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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 166320 times)

Michael Nehora

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #400 on: 05 Mar 2008, 14:10 »

The best line in that strip is "Not really."  Despite the character having no face, you can picture the bitterness.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #401 on: 05 Mar 2008, 14:50 »

"A little to the left."
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #402 on: 05 Mar 2008, 20:11 »

No one ever says that.

Not even people whose lovers are tilted to the right.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #403 on: 06 Mar 2008, 01:15 »

Bullhockey! I'VE said it, and it was great. Humor is just another way to enjoy the experience.

"Momma needs her happy juice." Cried out by the female just prior to male climax. The setup: before getting intimate, I had told her that I had read something about refuids released by males supposedly working in such a manner as to encourage the production of endorphines in females.  When she dropped that bomb on me, I laughed myself impotent. It was fun, and quite endearing.
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Muskrat121

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #404 on: 06 Mar 2008, 11:18 »

Start crying after you make her orgasim.  Then tell her you want to talk about feelings.


...Sadly I know a girl who had this happened to...
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rancidhooligan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #405 on: 06 Mar 2008, 14:26 »

"Madam, your gritty, unclean rusty sherrif's badge is one of the most repellent orifices I have ever had the displeasure of sinking my gnarled, disease-infested man pole testicles-deep into.  The vile stench nearly had me regurgitating my midday meal all over your backside.  I have no desire to see you again.  Good day to you."
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frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #406 on: 06 Mar 2008, 14:33 »

 :-o YOU WIN!
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #407 on: 06 Mar 2008, 16:20 »

"Madam, your gritty, unclean rusty sherrif's badge is one of the most repellent orifices I have ever had the displeasure of sinking my gnarled, disease-infested man pole testicles-deep into.  The vile stench nearly had me regurgitating my midday meal all over your backside.  I have no desire to see you again.  Good day to you."

"I love it when you talk salty old sailor to me."
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foofighterq

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #408 on: 06 Mar 2008, 21:15 »

only works if ur the other person plays The Game:

I Just Lost

my ex would react with punches n kicks whenever i made her lose The Game, and saying that in the middle of sex was the most cruel thing i had ever done to my own balls
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I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

idiolect

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #409 on: 07 Mar 2008, 21:40 »

Start crying after you make her orgasim.  Then tell her you want to talk about feelings.


...Sadly I know a girl who had this happened to...


Really?  So do I, and the story is kind of notorious, particularly the "talk about feelings" part.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #410 on: 08 Mar 2008, 12:16 »

*shrug*
Talking about feelings isn't the horrifying thing most guys make it out to be.

"Pew Pew!" At climax.
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Border Reiver

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #411 on: 08 Mar 2008, 15:00 »

Yes, it is
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idiolect

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #412 on: 08 Mar 2008, 16:36 »

*shrug*
Talking about feelings isn't the horrifying thing most guys make it out to be.


You're right, it really isn't.  But it really can be when a guy actually says "Can we talk about feelings?" after sex.  I mean, come on, that is so awkwardly emo that even the most awkwardly emo bright-eyes-listening, postsecret-reading, livejournal-posting teenage scenster wannabe will feel embarrased to be there (or so I've heard).
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Amadeus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #413 on: 08 Mar 2008, 16:39 »

Grimace before you orgasm and say "KamehameHA!"

Or, alternatively, on climax, "COWABUNGA!"
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #414 on: 08 Mar 2008, 18:09 »

Quote the entire trench-fight from the end of Star Wars.  Then you can call your junk, at various times, "Luke", "my lightsaber" (for guys), or "Sarlacc" (for girls).
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #415 on: 08 Mar 2008, 18:32 »

I can see it now:
Guy: *prepares to begin*
Girl: *has an intensely serious expression* "Stay on target.*
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #416 on: 08 Mar 2008, 18:55 »

Yeah, if the girl's narrating, the guy really has to wonder what's going to happen when Vader shows up.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #417 on: 08 Mar 2008, 20:23 »

She'll declare herself to be his father and attempt to turn him to the dark side of course. What THAT means, however, is anyone's guess.  :-P
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #418 on: 08 Mar 2008, 22:11 »

Actually, I was referring more to the fact that Vader surprise attacked from behind.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #419 on: 09 Mar 2008, 00:30 »

What else could I mean by "dark side"?  :-P
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Chryselephantine

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #420 on: 09 Mar 2008, 09:19 »

I think that anything quoting avenue Q would qualify.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #421 on: 09 Mar 2008, 12:51 »

Lies and slander! There is not a single line from Q that's not appropriate to the bedroom.  :lol:
"The more you rove someone, the more you want to kirr them."
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #422 on: 09 Mar 2008, 13:04 »

"Could you do me a favor and pretend to be a boy?"

