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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 168470 times)

ampersandwitch

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #250 on: 30 Oct 2007, 04:23 »

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Catfish_Man

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #251 on: 01 Nov 2007, 23:24 »

C-c-c-c-combo breaker!
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axerton

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #252 on: 02 Nov 2007, 03:54 »

"Coh, there's a whole new world through there"


"This is the part where you run away"


"Suck it down"



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NothingIncorporated

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #253 on: 05 Nov 2007, 00:48 »

Oh.. Keith Chegwin!
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mummbly_joe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #254 on: 08 Nov 2007, 15:01 »

*"Clatu Verata Necto"
What am I saying... that would be completly AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
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iNeedanadult

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #255 on: 10 Nov 2007, 16:37 »

Guy climaxes and says "I peed."

Perfect for a man who can't tell whether he's coming or going. ;P

Also: "So are you gonna give me a candy bar like Father Nolan did?"
« Last Edit: 10 Nov 2007, 18:10 by iNeedanadult »
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Melt Down

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #256 on: 20 Nov 2007, 02:50 »

LEEEEEROY JEENKINS!

Sorry if someone has already beaten me to it
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Sherwood WindRunner

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #257 on: 20 Nov 2007, 07:30 »

"That doesn't reach over there!"
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StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #258 on: 20 Nov 2007, 20:09 »

FATALITY
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The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

Sherwood WindRunner

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #259 on: 22 Nov 2007, 19:01 »

(That gave me a good idea, StMonkey)


CUMALITY!
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StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #260 on: 22 Nov 2007, 22:18 »

mmmm....perfect finish
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Carpe Gluteum
Quote
The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

Dax

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #261 on: 25 Nov 2007, 14:03 »

"Hang on, the camera battery has run out.."
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Leinad

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #262 on: 25 Nov 2007, 20:01 »

"Oh Baby! Oh shit, yeah! Yeahh, yeah yeah yeah! Stroke it baby! You're so fucking hot! Omigod I'm cumming-"

"BINGO!"
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hepcatmerkin

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #263 on: 04 Dec 2007, 22:46 »

"Dad?  Can you pretend to be mom tonight?"
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FoolOnTheHill

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #264 on: 04 Dec 2007, 23:41 »

The worst I can think of is: once you start getting into it, start calling out your own name.  Simple, elegant, completely hilarious. 

That gets win ^
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FoolOnTheHill

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #265 on: 04 Dec 2007, 23:56 »

Alright, here's a few I can think of:

-- "Almost, almost, almost, there we go." (for a guy, remaining completely motionless)
-- "That had to be the best sex I've ever had Rex-- I mean Racheal!"
-- "Wow, all that porn paid off after all."
-- "Roll over, rogues do it from behind baby." (for the World of Warcraft geeks out there)
-- "CTHULHU AWAKEN!" (At climax)
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"At least I still have the warantee, right?"
"HAHAHAHA! Oh man, you are so fucked."

shinytoydragon

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #266 on: 05 Dec 2007, 22:02 »

-- "CTHULHU AWAKEN!" (At climax)

wow...



Im'a charg'in ma lazza!

Shoop da woop!(at climax)
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Carmine

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #267 on: 05 Dec 2007, 22:36 »

WOLVERINES!
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PirateLiberal

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #268 on: 05 Dec 2007, 23:10 »

Realistically, saying "We need to talk" might be up high on the list.
Other than that, any line from Star Wars.  For example, "Negative.  Didn't go in!"

Or

"Get in there, you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"

Maybe...

"You came in that thing?  You're braver than I thought!"
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KickThatBathProf

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #269 on: 06 Dec 2007, 04:46 »

IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay that one was kinda dumb, but someone had to say it
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dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

Ryld

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #270 on: 14 Dec 2007, 20:35 »

i still say u can't beet martins "happy birthday grandma", i tried that once.... it kinda ruined the mood... my gf was laughing so hard neither of us could continue.... though it was fun laughing for over a half hour ^.^

Mev852

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #271 on: 15 Dec 2007, 20:45 »

I was reading an Anime Thread when I picked up this one on a similar topic:

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!... DYNAMIC EXIT!... DYNAMIC ENTRY!... AHHH! I EXPLODE WITH YOUTH!!"

Disturbing, isn't it?
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Ryld

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #272 on: 16 Dec 2007, 05:41 »

that sounds like something u would find in one of this old fashioned poorly translated erotic novels  :mrgreen: :lol:

TwinkyToes

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #273 on: 16 Dec 2007, 13:12 »

not really a worst thing/best thing but one time i was dared to answer my phone while we were doing it...i'm sure the conversation was a little strange
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NickRaciti

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #274 on: 16 Dec 2007, 18:01 »

Nick: Put this blindfold on, it will be erotic.

Amy: *Puts blindfold on*

Nick: *Pushes water pistol against Amy's head* If you scream, I'll end you.

It was funnier a week later.
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AngelofShadows

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #275 on: 17 Dec 2007, 06:11 »

Just start screaming "BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH I NEED AN ADULT"
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quietdevious1

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #276 on: 18 Dec 2007, 00:45 »

Start crying and saying, "I'm sorry, Jesus!"
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hurkkk

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #277 on: 25 Dec 2007, 11:42 »

"I love you."
"Great, does that mean I don't have to wear a condom?"
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Indigno

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #278 on: 25 Dec 2007, 22:37 »

"Wait, I'm pretty sure I had a condom on a second ago..."
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captain zoe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #279 on: 26 Dec 2007, 12:49 »

"hold on i need to queef"

This made me laugh hysterically, no joke. 

How about the sound Jawas make -- "UUTEEENEEEE!" 

