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Author Topic: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER  (Read 845140 times)

Ballard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1850 on: 26 Dec 2008, 14:30 »

Respect is leaving the seventh dick.
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1851 on: 26 Dec 2008, 18:10 »

The secret is to get sloppy drunk, then post.

I've been hitting all kinds of cheap, low-quality fruity wines lately. Shit by Wild Vines and the like. It's definitely a different kind of drunk.

Hey Drunk Thread, I just thought up what I'm sure is a terrible joke, and I'm gonna attack you with it!
What's the difference between a wine connoisseur and a wino? The connoisseur spits; the wino swallows.

Woo!

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1852 on: 26 Dec 2008, 18:12 »

Post-holiday boredom has set in.  That means beer time.

Liz

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1853 on: 27 Dec 2008, 08:25 »

Jesus Christ, get an internet ROOM, you two!
Cute my ass. They've been goin' at it for the past 5+ months.

D'awww, I think Matty-poo is jealous. : D
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Barmymoo

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1854 on: 27 Dec 2008, 11:40 »

I'm not drunk, but I figured you guys might be able to shed light on a conundrum.

Why did a jar of strawberry conserve require alcohol authorisation at work today? It was just jam. Why did the customer have to be 18? Is there something I should know about jarred fruit?
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There's this really handy "other thing" I'm going to write as a footnote to my abstract that I can probably explore these issues in. I think I'll call it my "dissertation."

ViolentDove

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1855 on: 27 Dec 2008, 14:03 »

Jam is pretty dangerous. Having devonshire tea is like walking a razor's edge between life and death.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

ViolentDove

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1856 on: 27 Dec 2008, 14:05 »

Also, blergh hangover.
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With cake ownership set to C and cake consumption set to K, then C + K = 0.  So indeed as one consumes a cake, one simultaneously deprives oneself of cake ownership. 

Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1857 on: 27 Dec 2008, 21:27 »

Dear Drunk Thread,
It has been a while since I've seen you, and since it is the season of giving, I have made something for you. I have not been drinking tonight, but here is a handy flow-chart guide to my posting so that I can remember how to post next time I need you.

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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

allison

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1858 on: 27 Dec 2008, 21:51 »

talking to the boy i like!
high as shit :)
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Harun

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1859 on: 27 Dec 2008, 23:12 »

name: your favorite seasonal winter beer
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Johnny C

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1860 on: 28 Dec 2008, 10:47 »

i drank so fuckin hard last night

mead rules
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eddie

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1861 on: 28 Dec 2008, 12:15 »

I got really drunk last night and I've spent all day wondering why the screen on my mobile phone wouldn't work but then my friend rang me & said after I held the phone to my mouth that I had dropped it in a strip club toilet.
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Liz

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1862 on: 28 Dec 2008, 19:35 »

James that flowchart seems quite accurate. It made me chuckle.
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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1863 on: 28 Dec 2008, 19:42 »

i approve of that flow chart!  :lol:
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Stryc9Fuego

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1864 on: 29 Dec 2008, 05:06 »

Awesome chart, etc, etc... but I would never post naked pictures of myself.
I am generally a horrible person, but at least I am considerate enough of my fellow human beings to keep my grotesque visage off of the inter-webs.

Dimmukane

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1865 on: 29 Dec 2008, 19:48 »

Zongloads.  South Park.  Left 4 Dead.  I am having a good time.
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Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1866 on: 29 Dec 2008, 22:14 »

How hard would it be to make a bot to replace me? I will just prepare a supply of suggestive pictures and be ready to go.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1867 on: 30 Dec 2008, 21:24 »

Man, flowcharts and self-deprecating humour go together wonderfully. Updated and expanded:



I may be getting carried away a little here.
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Ozymandias

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1868 on: 30 Dec 2008, 21:29 »

Man, that flowchart is creepily similar to my own thought processes.
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Darkbluerabbit

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1869 on: 30 Dec 2008, 23:59 »

My bunny died.  Is this an acceptable reason to be downing whiskey at an alarming rate?
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Ozymandias

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1870 on: 31 Dec 2008, 00:03 »

It is totally acceptable. That is basically the most acceptable reason.
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Darkbluerabbit

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1871 on: 31 Dec 2008, 00:53 »

I am raising a toast to my rabbit.  He had a good, long life, and I wish him an eternity of clover and shamrocks. 
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Lines

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1872 on: 31 Dec 2008, 21:18 »

ha[[y new yarr!
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allison

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1873 on: 31 Dec 2008, 22:28 »

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP|PY NY EQART
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Ballard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1874 on: 31 Dec 2008, 23:27 »

Guys I am not fucked up right now. I am pleasantly buzzed on some Scotch after a quiet night in.

Happy New Year!
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Dimmukane

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1875 on: 31 Dec 2008, 23:51 »

aaaawe[ppppf[j faholy shi[t.  howqwsd di drfive home t=oinighta.   


