THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Fun Stuff => CHATTER => Topic started by: KharBevNor on 30 Jan 2010, 17:43
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There once was a fine chap called Tommy
Sad that is surname weren't 'Iommi'
So he put all his toiil
Into North Sea oil
and now he gets on rather jollily
There once was a wench named Tania
Who liked tapestries (ie Bayeaux)
So she wove a scene
of orgies unclean
And no one wanted no more to do with her
There once was Emilio (Mexican)
Who drank some pepsi from a pepsi can
But concealed in the drink
Were poppers and ink
and he did intestininal can-cans.
There once was a David, Dovey
Who jacked off whenever he peed
But when the urinal
Took him to Tru-binal
He just whipped out his balls and agreed.
More to follow
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There once was a girl called andy
Whose sex life was terribly free
She ran her fuck chutes
Like a liberal kibbutz
where worse women would charge a fee
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Once was a cartoonist called jeph
Whose rapping was terribly fresh
As an MC abroad
His rhymes struck a chord
But the money was in indie tit flesh.
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There once was a young boy called Kieffer
A farter he was not a queefer
He was lacking in vag
and he made it his badge
And thus qualified he for FIFA
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A fellow there was, Johnny Cameron
Quoted passages from the Decameron
His medieval french
Did not please the bench
Who knew that the work was Italian.
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There once was a gamer called Bryan
Whose blood lacked severely in iron
He gnawed on a gate
To his hunger abate
But he just wound up shitting out filings.
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There once lived a Jon (or KVP)
Who held seances inside a teepee
So the ghosts set upon him
Smeared slime upon him
And the dry cleaners, oh they were not cheapy
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In Boston town there lived a Shane
He ate steel and shat out the chain
Till one day his innards
Turned violently inwards
And he vomited up model trains.
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There once was a maiden called Jodie
Who sanity tried to erody
Though but metre and half again
She proved quite Lovecraftian
Even befor her feelers deployed.
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Once two X Chrom'some, s'appelle Allison
Played Strip Poker with a battalion
Stripped servicemen nude
Then plaintively mewed
That she wanted to ride 'pon their stallions.
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There once was an old man called Jhocking
Whose libido was smply shocking
He became sorely vexed
If not regular sexed
And beat, with a mincemeat filled stocking.
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There once was a forumite, Jace
Very much liked setting the pace
When his wasn't the tempo
He became discontent-o
And gargled with urine-laced-MACE.
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There once was a multi-tool Rob
With attachments for every job
He said "I'm not a tool"
But fate prooved him a fool
And made him vend novelty key-fobs.
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There once was a Kiwi, called Rizzo
His schemes always turned out quite whizzo
He used slang from the past
and pedaled quite fast
On his bright red escape peda-lilo.
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There once was a squid, name of Jimmy
Thought nothing of squirming up chimneys
He squirmed up a flue
But his face turned quite blue
When he popped up in jap porno cine.
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There once was a fellow named Khar
You could find him most nights at the bar
After a drink,
He'd pick up a twink,
And they'd do naughty things in his car.
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There once was an owl man, Eric
Who made nest in an oil derrick
Yes, a nodding donkey
Was fine perch for he
Though he ate only other bird's sick
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A paultard came hence, pharmmajor
On all topics proved he a bore
He used control V
Like Ryu used chi
And was by all good folk deplored.
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There once was a suomi, called Jussi
Lusted he both for cock and for pussy
For Sex innuendos
On him might depend-o
Perkele Perkele Perkele
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There once was a geordie, Darryl
Kept a snowglobe on his windowsill
Only inside the sphere
was a quart of stale beer
And the gall bladder of his last kill.
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One chap, he was never quite goth
Could not define 'alack' or 'troth'
When he keyed in the forums
To relationship problems
He suffered considerable wrath.
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There once was a chap here called patrick,
Scored had he never a hat trick,
His football was minging
But he weren't bad at singing
And is now loved from Balkans to Baltic.
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There once was an entity, squawk
A noise divorced from buzzard and hawk
It was so protozooic
That in room anechoic
Into deaths arms it was made to walk.
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There once was a wise woman, Edith
Whose warnings fools liked not to heedeth
But when things looked gloomy
Her appetite roomy
For knitting would all ills consumeth.
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Harry, it's known, is a jazz fan
Much less known are his links to the taliban
He's completely medieval
For the axis of Evil
And he spits on the balls of great Satan.
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There once was a female, Hannah
Who attempted to mate with a spanner
It lodged in her womb
And drove her to her doom
Documented on Disc'ovry Channel.
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There once was a Jon, Cernunnos
Whose chief OS was MS-DOS
When faced with a GUI
Modus operandi
of his, was pretend to be moss.
