THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)
Comic Discussion => QUESTIONABLE CONTENT => Topic started by: iduguphergrave on 12 Jun 2013, 14:07
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Not enjoying the heat wave. NEW IMAGE:
(http://i.imgur.com/oMbIFce.png) (http://imgur.com/oMbIFce)
8-)
EDIT: The heat is melting my brain. I forgot it's wednesday, not sunday, and started a new thread. Oh well can't change it now.
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Marten: "Eight Strings?"
Salesguy: "I have one with 188 strings!"
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MARTIN: It is full of spiders why is it full of spiders.
SALESDUDE: Resonance.
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Marten: Got my first real eight-string?
Salesdude: Plaid until my finger's bled.
(So sorry.)
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Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."
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Marten: "Could you get the oil out of it?"
Salesdude: "Yeah, but i couldn't do much with the "PintSize" carved on the back".
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Marten: "Isn't that neck a little short?"
Guitarzan: "Yeah, it's the ukelele model."
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Ahem ...
MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?
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Ahem ...
MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?
SHOPDUDE: "I never wanted this job, you know."
MARTEN: "You didn't?"
SHOPDUDE: "No, I wanted to be ... a lumberjack! Ohhhhhh, I'm a ..."
MARTEN: "You've got the shirt for it."
MODERATOR (in British Army colonel's uniform): "Stop! Stop! This is far too silly!"
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Marten: "This guitar sounds like a cat going to the toilet through a sewn-up bum. Can I exchange it?"
Storekeeper: "Shit! I think I got your order mixed up with some dude named Crash..."
Soul Music wasn't a great book, but it does have it's moments.
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Ahem ...
MARTEN: I wish to file a complaint about this parrot. It seems to be dead.
SHOPDUDE: I'm sorry dude, but that's a guitar.
MARTEN: No it's not! I bought it here just half an hour ago and you assured me it was a parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Look dude, it's a GUITAR. It has strings and everything.
MARTEN: Strings? No, that's its cage.
SHOPDUDE: Again, strings. Look, there's 8 of them.
MARTEN: Aha! Got you there! Guitars have 6 strings, so this can' t be a guitar. It's a parrot, I say! And it has ceased to be!
SHOPDUDE: It's called an 8-string guitar.
MARTEN: No it isn't! There's no such thing! It is a parrot! An ex-parrot!
SHOPDUDE: Yes it is!
MARTEN: Got ya! Now can I have my money back?
SHOPDUDE: <sigh> Yeah, it's a parrot, whatever. Why don't you go to the pet shop down the road?
MARTEN: This is not a pet shop?
SHOPDUDE: "I never wanted this job, you know."
MARTEN: "You didn't?"
SHOPDUDE: "No, I wanted to be ... a lumberjack! Ohhhhhh, I'm a ..."
MARTEN: "You've got the shirt for it."
MODERATOR (in British Army colonel's uniform): "Stop! Stop! This is far too silly!"
MARTEN: No please, let him sing! I could accompany him on this guitar!
SHOPDUDE: So now it IS a guitar! Why on earth did you insist it was a goddamn parrot just now?
MARTEN: I did not!
SHOPDUDE: Yes you did!
MARTEN: No I did not! Look, who are you, the Spanish Inquisition?
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GORDON: NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPIDER INQUISITION! Among our weaponry are surprise, fear, orbital bombardment, and - oh, I'll come in again.
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SPECIALS BOARD: Spam, spam, spam, mocha and spam.
PENELOPE: "Spam's off, dear."
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I declare the thread won, however there is only one Internet you'll have to divide it up fairly.
(dibs on the slow-motion jogging-chicks portion!)
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MARTEN: "Geez, she forgets what day it is, just once..."
GUITAR GUY (who looks suspiciously like Jeph): "Yeah, and all of a sudden it's Monty Python Quotation Day."
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Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."
Marten: "Hey, there's..."
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. That's my boyfriend, Gordon."
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Marten: "Hey, there's…"
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. She's the store's owner."
Marten: "Hey, there's..."
Salesdude: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. That's my boyfriend, Gordon."
MARTEN: "Hey, there's ..."
SALESDUDE: "Yeah, a spider crawling up my back. Not so loud. Everybody will want one."
