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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 144888 times)

gritxviet

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #200 on: 20 Aug 2007, 23:53 »

Ahaha the only reason I signed up to the forum is to reply to this thread.

So I'm thinking we definitely need a Harry Potter one so...:

"Oh Harry! Cast that spell on me with your wand!"

And of course there's:

"It's really distracting how much you look like your mom/dad"
"I WANNA GET OFF THE RIDE! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
"I really feel bad about putting that in your drink..."
"This is probably a bad time to tell you but... I clogged your toilet"
"FREE THE BEAST!"
[After sex]"I charge $5 a minute so that'll be... $3"
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snubnose

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #201 on: 27 Aug 2007, 14:13 »

ROTFL

Found a collection at http://www.unmoralische.de/ (german site, sorry). Best ones:

- Can you wake me when you're finished with this ?
- Please stop wheezing
- But I've just brushed my teeth !
- Besides, did I mention my webcam ?
- Its so nice to have sex with a woman you dont have to pump up first !
- Hopefully you still look that good once I'm sober
- You're almost as good as my ex
- I think I better masturbate instead
- You're so good, you could be a professional
- With more people it would be more fun
- Have I mentioned my grandma died in this bed ?
- Could you please put a paper bag over your head ?
- Please make coffee... or cant you do that either ?
- My mother was better at that ...
- Besides, wheres the remote control for the tv ?
- Please dont take my laughter personal - everyone looks funny when naked
- Oh, besides, you're my first - for today.
- You're remembering me of that prostitute ...
- Strange. So much fat but still no titts.
- Have I mentioned why I was in prison for twenty years ? (Remember, its germany. No, theres no death penalty here !)
- Dont shake so much, I want to drink my beer !
- Oh wait a moment, I need to visit the bathroom (errm more vulgar - but I only know the nice british way to say that in english)
- HA ! And another infected !
- Ready ! Next please ...
- One more wiskey... I'm not drunk enough for this yet.
- May I open my eyes again ?
- Congratulations, you're the 1000th woman I slept with !
- Can we just be friends ?
- Sorry - have we started ?
« Last Edit: 28 Aug 2007, 01:43 by snubnose »
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Carpe Diem

Krulla

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #202 on: 27 Aug 2007, 20:07 »

"I've got AIDS"
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umcloud

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #203 on: 29 Aug 2007, 00:53 »

The worst I can think of is: once you start getting into it, start calling out your own name.  Simple, elegant, completely hilarious. 
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NothingIncorporated

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #204 on: 30 Aug 2007, 05:09 »

"Your dad taught me this way...and your mum taught me this way..and they BOTH taught me THIS way"


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shinytoydragon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #205 on: 31 Aug 2007, 10:34 »

ZERG RUSH!!!! :lol:

NOOOOOooooo! Get out of my head, Charles!

and on the topic of HP: "Expeliarmus!", "Avada Kedavera!", or just a running quidditch commentary ending with "and she got the snitch!"(hopefully, the beaters had little to do...) ^_^

« Last Edit: 31 Aug 2007, 10:41 by shinytoydragon »
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Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #206 on: 27 Sep 2007, 14:48 »

I was just thinking about how funny it would be to start humming the theme to Super Mario Brothers while you are doing it.

Dum dum dum dum dum DUM dum...
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NothingIncorporated

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #207 on: 28 Sep 2007, 00:46 »

"Oh yes Keith Chegwin! YES YES YES!"


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big hair sam

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #208 on: 28 Sep 2007, 02:45 »

Never sing we all live on a yellow submarine whilst having sex......its not cool apparently :|
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #209 on: 28 Sep 2007, 23:04 »

"Happy birthday, Rover!"


Do I win? Or have I been beaten to the punch?
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StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #210 on: 29 Sep 2007, 17:15 »

"oh, I thought you were a dude/chick"
It works whether you guess right or wrong!
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The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

cuervo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #211 on: 29 Sep 2007, 23:06 »

stolen from family guy, but i think its absolutely hilarious and fucked up at the same time

"heres that condom i said i put on!"
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Darkbluerabbit

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #212 on: 30 Sep 2007, 22:34 »

ROTFL

- Dont shake so much, I want to drink my beer !


I dated a guy who was actually turned on by the idea of me drinking a beer while we were sexin.'  I guess it's not that weird.  Beer and ladies is a good combination. 

I dated a different guy who thought it would be hilarious to yell "SHAZZAAMMM!" at climax.  He never actually did it, just told me it would be funny to him.


