Jeph Jacques's comics discussion forums

  • 28 Nov 2021, 07:19
  • Welcome, Guest
Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  
Pages: [1] 2   Go Down

Author Topic: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless  (Read 13847 times)

Edith

  • Cthulhu f'tagn
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 529
Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« on: 13 Jul 2007, 10:37 »

On my forum rating scale, Kieffer scores a 6 out of a possible 10. My scale ranks people on the following criteria:
Niceness (4 points)
Boarding Strength (4 points)
Physical Attractiveness (1 point)
Avatar/Username (1 point)

Your individual criteria scores are as follows:
Niceness: (1/4)
You have the potential to be a very nice person. On rare occasions, you display thoughtfulness toward others and genuine concern for other forumites. However, those occasions are few and far between. Most of the time you act like a huge douchebag. You tend to judge people too quickly, and you fail to display empathy. You don't pay attention to the pain of others. You are also incredibly arrogant.

Boarding Strength: (3.5/4)
In general, your posts are so over-the-top that they are hilarious. Your posts are original in content, and they consistently stir up excitement. Anyone who were to attempt to imitate you would be banned from the forums in a heartbeat, but it works for you.  In addition, you are a hardworking participant in the forums: your ratings thread must have taken a fair amount of time and thought. You should pay more attention to proper spelling and grammar, though.

Physical Attractiveness: (.5/1)
I find you neither especially attractive nor repulsive.

Avatar/Username: (1/1)
You have so many! Who can keep them all straight?
That said, they are often amusing. Except for the NSFW one; that wasn't funny. But I'm willing to let it slide just this once.
Logged
Ho, ho, ho!

morbid79

  • Obscure cultural reference
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 146
  • I like to work.
    • laccetti
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #1 on: 13 Jul 2007, 10:44 »

I said I wouldn't.  I guess I lied.

Niceness - 0/4
For every "nice" thing you have done, you have turned around and killed it in such short order that it is as if it didn't happen.  I'm not sure if that is because of who you are trying to be online, or if you just have some sort of borderline personality disorder.  I lean towards the former, since you don't seem to be such an asshat in reality.

Boarding Strength - 2/4
While you are very prolific, I'm pretty sure I would have banned you by now.  I know I have tried to, at any rate.

Physical Attractiveness - 0.5/1
You aren't bad looking, but at the same time I don't feel threatened by you.  If I did, you'd get full marks.  Sorry.

Avatar/Username - 1/1
Well, I had to give you full marks somewhere, right?

Grand total - 3.5/10
Logged
King Lemon

Edith

  • Cthulhu f'tagn
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 529
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #2 on: 13 Jul 2007, 10:50 »

By the way, there are two rules for this thread:

1. You may use my scale or come up with your own.

2. If you post in here, you better not whine about it if Kieffer is brutally honest with you in return.
Logged
Ho, ho, ho!

morbid79

  • Obscure cultural reference
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 146
  • I like to work.
    • laccetti
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #3 on: 13 Jul 2007, 10:59 »

Too lazy to do anything on my own.
Logged
King Lemon

Cernunnos

  • I'm Randy! I'm eternal!
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 665
  • What
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #4 on: 13 Jul 2007, 11:14 »


Out of
.
Logged

Luke C

  • Beyond Thunderdome
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 570
    • http://www.john87.com
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #5 on: 13 Jul 2007, 11:17 »

I proclaimed this idea in a previous thread. I might play along later but laziness may prevent me.
Logged
"These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert to fleece the people, and now that they have got into a quarrel with themselves, we are called upon to appropriate the people's money to settle the quarrel." Lincoln in 1837

Slick

  • Lovecraftian nightmare
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,851
  • I am become biscuit
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #6 on: 13 Jul 2007, 11:30 »

I give Cernu's rating a rating of

out of
.
Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

Scandanavian War Machine

  • Older than Moses
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4,236
  • zzzzzzzz
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #7 on: 13 Jul 2007, 11:34 »

oh snap! zing
Logged
Quote from: KvP
Also I would like to point out that the combination of Sailor Moon and faux-Kerouac / Sonic Youth spelling is perhaps the purest distillation of what this forum is that we have yet been presented with.