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Lo the wizards, they summoned Gemmwah
Whose infamy came from afar
She could beat down Tarrasque
and come to the rescue
Of Thunderbirds who went too far.
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There once was a Bruce, name of Brett
Not a boxer or vietnam vet
But when women discovered
The things that he covered
He earned massive and lasting respect.
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Unicycle mage, onewheelwizzard
Knows unsettling things about lizards
And astral dimensions
You'd not dare to mention
Lest yog-sothoth wormed out your gizzards.
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There once was a girl we called lunchy
Who said that her spine wasn't crunchy
We called out shenanigans
And before the clock rang again
We brutally proved her to false be.
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Once a stout fellow, Paul Hodges
Shared phonemes with numerous porridges
In a lexical brawl
He gambled his all
And got turned into cheap ALDI sausages.
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There once was a hardcore kid, Sam
Fell in love with a catamaran
When he sees two hulls
His balls become full
And for once he looks like a real man.
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Once resented this man, Roderick
How simply was rhymed he with 'prick'
Oh revenge did swear he
On the rhyming dictionary
Which he cast to the roaring Pacific.
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Once long ago, there was Kai
A regular straight talking guy
Then went up the cry
"He's got eyes on his thighs"
But still tolerate him we did try.
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A poem had subject once (Tyler)
For lyrics there could be no finer
But then one afternoon
He turned into a spoon
And the poets they cast their net wider.
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There once was a fiction named Dora
Barista rather than explorer
For rule thirty four
The jackals cried MOAR
Whilst others were rather appaleda.
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There once was a matriarch, Liz
Whose saliva was known to fizz
Owing to insufflation
Of sherbet distillation
Which she calls by the junkie slang 'Piz'.
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Arisen a whistler named eris
to ride upon wheels of the ferris
for cultists right sibilant
her name was equivalent
to just s'ing a shitload of s's.
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Once a person there was Emaline
She portrayed herself as being clean
When the mess was substantial
Because illnesses mental
Had fucked the fuck out of her breeeeen.
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There once was forumite Dan
Who hatched dark and maleficent plans
To kidnap a foal
was his final goal
Then to ransom the horse for a man.
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Hannah tricked me to hon'ring her twice
To referennces her I make thrice
I will give her a scolding
and when I've done moaning
She'll eat only uncooked brown rice.
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There once was a forum, QC
Twas a BBS, not, say, a tree
And there all and sundry
Might ponder the quandry
How to live on the digital sea.
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There once was a poet, called khar
Smoked cigarettes mainly for tar
He was seen to be quick
manufaturing limerick
But sometimes he wouldn't give a fuck about meter you goddamn fascist. Words aren't some thing to control, man. Words spill free from every mouth and penetrate every act of love. I know you're watching me. I know.
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If any feel left out and missed
Remember that I am quite pissed
And I'm smoking the weed
Like Lemmy does speed
And I'm feeling quite wonderfully blissed.
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<3 u khar bear
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I am sad that you missed the obvious opportunity in mine, Khar. You will never be forgiven for this.
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Liz was a 'murkan quite scary
Though on QC a fine luminary
A writer of posts
(A buster of ghosts?)
- That last claim's not substantiary.
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you skipped me khar why are you tryin to hate on a dude like that
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On Khar many discourse is written
His contemporaries are smitten
With him and his words
As free as Freebirds
So strong, and yet meek as a kitten.
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That sean is one hot sexy mofo
It's a shame his taste isn't as homo
as your author might hope
he's as straight as the pope
And his beard and hat indicate "hobo".
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Our Roddy's been thought to be queer
But really he's quite nowhere near
He sucks on no dicks
He digs only chicks
But experiments once every year
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best one so far, right above me.
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A paultard came hence, pharmmajor
On all topics proved he a bore
He used control V
Like Ryu used chi
And was by all good folk deplored.
Astonishing.
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i dont know if i did it right but what the hell
Tommy likes to mock
cause hes a bit of a cock
also he has nasty mole
but underneath that he has heart of gold
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also he has nasty mole
That bit is true.
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i am too sober to be able to grasp this thread
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MaiAda is daily forlon
At the non-existence of unicorn
For comfort she turned
To a DVD burned
with 8GB just of horse porn
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i wish i could rate threads
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or publicly endorse them, like with a radio drop
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i wish i could like threads, like on facebook! ahurr durr hurr
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I would unlike the shit out of this thread. >: (
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AGH KHar im mad atyoutj :x
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Our Roddy's been thought to be queer
But really he's quite nowhere near
He sucks on no dicks
He digs only chicks
But experiments once every year
I fear Patrick's not quite astute,
In his summary of my repute
It's as I did fear
He's dim (and I'm queer)
But at least the wee skinny lad's cute.
