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Author Topic: Best/Worst things to say during sex?  (Read 166319 times)

bgugi

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #450 on: 16 Mar 2008, 18:47 »

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

i still don't know what that's from...
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #451 on: 17 Mar 2008, 03:37 »

What about...

"Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"

Oh my...

"[their name]...This Is Your Life!"

(Bit Anglocentric, but trust me, the scene would be hilarious.)

Edit: Oh, hang on, "It originally aired in the United States from 1952 to 1961." Well, no-one here will remember that.
« Last Edit: 17 Mar 2008, 03:39 by Doug S. Machina »
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #452 on: 17 Mar 2008, 09:53 »

By the way, you just lost The Game.
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SirJuggles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #453 on: 17 Mar 2008, 19:47 »

While you're having foreplay, just hum the Jeopardy theme song.

Then, for the rest of the night, address your partner (male or female) only as Alex, and speak only in the form of a question.
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Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
I still prefer to think of rugby in a more friendly way: Everyone tries to hug the guy with the ball. The team with the most hugs at the end of the game wins. Extra points for group hugs.

Michael Nehora

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #454 on: 17 Mar 2008, 20:43 »

Ah, game shows!

- Look at your partner's private bits and ask,  "Is that your final answer?"  Then use one of your lifelines and call a friend...with benefits.

- "Whoa...I'd rather have what's behind the curtain."  (For extra burn on your partner, add "...even if it's a donkey or an old couch.")

- "Gonnnnnnnnnng!"  (Then get out of bed and do the Gene Gene the Dancing Machine dance.)

- (For men:)  "Yeah!  I beat the clock! ...What?"

- "Bachelor(-ette) Number One, if I were an ice cream cone how would you--wait, there is only one of you?  Damn it!"

- "You may be smarter than a fifth grader, but in terms of bedroom performance, welll..."
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TanyaJ

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #455 on: 17 Mar 2008, 22:31 »

It's morphin' time!
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WriterofAllWrongs

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #456 on: 18 Mar 2008, 11:14 »

"I just stuck my penis inside your vagina, and will now proceed to thrust it in and out until I squirt semen into said vagina."
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #457 on: 18 Mar 2008, 12:38 »

"I just stuck my penis inside your vagina, and will now proceed to thrust it in and out until I squirt semen into said vagina."

Van Wilder beat you to that one.

"Gwenny, your warm labia feels so good!"
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Rigor_Mortis

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #458 on: 18 Mar 2008, 13:48 »

"I just stuck my penis inside your vagina, and will now proceed to thrust it in and out until I squirt semen into said vagina."

Van Wilder beat you to that one.

"Gwenny, your warm labia feels so good around my swollen phallus!"

Fixed!
That scene gave me chills. To thinks someone out there might actually get off like that. Hurrrr
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Gentleman Bastard

Winged

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #459 on: 18 Mar 2008, 22:25 »

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

i still don't know what that's from...

Killer Instinct, says Wikichan.

http://www.wikichan.org/index.php/Combo_breaker
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SirJuggles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #460 on: 19 Mar 2008, 09:09 »

The best part of all of these would just be trying to imagine someone's reaction. Just the sheer look on a person's face after they hear that...  :?

Makes me wonder... if you heard most of these, would you stop?
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Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
I still prefer to think of rugby in a more friendly way: Everyone tries to hug the guy with the ball. The team with the most hugs at the end of the game wins. Extra points for group hugs.

Reed

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #461 on: 19 Mar 2008, 16:46 »

I'm pretty sure mine tops most....and it's a true story

My friend was having sex with his new girlfriend for the first time, and just as he enters her she whispers in his ear

"Did Jamie (his past girlfriend) bleed your first time with her?"
« Last Edit: 20 Mar 2008, 10:31 by Dire bacterium »
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frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #462 on: 19 Mar 2008, 19:06 »

say "Itsa Me, Mario!"
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #463 on: 20 Mar 2008, 03:11 »

I bet that wold be a real passion-killer.

(After) "Don't go far - I'll have to disinfect everything."
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

Electrified Sprinkles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #464 on: 20 Mar 2008, 20:27 »

Hehe... I was watching Howl's Moving Castle and found some dirty quotes:

"Look out! Crazy Lady with a shovel!!"
(Doesn't matter who says it... it just would take you off gaurd)

"Welcome to my secret Garden... You can come here any time you like..."
(Classic)


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SirJuggles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #465 on: 20 Mar 2008, 20:29 »

"Wow! Thanks to you, I'm now eligible for a world record!"