ImRonBurgundy?

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,259
  • "That's all," he added.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #8 on: 13 Jul 2007, 12:37 »

I was friends with him in middle school.  He read Star Wars novels and occasionally drew a comic about a floating ball with two eyes and a Van der Graff generator coming out of the top of its head.  His handwriting was pretty sloppy and he was kind of obnoxious at times, but really, what 12/13-year-old boy isn't?  Overall, 8.5/10
Logged
You just came back to shit in my heart, didn't you Ryan?

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #9 on: 13 Jul 2007, 12:44 »

If you think Dirk is mean, you probably don't want to cross paths with his wife Nikki.
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

Skibas_clavicle

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,338
  • Mo' money, mo' problem.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #10 on: 13 Jul 2007, 12:55 »

I'm reading that right now!

This thread is sort of lame. I don't think people have caught on that threads that manifest from other original concepts are always so BAD. They are like sequels: not nearly as amusing, exciting or fresh as the firsts.
Logged
I like the way you work it.

0bsessions

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,314
  • Change Is Taking the Seventh Dick
    • Quiki
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #11 on: 13 Jul 2007, 13:05 »

I wouldn't call it a sequel so much as bad fanfic. Like when someone doesn't like the way the new episode of Heroes turns out so they go to their computer and write how they would've done it.
Logged
I've decided to give up psychology and become a peacock
Quote from: Tommydski in Gabbly
JON MADE ME GAY

Slick

  • Lovecraftian nightmare
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,851
  • I am become biscuit
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #12 on: 13 Jul 2007, 13:06 »

I give him a rating of 10. Out of what? Fuck it, I don't know.
Our hyper-meme environment gives us very little time for a joke to be funny. The 17.59 repeating out of 36 and a half joke has been made, the e out of pi joke has been made, the image out of image joke has been made, with seemingly related or unrelated images. That's why I really like some good absurdism.

So I've got an algorithm to give every person on this forum a rating. That rating is 10. Don't ask to see the algorithm, that's all you're getting.
Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #13 on: 13 Jul 2007, 13:53 »

I'm reading that right now!

This thread is sort of lame. I don't think people have caught on that threads that manifest from other original concepts are always so BAD. They are like sequels: not nearly as amusing, exciting or fresh as the firsts.

Except terminator 2
and Aliens
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

0bsessions

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,314
  • Change Is Taking the Seventh Dick
    • Quiki
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #14 on: 13 Jul 2007, 13:56 »

And X2
And Empire Strikes Back
And Two Towers
And Spider-Man 2
Etc, etc...

The sequels suck rule is a complete load. Sometimes they do, but just often they're better.
Logged
I've decided to give up psychology and become a peacock
Quote from: Tommydski in Gabbly
JON MADE ME GAY

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #15 on: 13 Jul 2007, 13:57 »

and Mad Max 2
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #16 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:01 »

For a Few Dollars More.
Evil Dead 2.
From Russia With Love.
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

ImRonBurgundy?

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,259
  • "That's all," he added.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #17 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:09 »

The Godfather Part II
Logged
You just came back to shit in my heart, didn't you Ryan?

mberan42

  • Bling blang blong blung
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,195
  • Fry... You're my friend...
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #18 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:10 »

Spaceballs pt. II: The Search for More Money
Logged
My parents were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?!

camelpimp

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #19 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:11 »

Hm, to play along with the original idea of the thread, I'd give him a rating of 61.4101%.
Logged

Cartilage Head

  • Only pretending to work
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,207
  • Do Me Baby
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #20 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:14 »

 Soft Boys - Picnic Panic XXIV
Logged
Hate, rain on me

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #21 on: 13 Jul 2007, 14:16 »

Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

Skibas_clavicle

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,338
  • Mo' money, mo' problem.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #22 on: 13 Jul 2007, 15:09 »

Hate 'em both, motherfucker.  But on the bright side, this thread has gotten much better.
Logged
I like the way you work it.

E. Spaceman

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,729
  • The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics The Sonics
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #23 on: 13 Jul 2007, 15:15 »


How indie of you.