Wow.  I'm impressed wi.  I lost some weed and was able to find it before anyone stole it!  I drank a lot.  I somehow drove home sober and now I'm here totally fucked.  what siiwll this say toormoworrow.  holy crap
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Dimmukane

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1876 on: 01 Jan 2009, 00:07 »

Fuckin' new year@@@@@@1!s  I witnessed a knife fight.
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ackblom12

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1877 on: 01 Jan 2009, 00:42 »

Man, a new years with the wife, good freinds, Rock Band and good liquor. This was a good year.

Also, D&D on saturday... way to ring in a good new year.
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onewheelwizzard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1878 on: 01 Jan 2009, 00:46 »

Happy fuckin' new year!   brownies and liquor and blunts and beer and fireworks equals a good night.
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ackblom12

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1879 on: 01 Jan 2009, 00:51 »

a-fuckin-men.
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pen

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1880 on: 03 Jan 2009, 23:55 »

I"m tipsy and loneyly and wanna watch am ovie and don't wanna sleep but i'm by myself and it kinda feel s liek the thing to do so I'm gonna go pass out now i think and hopefully wake up without being lonely or tipsy. 
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Ballard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1881 on: 04 Jan 2009, 00:03 »

Holy shit I like Scotch now.

Scotch is good times guys!

Especially last night when I had no internet access nor the desire to stop what I was doing to hang out with you fucks.
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Professor Snuggles

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1882 on: 04 Jan 2009, 00:07 »

What scotch were you drinking.
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Ballard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1883 on: 04 Jan 2009, 01:12 »

The Famous Grouse. To the best of my limited knowledge, nothing spectacular. I was considerably more delighted with the shenanigans that it brought on than the liquor itself.

I had some really boss White Horse on New Year's Eve.
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Dimmukane

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1884 on: 04 Jan 2009, 20:31 »

Just bought my friend a new bong today.  It twists into a tiny aperture that acts as an icecatcher and produces a cyclone effect.  So that was cool.  Then we watched Dead Alive, and They Live, then played Left 4 Dead. Then watched some Metalocalypse.  Nice.
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Ballard

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1885 on: 04 Jan 2009, 20:42 »

Yeah Jens, pretty much.

I played Left 4 Dead for the first time yesterday. It is a phenomenal game.
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Ozymandias

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1886 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:22 »

POSTED:

Attention all lesbian women of Earth.

You have been declared my mortal enemies for the following offense:

1) Distaste for penises and 2) I will never have a chance to have sex with you.

It has come to my attention that while I may have sex with gay men, bi men, straight women, bi women, various transgendered people, and even a confused straight man, it is extremely and highly unlikely I can bed a lesbian. Furthermore, by both lacking and refusing to have sex with a penis, your existence is flawed.

This is unacceptable.

I challenge you all to a duel. We fight at the mountain of Mediggo and we shall determine the fate of the universe.

In conclusion, fuck y'all.
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Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1887 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:30 »

Attention all lesbian women of Earth.
I am the lady in question.

...?
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Ozymandias

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1888 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:31 »

Elizabeth Jean, I think that might mean you are not a lesbian. I am not really sure what the lesbian conract has in it, but I think both of those things are dealbreakers.
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You are 9/11.
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Liz

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1889 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:35 »

Oh balls I missed the part where it said lesbian. WHOOPS.

I will delete that post now and if either of you keep up the shenanigans you will just look silly.
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Cicero

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1890 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:40 »

Liz, these are shocking revelations.
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Liz

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1891 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:41 »

Oh shush you. You cannot trust these people, everything they say to you is a lie. LIES, ALL OF IT.
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Ozymandias

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1892 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:43 »

I take it back, Liz is gayer than Ellen Degeneres at a really gay party. Maybe it's a fundraiser for helping young lesbian homeless girls ge back on their feet. It's probably a really nice event, Ellen is good people fo rbeign my mortal enemy.
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You are 9/11.
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Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1893 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:48 »

penis penis penis oh hey look i have a penis penis penis
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Liz

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1894 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:50 »

See, it is all lies. You can never believe a word of what Jordan says about me, the little bastard. Or James.

(Also James you know I don't have a penis, silly.)
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Cicero

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1895 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:51 »

Liz, you're lying right now.    Come on!
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Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1896 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:51 »

Ozy it is for helping young lesbian homeless single-mothers get back on their feet.
Also the catering theme was 'placenta'.
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Slick

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1897 on: 04 Jan 2009, 21:52 »

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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Professor Snuggles

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1898 on: 05 Jan 2009, 00:13 »

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Professor Snuggles

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Re: YOU! YOU BETTER NOT BE SOBER
« Reply #1899 on: 05 Jan 2009, 00:13 »

The point is that I am drunk.
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