Now, the question a world record for what???  :evil:
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Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
I still prefer to think of rugby in a more friendly way: Everyone tries to hug the guy with the ball. The team with the most hugs at the end of the game wins. Extra points for group hugs.

frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #466 on: 21 Mar 2008, 09:31 »

Another bad thing would be "Do you know who Armin Meiwes is? he had the right idea..."
If someone says that to you, read his wikipedia entry and RUN!!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes
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JD

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #467 on: 21 Mar 2008, 18:11 »

During sex "Hurry up Law and Order is on!"
 Replace the show if you want
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WriterofAllWrongs

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #468 on: 21 Mar 2008, 23:08 »

lol liek maybe if da gy sez anothr grlz naem insted of the gil he fukin' that wold b SOOOO hilarius!!!12
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Border Reiver

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #469 on: 22 Mar 2008, 08:34 »

Can I get a translation of the above for those of us who are text impaired?
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Thy Dungeonman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #470 on: 22 Mar 2008, 10:11 »

"Laugh out loud. Like, if the guy says another girl's name instead of the girl he's fucking, that would be so hilarious! Twelve."
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #471 on: 22 Mar 2008, 16:26 »

Didn't we have "El-oh-el!" as a suggestion a while ago? Maybe it should be expanded: ""U" "R" per-wan-d!!Oneoneone!!"
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

SirJuggles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #472 on: 22 Mar 2008, 17:39 »

Didn't we have "El-oh-el!" as a suggestion a while ago? Maybe it should be expanded: ""U" "R" per-wan-d!!Oneoneone!!"

"Nooooob!!"
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Quote from: Jimmy the Squid
I still prefer to think of rugby in a more friendly way: Everyone tries to hug the guy with the ball. The team with the most hugs at the end of the game wins. Extra points for group hugs.

Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #473 on: 25 Mar 2008, 19:27 »

Surprise!   Buttsex
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peterpan02001

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #474 on: 25 Mar 2008, 20:15 »

I had to register just for this.  I know its been around for a while, but I just started reading QC and just found  this thread.  A friend of mine had this one actually happen to him.  He had a girls knees over his shoulders when she told him to "take it like a man".  He said that he just stared at her for a minute, then left.  Also, I can't believe that no one has done either of these 1) yelling out "Another one bites the dust!!" after climax, or 2) singing "We Are the Champions"  during the act.
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #475 on: 25 Mar 2008, 20:29 »

Worse (or better) than that would surely be "Flash! Ah-Ahhh! Saviour of the universe!"
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

Rocketman

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #476 on: 25 Mar 2008, 21:08 »

say "Itsa Me, Mario!"

After this, sing the Mario theme the whole time. Switch to the Invincibility theme as climax approaches.
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Thomas Edison

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #477 on: 26 Mar 2008, 00:56 »

Thomas Edison finds breaking into interpretive dance can be pretty fucking mood killing.
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waps

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #478 on: 26 Mar 2008, 07:29 »

make suggestive eyebrows and ask

"Do you have any oysters?"

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WriterofAllWrongs

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #479 on: 26 Mar 2008, 16:26 »

"Is it just me, or is it a little cold in you?"
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failingwithstyle

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #480 on: 28 Mar 2008, 03:37 »

Surprise!   Buttsex

"With you, it's never a surprise."




Also, I think Hanners would win this thread now. 
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #481 on: 28 Mar 2008, 03:42 »

"Eeeeexcellent," in your best Montgomery Burns voice.

or

"Excellent. Perfect! Gauntlet," in your best Quake III Arena announcer voice.
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Muskrat121

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #482 on: 28 Mar 2008, 07:42 »

So I didn't think about this 'til today's thread.  Several years ago my "girlfriend" (I use the term loosely) at the time uttered these fantastic words post coital:

"I think I've sustained plastic deformation!"

As it was about 4 in the morning (and also being an engineering geek), it remains to this day one of the funniest things I have ever heard.
« Last Edit: 28 Mar 2008, 07:45 by Muskrat121 »
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Gundark

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #483 on: 28 Mar 2008, 07:46 »

I sure wouldn't mind hearing Hanners praise me for having "triggered a lot of dopamine receptors."  I know that's not one of the worst things to hear during sex... quite the opposite, in fact.
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Chad K.

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #484 on: 28 Mar 2008, 14:04 »

Two actual baddies-

Once, when I was leaving my friend's house I asked his girlfriend to call him by my name during sex.  He saw me the next day and was all pissed off; I asked him if he finished anyway and he just got a sheepish look and said "Yes."

