Suggestions on how Faye can top Sven

[JReynolds]

In comic 1074, Sven tops Faye with Jay Z's "99 Problems".

Can Faye come up with something to top Sven? Is there anything that can top that? I'm not really up on the current music / indie rock scene. My only suggestion is one that the karaoke bar probably doesn't have:

"Ah! flee from the deceiver!
Don't listen to what he says:
deceit sits on his lips
and falsehood in his eyes!"

or in its original (for those wanting to track down where the heck this song is from):

"Ah! fuggi il traditor!
Non lo lasciar più dir;
il labbro è mentitor,
fallace il ciglio!"

[OnewingedAngel]

Possibly "I'm fucking Matt Damon." But I don't think they have that on karaoke.

[Billberryjuice]

i just wanna hear her sing the whole of Starfuckers, would be something special 

[Jackie Blue]

Winger.

"Seventeen."

[Doug S. Machina]

I can't be the only one who read this title and didn't about music first.

I'm tempted to say "Road Rage" by Catatonia, but it's really the wrong message.

Sven's next song should be Kinky Friedman's Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed (Lyrics)

Then he will be torn limb from limb and left to bleed to death.

[Joybee]

Perhaps counterattacking with Beyonce would do the trick.



I'm thinking Bootylicious by Destiny's Child.

[Apple Pie]

I can't be the only one who read this title and didn't about music first.

No, no you weren't.

I suppose if she wanted to be ironic, she could sing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy...as that song reeeeeeally describes Sven's love history. Another song that might work is "I never liked you (even when I tried to)" by The Rogue Traders - but that's an Aussie song, so I don't know how many people overseas may have heard it.

[kurzon]

Short Dick Man by 20 Fingers?

Oh, I know - Instant Karma by the Beatles.  If anyone can top hip-hop it's John Lennon.

Instant Karma's gonna get you,
Gonna knock you right on the head,
You better get yourself together,
Pretty soon you're gonna be dead,
What in the world you thinking of,
Laughing in the face of love,
What on earth you tryin' to do,
It's up to you, yeah you.

Instant Karma's gonna get you,
Gonna look you right in the face,
Better get yourself together darlin',
Join the human race,
How in the world you gonna see,
Laughin' at fools like me,
Who on earth d'you think you are,
A super star,
Well, right you are.

Oh, or Infra-red by Placebo

One last thing before I shuffle off the planet,
I will be the one to make you crawl,
So I came down to wish you and unhappy birthday.

Someone call the ambulance..There's gonna be an accident.

I'm coming up on infrared, there is no running that can hide you,
Coz I can see in the dark.
I'm coming up on infrared, forget your running, I will find you.

One more thing before we start the final face-off,
I will be the one to watch you fall,
So I came down to crash and burn your bagger's banquet.

Someone call the ambulance..There's gonna be an accident.

I'm coming up on infrared, there is no running that can hide you,
Coz I can see in the dark.
I'm coming up on infrared, forget your running, I will find you.
(find you)

Heh, or if she decided to come on to him: Not Afraid of Romance by Machine Gun Fellatio.

Ah, the possibilities of this game are endless. 

[raoullefere]

Or Faye could counter Sven with his own means of support by singing the Georgia Satellites' "Keep Your Hands to Yourself".

The only problem is the relationships posited in the lyrics, should Sven elect to take her seriously.

I hearby demand points for cramming a whacky-titled country-pop song and the word posited into the same post with a straight face.

[Doug S. Machina]

Hell, I did the wacky-titled country song a few posts ago. Can you fit "egregious" in here?

[Rocketman]

Depending on how mean she wants to be... Rammstein - Lachzeit.

Er liebt die Mutter
und von der Seite
den Fisch gibt er ihr selbst
dieser häutet sich vor leerem Hoden
die alte Haut fällt auf den Boden

Er liebt die Schwester
und von hinten
der Fisch frisst sich zum Mund
die Kiemen blutig noch vom saugen
an den roten großen Augen

Laichzeit
es ist Laichzeit

Er liebt den Hund
oh Gott von oben
der Fisch jetzt mit der Zunge küsst
speit tote Milch dir ins Gesicht
ihn anzufassen wagst du nicht

Laichzeit
überall Fischmilch
es ist Laichzeit

Die Mutter hat das Meer geholt
Laichzeit
die Schwestern haben keine Zeit
Laichzeit
der Hund steht winkend am Gestade
Laichzeit
der Fisch braucht seine Einsamkeit
Laichzeit

He loves his mother
and from the side
he gives the fish to her himself
it sheds its skin before empty testicles
the old skin falls to the floor

He loves his sister
and from behind
the fish eats to the mouth
the gills still bloody from sucking
on the big red eyes

Spawning time
it is spawning time

He loves his dog
oh god from above
the fish now kisses with his tongue
he spits dead milk in your face
you don't dare touch him

Spawning time
fishmilk everywhere
it is spawning time

The mother has been taken by the sea
Spawning time
the sisters don't have time
Spawning time
the dog waves from the shore
Spawning time
the fish needs his loneliness
Spawning time

[Tago Mago]

i just wanna hear her sing the whole of Starfuckers, would be something special 

I hope you're not implying that Faye ever sang any of Starfuckers. Geez, kids tuhday.