"My penis is cumming, my penis is cumming!"
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Jeneration X

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #280 on: 26 Dec 2007, 15:46 »

My ex said "Bananarama" on night, not good!  :roll:
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0kamisama

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #281 on: 27 Dec 2007, 07:29 »

I can remember one issue of "Life in Hell" that had a few suggestions for this sorta thing...

1: (While partner is climaxing) "Zzzzzz...zzzzzz"

2: "Oh Lord in heaven, forgive me for this vile sin I am committing"

3: "That reminds me, what's you sister/brother doing tomorrow?"

4: "Have you gained weight lately?"

5: Partner: "I love you"  You: "Oh c'mon, don't spoil it!"

6: "Forgot to tell you, I'm leaving for Siberia tomorrow"

7: (phone rings; you answer) "Hello? ...eh, nothing much, how 'bout you?"

EDIT: forgot a personal favorite (#7)
« Last Edit: 27 Dec 2007, 10:11 by 0kamisama »
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StMonkey

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #282 on: 27 Dec 2007, 08:38 »

I must say, today's comic(#1044) has Marten saying something that might ruin the moment.
"Your daughter has put my penis in her mouth."
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The bottom line is, if anyone is going to start playing pranks by stuffing large quantities of food in their mouths, be wary.

captain zoe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #283 on: 27 Dec 2007, 10:01 »

"Aaaass yooooooou wiiiiiiiiishhhhh!"
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KickThatBathProf

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #284 on: 30 Dec 2007, 17:56 »

I must say, today's comic(#1044) has Marten saying something that might ruin the moment.
"Your daughter has put my penis in her mouth."

That would work.
Mr. Bianchi's comment before that would work also:
"I musta whacked it to your mom's pictures a million frickin times!"
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dumplings are the answer because the foreskin boys

Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #285 on: 08 Jan 2008, 09:48 »

What was the number for this particular episode?
i have spent the entire morning rereading the archives but cannot find it.
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Thy Dungeonman

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Fidel Fanst

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #288 on: 08 Jan 2008, 23:57 »

I'm gonna go with Marten on this one. Referring to you Grandma is always a killer in this situation. Not that I have any experience with that, thank god....
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Grimmy

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #289 on: 09 Jan 2008, 08:53 »

not really a worst thing/best thing but one time i was dared to answer my phone while we were doing it...i'm sure the conversation was a little strange

I always hope a telemarketer will call during a sex session...

Telemarketer: are you eating right now?

Me: not yet, but when its my turn, she will let me know.
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pen

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #290 on: 09 Jan 2008, 10:55 »

Unrelated to the thread itself, but to the comment above....

We like to fuck with telemarketers at home, and one time, one called and it was a carpet cleaning company.  My daughter's uncle answered the phone.  The conversation went something like...

Uncle:  "Do you have employees that clean large carpets?"
Marketer:  "Yes sir, they are well qualified to do large carpets"
U:  "Do you have employees that will clean a small carpet?"
M:  "Of course, sir, we do all sizes!"
U:  "Sorry for the questions, but just one more; do you have employees that will clean a medium carpet?"
M:  "Yes, sir, as I said, we can most certainly accommodate you"
U:  "OK great!  Oh, one more thing.  Do you have any employees that lick carpet?"

-click-

It was great.
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mummbly_joe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #291 on: 09 Jan 2008, 12:27 »

I think the worst thing a guy could say to a chick would be: " I think I just peed inside you." I know I would be grossed out.
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captain zoe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #292 on: 09 Jan 2008, 15:56 »

Oh holy god!  I just got seriously grossed out!  That would definitely be a mood kill....
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minus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #293 on: 09 Jan 2008, 18:52 »

"I really need to take a shit right now.."
- Yeah, I know.. Toilet humour.. But it would definitely kill a mood for me.

I had an older chick I'd brought home once tell me she felt like a pedophile.. That killed things as well.. For a while.

"You'll get a better angle if I move my fat rolls to the side."

"Sorry, but I haven't eaten all day." Then you produce a big, dirty burger out and drip crumbs over her while still thrusting.

"Oh god, I'm sorry and drunk and I have no idea whether I just came or pee'd but, either way, I'm not wearing a condom.."
- Ew? (Edit: I didn't realise that this was said two posts up.. Being late sucks.)
« Last Edit: 09 Jan 2008, 18:59 by minus »
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Eiger

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #294 on: 09 Jan 2008, 19:22 »

"I can't believe it's not butter!"

"John! John! Did you get that on camera?!"

"Are you by any chance related to <insert name of sibling or parent/grandparent> because you really feel similar."
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minus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #295 on: 09 Jan 2008, 20:09 »

Maybe your own running commentary during sex?

"Look at that, John.. The 50.. The 40.. The 30.. Oh, sweet jesus, look at him go..!!!"

Or in a more documentary like feel:

"Watch, now, as I, the male, slides his erect penis further into the females opening. Eventually, he will explode within her and each little sperm will wriggle its way around, frantically searching for the egg. [Insert verbose sperm count/behaviour/scientific facts/descriptions here]."
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mummbly_joe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #296 on: 09 Jan 2008, 21:06 »

"Billy was right, it does feel better with real people."
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King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

Fidel Fanst

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #297 on: 10 Jan 2008, 02:52 »

Maybe: "Billy was right, it does feel better with live people."?
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mummbly_joe

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #298 on: 10 Jan 2008, 05:57 »

Maybe: "Billy was right, it does feel better with live people."?

I considered that afterward. Also " dad was right, it does feel better with living people" sounds kinda disturbing as well. Especially if it was fallowed by "happy birthday grandma."
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King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

Fidel Fanst

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #299 on: 10 Jan 2008, 06:01 »

Jeez, I never even considered the combo with "Happy birthday, Grandma"... Mental images!
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