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Author Topic: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol  (Read 25488 times)

thelightguy

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #100 on: 19 Jan 2007, 12:45 »

lube
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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #101 on: 19 Jan 2007, 13:18 »

ketchup. Those fries just weren't the same...
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David_Dovey

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #102 on: 19 Jan 2007, 13:19 »

They were BETTER!
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mer

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #103 on: 19 Jan 2007, 13:57 »

lube

OW ow oooowww, this definately would be a bad idea
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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #104 on: 19 Jan 2007, 14:01 »

well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...
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dennis

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #105 on: 19 Jan 2007, 15:02 »



Actually, I'm not sure if it's unsuitable, but it's been steeping for weeks and weeks and now I'm kind of afraid to drink it.
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öde

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #106 on: 19 Jan 2007, 15:13 »

Space rations.
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Locke

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #107 on: 19 Jan 2007, 15:15 »

"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"
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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #108 on: 19 Jan 2007, 22:16 »

writing utensils and baby powder...
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öde

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #109 on: 19 Jan 2007, 22:18 »

"Johnny B. Quick brand Late-Nite Driving Elixir!"

Thread over.
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #110 on: 19 Jan 2007, 22:32 »

aww damn. This thread was quite entertaining.
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Patrick

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #111 on: 19 Jan 2007, 23:13 »

well...the warming sensation..than the burning sensation...than the OH FUCK GET IT OFF!!! sensation...

I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation when I'm flying solo, but in a much, MUCH different sense.
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #112 on: 20 Jan 2007, 00:25 »

I usually have the "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" sensation the morning after, but again, in a very different sense.
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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #113 on: 20 Jan 2007, 11:26 »

"OH FUCK GET IT OFF" seems like a popular response to many things. Leeches, hermaphrodite hookers, and alcoholic lube are fine examples of "OH FUCK GET IT OFF" moments...
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Ernest

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #114 on: 21 Jan 2007, 00:10 »

Flame retardent
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #115 on: 21 Jan 2007, 00:11 »

I've put out several fires with beer actually.
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spet

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #116 on: 21 Jan 2007, 04:45 »

But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #117 on: 21 Jan 2007, 05:55 »

So true. I do like my cognacs and would never use them as a flame retardant.
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #118 on: 21 Jan 2007, 06:18 »

But beer can't possibly be your favirote alcohol. I mean what about vodka, Kahlua, gin, etc?

Spoken like a man who's never drunk real beer!
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spet

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #119 on: 21 Jan 2007, 15:24 »

I drink plenty of beer. Different kinds, different brands, although ale by far is my favorite. I actually have a small collection of various beers. But beer is not my favorite kind of alcohol for one reason: Vodka + Kahlua + milk + ice = White russian. You can't beat that!
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Inlander

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #120 on: 21 Jan 2007, 15:49 »

Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol: mixing with milk.

(Also, unsuitable uses for your favourite milk: mixing with alcohol.)
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spet

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #121 on: 21 Jan 2007, 15:51 »

The Black Russian was invented for guys like you (or me, when I have no more milk).
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Lunchbox

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #122 on: 21 Jan 2007, 15:52 »

I, uh. I just finished a Tia Maria with milk.
I still have the moustache.
Now I feel bad.
Should I feel bad?
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #123 on: 21 Jan 2007, 16:02 »

Depends. Does the moustache suit you?
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #124 on: 22 Jan 2007, 14:02 »

milk moustache=sexy
milk moustache+alcohol= uh...?
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dennis

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #125 on: 22 Jan 2007, 16:13 »

The white russian is made with cream, folks. Cream.
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #126 on: 23 Jan 2007, 03:06 »

Eyedrops
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Where I come from, we usually just shorten that to "yee-haw!"

mqarcus

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #127 on: 23 Jan 2007, 03:51 »

cook-it-in-front-of-you

Of course I read "cock-in-front-of-you".
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Observer

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #128 on: 23 Jan 2007, 07:59 »

Slip 'n Slide
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Scrambled Egg Machine

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #129 on: 23 Jan 2007, 09:15 »

Sports drink.
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Slick

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #130 on: 23 Jan 2007, 10:10 »

I love you!
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spet

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #131 on: 23 Jan 2007, 14:43 »

He's an unstoppable love-machine!