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Rocketman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #213 on: 30 Sep 2007, 23:12 »

"I AM THE GOD OF WAR!"
« Last Edit: 30 Sep 2007, 23:14 by Rocketman »
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viva_x

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #214 on: 30 Sep 2007, 23:37 »

ZERG RUSH!!!! :lol:

NOOOOOooooo! Get out of my head, Charles!

and on the topic of HP: "Expeliarmus!", "Avada Kedavera!", or just a running quidditch commentary ending with "and she got the snitch!"(hopefully, the beaters had little to do...) ^_^



i have a tattoo that says Expecto Patronum, and my boyfriend told me that he was going to yell it out during sex once....   he never did. thank god.


personal favorite for sex screaming:
YAHTZEEEEEEEEE
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Darkbluerabbit

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #215 on: 02 Oct 2007, 21:58 »

personal favorite for sex screaming:
YAHTZEEEEEEEEE

I just about fell off my chair at that.  I don't know why it tickled me so...but it did.  Kudos on the funniness.
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Kartoon Kween

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #216 on: 02 Oct 2007, 22:40 »

I think we should all take a cue from John Lennon and start moaning Winston Churchill's name during any type of sexual act.  Intercourse, masturbation circles, you name it!
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iyodelforjesus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #217 on: 03 Oct 2007, 09:00 »

'Oh freddled gruntbuggly' would freak me out
or alternatively singing Climb Ev'ry Mountain from Sound of Music...
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BlackBooks

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #218 on: 03 Oct 2007, 22:31 »

I can't believe nobody has entered this one yet...

"GIT-R-DONE!!!"
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cuervo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #219 on: 05 Oct 2007, 02:13 »

"my fortune cookie told me this would happen" :wink:
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #220 on: 05 Oct 2007, 14:41 »

KHAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!
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Ryszardthebored1

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #221 on: 05 Oct 2007, 22:07 »

The Hokey-Pokey.

"Seacrest, OUT!"

Play "Into the Void"
« Last Edit: 05 Oct 2007, 22:10 by Ryszardthebored1 »
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Clobbersaurus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #222 on: 05 Oct 2007, 23:53 »

"hey i forgot to call mom, can you remind me when we're done?"

"i stopped the toilet by the way"

put on Battles' "Mirrored" and sing along

"STOP BOTHERING MICHEAL JACKSON"

"EL OH EL penis"

FREEEEEDOM!!!! <---------(probably posted already, huh?)
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Kalessin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #223 on: 06 Oct 2007, 06:01 »

"Yeah, I'm still really close to my ex-girlfriend.  I stuffed her into the mattress."
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GlassHousesInc

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #224 on: 06 Oct 2007, 10:01 »

"Could you put your arm a bit, babe? I can't reach the ashtray from here."

*Freezing like a deer in headlights* "I forgot your mother just called... I put her on speaker."
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MedPig

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #225 on: 09 Oct 2007, 03:21 »

Sorry, I'm new.  I meant this to go in the weekly comic discussion thread in reaction to February 2nd's comic, but I don't seem to be able to post new topics there (?).

It's not something you'd say while having sex, per se, but in my fifteen years of being a cop, I know for certain knocking on the car window, asking if everyone is okay in there, PRETTY much puts an end to the party...

I used to call it "Copus Interruptus"...   :police:

Strangely, the folks I interrupted didn't find it as funny as I did...

The BEST part was telling them once I knew everything was okay, they could continue...

(THAT was funny)
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shinytoydragon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #226 on: 11 Oct 2007, 23:56 »

It's not something you'd say while having sex, per se, but in my fifteen years of being a cop, I know for certain knocking on the car window, asking if everyone is okay in there, PRETTY much puts an end to the party...

I used to call it "Copus Interruptus"...   :police:

Strangely, the folks I interrupted didn't find it as funny as I did...

The BEST part was telling them once I knew everything was okay, they could continue...

(THAT was funny)

holly shit. that is the funniest thing evar.
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DontPanic6x9

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #227 on: 12 Oct 2007, 07:25 »

"I just lost the game."
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AngelofShadows

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #228 on: 12 Oct 2007, 15:10 »

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There are some basic rules to remember when cosplaying.
   1. If you're a hot Asian chick you can wear whatever you want and say it's whatever you want. Lingerie and some Pikachu ears are totally a legitimate costume.
   2. Everyone else needs to GTFO.

AngelofShadows

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #229 on: 13 Oct 2007, 10:57 »

You've done well so far, but lets see how well you fare after my ULTIMATE ATTACK!!!!
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There are some basic rules to remember when cosplaying.
   1. If you're a hot Asian chick you can wear whatever you want and say it's whatever you want. Lingerie and some Pikachu ears are totally a legitimate costume.
   2. Everyone else needs to GTFO.

StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #230 on: 13 Oct 2007, 13:45 »

KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAAAA!!!!
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The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #231 on: 13 Oct 2007, 15:01 »

Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.
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StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #232 on: 13 Oct 2007, 15:34 »

Threaten to perform an "omnislash" with your "Buster Sword"
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Carpe Gluteum
Quote
The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

muteKi

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #233 on: 13 Oct 2007, 21:01 »

Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.

