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[BillAdama]

I just heard a big candidate from Bright Eyes' new album Cassadaga.

"Little soldier, little insect, you know war, it has no heart"

Connor Oberst is such a wise, deep, thoughtful soul.  He made the observation that war, has no heart!

Well.  That changes my outlook on war completely!  Thank you Connor!  I never saw it that way before!

[Cartilage Head]

LET'S FIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!

[Kai]

dude, you are totally missing out of that is the worst lyric you have ever heard.



I did it all for the nookie.

[IronOxide]

Guys, don't be hating on these artists.

It's hard out here for a pimp.

You should treat them with more respect.

[imapiratearg]

Now i'm locked in the closet.

[Ernest]

I did it all for the nookie.

so you can take that cookie. . .

[McTaggart]

Bright Eyes should really go back to writing about failed or failing relationships. I really don't like anything he's done with the slightest political edge to it. If your issue is that the lyric isn't saying anything groundbreaking you shuld really go clubbing more.

I get the impression this is a thinly veiled 'I hate Conor Oberst' thread.

[Dimmukane]

Although it was intentional, I nominate Tenacious D's "History of Tenacious D".  They sing about how badass they are for a while, and then JB starts singing about things supreme, such as burritos, chicken, and Lee's Oldsmobile Cutlass.  Where the hell does that fit in the history?

[Thrillho]

I'll get back to you on this.

Although it must be said, Wilco are my favourite non-defunct group, but Jeff Tweedy has come up with some stinkers as recently as 'What Light.'

[Kai]

Bright Eyes should really go back to writing about failed or failing relationships. I really don't like anything he's done with the slightest political edge to it.

or Conor should just reform Desaparecidos. That band was pretty ace

[fish across face]

Holy shit the Conor Oberst-sung song on the forthcoming Dntel album is awesomely amazing.  I've never liked anything he (the former) did before, which maybe led to the unprepared "crikey"-ness of the moment. 

I was so excited I had to delete the whole album off my computer so I wouldn't thrash the thing to death before it's commercially available.

[Jackie Blue]

"Little soldier, little insect, you know war, it has no heart"

If that's the worst lyric you can think of, you must not listen to much music.

Conor Oberst bashing is so '02.  Are you trying to get a job at Pitchfork?

(That said, while I am a huge Bright Eyes fan, I agree that his post-I'm Wide Awake It's Morning political songs are limp.  I blame the fans who thought "When the President Talks to God" was a brilliant idea.)

[Merkava]

I'll get back to you on this.

Although it must be said, Wilco are my favourite non-defunct group, but Jeff Tweedy has come up with some stinkers as recently as 'What Light.'

Was it the "sing a song/don't let anyone say it's wrong" line? It's not a great line, but the song itself is go great that I can ignore it. Tweedy is one of my favorite songwriters, even when he's not singing about warning us before there were waterskies not to drive. I love the way some of his lyrics can be totally absurd but are backed with so much conviction that they work (I Am Trying to Break Your Heart is just shy of being a lost page from "Endgame" by Samuel Beckett).

[Johnny C]

Interpol's Paul Banks is fairly notorious for his lyrical misfires.

[Jackie Blue]

I think Paul Banks' lyrics work, though.  Maybe it's just the delivery.

I think She Wants Revenge win.  Though since it's very possible they're being "bad" on purpose, I'm not sure they count:

I heard it's cold out
but her popsicle melts
she's in the bathroom
she pleasures herself

[Johnny C]

Oddly, that's from their best song. On the plus side for them, there is a load of crap lyrics but then the line "I'm not a bad man, I'm just overwhelmed," which is a lyric that I wish a better band had thought up.

[SeanBateman]

I'll get back to you on this.

Although it must be said, Wilco are my favourite non-defunct group, but Jeff Tweedy has come up with some stinkers as recently as 'What Light.'

Foolish, that's probably the best song on the record.

[Thrillho]

I'll get back to you on this.

Although it must be said, Wilco are my favourite non-defunct group, but Jeff Tweedy has come up with some stinkers as recently as 'What Light.'

Foolish, that's probably the best song on the record.

I wouldn't know as that's the only song I know, I decided to pre-order it instead of downloading the leak, 'cause I felt like being more, you know...legal. And I didn't say it was a bad song - though that looks like what I said - I was referring to the opening lyric which rhymes 'song' with 'sing along.' I love the song, but that lyric makes me cringe.