Also, when I was in college, we had a girl who used to come to the floor I lived on with the intention of having sex with absolutely anybody on the floor, which disgusted most of us.  After several unsuccessful attempts with several guys on the floor, one night she managed to land a friend of mine.  And then it began - over and over again through the thin dorm room walls she actually kept saying in drawn out syllables with a high-pitched, nasally voice, "Harrrrrrrderrrrrrrrrr!  Deeeeeeeeperrrrrrrr!  Harrrrrrrderrrrr!  Deeeeperrrr!," until ultimately culminating in, honest to God, "Oh... well ... YOU'RE THE KING! YOU'RE THE KING!"  Her sincerity was a little disconcerting.  I mean, who says that?
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Doug S. Machina

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #485 on: 28 Mar 2008, 14:32 »

"I think I've sustained plastic deformation!"

Clearly you were some way past "the necking phase" then.
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Man, if I was the sort of person who quoted things like that in my signature, I'd quote that it my signature.

Electrified Sprinkles

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #486 on: 30 Mar 2008, 16:52 »

 :-D So the other day I was having a chat with one of my friends... his name is Andrew.

We both were insanely bored and part of our conversation went like this:
(And yes, "how ofter do you masturbate?" or "whats the stupidest thing you've done with underwear?" are common default questions for me.

me: So, how often do you masturbate?
Andrew: Well... it depends on my mood, but one to two times a day, usually.
Andrew: Penis - zero, Andrew 3124 experience points!!
me: LEVEL UP!

...

Which brings me to the next worst/best...
You just start singing Missy Elliott's "Work it"

"Is it worth it, let me work it
I put my bang down, flip it and reverse it
It's your fremme neppa venette
It's your fremme neppa venette

If you got a big ***, let me search it
And find out how hard I gotta work ya
It's your fremme neppa venette
It's your fremme neppa venette"
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frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #487 on: 31 Mar 2008, 14:57 »

tried playing penis? Go in a public place like a silent library with a friend and sit at opposite ends of the room. Then start saying "Penis" louder and louder, at turns. The looser(s) chicken out. The winner is beaten by security...
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Mr Mag

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #488 on: 01 Apr 2008, 00:07 »

A couple from the Command & Conquer games.

'Kane Lives'
'Can not deploy here'

I'll have to think of some more.
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Thaes

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #489 on: 01 Apr 2008, 00:37 »

"My manhood is now operational! All will bow before the might of my masculinity!"

I reckon that would be a rather bad thing to say just before the intercourse, unless the lady was a huge Sac-fan, in which case it could prove to be a major turn-on.
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Jeff7

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #490 on: 01 Apr 2008, 20:12 »

I have just applied a piece of tape to my penis. When removed, it will deliver to you the most efficient above-room-temperature lovin' in existence! I give you: Penisene! Here, try one.
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MrSteevo

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #491 on: 01 Apr 2008, 20:18 »

*At the End*

"April Fools!"

(About what? You decide)
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frullic

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #492 on: 02 Apr 2008, 05:42 »

A couple from the Command & Conquer games.

'Kane Lives'
'Can not deploy here'

I'll have to think of some more.

"PEACE THROUGH POWER"
"ONE VISION, ONE PURPOSE!"
"IN THE NAME OF KANE!"
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Gall_4185

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #493 on: 03 Apr 2008, 21:47 »

"Oooohhhhhhh Yeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh!!" (in a Macho Man Randy Savage voice)

Start singing Tenacious D's "Fuck Her Gently" or "Let's get it on"


And from personal experience "Did I just crack your ribs?" Something my ex said to me after i fell off the bed and was doubled over gasping for breath...
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Romulus

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #494 on: 04 Apr 2008, 05:14 »

You get down really close, and whisper "bob doll" in a bestial/primal way.

And if she says what, you say it again.

The confusion erupting from this situation would be like dividing sex by zero.
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Muskrat121

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #495 on: 04 Apr 2008, 07:18 »

Hmmm...dividing by zero causes normal functions to explode...

So would Sex/0=sexplosoin?
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Surgoshan

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #496 on: 04 Apr 2008, 11:31 »

Nope; it'd be an eternity without sex.
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spluk

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #497 on: 06 Apr 2008, 13:00 »

not a fan of daft punk, but you could sing harder, better, faster, stronger.
or if an anime nerd yelling "BANKAI"
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Hadrian Emrys

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #498 on: 06 Apr 2008, 13:07 »

not a fan of daft punk, but you could sing harder, better, faster, stronger.
or if an anime nerd yelling "BANKAI"

Well, I AM a Daft Punk fan. So, thanks for the idea. I'll be sure to put it to use.  :-P
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Siert

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Re: Best/Worst things to say during sex?
« Reply #499 on: 06 Apr 2008, 17:25 »

How about do exactly what Doug does in this lovely incarnation of "Doug"

http://www.punksandnerds.com/d/20060612.html

I wonder how many people have broke down in tears when they finish up :?
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