What is your opinion on Mr. Tambourine Man, as recorded by The Byrds?


I can't think of a Dylan song not improved when played by The Byrds
Logged
Quote
[20:29] Quietus: Haha oh shit Morbid Anal Fog
[20:29] Quietus: I had forgotten about them

Patatat

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #24 on: 13 Jul 2007, 15:32 »

Caddy Shack II...er wait. No, that wasn't good.
Logged

doki

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #25 on: 13 Jul 2007, 16:23 »

i would rate him, but there's not a lot of point.  dude isnt gonna change.

That said, why would we want him too

Keiffer out of 12
Logged

ForteBass

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #26 on: 13 Jul 2007, 16:27 »

I give him full marks in everything. He's antagonistic as all shit, and I love it. He's a bit of needed spice in this place, or else every thread would consist of "I LOL'D"

*shudder* Fuck that noise. I love Kieffer.
Logged
Quote from: Eris
Man, Friday night and I'm drawing tacos to post on the internet. I need another drink.

Slick

  • Lovecraftian nightmare
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,851
  • I am become biscuit
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #27 on: 13 Jul 2007, 17:10 »

I love Kieffer.

I am the only one smelling some slash-fic here?
Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

KharBevNor

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,017
  • broadly tolerated
    • http://mirkgard.blogspot.com/
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #28 on: 13 Jul 2007, 17:15 »

That said, why would we want him too

You want a list?
Logged
[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

ForteBass

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 769
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #29 on: 13 Jul 2007, 17:16 »

I've never been one to try and smell them, myself.
Anyway, I can almost guarantee if that got written it'd be hotter than all the Harry Potter slash-fics combined.
Logged
Quote from: Eris
Man, Friday night and I'm drawing tacos to post on the internet. I need another drink.

Hat

  • GET ON THE NIGHT TRAIN
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,628
  • bang bang a suckah MC shot me down
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #30 on: 13 Jul 2007, 17:18 »

Kieffer, this was hard for me, but I give you



out of



I deducted some marks because I looked at Star Wars porn because of you, fuck that.
« Last Edit: 13 Jul 2007, 17:21 by Hat »
Logged
Quote from: Emilio
power metal set in the present is basically crunk

pen

  • Asleep in the boner patch
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 783
  • Spaghetti!!!
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #31 on: 13 Jul 2007, 17:55 »

I like Kieffer.  He may rate me as a poor poster since I'm more of a lurker than anything, but I think he gives the place a nice kick.  He's like the little red things in your rice that you don't know what they are and then BAM! bee-line to the bathroom. 

9 out of 10.  one point off because well.. he's a dick. 

Logged
Cross-dressing national monuments are always exciting.

öde

  • Vulcan 3-D Chess Master
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,767
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #32 on: 13 Jul 2007, 18:00 »

2/2 for being a dick.
3.5/4 for being intelligent.
0/3 for following the rules.
.5/10 for being nice.
4.5/5 for contributions to the forum.

Overall I didn't add them up.
Logged

camelpimp

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #33 on: 13 Jul 2007, 19:26 »

I've never been one to try and smell them, myself.
Anyway, I can almost guarantee if that got written it'd be hotter than all the Harry Potter slash-fics combined.

I say just use Harry Potter slash, and replace the names. Like so:

ForteBass breathed a sigh, open his eyes a minute later, now sitting somewhat comfortably in Dirk Hoplesss lap, fully impaled, Youre massive. He breathed, his hands pressed against his chest, I think youre even bigger then tommydski
Logged

Mnementh

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #34 on: 13 Jul 2007, 19:31 »

I should point out that it is a scientific fact that Chuck has a bigger dick than 99.9 percent of people posting here.

