Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex? (Read 181423 times)

gritxviet · « **Reply #200 on:** 20 Aug 2007, 23:53 »

Ahaha the only reason I signed up to the forum is to reply to this thread.

So I'm thinking we definitely need a Harry Potter one so...:

"Oh Harry! Cast that spell on me with your wand!"

And of course there's:

"It's really distracting how much you look like your mom/dad"
"I WANNA GET OFF THE RIDE! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
"I really feel bad about putting that in your drink..."
"This is probably a bad time to tell you but... I clogged your toilet"
"FREE THE BEAST!"
[After sex]"I charge $5 a minute so that'll be... $3"

snubnose · « **Reply #201 on:** 27 Aug 2007, 14:13 »

ROTFL

Found a collection at http://www.unmoralische.de/ (german site, sorry). Best ones:

- Can you wake me when you're finished with this ?
- Please stop wheezing
- But I've just brushed my teeth !
- Besides, did I mention my webcam ?
- Its so nice to have sex with a woman you dont have to pump up first !
- Hopefully you still look that good once I'm sober
- You're almost as good as my ex
- I think I better masturbate instead
- You're so good, you could be a professional
- With more people it would be more fun
- Have I mentioned my grandma died in this bed ?
- Could you please put a paper bag over your head ?
- Please make coffee... or cant you do that either ?
- My mother was better at that ...
- Besides, wheres the remote control for the tv ?
- Please dont take my laughter personal - everyone looks funny when naked
- Oh, besides, you're my first - for today.
- You're remembering me of that prostitute ...
- Strange. So much fat but still no titts.
- Have I mentioned why I was in prison for twenty years ? (Remember, its germany. No, theres no death penalty here !)
- Dont shake so much, I want to drink my beer !
- Oh wait a moment, I need to visit the bathroom (errm more vulgar - but I only know the nice british way to say that in english)
- HA ! And another infected !
- Ready ! Next please ...
- One more wiskey... I'm not drunk enough for this yet.
- May I open my eyes again ?
- Congratulations, you're the 1000th woman I slept with !
- Can we just be friends ?
- Sorry - have we started ?

Krulla · « **Reply #202 on:** 27 Aug 2007, 20:07 »

"I've got AIDS"

umcloud · « **Reply #203 on:** 29 Aug 2007, 00:53 »

The worst I can think of is: once you start getting into it, start calling out your own name. Simple, elegant, completely hilarious.

NothingIncorporated · « **Reply #204 on:** 30 Aug 2007, 05:09 »

"Your dad taught me this way...and your mum taught me this way..and they BOTH taught me THIS way"

shinytoydragon · « **Reply #205 on:** 31 Aug 2007, 10:34 »

ZERG RUSH!!!!

NOOOOOooooo! Get out of my head, Charles!

and on the topic of HP: "Expeliarmus!", "Avada Kedavera!", or just a running quidditch commentary ending with "and she got the snitch!"(hopefully, the beaters had little to do...) ^_^

Grimmy · « **Reply #206 on:** 27 Sep 2007, 14:48 »

I was just thinking about how funny it would be to start humming the theme to Super Mario Brothers while you are doing it.

Dum dum dum dum dum DUM dum...

NothingIncorporated · « **Reply #207 on:** 28 Sep 2007, 00:46 »

"Oh yes Keith Chegwin! YES YES YES!"

big hair sam · « **Reply #208 on:** 28 Sep 2007, 02:45 »

Never sing we all live on a yellow submarine whilst having sex......its not cool apparently

Jeff7 · « **Reply #209 on:** 28 Sep 2007, 23:04 »

"Happy birthday, Rover!"

Do I win? Or have I been beaten to the punch?

StMonkey · « **Reply #210 on:** 29 Sep 2007, 17:15 »

"oh, I thought you were a dude/chick"
It works whether you guess right or wrong!

cuervo · « **Reply #211 on:** 29 Sep 2007, 23:06 »

stolen from family guy, but i think its absolutely hilarious and fucked up at the same time

"heres that condom i said i put on!"

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #212 on:** 30 Sep 2007, 22:34 »

Quote from: snubnose on 27 Aug 2007, 14:13

ROTFL

- Dont shake so much, I want to drink my beer !

I dated a guy who was actually turned on by the idea of me drinking a beer while we were sexin.' I guess it's not that weird. Beer and ladies is a good combination.

I dated a different guy who thought it would be hilarious to yell "SHAZZAAMMM!" at climax. He never actually did it, just told me it would be funny to him.