As for Paul Banks...'her stories are boring and stuff.' 'she's my maritime sex toy lovejoy diver' or whatever that line is. What the fuck, man.

[SeanBateman]

It doesn't really count as a "leak" if they stream the album on their website like 3 times a month.

[Thrillho]

This is true. But I've also spoiled plenty of albums for myself by listening ahead of time. I like the experience of getting a CD and the first listen, etc. If it's something I've already heard a million times it just goes on the shelf and you may as well have not got it.

[Tago Mago]

Cranberries "I Just Shot John Lennon"

Done here.

Wow. This is a strong candidate.

But lest we forget, there's also Bob Dylan's sublime "Joey".

Born in Red Hook, Brooklyn, in the year of who knows when
Opened up his eyes to the tune of an accordion
Always on the outside of whatever side there was
When they asked him why it had to be that way, "Well," he answered, "just because."

Larry was the oldest, Joey was next to last.
They called Joe "Crazy," the baby they called "Kid Blast."
Some say they lived off gambling and runnin' numbers too.
It always seemed they got caught between the mob and the men in blue.

Joey, Joey,
King of the streets, child of clay.
Joey, Joey,
What made them want to come and blow you away?

There was talk they killed their rivals, but the truth was far from that
No one ever knew for sure where they were really at.
When they tried to strangle Larry, Joey almost hit the roof.
He went out that night to seek revenge, thinkin' he was bulletproof.

The war broke out at the break of dawn, it emptied out the streets
Joey and his brothers suffered terrible defeats
Till they ventured out behind the lines and took five prisoners.
They stashed them away in a basement, called them amateurs.

The hostages were tremblin' when they heard a man exclaim,
"Let's blow this place to kingdom come, let Con Edison take the blame."
But Joey stepped up, he raised his hand, said, "We're not those kind of men.
It's peace and quiet that we need to go back to work again."

Joey, Joey,
King of the streets, child of clay.
Joey, Joey,
What made them want to come and blow you away?

The police department hounded him, they called him Mr. Smith
They got him on conspiracy, they were never sure who with.
"What time is it?" said the judge to Joey when they met
"Five to ten," said Joey. The judge says, "That's exactly what you get."

He did ten years in Attica, reading Nietzsche and Wilhelm Reich
They threw him in the hole one time for tryin' to stop a strike.
His closest friends were black men 'cause they seemed to understand
What it's like to be in society with a shackle on your hand.

When they let him out in '71 he'd lost a little weight
But he dressed like Jimmy Cagney and I swear he did look great.
He tried to find the way back into the life he left behind
To the boss he said, "I have returned and now I want what's mine."

Joey, Joey,
King of the streets, child of clay.
Joey, Joey,
Why did they have to come and blow you away?

It was true that in his later years he would not carry a gun
"I'm around too many children," he'd say, "they should never know of one."
Yet he walked right into the clubhouse of his lifelong deadly foe,
Emptied out the register, said, "Tell 'em it was Crazy Joe."

One day they blew him down in a clam bar in New York
He could see it comin' through the door as he lifted up his fork.
He pushed the table over to protect his family
Then he staggered out into the streets of Little Italy.

Joey, Joey,
King of the streets, child of clay.
Joey, Joey,
What made them want to come and blow you away?

Sister Jacqueline and Carmela and mother Mary all did weep.
I heard his best friend Frankie say, "He ain't dead, he's just asleep."
Then I saw the old man's limousine head back towards the grave
I guess he had to say one last goodbye to the son that he could not save.

The sun turned cold over President Street and the town of Brooklyn mourned
They said a mass in the old church near the house where he was born.
And someday if God's in heaven overlookin' His preserve
I know the men that shot him down will get what they deserve.

Joey, Joey,
King of the streets, child of clay.
Joey, Joey,
What made them want to come and blow you away?

[Inlander]

I'm sorry everyone, but once more I am forced to expose you all to the linguistic horror that is the opening verse and chorus of silverchair's "Freak":

No more maybes
The baby's got rabies
Stranded on a boat
In the middle of the Andes

Yeah yeah, I'm a freak
Of nature

Please proceed down the corridor to the third door on the left for decontamination.