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It seems that I've made a mistake
His false faux facade was a fake
The guy is a twink?
I never would think!
This really does pinch all the cake
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I am so chuffed that I got a Lovecraft reference. Oh Khar, you really do make the best threads.
I was going to write a limerick about Roo to make her feel important again but I am really bad at limericks.
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There once was a lass name of Ruyi
When unlimericked, became quite pooey
She said 'fufufu'
and then 'a bloo bloo'
and went off in a terrible hooey
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It seems that I've made a mistake
His false faux facade was a fake
The guy is a twink?
I never would think!
This really does pinch all the cake
Poor Patrick, you weren't to know
That my affections for males come and go -
Now? I'm dating a lady
I'm no more Paul O'Grady
Than your av'rage Joe Blow hetero.
I'd attempt a summation of you
But most of it wouldn't be true
The Pat facts are quite lacking
- sends my summary packing
Its suitcase - location? Peru.
(in other news, "pinch all of the cake" is my new favourite euphemism)
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That's a pretty ballsy thread title, khar.
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I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
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I'm actually a little glad I managed to escape unscathed.
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Between this and the disturbing facts thread I guess this makes me one of the most notable forumites who isn't actually notable.
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That Scarred chap's pictorial traces
Show him pulling a slideshow of faces
Aiming for the grotesque
He lays each on the desk
His eyebrows in separate places.
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Damn.
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Damn.
I bet you even said that with one eyebrow raised and your mouth agape in anger.
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this may have happened
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MaiAda is daily forlon
At the non-existence of unicorn
For comfort she turned
To a DVD burned
with 8GB just of horse porn
Don't be rude, they do exist.
(Khar, you are the bestest, even if you didn't make me a limerick.)
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left out :(
Linds is short for Lindisfarne,
On that isle she was born (in a barn!)
But feeling belated
She expatriated
To a house made entirely of yarn.
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On that isle she was born (in a barn!)
She was a bairn!
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I am so chuffed that I got a Lovecraft reference.
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Linds is short for Lindisfarne,
On that isle she was born (in a barn!)
But feeling belated
She expatriated
To a house made entirely of yarn.
<3!
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I am so chuffed that I got a Lovecraft reference. Oh Khar, you really do make the best threads.
oh speaking of lovecraft references I reread Call of Cthulu a couple weeks ago and realized it is largely set where I went to grad school. That never occurred to me previously.
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Poor Patrick, you weren't to know
That my affections for males come and go -
Now? I'm dating a lady
I'm no more Paul O'Grady
Than your av'rage Joe Blow hetero.
Rod'rick, it seems, now is bi
A wonderful, fun-loving guy
The dong is fun shit
But he don't hate the clit
So he gets laid more often than I
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Patrick can shred on guitar
But on ladies he cannae go far
He just sits and stares
At their underwear
"Oh why that floral print is bizarre!"
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That Christophe is cool, oh my
Some would say he is supafly
Perhaps you'd doubt
Wait! Hear his shout
AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY!
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Ouch, me pride.
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Oh now, Blue Kitty
Is it really such a pitty?
That with his mind all twitty
And his fingers in a ditty
That Khar forgot to mention his pretty?
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... having your B rhyme match your A rhyme does not a good limerick make.
Blue kitty's a remarkable chap
With a hard drive of Marvellous crap
It's Wolv-oriented
And Spiderman-scented:
With more than a touch of the Cap.
His motif is feline and sea-hued
As his avatar's frequently previewed -
His comic book nowse
Can bring down the house
His posts in 'Pointless' are just prelude!
(bonus "roddy's an obnoxious arse" verse:)
But don't let him bury your ear, oh,
With pop-facts on a superhero
Cos once he's got on
The subject of one
He'll reduce your pub quiz team to zero.
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:(
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Our Julia seems to resent
The fact that we haven't yet spent
A moment of thought
Appears we've been caught
And so we've all left her quite bent
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Khar's got a knack for rude limerick,
A wizard's sleeve full of lyrical trick,
If you wish to hear one,
You'd best know it's for fun,
Or the ending might make you sick!
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Ev'ryone here is so great
Never once have I seen any hate
You're all so fantastic
I'm not being sarcastic
So this lame limerick I did create
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That Julia's the depth of depravity
She's known as... something skibas-clavity?
Mid-bedding mens' wives
She breaks out high-fives
- a cad! (and a source of hilarity)
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A herp derp derp derp KharBevNor
da derp herp derp derp Trent Reznor
A herp derp socks,
da-derp derp cocks
A derp industrial meat freezer
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This thread really is, pure gold.
