Topic: What people are like vs. What they like (Read 26936 times)

ScrambledGregs · « **on:** 30 Dec 2006, 02:57 »

I've been re-reading High Fidelity lately (yeah, yeah, shut up) and the whole thing about what people are like versus what they like confounds me. I don't think it's a black and white situation, that what people like matters more than what they're like, or vice versa. But in my own personal experience, I do tend to be drawn more toward people who like the same things as me. Maybe that makes me petty and superficial??

For instance, on the rare occaisions I go to parties, I find myself talking to people about music because I'm rather shy and it's the only subject I feel I know enough about to discuss with others. When I find the one or two people at the party who have similar taste to me, I like them the best and end up talking to them the rest of the night. At a large party once I happened upon a guy that liked Captain Beefheart and, in my drunken stupor, I promised him a taped copy of my Lick My Decals Off, Baby vinyl. "Now here's a guy I can drink with, god damnit!!" I shouted to my then-girlfriend across the room as her guests looked perplexed back and forth between us.

I do think that what people are like matters a lot, too. I just am attracted to people who like the same things as me, and from there I see what they're like. Does this preclude me from people I could get along with really well but who like terrible music, books, and movies?? Well, this raises a whole 'nother topic of what makes for friends and lovers...is it having things in common, or being a like, both, or none of those?? But we'll skip that for now.

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #1 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 03:00 »

You have to have common ground in the aesthetic arena to truly like someone. There's gotta be something. Even if it is just Stairway to Heaven, it's something. Without that, the whole of social interaction would all just be superfluous diplomacy.

Ernest · « **Reply #2 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 03:57 »

Do you meet any of those people in real life? The humorous ones, I mean.

Entilzah · « **Reply #3 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:04 »

I don't necesarily get along with someone just because they like the same music. As long as they can carry on the conversation about music, whether I like it or not I generally get along with them.

Johnny C · « **Reply #4 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:07 »

I am drawn more to people who like the same sort of things I do, but I find myself more caring about whether or not they are utter dicks. I find that informs my decisions far greater than any other factor.

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #5 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:22 »

Meet a lot of chavs, do you?

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #6 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:35 »

"Don't hate nothin' at all 'cept hatred..."

KharBevNor · « **Reply #7 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:53 »

Quote from: tommydski on 30 Dec 2006, 04:30

In Britain you will never meet someone who is not openly guilty of at least one of those four types of prejudice.

That's a blatant exaggeration/lie.

schimmy · « **Reply #8 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 04:59 »

No, it's not.

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #9 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:00 »

Not that I've been to Britain for more than 3 days in my life, but it seems less racist, sexist, and homophobic over there than it is here. But then maybe we can attribute that to the law of "the grass is always greener..." Dunno. The US is definitely a fucked up place as far as those kinds of prejudices go. Classism in particular. We have wayyyyy rich people here and wayyyyyy poor people and noooooooootttt that many in the middle.

schimmy · « **Reply #10 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:07 »

Britain has the biggest economic divide between the rich and the poor in the developed world, but I have to say, I've never really experienced classism. That's probably because the high school I attend is in a very rich town very near to manchester, so roughly half of the students are middle class, and the other half are working class, so the numbers of both are large enough that nobody bothers eachother.
Homophobia is something I've noticed, though, outside of my close circle of friends (and a couple of people in my circle of friends) are homophobic. Usually not to massive degrees, but it's always there, even if it's just using the word "gay" to describe anything that's bad. Sexism is again something that's there on a small scale, I know a lot of guys who are really offensive and obectify girls. In my experience, the only guys I really know who don't objectify girls are the ones who are still too afraid to really talk to girls all that much, most of the ones that do are total pigs.

Johnny C · « **Reply #11 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:11 »

There's racism, classism and homophobia here, as well as a surprising, if not enormous, amount of prejudice against the handicapped for some bizarre reason. I cannot fathom it being much different in a lot of places, Britain included.

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #12 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:17 »

I use the word "gay" to describe anything negative. I do so all the time. And so do my homosexual friends.

Johnny C · « **Reply #13 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:20 »

They're taking it back, I presume.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #14 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:39 »

I don't actually know many people from Bournemouth, so I wouldn't pass judgement. Those I do know don't seem to exhibit such feelings, except one really christian guy who's a bit homophobic. The Arts Institute is a pretty liberal place, I don't see much prejudice round here. To be honest, I don't know much prejudice among the people I know on the Isle of Wight. Bits and pieces, among certain people, I don't know, I've never expected everyone in the world to be completely unprejudiced, I know I'm probably not. Your problem probably stems from the fact that you seem to be a moral absolutist. I mean, because someone uses the word gay to describe something as negative doesn't mean they're a homophobe. I must have been using that word for four years before I even knew what homosexuality was, it slips out sometimes when I'm drunk or pissed. And I've had sex with guys.