[Doug S. Machina]

Depending on how mean she wants to be... Rammstein - Lachzeit.

Does this sound any less batshit crazy in the German? 

[raoullefere]

It makes perfect sense—providing you ingest some mind-altering substances (several at once, for best effect) and have an omega-3 deficiency.

In any case, I think it unwise for Faye to sing anything mentioning spawning to Sven. Marriage, yes—he'd run like hell. But not spawning.

[Cartilage Head]

Sugarcubes - Fucking In Rythm And Sorrow.

[Rocketman]

In any case, I think it unwise for Faye to sing anything mentioning spawning to Sven. Marriage, yes—he'd run like hell. But not spawning.

Given that the guy in the song is such a slave to his balls he bangs his mom, sister and dog... 

Does this sound any less batshit crazy in the German?   

No, but German makes up for it by sounding totally metal. 

[hamstermoney]

Perhaps counterattacking with Beyonce would do the trick.



I'm thinking Bootylicious by Destiny's Child.

Oh, hell yeah.
That would be pure gold.

[celticgeek]

Let's face it:  you can't top "Row, Row, Row your boat", either.

[JReynolds]

Hehehe.

Poor Hanners. I've also tried to do stuff from time to time only to shoot myself in the foot because of stage fright. Embarrassing when it happens!

[raoullefere]

I will agree that there's nothing like karaoking (is that a word?) "Row Row Row Your Boat."

Or is Hanners singing a cappella?

[soapbox-paiga]

I want to know what kind of karaoke machine they're using.

...And then steal it.

Also--

"You better think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me
Yeah, think (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free

Let's go back, let's go back, let's go way on back when
I didn't even know you, you came to me and too much you wouldn't take
I ain't no psychiatrist, I ain't no doctor with degree
It don't take too much high IQ's to see what you're doing to me."

--you just can't beat the classics. (*mostly just wants to see Faye wailing "freee-dom!!" into the microphone... and Hanners get up on the tabletop to echo her*)

[Amadeus]

Here's how you top it:

Wink at him, make him think it's about him, and pick a totally irrelevant song, like "Space Oddity". Then, he has to sit there all night and wonder what the hell it has to do with him. It'll drive him nuts.

[Doug S. Machina]

Here's how you top it:

Wink at him, make him think it's about him, and pick a totally irrelevant song, like "Space Oddity". Then, he has to sit there all night and wonder what the hell it has to do with him. It'll drive him nuts.

Love this idea.

Edit: Damnit, now I have "Space Oddity" stuck in my head. Could be worse.

[AngelofShadows]

Slayer. Anything by Slayer.

[idiolect]

In keeping with recent events: This is Love by PJ Harvey.  It's also just a badass song.  I can't believe life's so complex / when I just wanna sit here and watch you undress

[raoullefere]

I came to this thread to make an obvious comment about the topic and #1080, but I'll let it pass. Well, almost.

[AndrewDB]

For all we know.. she could of topped Sven last night.

[raoullefere]

Don't try to out tasteless me, Andrew. The best you can hope for is a draw.

[Doug S. Machina]

In keeping with recent events: This is Love by PJ Harvey.  It's also just a badass song.  I can't believe life's so complex / when I just wanna sit here and watch you undress

That song kicks arse.

For all we know.. she could of topped Sven last night.

Love that smiley.

[grendler]

given recent events

Sheryl Crow:  My Favorite Mistake?

[UnidentifiedFlyingCupcake]

I love the "Instant Karma" (by Lennon alone, not the Beatles, btw) idea, as well as the "sing a completely random song" one. She should have done something that would completely trip him out.

[Sackett]

Hmm... At the risk of dating myself..

What about "Barracuda" by Heart?

I tend to prefer their earlier work from when they still played the Seattle Bar Scene, but "Barracuda" seems like the natural reply to a male player casting aspersions on a woman.

"Lonesome Loser" by Little River Band might also work- While not in keeping with my usual interpretation of the lyrics, it could be a devastating commentary on Sven's life...  might be hitting below the belt- but that is my preferred tactic.

[OnewingedAngel]

I think there was plenty of hitting below the belt already.

[mrjoegangles]

I think Sven should have sang Scotty Doesnt Know and dedicated it to the other male patrons... Since chances are he slept with every girl but two (now one) there.

[AndrewDB]

For all we know.. she could of topped Sven last night.

I'd just like to point it out that 1082 proves I was correct in my assumption!

[raoullefere]

Of course, Sven may very well have returned the favor—If he also topped Faye last night, does that make it a draw?

[Border Reiver]

Doesn't matter - so long as he was a gentleman and took his weight on his elbows....