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This thread, it seems is a gem
Says Lummer, our metalhead friend
I don't disagree
I fap o'er it free
I sure hope it never does end
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See, our Jens is allergic to fun
Any trace of the stuff he will shun
This thread is no horse
But a Countach, of course!
Like the hot chicks' in Cannonball Run.
We're riding this car to the flag
There's fun to be had 'fore we lag
Then a mod, they can rock up
And order a lock-up
So this thread, jens m'dear, ain't no nag.
And we'll make sure, before the thread ends,
That it's worth its keep in dividends
More humour's a-coming
Keep this engine running
Or we'll crash on those tight hairpin bends.
(this post is dedicated to my close, personal friend Burt Reynolds - say hi, Burt (http://willwilkinson.net/flybottle/wp-content/uploads/2006/03/znaniBurt%20Reynolds.jpg))
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Dear God, what the Hell is that picture?!
It made my genitals go into rigor (mortis)!
No, not in a good way!
(Is there ever a good way?!)
Now my penis, it acts like a tortoise!
Fuck you, dear rhyme scheme, I hate you!
I just now woke up, raar raar hate you!
Blah dee blah dee dee dah
Splort splat splort splort splat spa
Dear poem I hope you get anally violated.
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That Christophe is cool, oh my
Some would say he is supafly
Perhaps you'd doubt
Wait! Hear his shout
AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY!
dang it, i was going to do that one!
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There was dude named harry he was a mod
i really dont thing he never had a dog
lots of facial hair
not so rare
maybe harry should find a god
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Boy, I missed the boat on this thread (abloo)
And now I sit shameful in bed. (abloo)
But my lack of note
Is not all she wrote
So carry on like I am dead (abloo)
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I heard a tale of brave Eugene
Had a jaunt in the Forest of Dean
Got shaggèd by a bear
With rugged pubic hair
Now he says that he'll never be clean
Okay that last story's not factual
The only Euge facts that are actual:
He's not keen on pork
He lives in New York
And his grasp of photography's tactual.
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Simon suck a bunch of cocks I hate you I am not a whore, suck my dick.
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There once was a lady named Andy
Who liked to deny she was randy
But her lust was renowned
From pasture to sound
And at sex she was awfully handy
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There once was a person called ali
Who of poetry kept her a tally
When became she unrhymed
She devoted some time
To ensuring a remedy promptly
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There once was a lady named Andy
Who liked to deny she was randy
But her lust was renowned
From pasture to sound
And at sex she was awfully handy
Khar things like these are why I love you
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Simon come on you used randy, dandy, handy, and not yet candy but like. Come on, stop being cheap.
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Takes a man of weak visual acuity
To deny Andy's a thing of beauity
But whatever her claim
she's a prudish dame,
she's the height, in fact, of promiscuity.
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Thank you Zach, if you guys are going to make implications I am a ho' at least don't cop out on the rhyme
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But Andy, you are not a whore. No one's paying you.
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Although all her friends are quite crude
Andy herself is a prude!
Not once, in fact
Has her bedding been packed
With more than like, two or three dudes.
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no one's paying you.
to be fair i did give her an ipod
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Hey Tania, the funniest part of that story I can't disclose of the forum but I'd say you're more da ho.
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Although all her friends are quite crude
Andy herself is a prude!
Not once, in fact
Has her bedding been packed
With more than like, two or three dudes.
Are we considering tania a dude for the purposes of this discussion?
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Oi!
Back on topic, I must protest!
Stop chatting about Andy's conquests
Or if you must
Then I shall trust
You'll do it in limerick context?
If you have to call Andy a slattern
At least follow the stated pattern
Follow my lead
A rhyme's all you need
Elsewise the thread form just gets shat on.
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hey I'd shat on you, you cheeky brit
I don't know why you throw a fit
but if rhyme's required, I guess I'll comply
with, albeit, a prolonged sigh
because if nothing else, writing in verse sharpens the wit
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Oh James, you silly wifebeater
Neglecting the limerick's meter
I say with great mirth
Though a turd's what you're worth
Your ego is so much like Jeter
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this isnt limerick cause i dont get it
but partick loves cock
please dont mock
keep your doors lock
cause he gives the best blowjob.
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Jussi continues to be the best boarder of the millennium.
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This talk about Pat's oral talent
May seem to sound very gallant
But 'tis not false extol
He sucks like a black hole
'Til all my semen has been spent!
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Hey everyone, how is it going?
Over here, outside it is snowing.
"We can get up to six inches."
Really? Plz, bitches.
Jussi, how good would you say Patrick is with his mouth, on a scale of one to ten?
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The highest mark possible on your scale doesn't even come close to what I consider my lowest acceptable performance margin
Ask your mother