warning: long post about drugs ahead, you have been warned
so...i got high on ecstasy last night for the first time and...well, it was pretty amazing. I had a somewhat religious experience which, if you know me at all, is completely insane. I've been an atheist for my entire life; even as a child who didn't know what religion was or that people believed in this god or that, I KNEW that there was no god. That was just how the universe worked. I've always based everything I ever believed in around probability and statistics and physics but last night, for the first time, I thought it might not be that simple.
Story time:
In december I found a 3 or 4 week old kitten at the bottom of my driveway. I knew it had been abandoned because he was far too young to have wandered that far on his own (I live in the woods with not many neighbors around, and certainly not very close). Anyway, he was scared and wet and cold and as soon as i sat down and called him, he came running and literally leaped into my lap. So I took him inside and gave him some food and water and we hit it off immediately, like I do with all cats (my friends call me the cat whisperer, because cats always love me). I named him Wildcard and he was the best cat I've ever had; he was amazingly unique and awesome and I loved him. This all happened during a brief stint I did of living at my parents' house again, and Wildcard and our dog Copper became fast friends.
Fast forward to last month, when I moved back out of my parents' house back into what we call "Alger Man Club" which is just a shitty double wide out in the sticks, on Manley Rd. I left Wildcard with my parents because they liked him so much and I didnt' want to seperate him and Copper because they were such good friends and Copper is getting old and I think she was lonely without another animal to play with at home.
Fast forward again to two weeks ago: Wildcard doesn't come in one night, or the next, or the next. We hold out hope that he just found a neighbor to feed him, or that he had a girlfriend or something, but with all the predators in the woods we knew he was probably dead. It's sad, but that's life you know.
so anyway, last night me and my roomates all took ecstasy (my first time) and everyone else started feeling it before I did, so I thought it wasn't working, I was a little disappointed. I had been feeling a little more depressed about Wildcard than usual that day and I went outside to smoke a cigarette and get away from my friends who were starting to get high, and while I was outside, it hit me.
But what's this? What that's shape in the dark? *gasp* IT'S A KITTY
Sure enough, there is a large orange cat pacing around me just outside the perimeter of light created by the back porch light. So I call him, I'm getting pretty high at this point and I realize that his name must be Franklin; it's the only thing he could have been called. Dunno why. He's cautious, he thinks it might be a trick, but eventually I convince him that I'm legit and he finally comes up and rubs against my knee and licks my hands.
So I'm hanging out with this cat and I remember why I actually came outside in the first place: to hit the rope swing. Let me tell you, swinging on a rope out into a dark abyss of trees and babbling brooks is one of the greatest joys in my life. Doubly so on ecstasy, it turns out. My friends are already down by the ropeswing (they had the same idea as me) and I start stumbling down the hill towards them with Franklin trotting along eagerly behind me. He keeps his distance from the others at first, but he realizes soon enough that they're just as friendly as me, so he's stoked. After a bit Franklin hears something interesting and goes wandering off and we go our separate ways.
A while later, I'm bored and annoyed at whatever it was everybody was doing inside, so I went back outside to hit the ropeswing again and it was amazing, obviously. Then when I start walking back up to the house, I see Franklin watching me from the tall grass, gently and awkwardly meowing like he's out of practice, so I go and sit by him and he hops into my lap like it's the most natural thing in the world. We sit there for...maybe an hour...I have no idea really, but I get the feeling that Franklin's owners don't appreciate him or give him the attention and respect he deserves, and I make sure tell him as much (not like he can really understand me, but it seemed possible at the time). At some point during this time the thought crosses my mind that god must be real, because he sent me this cat. It wasn't just that it was a cat though, it was everything: my best cat of all time Wildcard recently died, I was doing ecstasy for the first time, and then this amazing cat shows up out of nowhere at exactly the right moment and it all just fit together so well, it was ridiculous. I can't believe that I just legitimately thought about god, even for a second. It's such a far-removed concept for me that...I just couldn't even believe what I was thinking. Then, of course, through various trains of thought I start to think...maybe Franklin wasn't sent to me by god, but maybe Franklin IS god and he doesn't even know it. Could god exist on earth and not know he was god? I guess, I dunno. I still find the idea of a god pretty absurd, but at the time it made perfect sense. By this time, I'm laying down on my back and Franklin is laying next to me, sometimes climbing over me and being adorable. Important thing to note about Franklin: he might have had some wild cat blood in him because he was BIG, had huge ears, and an extremely long and skinny tail; very cougar-like, if I do say so myself. So i was laying on my back with Franklin, eyes closed, when I see the sky light up in a flash, even through my closed eyelids; I open them up to see a huge shooting star trail directly above me and it was exactly like Franklin's tail: it was loooong and orange and it hovered in the sky a bit longer than normal, it seemed. It was very significant at the time.
Eventually one of my roomates, and my best friend, Tj calls me wondering where the hell I was, so I told him I was with Franklin down by the ropeswing and that he should stealthily roll up and hang out with us and, after some trouble finding us in the dark, he does. We hang out, talk, pet Franklin, and "bro down" for who knows how long before we decide to take a walk up the road. We walk and talk all the way to end of the road, where it becomes a logging road that switchbacks quickly up the mountain. Franklin didn't follow us. I think he knew that me and TJ needed to be alone, even when I didn't necessarily know that yet. When we get to the end we realize that we're not done yet, we can't turn back, it's not time yet. So we go under the gate and start up the mountain. We continue walking and talking for several hours before we finally realize we're almost to the top and that we should probably head back. We told stories and shared feelings and basked in the glory of the Mtn. Dew and Marlboros I had (I frikkin power smoked almost the whole damn pack, with a little bit of help. Sorry, throat and lungs)
So we were coming down, both off the mountain and the drugs, and eventually got back to the house and went to bed (it was probably 3 or 4 in the morning at this point).
anyway, it was a pretty amazing night and I'm glad that Franklin showed up to help me with my thoughts regardless of whether it was coincidence or divine intervention. And I think that was the point: it wouldn't really matter if it was one or the other, because it'll all buff out in the end, anyway.