Doesn't really matter who is saying that.
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #423 on: 09 Mar 2008, 16:43 »

"High Five!"
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idiolect

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #424 on: 09 Mar 2008, 17:04 »

Previously mentioned only a couple of pages ago:


I knew a guy who actually did do this:  After having sex, he turned to his girlfriend, and said AWESOME! HIGH FIVE!! and totally high-fived her. 
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Electrified Sprinkles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #425 on: 09 Mar 2008, 21:37 »

This is something I talk about with my friends a lot, and we all agree that "Arrgh! My brocolli's escaping!" is a classic.
hahaha omg I have GOT to say that at some point in my life.
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Electrified Sprinkles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #426 on: 09 Mar 2008, 22:04 »

 :-D The best is screaming "SURPRISE!" At the climax!

It confused the heck out of your partner.
"Surprise what?"
"Don't you like surprises?"
"No...?"
"...oh... well crap..."
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AshiHalfangel

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #427 on: 09 Mar 2008, 22:12 »

"SING FOR ME!" ala Phantom of the Opera.

OMG, I love you....I'm a Phantom of the Opera freak.

In addition, sing in a whispery, creepy voice, "I am your angel of music...come to me, the angel of music."
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #428 on: 09 Mar 2008, 22:39 »

I can see it now:
Guy: *prepares to begin*
Girl: *has an intensely serious expression* "Stay on target.*
"You may not look like much, but you've got it where it counts, kid."

"Don't look at it like that! Master Yoda said 'Size matters not!'"
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #429 on: 10 Mar 2008, 04:30 »

"Negative, it didn't go in. Just impacted on the surface."
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

RKDelpiero

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #430 on: 10 Mar 2008, 06:01 »

"I like chocolate milk"

"You are now my property"

"I'll get you a towel"
"Why?"
"When the time comes...you'll know"

(Hum the Indiana Jones theme song)

"Khaaaaaaan!"

"There is no orgasm, only Zuul"


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Muskrat121

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #431 on: 10 Mar 2008, 06:46 »

Start crying after you make her orgasim.  Then tell her you want to talk about feelings.


...Sadly I know a girl who had this happened to...


Really?  So do I, and the story is kind of notorious, particularly the "talk about feelings" part.

haha.  She asked him to spank her...so he did...kind of...but then wanted to "talk" about it...whatever that means...
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Siert

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #432 on: 10 Mar 2008, 08:36 »

I have been dared, sadly I haven't the guts,  but is to recite as many Gir quotes as possible from Invader Zim, and count how many it takes before she leaves.

Quotes would probably include

"I'm naked!"
"I saw a Squirrel!"
"BURITO!"
"I love you piggy!"
"MONKEY!"
"I'm running!"

I am weak, I can't get the guts to say it, my baslls would NEVER forgive me.

I fail at this thread :(
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #433 on: 10 Mar 2008, 10:09 »

"Go-go Gadget-Gasm!"


"Almost there, baby! aaAAAnd, It's time for Aaanimaaniacs!"
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Chryselephantine

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #434 on: 10 Mar 2008, 15:30 »

Girl: Oh, yeah, that is good *screams guys sister's name*
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Blackcat Moebius

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #435 on: 10 Mar 2008, 15:39 »

"Negative, it didn't go in. Just impacted on the surface."

There's always the usual winner in the 10 Dirtiest Lines in Star Wars lists:

'Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!'
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #436 on: 10 Mar 2008, 15:56 »

Idio: Oh nerts. Now I feel silly. However, now I have to add that to my list of

Ashi:  :wink: I don't ever get tired of reading that. As an aside, I'm planning on getting one of those masks when I get back home. Got brainwashed into loving the phantom when by me mum playing the original soundtrack for me as a babe.

