008, 13:38
dude that's like fifty beers between the two of them

Eh, 25 drinks? I've equated that. It was not pretty immediately after, but I did it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: SilentJ on 15 May 2008, 04:54
dude that's like fifty beers between the two of them

Eh, 25 drinks? I've equated that. It was not pretty immediately after, but I did it.

Exactly, that's what I was getting at.  It can be done, it's just not the best of ideas.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: StaedlerMars on 15 May 2008, 05:39
@ Russ

Man, I thought dazed and confused was harsh.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Caspian on 15 May 2008, 06:30
dude that's like fifty beers between the two of them

Eh, 25 drinks? I've equated that. It was not pretty immediately after, but I did it.

Exactly, that's what I was getting at.  It can be done, it's just not the best of ideas.

25 isn't THAT much, guys. Sure, you'll need to go the toilet a lot, but you won't get that drunk off it.

Perhaps if that was for one person that we'd be onto something.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Ladybug on 15 May 2008, 07:04
Yes, you will. There's a "knot rule" that states you should drink a case of 24 0,33L beers in 24 hours, and according to the Norwegian Institute of Public Health, after 24 hours, drinking one bottle an hour, a girl weighing 60kg with an average metabloism, will have a blood alcohol level of 4,2‰. A guy weighing 75kg will have a blood alcohol level of 1,9‰. And most people won't drink 1 bottle an hour. If they drink the whole case in 4hours, a girl would have a blood alcohol level of about 7‰, and a boy about 4,5‰. That's a lot. The limit here for when you're considered to be driving under the influence of alcohol is 0,2‰.

(Don't shoot me if the numbers are wrong, I'm simply quoting the article.)
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 15 May 2008, 07:04
Um, yes, it IS that much.

Your average can of beer is twelve ounces. Twenty five such beers equates to nine liters or almost two and a half gallons. The kidneys aren't supposed to process more than three gallons of liquid a day (That's a full twenty four hours, folks).

Unless you're on a full fledged bender and not drinking any water, your body cannot process twenty five beers in any reasonable time frame. The kidneys can clear .9 liters an hour at most, meaning you'd have to drink those twenty five beers over a nine hour span, at least, and that's pushing you past the limit of incredibly unhealthy.

In other words, all of you tits saying "oh, I could do that, blah blah blah" are currently embroiled in a pathetic dick waving contest that's not even physically feasible. You'll DEFINITELY be VERY drunk and most likely you'll be sick as a dog, too.

Note, this is all JUSt your kidneys. I don't even want to know what 25 beers in a short span of time would do to your brain and liver.

Edit: Damn you, Ladybug.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: jhocking on 15 May 2008, 07:16
This reminds me of that fraternity game about drinking milk. It started with some guy boasting that he could drink a gallon of beer, someone else retorting that he couldn't drink a gallon if it were milk, and then the realization that it really is hard to drink a gallon of milk.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: KickThatBathProf on 15 May 2008, 07:24
Man even one gallon is pretty hard to do in a span of like 30 minutes.  A group of my friends did the gallon challenge and only one guy who was like 300 pounds was able to hold it down.  Wasn't one of our better ideas.  It went about as good as the egg-chucking fight.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 15 May 2008, 07:27
Actually, I almost referenced the Gallon of Milk Challenge when I wrote that little rant up. It's essentially a similar principle: the human body simply cannot handle it, but there's always that one asshole you know who's so determined to prove how tough he is to a bunch of strangers that he'll insist he has or can do it.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Hat on 15 May 2008, 09:18
The kidneys can clear .9 liters an hour at most

This is my only qualm with your numbers Jon, because this is two schooners worth of beer and saying that I cannot drink two schooners of beer in an hour is so wrong I cannot believe it. Of course, there is most likely an accumulative effect. I'm guessing a queue forms in the stomach. For example, two schooners of beer in an hour is childs play, but I still cannot honestly claim to have drank an entire carton of beer in less than nine hours, and god help me, I've tried. In fact, to prove Jon correct in his overall thesis, I will attempt to drink a carton of beer in six hours tomorrow night. I will have some hard data for you guys to compile.

Of course, when you introduce whiskey into the equation, its a whole other ball game.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 15 May 2008, 09:30
It's a cumulative effect, I just worded it poorly.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 15 May 2008, 12:27
You'll DEFINITELY be VERY drunk and most likely you'll be sick as a dog, too.

Oh, trust me, good sir. I did not hurl. I *fountained*.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 15 May 2008, 13:05
Fuck off, I could drink your ass under the table.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 15 May 2008, 13:10
I'm not bragging. I'm saying it was a bad idea, even though it is definitely still possible.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: 0bsessions on 15 May 2008, 13:42
The fact you allegedly violently ejected the contents of your stomach as a result of this experiment tells me the opposite, Patrick. Nine times out of ten, vomitting is your body saying "You did something stupid and now I've got to resolve it. Way to go. Get a mop, asshole."
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Barmymoo on 15 May 2008, 13:45
Hey, no one said it was possible to keep the alcohol down. Just to get it there in the first place!

But I have to agree with the general sentiment, drinking that much alcoshmols is really stupid and ill advised.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Patrick on 15 May 2008, 15:00
The fact you allegedly violently ejected the contents of your stomach as a result of this experiment tells me the opposite, Patrick. Nine times out of ten, vomitting is your body saying "You did something stupid and now I've got to resolve it. Way to go. Get a mop, asshole."

Doesn't mean it was never there.
Title: Re: I have three bottles of human urine.
Post by: Dimmukane on 15 May 2008, 15:49
But at that point it was probably partially existing as a vapor surrounding your body.