I assume that you've read Ctl-Alt-Del?
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Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #234 on: 13 Oct 2007, 21:35 »

Wasn't that from Dueling Analogs?
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #235 on: 13 Oct 2007, 22:15 »

Start humming/whistling the victory theme from Final Fantasy.

I assume that you've read Ctl-Alt-Del?
You assume.....incorrectly. :( Coincidence, I suppose. Though I shall check it out now.

I actually only played FF3 for SNES (or FF6, whatever, same thing), because someone said I "had" to play it. The best part of playing it - now I know a bit of the music and the style, which helped me to understand a Robot Chicken scene.:)
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muteKi

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #236 on: 14 Oct 2007, 01:13 »

Yeah, you're right. I just realized when I read the post. I get all of those VG related webcomics mixed up.


ALSO: TIME TO EAT... YOUR SOUL!!!
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #237 on: 15 Oct 2007, 20:51 »

"Rosebud!"



"Aah...aaahh...aaahh AAAHHH! AAAAAAALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!"


Hold up both hands and give peace signs.
"I am not a crook!"
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onepostwonder

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #238 on: 16 Oct 2007, 03:48 »

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
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AngelofShadows

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #239 on: 16 Oct 2007, 05:50 »

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

....I'm guessing you'd have to be amazing, or she'd have to be drunk, or both, for you to pull that off and not get punched in the face.
Logged
There are some basic rules to remember when cosplaying.
   1. If you're a hot Asian chick you can wear whatever you want and say it's whatever you want. Lingerie and some Pikachu ears are totally a legitimate costume.
   2. Everyone else needs to GTFO.

StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #240 on: 16 Oct 2007, 08:27 »

Down at an English fair,
One evening I was there,
When I heard a showman shouting
Underneath the flare:

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
There they are a-standin' in a row.
Big ones, small ones, some as big as yer 'ead!
Give 'em a twist, a flick o' the wrist,
That's what the showman said.

Hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch o' coconuts.
Hevery ball yer throw will make me rich.
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' "roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a boll, singin' roll a-bowl a ball a penny a pitch!

Instumental

I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts (They're lovely!)

There they are a standing in a row.
(One, two, three, four)
Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head
(And bigger)
Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, thats what the showman said.

Now that hoi've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts.
(La-da-de-da-da)
Hevery ball you throw will make me rich.
(Have a banana)
There stands me wife, the idol of me life,
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

All together now!

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
(Harmony!)
Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!
Roll a-bowl a ball, roll a-bowl a ball, singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch.

Instumental

Singin' roll a-bowl a ball, a penny a pitch!

I'm assuming the band and back-up singers would be in the corner. Or maybe for better effect, have it in surround sound.
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Quote
The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

Blayze

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #241 on: 16 Oct 2007, 16:52 »

"Final... FUUUSIOOON!"
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shinytoydragon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #242 on: 17 Oct 2007, 00:58 »

oh are we doing song lyrics now?

I can't think of the lyrics right now, or I would write them, but singing Maxwell's Silver Hammer or Drive My Car would be hilarious.
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AngelofShadows

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #243 on: 17 Oct 2007, 06:46 »

"Alright, let's wrap this up people, we have another shoot in 45 minutes"
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There are some basic rules to remember when cosplaying.
   1. If you're a hot Asian chick you can wear whatever you want and say it's whatever you want. Lingerie and some Pikachu ears are totally a legitimate costume.
   2. Everyone else needs to GTFO.

Kairuka

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #244 on: 28 Oct 2007, 22:45 »

Girls:
During sex: "Oh, hi dad!  When did you get home?"
After sex: "Nope, don't use contraceptives, those are against my religion, and why would I anyway?  You can't get pregnant if you're not married, my church leader said so." *smug smile*

Guys:
During sex: "Oh god, you are so much better at this than your brother!" (spoken to a woman...)
After sex: "Oh shit, I knew that felt too good...damn discount condoms!"
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Kartoon Kween

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #245 on: 28 Oct 2007, 23:43 »

"I can has orgasm?  No?  How bout cheezburgers?"
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #246 on: 29 Oct 2007, 15:04 »

Kartoon Kween, this one's for you:





"I'M POOPIN"
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Kartoon Kween

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #247 on: 29 Oct 2007, 18:43 »

Oh, Lawd!  You remembered my favorite lolcat!

Probably the worst thing you can do during sex is to take a well known song and replace the words with sexually explicit lyrics.

Example:

"Over there!  Over there!
Send the word, send the word, over there!
That my dick is cumming, my dick is cumming,
And I won't pull out till it's over over there!"

Not only will this get you kicked out of bed, it might earn you a restraining order.

« Last Edit: 29 Oct 2007, 18:45 by Kartoon Kween »
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ampersandwitch

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #248 on: 29 Oct 2007, 18:46 »

In the spirit of my new avvie -
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Kartoon Kween

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #249 on: 29 Oct 2007, 20:14 »

Is that what you say when he tries to stick it up your pooper?
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