Jeff and Doug:  :lol: Awesome.

Moebius: That's terrible.  :laugh:


"Next." -said post climax while gesturing for another to enter the room.
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Michael Nehora

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #437 on: 11 Mar 2008, 01:05 »

"This reminds me of that Questionable Content strip where..."

"This was a lot more fun on Second Life."

"So, my place next time?  Unless my mom has to come downstairs and do laundry."

[In high-pitched voice]:  "Tee hee!  Elmo loves having sex."
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MissEmily

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #438 on: 11 Mar 2008, 19:52 »

The Expecto Patronum tattoo one gave me this idea.  Stare at him, and shout:

WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!

Although that's only funny (maybe not even if) if you know the reference.

(I'm new here.  Don't hate.)
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Amadeus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #439 on: 11 Mar 2008, 20:46 »

*getting into the bed*
"NEW CHALLENGER!"
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Border Reiver

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #440 on: 12 Mar 2008, 05:48 »

The Expecto Patronum tattoo one gave me this idea.  Stare at him, and shout:

WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!

Although that's only funny (maybe not even if) if you know the reference.

(I'm new here.  Don't hate.)

Be funnier in the aftermath or if you want Round 2
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"It's a futile gesture that my sense of right and wrong tells me I should make." Is It Cold Here, 19 Mar 2013, 02:12

vegeto18

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #441 on: 12 Mar 2008, 06:42 »

I put on my wizard hat and robe. I CAST MAGIC MISSILE!
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #442 on: 12 Mar 2008, 09:08 »

Gives a slightly new meaning to "I attack the darkness!"
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Michael Nehora

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #443 on: 13 Mar 2008, 21:29 »

"As great as you are in bed, baby--L. Ron Hubbard's Dianetics can make you even better!"

"Well, hell, (missy/mister), you ain't no goat after all."  (On a related note, putting "Dueling Banjos" on to set the mood isn't a good idea either.  Whipping out an actual banjo is even worse.)

"This show sucks.  Change the channel."  (When the TV isn't even on.)

"She bangs, she bangs..."
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WriterofAllWrongs

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #444 on: 13 Mar 2008, 21:33 »

Realistically, saying "We need to talk" might be up high on the list.
Other than that, any line from Star Wars.  For example, "Negative.  Didn't go in!"

"YOUR EGG CAN'T DEFLECT SPERM OF THIS MAGNITUDE."
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #445 on: 14 Mar 2008, 00:12 »

"Negative, it didn't go in. Just impacted on the surface."

There's always the usual winner in the 10 Dirtiest Lines in Star Wars lists:

'Pull out! You're not doing any good back there!'
I think it was actually, "Get clear Wedge, you can't do any more good back there!"
But the sentiment remains. However, "Luke, at that speed will you be able to pull out in time?"


"YOUR EGG CAN'T DEFLECT SPERM OF THIS MAGNITUDE."
Wedge, at the surface of the Death Star v2.0: "I'm going in!"
« Last Edit: 14 Mar 2008, 00:15 by Jeff7 »
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Muskrat121

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #446 on: 14 Mar 2008, 10:36 »

"This reminds me of that Questionable Content strip where..."

It occours to me that any reference to QC durring sex would make it only better...
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Michael Nehora

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #447 on: 14 Mar 2008, 11:07 »

If your partner is a QC fan like you or I, yes.  Not so much if your partner doesn't care for it or, worse, is a member of certain Something Awful forums which have an irrational obsession with hating QC, and for stupid reasons too.  ("Durrr durrr Marten is totally a stand-in for Jeph Jacques, it's all indie-nerd wish fulfillment, durr his artwork sucks, Achewood's art is much better durr.")  But then, as you've probably already gathered, I can't imagine wanting to have sex with a Something Awful member.
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frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #448 on: 14 Mar 2008, 20:22 »

better than having sex with a 2 girls 1 cup fanclub member...
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Electrified Sprinkles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #449 on: 16 Mar 2008, 18:13 »

What about...

"Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"

Oh my...
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