[Johnny C]

"What time is it?" said the judge to Joey when they met
"Five to ten," said Joey. The judge says, "That's exactly what you get."

That's fantastic. And the rest of that song isn't bad either!

[Tago Mago]

"What time is it?" said the judge to Joey when they met
"Five to ten," said Joey. The judge says, "That's exactly what you get."

That's fantastic. And the rest of that song isn't bad either!

No, it's bad, and made worse by the fact that he also wrote "Desolation Row". There's a hilarious article on the baffling factual inaccuracies in "Joey" (including that line above.)

[NealsonLewison]

worst lyrics ever? for me go to fall out boy...... weirdest  will making some sense is any chevelle song

[TrueNeutral]

Wait, you mean you can understand anything that freak from Fall Out Boy says?

Anyway, google "terrible lyrics" and the first hit is the one you want.

The first hit happens to me the lyrics to the Insane Clown Posse's song, "Terrible". Example:

"What about that one nobody guy
That they found dead in the grass
With his dick in his, ass
Unless there was more"

[Cartilage Head]

Although it was intentional, I nominate Tenacious D's "History of Tenacious D".  They sing about how badass they are for a while, and then JB starts singing about things supreme, such as burritos, chicken, and Lee's Oldsmobile Cutlass.  Where the hell does that fit in the history?

[Hat]

If we're going to count hilariously bad Tenacious D lyrics, thats not even the most ridiculous by a long shot. I nominate "City Hall"

All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets.
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall.
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise!

Lots of times when me and KG are watchin'
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot.
A Riot!

[Zencron]

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck.
The Thong Song- Sisqo

[johns320]

Snow-Informer

Black Eye Peas-My Hump(though I still like the song)

[Technetium]

These are both the worst and best lyrics ever written:

Manowar Manowar living on the road
When we're in town speakers explode
We don't attract wimps 'cause we're too loud
Just true metal people that's Manowar's crowd

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
Other bands play Manowar kill
Other bands play Manowar kill

We like it hard, we like it fast
We got the biggest amps, man they blast
True metal people wanna rock not pose
Wearin' jeans and leather, not cracker jack clothes

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
Other bands play Manowar kill
Other bands play Manowar kill

We're the kings of metal comin' to town
When we light up, have the roof nailed down
Don't try to tell us that we're too loud
'Cause there ain't no way that we'll ever turn down

They wanna keep us down
But they can't last
When we get up we're gonna kick your ass
Gonna keep on burnin'
We always will
other bands play Manowar kill

With honorable mention for this other line of their's in another song:
"May your sword stay wet like a young girl in her prime"

[Johnny C]

No, it's bad, and made worse by the fact that he also wrote "Desolation Row". There's a hilarious article on the baffling factual inaccuracies in "Joey" (including that line above.)

We're just going to disagree here. It's a great tune and the lyrics are Dylan-standard poetic. Besides, since this isn't exactly The Man Who Wouldn't Talk factual inaccuracies are fairly irrelevant.

[Mr_Seth]

Wow, no one's mentioned "MacArthur Park" yet? I'm mildly shocked.

[fish across face]

I think of MacArthur's Park every time a thread like this comes up.  I sorta admire it's completely ridiculous ambitiousness.  The writer has a kind of defence article about it on his website.  If I could remember his name.  Guess it's a google away...

I'm always astounded by the opening verse of Des'ree's Life.

I'm afraid of the dark,
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,
Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Life
Oh life
Oh life
Oh life

Life
Oh life
Oh life
Oh life

etc.

[ScrambledGregs]

It's funny how I CAN'T think of many bad lyrics. Maybe it's because I stay away from pop music...?? I dunno.

I will wholeheartedly agree with the Bright Eyes stuff. I think that Fevers and Mirrors and The Story Is In The blah blah blah have some of the best lyrics he's ever done. But his political stuff is just embarrassing and the songs aren't good enough to be timeless like, say, Dylan's 'Hurricane.'

I dunno. I tend to think that lyrics can be pretty awful on their own, but inside of the right song they work really well.

[NealsonLewison]

Wait, you mean you can understand anything that freak from Fall Out Boy says?

Anyway, google "terrible lyrics" and the first hit is the one you want.

The first hit happens to me the lyrics to the Insane Clown Posse's song, "Terrible". Example:

"What about that one nobody guy
That they found dead in the grass
With his dick in his, ass
Unless there was more"

have you seen the new music video from then? my ears and eyes start bleeding every time i see it...they play it on the target tvs, and im surrounded by it good thing we wear red shirts.......