That sounded wrong. So very wrong...
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Shiney_Gothique

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #132 on: 23 Jan 2007, 16:51 »

Water. Alcohol is an unsuitable substitute for water in every situation.

Vodka makes bad fire-puter-outer.

Vodka bottles make bad tennis rackets when the tennis ball is on fire.

Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.

Use of half-empty goon sack as pillow = sore neck = inappropriate use of alcohol.
 
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #133 on: 23 Jan 2007, 17:07 »

He's an unstoppable love-machine!

Ooh! I've got one!

Alcohol is a bad substitute for love.
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elcapitan

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #134 on: 23 Jan 2007, 17:21 »

No, it's a very good substitute for love.

It's a very bad substitute for common sense.

Also, to the kid who was trying to convince us that Black/White Russians are better than any kind of beer, I strongly suggest you:

a) Shut the fuck up.
b) Stop drinking black/white russians.
c) Drink some REAL beer and some REAL cocktails. Then come back and we'll talk.

That's all.
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Shiney_Gothique

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #135 on: 23 Jan 2007, 17:29 »

Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #136 on: 23 Jan 2007, 18:50 »

Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.
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Slick

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #137 on: 23 Jan 2007, 20:09 »

Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.
« Last Edit: 23 Jan 2007, 20:33 by Slick »
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Shiney_Gothique

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #138 on: 24 Jan 2007, 06:11 »

Flaming shots of black sambuca are inappropriate as cigarette lighters.
This sounds brilliant! I would love to do it if it were not for the fact that indoor smoking is banned here GARGHRGA.

Actually we did that in a friends lounge room. I lost part of a fringe and a friend lost most of a beard. Note we were very drunk at the time. I really don't know why we didn't just use the cigarette lighter we lit the shots with but anyway.

Yay for real cocktails! Viva la Vodka Martini!
I have to disagree. The other night, I charmed a barmaid into giving me a free drink (by letting her draw a star on my head in marker. I'm so smooth) at a local place called the Jane Bond, so I ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, with pimento olives and all. It was kind of gross but they had some decent bourbon which I had later, which is very rare in bars here for some reason.

The Vodka Martini is an art. Come to Australia and I'll make you the king of all vodka martinis.
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Patrick

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #139 on: 26 Jan 2007, 02:08 »

- Contact lens solution
- Ear cleaning solution
- Oxygen substitute
- Sweater substitute (some people drink to feel warm but that is really a dumb idea 'cause you'll just get hypothermia if you don't have anything retaining your body heatz)
- Singing aid
- Baseball bat
- Excuse for your parking ticket
- Yeast infection cure (although I've heard from several of my female-type friends that it'd probably feel the same)
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #140 on: 26 Jan 2007, 02:26 »

bathwater, because I really don't drink anything I've dipped some parts of my body into, knowing me that is...
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #141 on: 26 Jan 2007, 17:38 »

Slip 'n Slide

Now I want to try this, it seems wondrously lavish to me, much the same as Scroodge McDuck swimming in his silo full of money, and I'm guessing a lot less painful.

Also, white/black russians are great... if your mixing drinks for teenage girls.

More importantly, martinis are made with GIN people; the next time a bartender asks me if I want my martini with vodka or gin I fear I will be forced to 'smack a bitch.'

The Martini:
*Fill one martini glass with ice and top it off with water to chill the glass.
*Stir your favorite fine gin over large ice cubes in a large shaker.
   I generally use Beefeater Wet for younger folks and Tanqueray 10 for the old blue-bloods.
   This is to chill and wet your gin without bruising it.
      (bruising occurs when you mix too violently and get a cloudy color)
*Let the shaker sit for a moment while you toss the water/ice from the glass and drip dry it with a couple good flicks of the wrist.
*Coat the inside of the glass with dry vermouth.
   I use a small atomizer for this at home, at the bar you can simply pour half an ounce into the glass, swill it around and then toss it.
*Smoothly pour gin into glass.
   Avoid tall pours for the same reason we avoided shaking.
   I prefer a Boston style shaker/strainer to a cobbler, just looks nicer and cleans easier.