Johnny C · « **Reply #15 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:48 »

In The Laramie Project by Moises Kaufman, the play about Matthew Sheppard's death, a Catholic priest says that saying things like fag or dyke is a form of violence, and that calling someone any of those terms is akin to actual physical violence. Honestly that's true - names first, then sticks and stones later. That's how it goes.

If you've had sex with men it seems like it would be in your best interests to avoid using "gay" as a derogatory or negative term. Were somebody to choose one of my physical or psychological attributes and turn it into a slur, I would do everything I was able to in order to remove the negative power from that term.

Johnny C · « **Reply #16 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 05:56 »

There are an awful lot of things which could go in place of "gay."

"That's absurd."
"That's ridiculous."
"That's stupid."
"That's insane."
"That stinks."
"That sucks."
"That's bogus."

I try and dissuade people from using "gay" when there are a plethora of alternatives.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #17 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 06:11 »

Alternatives are gay.

NiMRoD420 · « **Reply #18 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 06:30 »

We lend power to these divisive labels when we have any concern over their use whatsoever. It's gay.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #19 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 06:36 »

Quote from: Johnny C on 30 Dec 2006, 05:48

In The Laramie Project by Moises Kaufman, the play about Matthew Sheppard's death, a Catholic priest says that saying things like fag or dyke is a form of violence, and that calling someone any of those terms is akin to actual physical violence. Honestly that's true - names first, then sticks and stones later. That's how it goes.

If you've had sex with men it seems like it would be in your best interests to avoid using "gay" as a derogatory or negative term. Were somebody to choose one of my physical or psychological attributes and turn it into a slur, I would do everything I was able to in order to remove the negative power from that term.

For one, that is hyperbole, for two, the way I might use the word 'gay' without thinking about it is slightly different from me calling someone a 'fucking faggot', for three, I do avoid using it, all I'm saying is it's a word I've been using since I was about 8, and I haven't always given a shit about things like that, so it comes out sometimes, especially in certain social circumstances (like when I'm with the friends I had when I was 12/13). What I'm saying is, if I say it, it is not from some conscious decision to denigrate homosexuality or set back gay liberation, and you cannot assume that anyone who uses the word is actually homophobic. Similiar with a lot of things. Insensitive, yes. Un-PC, yes. I admit that it would be better if I could avoid using it, but I've never been entirely proficient in pre-analysing every word that comes from my mouth, so hey. You'll notice I never use it, or indeed any other similiar prejudicial terms, in internet correspondence, where I have time to think about what I'm saying. I do not think it is a positive thing that I occasionally come out with it, I'm just saying it happens, and that I am one of the least homophobic people you're ever likely to meet for, well, obvious reasons. To expect everyone to speak in a PC manner is unrealistic. I personally wouldn't do it because, despite the fact that I do think that, to an extent, words are power, and I don't like the way our society employs them, I fucking loathe political correctness even more.

Johnny C · « **Reply #20 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 06:55 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 30 Dec 2006, 06:36

What I'm saying is, if I say it, it is not from some conscious decision to denigrate homosexuality or set back gay liberation, and you cannot assume that anyone who uses the word is actually homophobic.

I know it's not conscious, and I know it's not not a sign of homophobia necessarily. However it condones it, actively or no.

ScrambledGregs · « **Reply #21 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 10:08 »

Congrats, you managed to completely derail my thread in the mere...I dunno, 5 or 6 hours since I posted it.

BrittanyMarie · « **Reply #22 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 11:15 »

They are TALENTED at it! It is what they are good at. At least it's intelligent and not huarahagha-esque.

ON TOPIC: My friends have shitty taste in everything! Well, most of them. They like horrible (yet usually pretty fun) music (as opposed to my impeccible top-of-the-barrel indie taste), like horrible movies like She's the Man and Just My Luck, misuse the word "whom" (It is NOT interchangeable with who!!!), and overall have bad taste (and by "bad", I mean "different than me"). Are they kickass people? Why yes!

This is probably bad too, but I go slightly out of my way to NOT look like I like the music I do. I like solid color basic shirts, normal jeans, nice solid color basic sweaters... I have the black frame glasses but everyone does. I prefer to meet people and be friends on better basis than just "OH U LIKE MAN MAN TOO OMG U R KEWL!!!" (though I have made friends with a baristo based on his delightful facial hair). It's nice to have things like taste in common, but there must be much more than that in common for me to be friends with that person.