Rocketman · « **Reply #213 on:** 30 Sep 2007, 23:12 »

"I AM THE GOD OF WAR!"

viva_x · « **Reply #214 on:** 30 Sep 2007, 23:37 »

Quote from: shinytoydragon on 31 Aug 2007, 10:34

ZERG RUSH!!!!

NOOOOOooooo! Get out of my head, Charles!

and on the topic of HP: "Expeliarmus!", "Avada Kedavera!", or just a running quidditch commentary ending with "and she got the snitch!"(hopefully, the beaters had little to do...) ^_^

i have a tattoo that says Expecto Patronum, and my boyfriend told me that he was going to yell it out during sex once.... he never did. thank god.

personal favorite for sex screaming:
YAHTZEEEEEEEEE

Darkbluerabbit · « **Reply #215 on:** 02 Oct 2007, 21:58 »

Quote from: viva_x on 30 Sep 2007, 23:37

personal favorite for sex screaming:
YAHTZEEEEEEEEE

I just about fell off my chair at that. I don't know why it tickled me so...but it did. Kudos on the funniness.

Kartoon Kween · « **Reply #216 on:** 02 Oct 2007, 22:40 »

I think we should all take a cue from John Lennon and start moaning Winston Churchill's name during any type of sexual act. Intercourse, masturbation circles, you name it!

iyodelforjesus · « **Reply #217 on:** 03 Oct 2007, 09:00 »

'Oh freddled gruntbuggly' would freak me out
or alternatively singing Climb Ev'ry Mountain from Sound of Music...

BlackBooks · « **Reply #218 on:** 03 Oct 2007, 22:31 »

I can't believe nobody has entered this one yet...

"GIT-R-DONE!!!"

cuervo · « **Reply #219 on:** 05 Oct 2007, 02:13 »

"my fortune cookie told me this would happen"

Jeff7 · « **Reply #220 on:** 05 Oct 2007, 14:41 »

KHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!

Ryszardthebored1 · « **Reply #221 on:** 05 Oct 2007, 22:07 »

The Hokey-Pokey.

"Seacrest, OUT!"

Play "Into the Void"

Clobbersaurus · « **Reply #222 on:** 05 Oct 2007, 23:53 »

"hey i forgot to call mom, can you remind me when we're done?"

"i stopped the toilet by the way"

put on Battles' "Mirrored" and sing along

"STOP BOTHERING MICHEAL JACKSON"

"EL OH EL penis"

FREEEEEDOM!!!! <---------(probably posted already, huh?)

Kalessin · « **Reply #223 on:** 06 Oct 2007, 06:01 »

"Yeah, I'm still really close to my ex-girlfriend. I stuffed her into the mattress."

GlassHousesInc · « **Reply #224 on:** 06 Oct 2007, 10:01 »

"Could you put your arm a bit, babe? I can't reach the ashtray from here."

*Freezing like a deer in headlights* "I forgot your mother just called... I put her on speaker."

MedPig · « **Reply #225 on:** 09 Oct 2007, 03:21 »

Quote from: daclam on 02 Feb 2007, 03:39

Sorry, I'm new. I meant this to go in the weekly comic discussion thread in reaction to February 2nd's comic, but I don't seem to be able to post new topics there (?).

It's not something you'd say while having sex, per se, but in my fifteen years of being a cop, I know for certain knocking on the car window, asking if everyone is okay in there, PRETTY much puts an end to the party...

I used to call it "Copus Interruptus"...

Strangely, the folks I interrupted didn't find it as funny as I did...

The BEST part was telling them once I knew everything was okay, they could continue...

(THAT was funny)

shinytoydragon · « **Reply #226 on:** 11 Oct 2007, 23:56 »

Quote from: MedPig on 09 Oct 2007, 03:21

It's not something you'd say while having sex, per se, but in my fifteen years of being a cop, I know for certain knocking on the car window, asking if everyone is okay in there, PRETTY much puts an end to the party...

I used to call it "Copus Interruptus"...

Strangely, the folks I interrupted didn't find it as funny as I did...

The BEST part was telling them once I knew everything was okay, they could continue...

(THAT was funny)

holly shit. that is the funniest thing evar.

DontPanic6x9 · « **Reply #227 on:** 12 Oct 2007, 07:25 »

"I just lost the game."

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #228 on:** 12 Oct 2007, 15:10 »

Quote from: Rocketman on 30 Sep 2007, 23:12

"I AM THE GOD OF WAR!"

Win.

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #229 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 10:57 »

You've done well so far, but lets see how well you fare after my ULTIMATE ATTACK!!!!

StMonkey · « **Reply #230 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 13:45 »

KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Jeff7 · « **Reply #231 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 15:01 »

Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.