[Runs_With_Scissors]

And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (four, tres, two, uno)

Oh yes, I went there. Worse song/song lyrics ever. Fergalicious. Ew. 

[BeoPuppy]

Oh, gosh ... so many candidates.

From a song I actually LOVE:

A thousand demons at my door
screaming at my crumbling walls
My river's bleeding, my fields are burning
My world has stopped turning

Now ... My river's bleeding?

So, aside from the water there is this stream of riverblood (highly diluted, I guess) spouting out of the river at a right angle?

Lithium and a Lover. Sirenia.

[NealsonLewison]

now that i think bout it... i think i'll nominate "bitches aint shit" by snoop dog... remake by bens fold.... download both versions,... its funny to contrast the two... and guys, never play this song with a woman in your car.... unless you're me and love teasing your gf

[Catacombs]

I did it all for the nookie.

so you can take that cookie. . .

and stick it up your where?

[Scytale]

Immortal - Frozen by Icewinds

"A Whispering Cry
Heard From A Casket Of Stone
Sorrow Reap The Windscreen
I Am Here All Alone
Shades Of Grey Cast To The Sky
In The Deepest Night"

I love the song and granted English is not their native language but "Sorrow Reap The Windscreen" wtf????

[Kai]

now that i think bout it... i think i'll nominate "bitches aint shit" by snoop dog... remake by bens fold.... download both versions,... its funny to contrast the two... and guys, never play this song with a woman in your car.... unless you're me and love teasing your gf

technically by Dr. Dre

don't be hatin'

[valley_parade]

Lawrence Arms. "Hesitation Station".

The line's something like "Take a chill pill, lover, or you're going to explode". Brendan Kelly admitted in the liner notes that it's the lamest line he'd ever written.

[Jackie Blue]

It's funny how I CAN'T think of many bad lyrics. Maybe it's because I stay away from pop music...?? I dunno.

Dude.  Don't be hatin' on pop music.

"Semen stains the mountaintops" is not exactly lyrical gold, there, sparky.

[schimmy]

That line always confused me. I assumed it had some deeper meaning/a meaning at all, but I haven't figured one out.
Also: Pop music has some great lyrics. At least, it has pretty much the same good:bad ratio that all music does.

[Jackie Blue]

I always thought it was a coded reference to coming on a girl's tits.  (You know... mountaintops...)

I love Jeff Mangum but he is kind of a messed up dude lyrically.

[Jed]

Here's one from Impaled Nazarene: Steelvagina

FUCK IT UP!!!
Made of rusty steel, add the broken skulls
Spilling blood and oil, huge killing cunt
Standing sky high, within black clouds
Eating men and time, dry lesbian fuck
FUCK!

BRIDGE:
Limbs and blood, oily cunt, skulls and steel, rusty fuck
Bones and nails, hellfire seed

CHORUS:
Designed to end it all, damnation inferno
Steelvagina is your god!

It keeps on grinding, speeding up with time
Growing everyday, final day in sight
FUCK!

BRIDGE

CHORUS

It's really a funny song...

[Thrillho]

Oh, I remembered what my all-time least favourite lyric is. It's another Paul Banks classic. 'The trouble is, that you're in love with someone else.'

...NO SHIT. REALLY? THAT'S THE TROUBLE?

ASS CLOWN.

[Jackie Blue]

She Wants Revenge occupy that special place in the musical landscape where they're SO BAD THEY'RE AWESOME.  I honestly enjoy them, without irony, while at the same time being aware that they are total shit:

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait nevermind

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her
Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light
When she walked in, he throws up, believe its the fright

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak
An escape is just a nod and a casual wave
Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know
You pray it all away but it continues to grow

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear

I want to f*cking tear you apart

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do
Cause theres always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

Either way he wanted her and this was bad
He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, and close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close
Soft breasts, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to f*cking tear you apart

[Johnny C]

Oh, I remembered what my all-time least favourite lyric is. It's another Paul Banks classic. 'The trouble is, that you're in love with someone else.'

The trouble is
That you're in love with someone else
It should be me

Combine that with the delivery and you've got a simple but powerful line. There are much more awkward Banks lines, even on that album!