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[iduguphergrave]

Happy February, happy big footballs game, happy new caption game!

FIRST IMAGE:

[celticgeek]

Delilah:  Daaaaaaaaang!  I Looooove your shorts!
Mark:  Thanks.  They're my "lucky" shorts.

[cesium133]

Hang On, Hang On, I Know I Know This: Mark, I've made peace with the fact I'm a temporary character and do not have long to live. Please, go return to the Land of the Recurring Character.
Mark: Okay, but I'm totally going to forget your name.

[Loki]

Delilah: ...and this is how a blind zombie would walk around after a one-night stand!
Marten: ...meh. This's pretty much on par with my other girl shenanigans.

[Is it cold in here?]

Delilah: "You look so much better without that stupid T-shirt!"
Marten: "Thanks, I guess."

[FunkyTuba]

Delilah: Mark, I have something to tell you... I'm preg-....
Marten: Wow, I'm so excited! I'll look for a better job, and we can find a bigger place...
Delilah: No, sweetie, I was going to say pregustant... I can taste you from here, and you need some sauce.

[Is it cold in here?]

"Mark, you're a sweet guy, but the next time you're intimate with a lady you should remember to take your shorts off."
"Oh, I knew I was forgetting something."

[Skewbrow]

D: "Mark, you're a sweet guy and all, but don't you think it was too soon to shave your belly hair to form a cute `D'?"
M: "What? Oh? Ok, for a moment I thought you were grading me."

[Zebediah]

Delilah: "At least now I know why Tai keeps calling you 'Pintsize'."
Marken: "THAT ISN'T ME."

[Nuclear_Nipple_Tester]

D:  "WHELP, you've ruined sex forever."
M:  "It's been a good run.  Guess I'll go live on a barge now."

[cesium133]

Delilah: Happy birthday, Grandma!
Mark: Thanks, you've ruined sex for me forever!

[hakko504]

Delilah: Mark, I have something to tell you... I'm preg-....

Mark: Shhh. Don't spoil the plot of comic 2800-2850!

[Nuclear_Nipple_Tester]

D:   No, no.  I mean  "mark" as in my next victim.
M:  Goddamn it I really LIKE my kidneys.

[WAYF]

Delilah: Look, I know you forgot to turn Pintsize off, but I still had fun!... kinda.

Marten: I think Pintsize did a pretty good job of turning ME off...

[Zebediah]

"So, that part where you said 'Happy Birthday, Grandma!'..."
"Yeah, sorry, that's kind of an inside joke..."
"How did you know?"
"How huh?
"About my daughter."
"Huh gug buh duh?"
"I mean, she's only twelve, so I thought I'd have a couple of years before I needed to worry about her getting pregnant..."
"Guh."
"That's kind of the reason I threw this party. Finding out I was becoming a grandmother at twenty-six really made me want to get stoned."
"Uhhh..."
"So did Tai spill the beans? Or was it Bob?"
"Uh, really, I didn't know..."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really..."
*smirk*
"Oh, wait, you're just messing with me, aren't you?"
"HA! Admit it, I really had you going there for a minute!" 

[jwhouk]

"So, that part where you said 'Happy Birthday, Grandma!'..."
"Yeah, sorry, that's kind of an inside joke..."
"How did you know?"
"How huh?
"About my daughter."
"Huh gug buh duh?"
"I mean, she's only twelve, so I thought I'd have a couple of years before I needed to worry about her getting pregnant..."
"Guh."
"That's kind of the reason I threw this party. Finding out I was becoming a grandmother at twenty-six really made me want to get stoned."
"Uhhh..."
"So did Tai spill the beans? Or was it Bob?"
"Uh, really, I didn't know..."
"Yeah, right."
"No, really..."
*smirk*
"Oh, wait, you're just messing with me, aren't you?"
"HA! Admit it, I really had you going there for a minute!" 

We have a winnah.

[Soulsynger]

Delilah: "So, this is the part where I hoist you like a putto and fly you to the heavens?"
Mark: "Yeah, I've never gotten what that pose means, either."

[iduguphergrave]

Yes, well done, Zebediah  ; though I also need to give props to FunkyTuba for teaching me a new word.

SECOND PANEL:

[cesium133]

Marten: I will now psychically contact Cosette from beyond the grave... I have made contact with her spirit in the afterlife... She says she's not dead.
Cosette: I'm not dead!

[K1dmor]

 Marten: You're thinking of....butts, all i get it's butts.
 Cosette: Close enough. I was thinking you're an asshole.

[DSL]

Marten: You're thinking of....butts, all i get it's butts.
 Cosette: Close enough. I was thinking you're an asshole.

This one right here.
Fortunately I was not drinking anything carbonated.

[DrBear]

Martenac: "Sis....boom...bah"

Cosette: "What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?"

/from Johnny Carson, many many years ago

[cesariojpn]

D: Guess what? I got a job!! It's with Veronica Vance!!
M: (thinking internally) Uh-oh.....

Marten: A Double Eagle, Rope, and a Baby Buggy.
Cosette: You do the world's most shittiest Johnny Carson impersonations, y'know that?

[questionablydiscontent]

MARTEN: 3.1415... 9265... 3589... 7... 93...
COSETTE: I said PHI not PI. It's 1.61803398875105027, of course.
STEVE (thinking): I am so confused right now, it's not even funny. But I don't want them to see my expression, so I think I'll just glue this saucer to my face. (oh snap, did I just utilize the ambiguous perspective to relabel one object as another?)

[Pilchard123]

Ambiguous perspective?

[Storel]

Ambiguous perspective?

The "saucer" that Steve's holding in front of his face was actually his cereal bowl, but because of the way it's drawn in that panel, it looks like it could be a saucer.

[Thrudd]

At least he wasn't using it for making bacon because then it would be a frying saucer. 

[DSL]

Well done.

[Skewbrow]

D: "Don't worry. It may be less filling..."
M: "... but it tastes great (sigh)."

[DrBear]

D: Well, Mark, you'll at least have a story to tell.
M: You have no idea.

[Border Reiver]

Happy February, happy big footballs game, happy new caption game!

FIRST IMAGE:

Deliah:  "Look, I appreciate all the effort you went to, and I do think you're a great guy that many women find attractive, but you really shouldn't try to replace Pintsize as my lifepartner."

Marten:  "?!?"

Yes, well done, Zebediah  ; though I also need to give props to FunkyTuba for teaching me a new word.

SECOND PANEL:

Marten:  "Look, I just needed to get this out in the open before it becomes a sensitive topic."

Cossette:  "Marten, we love you like a brother, but all us girls already know that Pintsize is more satisfying than you."

[next panel is Steve's spit take]

[questionablydiscontent]

At least he wasn't using it for making bacon because then it would be a frying saucer. 

*standing ovation*