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And now for something completely different:
MARTEN: How to recognize different types of guitar from quite a long way away.
SHOPDUDE: No 1: The 8-string.
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Marten: "8-strings. You need to be a frekking spider to play that!"
Salesdude: "Or an Octopus. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tal_Farlow)"
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NARRATOR: "And now Mr. F.G. Spiderman of Wains Cotting, Kent, demonstrates how NOT to be seen."
SPIDER: (Explodes).
(Cue exterior shot of CoD and audio of "Liberty Bell March" by Sousa, interrupted by elaborately drawn but crudely animated tungsten rod dropping from orbital height on CoD. End credits ran five minutes previously.)
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Marten: "Pull my finger."
Salesman: "No way, I'm not falling for that. My AnthroPC does that every week."
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Marten: ".....and then I pushed that little button on the left there."
ShopDude: "Yeah, we heard the explosion from here."
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ROUND 1:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?
ROUND 2:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.
ROUND 3:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.
*DING*
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Marten: "You, err, you need to plug it in. You know... To power it..."
Salesdude: "....Wow. Mr. Grace was right. I am the worst musician and salesman in the store."
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Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.
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Marten: You mean that busker outside Coffee of Doom...
Salesguy: With only one guitar string, he's done half the population of Northampton.
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MARTEN: It'll get me laid, right
SHOPDUDE: Funny you should say that. *starts undressing*
*cue cheesy porn flick music*
MARTEN: What's all that hay (http://forums.questionablecontent.net/index.php/topic,29032.msg1164918.html#msg1164918) doing here?
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Marten: "8-strings. You need to be a frekking spider to play that!"
GORDON (OP): "You rang?"
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Marten: "Can you do anything about my hangnail?"
Clerk: "Sure. Put your finger down on the counter and I'll hit it with the guitar."
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Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.
So... Bass-players get all the action?
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MARTEN: It will get me laid, right?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, the number of G-strings on your guitar increases your chance!
(When thrown from the audience and caught on the guitar's neck?)
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ROUND 1:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?
ROUND 2:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.
ROUND 3:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.
*DING*
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'
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Marten: "Why would I want that when I already have ten guitars?"
Store dude: "With eleven of these you have 88 strings, so it's just like having a piano."
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Marten: It'll get me laid, right?
Salesguy: Actually, the number of strings on your guitar inversely affects your chances, sad to say.
So... Bass-players get all the action?
Well, McCartney's on his third wife... :-D
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Marten: "What is that?"
Clerk: "It's a kind of musical instrument, like a drum or a tuba except it makes different kinds of sounds."
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"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"
"Yeah, it's called an eight-string guitar. You can do major-thirds tuning on one of these babies."
Marten: "Why would I want that when I already have ten guitars?"
Store dude: "With eleven of these you have 88 strings, so it's just like having a piano."
You, sir, have earned my vote.
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"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"
...and all the while, the floor is full of hay.
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Marten: "You, err, you need to plug it in. You know... To power it..."
Salesdude: "....Wow. Mr. Grace was right. I am the worst musician and salesman in the store."
Well, somebody's been served (audio cue: cash registers).
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"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"
...and all the while, the floor is full of hay.
You, sir, lose 10 Points for that awful, awful reference :p
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SPECIALS BOARD: Spam, spam, spam, mocha and spam.
PENELOPE: "Spam's off, dear."
Uptight MP Fan: No, no, no, that should be "Mocha's off".
PENELOPE: But it's my only line.
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ROUND 1:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?
ROUND 2:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.
ROUND 3:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.
*DING*
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'
Thank you two for saving me the trouble
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MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Yes, but for another $2000, you can buy this one that goes all the way to 12.
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ROUND 1:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Does this look like an amplifier to you, fuckwit?
ROUND 2:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No we made 10 louder.
ROUND 3:
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: No, only eight.
*DING*
MARTEN: Does it go up to 11?
SHOPDUDE: Actually, if you press the control, it moves to 'Experimental'
Thank you two for saving me the trouble
*Bows Courtly style*
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Your welcome! NOW BACK TO TEH 119 THREAD!!! GO ON NOW! SCAT!!! :x