The Proper Twist:
*Remove the peel from one quarter wheel of citrus.
   (I use lime to garnish my martini)
*Throw the fruit away, it does not belong in a proper cocktail!
*Twist the peel an inch over the completed drink.
   This releases the oils, misting them over the surface.
*Pinch the peel over the rim of the glass and make a quick sweep of it's circumference.
   The slick, colored side should be touching the glass; it's where all the good stuff is at.
*Drop peel directly into the drink.

Serve immediately!!
If done properly the martini should be perfectly crystalline, save for the light swirling refractions of the vermouth slowly mixing and the oils trailing from the garnish. When first raising the glass to drink, one smells the fresh aroma of the twist, and tastes the light citrus with the fresh delicate bouquet of the gin. As the drink is consumed is becomes gradually more intense due to the increasing percentage of vermouth and the essences coming out of the twist.
A good martini is not just about the ingredients; it's about presentation.

I can make fun and fruity cocktails as well, but I'm a strong believer in the notion that the classics should still have a little class.
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dennis

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #142 on: 26 Jan 2007, 18:46 »

Just to be clear, though, "bruising" only detracts from the appearance. Bruised drinks do not taste different than nonbruised drinks.

I prefer olives to a twist, and while the "proper" way is to have them on the side, I don't really care if they're in my drink. Never a twist AND olives though. That's sick.

I also prefer Bombay Sapphire to Tanq 10. Beefy in a pinch.

Oh, and martinis are meant to be drunk fairly quickly. The drink should never get anywhere close to room temperature. The surface area of the exposed liquid in a martini glass means that the drink will warm up pretty quickly, and the harsher flavors and odors of the gin will come out and the drink will taste more like pine-sol. A chilled glass is essential. I also like to use cold gin, because room temperature gin melts too much ice and waters the drink a bit.
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #143 on: 26 Jan 2007, 19:04 »

Thought I was clear on the bruising thing, but yeah, presentation.

I don't mind olives, but I try to dry them off or keep them on the side, a dirty martini is a freaking abomination! A couple of garlic stuffed olives and a little nibble of peperjack cheese on the side is spectacular though, and I actually feel it's a more comfortable garnish during the winter months.

Lastly, Sapphire doesn't do much for me, but I keep it around for the people who do like it, and regualr Beefeater = The Suck, Beefeater Wet = The Amazing. They use pear peels in the chimney when they distill it, giving it awesome clean, sweet undertones.
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #144 on: 27 Jan 2007, 00:15 »

- Contact lens solution


HOLY FUCK OW!!!
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dennis

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #145 on: 27 Jan 2007, 03:04 »

No one in the states seems to stock Beefeater Wet, so I didn't even know it existed. It seems like vermouth would be unnecessary with a wet gin.

As for bruising, I hear too many people speak of it as if it's the worst thing you could do to a gin.

I like Hendrick's gin, but it's also relatively uncommon in the states, and also the flavors don't seem to work well in a martini, at least not with olives.
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Heijoshin

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #146 on: 27 Jan 2007, 08:28 »

I've owned one bottle of Hendrick's in my life and have never seen it in a bar. I've also never tried making a martini with it, at the time I had said bottle I was on my 'gin neat' kick. It's hard to get good gins in the states, which is a shame because there are so many out there.
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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #147 on: 27 Jan 2007, 08:56 »

 Pie crust.
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Shiney_Gothique

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #148 on: 27 Jan 2007, 17:51 »

Car Polish.
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KaraFairie

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Re: Unsuitable uses for your favourite alcohol
« Reply #149 on: 27 Jan 2007, 19:19 »

Just face it everyone. Jake wins this thread a million times over.
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