Storm Rider · « **Reply #23 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 11:46 »

I like to think that Johnny and I have a mutual respect and friendship despite having extremely different tastes in music. In fact, I would like to think that people are not so shallow as to make their judgements of other people based on something as trivial as musical taste. I mean, I like music a lot and all, but it's so ancillary to my relationships with people. One of my coworkers is a really good friend of mine and likes all kinds of terrible gangsta rap or whatever.

Of course, Johnny could just be extremely diplomatic and secretly mock me behind my back. I wouldn't know.

(Note that Johnny was just an example, I could have substituted Emilio or somebody else I know well on the forum and my point would remain the same.)

Johnny C · « **Reply #24 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 13:13 »

Storm Rider makes a superb point, guys. I am messing it up slightly here but I would say that if your tastes in music aren't aligned then you can probably find something else in common, even if it's a general appreciation of the other person's differences. I do find myself attracted to girls whose tastes are similar to mine but that is in the same sense that I find myself liking brunettes more than blondes. If a blonde girl showed interest in me and I was interested in her then there is a connection that goes beyond hairstyle. In a similar vein if a girl liked awful things and yet honestly cared about me and I could say the same about her then that is the part that counts. With friends I don't even have those preferences, it's just tommy's "crap/not crap" simplification turned into "dick/not dick."

Will · « **Reply #25 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 20:32 »

A lot of times for me, it's more a case of do they have the same KIND of appreciation for things as I do. I understand that not everybody likes the same music that I do, and that's okay. Ideally, I'd love to meet a girl who loves Converge as much as me, but that's not an absolute necessity. Same thing with my friends; they don't always like the same things I like, but they all have the same passion for what they DO like, and that's more important to me. I'd rather have a discussion with someone over coffee on how Band A and Band B both affected our lives in our own ways than to go back and forth with "dude, they rock" "yeah totally." I'm the same way with books and movies - my best friend has been working on me for a couple of years to get me to read the Harry Potter books, which I still haven't, but he is as excited about that series as I am about House of Leaves. That's what the connection is, more so than that we like the exact same things.

David_Dovey · « **Reply #26 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 20:48 »

Quote from: Johnny C on 30 Dec 2006, 13:13

Storm Rider makes a superb point, guys. I am messing it up slightly here but I would say that if your tastes in music aren't aligned then you can probably find something else in common, even if it's a general appreciation of the other person's differences. I do find myself attracted to girls whose tastes are similar to mine but that is in the same sense that I find myself liking brunettes more than blondes. If a blonde girl showed interest in me and I was interested in her then there is a connection that goes beyond hairstyle. In a similar vein if a girl liked awful things and yet honestly cared about me and I could say the same about her then that is the part that counts. With friends I don't even have those preferences, it's just tommy's "crap/not crap" simplification turned into "dick/not dick."

Hammer, meet the head of the nail.

kablaaamo · « **Reply #27 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 21:32 »

I agree with ?; it's less important that my friends like exactly the same books/movies/music that I do, but more that they are excited about SOMETHING. I am an extremely outgoing/diplomatic person and I can talk to just about anyone for a while....but it's immensely boring to me if a person doesn't seem to be passionate about anything. If, when asked about music taste for example, a person just says 'oh, I listen to a little bit of everything' without saying anything further to clarify or exemplify I take it as a cop-off answer. And I usually find it difficult to become friends with a person like that.

There isn't a lot in common between myself and my close friends now in terms of WHAT bands/music we like (I'm ridiculously into new Canadian 'indie'...I loathe that term but there it is...they're into hardcore) but it's more important to me that we're all really into what we like, and actively search for new stuff. And can understand one another's hyperbolic excitement when a new album comes out. And understand if, occasionally, we get blown off for a show. 'Cause sometimes...you just have to go.

And the whole dick/not dick aspect comes into play too. Not dick (which really is THE most important part of the equation) + not boring = OMG BFF 4 EVERZ!!1!!

Misereatur · « **Reply #28 on:** 30 Dec 2006, 23:09 »

I know what you mean. Almost all o the people I know who are my age listen to mainstream music, don't read and I baisically have nothing in common with. Most of them thought I was insane when I told them I like buying CDs insted of downloading them, and that I have almost 300 CDs in my pesonal collection. And that I enjoy reading.

The only person I met who had similar views, opinions, and music taste was 12 years older then me.

The argument between Tommy and Khar kind of reminds me of here.
I hate where I live. I think this city the rectum of Israel, seriously. But none of my highschool friends seems to mind living here. I find that insane.

Thrillho · « **Reply #29 on:** 31 Dec 2006, 02:16 »

Quote from: KharBevNor on 30 Dec 2006, 04:53

Quote from: tommydski on 30 Dec 2006, 04:30
In Britain you will never meet someone who is not openly guilty of at least one of those four types of prejudice.

That's a blatant exaggeration/lie.

Yes, yes it is.