StMonkey · « **Reply #232 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 15:34 »

Threaten to perform an "omnislash" with your "Buster Sword"

muteKi · « **Reply #233 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 21:01 »

Quote from: Jeff7 on 13 Oct 2007, 15:01

Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.

I assume that you've read Ctl-Alt-Del?

Thy Dungeonman · « **Reply #234 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 21:35 »

Wasn't that from Dueling Analogs?

Jeff7 · « **Reply #235 on:** 13 Oct 2007, 22:15 »

Quote from: muteKi on 13 Oct 2007, 21:01

Quote from: Jeff7 on 13 Oct 2007, 15:01
Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.

I assume that you've read Ctl-Alt-Del?

You assume.....incorrectly.

Coincidence, I suppose. Though I shall check it out now.

I actually only played FF3 for SNES (or FF6, whatever, same thing), because someone said I "had" to play it. The best part of playing it - now I know a bit of the music and the style, which helped me to understand a Robot Chicken scene.

muteKi · « **Reply #236 on:** 14 Oct 2007, 01:13 »

Yeah, you're right. I just realized when I read the post. I get all of those VG related webcomics mixed up.

ALSO: TIME TO EAT... YOUR SOUL!!!

Jeff7 · « **Reply #237 on:** 15 Oct 2007, 20:51 »

"Rosebud!"

"Aah...aaahh...aaahh AAAHHH! AAAAAAALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!"

Hold up both hands and give peace signs.
"I am not a crook!"

onepostwonder · « **Reply #238 on:** 16 Oct 2007, 03:48 »

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #239 on:** 16 Oct 2007, 05:50 »

Quote from: onepostwonder on 16 Oct 2007, 03:48

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

....I'm guessing you'd have to be amazing, or she'd have to be drunk, or both, for you to pull that off and not get punched in the face.

StMonkey · « **Reply #240 on:** 16 Oct 2007, 08:27 »

Quote from: onepostwonder on 16 Oct 2007, 03:48

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

I'm assuming the band and back-up singers would be in the corner. Or maybe for better effect, have it in surround sound.

Blayze · « **Reply #241 on:** 16 Oct 2007, 16:52 »

"Final... FUUUSIOOON!"

shinytoydragon · « **Reply #242 on:** 17 Oct 2007, 00:58 »

oh are we doing song lyrics now?

I can't think of the lyrics right now, or I would write them, but singing Maxwell's Silver Hammer or Drive My Car would be hilarious.

AngelofShadows · « **Reply #243 on:** 17 Oct 2007, 06:46 »

"Alright, let's wrap this up people, we have another shoot in 45 minutes"

Kairuka · « **Reply #244 on:** 28 Oct 2007, 22:45 »

Girls:
During sex: "Oh, hi dad! When did you get home?"
After sex: "Nope, don't use contraceptives, those are against my religion, and why would I anyway? You can't get pregnant if you're not married, my church leader said so." *smug smile*

Guys:
During sex: "Oh god, you are so much better at this than your brother!" (spoken to a woman...)
After sex: "Oh shit, I knew that felt too good...damn discount condoms!"

Kartoon Kween · « **Reply #245 on:** 28 Oct 2007, 23:43 »

"I can has orgasm? No? How bout cheezburgers?"

Jeff7 · « **Reply #246 on:** 29 Oct 2007, 15:04 »

Kartoon Kween, this one's for you:

"I'M POOPIN"

Kartoon Kween · « **Reply #247 on:** 29 Oct 2007, 18:43 »

Oh, Lawd! You remembered my favorite lolcat!

Probably the worst thing you can do during sex is to take a well known song and replace the words with sexually explicit lyrics.

Example:

"Over there! Over there!
Send the word, send the word, over there!
That my dick is cumming, my dick is cumming,
And I won't pull out till it's over over there!"

Not only will this get you kicked out of bed, it might earn you a restraining order.

ampersandwitch · « **Reply #248 on:** 29 Oct 2007, 18:46 »

In the spirit of my new avvie -

Kartoon Kween · « **Reply #249 on:** 29 Oct 2007, 20:14 »

Is that what you say when he tries to stick it up your pooper?

THESE FORUMS NOW CLOSED (read only)

Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex? (Read 181423 times)

gritxviet

Krulla

umcloud

NothingIncorporated

shinytoydragon

Grimmy

NothingIncorporated

big hair sam

iyodelforjesus

BlackBooks

Ryszardthebored1

Kalessin

MedPig

shinytoydragon

DontPanic6x9

muteKi

muteKi

onepostwonder

shinytoydragon

Kairuka