Dude is hung.
Logged

IronOxide

  • Scrabble hacker
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1,467
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #35 on: 13 Jul 2007, 19:44 »

ForteBass breathed a sigh, open his eyes a minute later, now sitting somewhat comfortably in Dirk Hopless’s lap, fully impaled, “You’re massive.” He breathed, his hands pressed against his chest, “I think you’re even bigger then tommydski…”

In before tommy makes a joke about the size of his penis.
Logged
Quote from: Wikipedia on Elephant Polo
No matches have been played since February 2007, however, when an elephant, protesting a bad call by the referee, went on a rampage during a game, injuring two players and destroying the Spanish team's minibus

Sythe

  • Pneumatic ratchet pants
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 341
  • ><DICK>
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #36 on: 13 Jul 2007, 22:05 »

This thread gets a:

out of a possible:


Kiff pretty much wins the forums, though.
Logged
Quote from: Edith
Edith.: i like balls, and they are squishy

Slick

  • Lovecraftian nightmare
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,851
  • I am become biscuit
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #37 on: 14 Jul 2007, 00:19 »

FeO, the size of Tommy's penis is a joke.
Logged
It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.

McTaggart

  • William Gibson's Babydaddy
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 2,463
  • Positive feedback.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #38 on: 14 Jul 2007, 08:23 »

Kieffer you are like a dark and stormy made with Bundaberg Rum and Cascade ginger beer.

Generally a good thing but you make people fight. What you do varies between average (like bundy) and excellent (like the cascade). I find it wierd how everyone - and I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this - seems to kindof tries to make themselves one of the cool kids and kindof gets more stuck up? Numerically you get a sin(x) + 1 out of two, where x is your postcount.
Logged
One day ends and another begins and we're never none the wiser.

Ozymandias

Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #39 on: 14 Jul 2007, 14:52 »

Logged
You are 9/11.
You are the terrorist.

Tyler

  • 1-800-SCABIES
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 819
  • SKULLTOPUS
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #40 on: 14 Jul 2007, 16:02 »

Hes Jewish
Logged
Quote from: Lunchbox
It is not wussy. There are orifices being assaulted all over the shop.

KharBevNor

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 11,017
  • broadly tolerated
    • http://mirkgard.blogspot.com/
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #41 on: 14 Jul 2007, 17:12 »

NOT THE JEWS!



RUN!
Logged
[22:25] Dovey: i don't get sigquoted much
[22:26] Dovey: like, maybe, 4 or 5 times that i know of?
[22:26] Dovey: and at least one of those was a blatant ploy at getting sigquoted

http://panzerdivisio

Blue Kitty

  • WoW gold miner on break
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6,984
    • Twitter
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #42 on: 14 Jul 2007, 21:48 »

what about Aliens?



out of
Logged

Iron_Fist

  • Larger than most fish
  • **
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 101
  • Derp-derpa doo.
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #43 on: 14 Jul 2007, 22:28 »

Keiffer is... Well needed balance. That is all.
Logged
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

jhocking

  • Methuselah's mentor
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5,414
  • Corruption City USA
    • new|Arteest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #44 on: 15 Jul 2007, 04:04 »

Evil Dead 2
omg this reminds me I need to go get it on dvd (I only have it on vhs tape and I haven't had a vcr in years)

Jeff Newguy

  • Guest
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #45 on: 23 Jan 2008, 14:56 »

He seems okay.
Logged

0bsessions

  • Born in a Nalgene bottle
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3,314
  • Change Is Taking the Seventh Dick
    • Quiki
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #46 on: 23 Jan 2008, 15:02 »

Wow. Just...wow.
Logged
I've decided to give up psychology and become a peacock
Quote from: Tommydski in Gabbly
JON MADE ME GAY

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #47 on: 23 Jan 2008, 15:03 »

That is actually some superb work by somebody. Read my post here and this might make some more sense.

Salut, whoever is behind Jeff Newguy!
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.

Liz

Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #48 on: 23 Jan 2008, 15:04 »

Jeff Newguy... Tommydski...

I see it.
Logged
Quote from: John
Liz is touching me.
Quote from: Bryan
Fuck you, I want him so bad.

tommydski

  • Awakened
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 10,064
    • Pocket Jury
Re: Forumites Rate Dirk Hopeless
« Reply #49 on: 23 Jan 2008, 15:06 »

Nope, this one isn't me.

I think it was very well played though.
Logged
Quote from: Ozymandias
One minute we're playing Mario Kart, the next my penis is in your mouth - it just happens.
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up