KharBevNor · « **Reply #30 on:** 31 Dec 2006, 09:29 »

Basically, IF YOU DONT LIKE HEAVYU METAL YOUR NOT MY DFRIEND

woo

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #31 on:** 31 Dec 2006, 23:26 »

It would be silly for me to expect people i like to have as brilliant and refined taste as mine.

Kai · « **Reply #32 on:** 31 Dec 2006, 23:40 »

Man, you like Cyndi Lauper and Elephant Orcestras. You are not good taste

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #33 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 00:10 »

I refuse to be judged by a boy who listens to so much Journey.

Kai · « **Reply #34 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 00:35 »

Hey, man, I am not claiming superiority

we are on the same level of suck

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #35 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 01:57 »

That is so not true, i have a vynil of every Niagra record on German import.

Joseph · « **Reply #36 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 02:33 »

I have a white label of every seminal Detroit techno hit - 1985, '86, '87.

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #37 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 03:01 »

I listened to a promo copy of that single when you were 13.

Kai · « **Reply #38 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 03:18 »

I made that single

when I was 13

take that

Joseph · « **Reply #39 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 03:27 »

I made you.

When I was 13.

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #40 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 03:32 »

Quote from: Kai on 01 Jan 2007, 03:18

take that

???

El Opium · « **Reply #41 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 03:48 »

In my experience musical taste is a very useful touchstone, but not always an essential one. On one hand when I finally met someone who was into obscure New Zealand drone artists we nattered on for hours and it was great, we've been meeting up fairly regularly to swap burnt CDs and discuss new finds. He has something of a one-up on me as he's actually been to NZ and met a bunch of the people who make the records. On the other hand me and a ladyfriend of mine don't exactly share the same taste, but are able to stand each others preferences. It's been good for a laugh on my part, such as the time she thought Swervedriver were angry and the fact that she finds Mark E. Smith's voice to funny.

Hat · « **Reply #42 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 06:13 »

Quote from: E. Spaceman on 01 Jan 2007, 00:10

I refuse to be judged by a boy who listens to so much Journey.

THIS THREAD IS DEAD TO ME

ScrambledGregs · « **Reply #43 on:** 01 Jan 2007, 21:49 »

Quote from: Hat on 01 Jan 2007, 06:13

Quote from: E. Spaceman on 01 Jan 2007, 00:10
I refuse to be judged by a boy who listens to so much Journey.

THIS THREAD IS DEAD TO ME

The truth hurts, huh?? I routinely get made fun of at work for playing my indie whatever shite while everyone else there is either into modern country or 80s hair metal/butt rock.

Johnny C · « **Reply #44 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 00:10 »

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of at work for playing my indie whatever shite while everyone else there is either into modern country or 80s hair metal/butt rock.

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of at school for playing my indie whatever shite

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of at friends' houses for playing my indie whatever shite

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of in public for playing my indie whatever shite

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of in the car for playing my indie whatever shite

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of at home for playing my indie whatever shite

Quote from: ScrambledGregs on 01 Jan 2007, 21:49

I routinely get made fun of at all of those places for playing my indie whatever shite even when I'm not playing it

ScrambledGregs · « **Reply #45 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 04:41 »

I'm not sure what your point was, but I was being completely serious. I work with rednecks, essentially, and they reacted so violently to Comets On Fire and Blur(?!) that when I left the back to go help a customer, they unplugged my CD player and hid it. Everything I play at work is either "weird" or "annoying" or "noisy shit" or "gay." The end!!

Johnny C · « **Reply #46 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 05:03 »

My point was an extension of your point. Here is a conversation I might have and in fact have had:

Me: "Oh, you want music for your party? I can burn you a disc." (I am thinking of putting on Daft Punk, Gwen Stefani, Justin Timberlake, Basement Jaxx, ABBA, Madonna, etc.)
Friend: "It better not be full of stupid indie shit!"
Me: "Well it wasn't going to be."

E. Spaceman · « **Reply #47 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 06:49 »

I think something needs to be cleared up here. I really like Kai, and we have a huge taste overlap. It's just that he was implying that my taste was anything but impeccable.

Kai · « **Reply #48 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 10:19 »

EMILIO IS MY FRIIIIIIIEEENNND

I am just saying both of our taste in music is shit

David_Dovey · « **Reply #49 on:** 02 Jan 2007, 12:14 »

Anybody who has what could be called "impeccable" music taste is either lying or so pretentious it's not funny.

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: What people are like vs. What they like (Read 26936 times)

ScrambledGregs

NiMRoD420

Entilzah

NiMRoD420

NiMRoD420

NiMRoD420

NiMRoD420

NiMRoD420

ScrambledGregs

kablaaamo

El Opium

ScrambledGregs

ScrambledGregs