This gives "do a barrel roll" a whole new meaning.
Check the first page.
Since the killings began the once quiet, idyllic community of Everytown had been, well quiet and idyllic, but in recent weeks things had begun to change. The skies seemed darker, the wind harsher and the people less friendly. Everyone suspected everyone else and who could blame them? It seemed that the Mafia were intent on tearing the whole town apart, without any discernable pattern. The police were baffled, the townspeople were baffled, the townspeople's pets probably didn't realise what was going on but if they did they too would have been baffled.
One man who was as equally baffled as the rest of the townsfolk was IronOxide. Often he would sit at home being completely baffled by the harrowing events of recent weeks, sometimes he would walk around being baffled but mostly he sat at home. On one particular occasion when he chose to be baffled outside he was himself killed by the Mafia. What follows is an account of what happened.
For the first time since Ballard's bizzare and archaic executuion it had stopped raining. The sun was out and the birds were singing, albeit somewhat tentatively. IronOxide was briskly strollng down the street mulling things over in the sunshine. Who could be commiting these foul murders and if the town had made the right decisions exectuing those poor people then would the violence stop? It was probably safe to assume that yes, the violence would stop. Just as IronOxide was safely assuming this a car pulled up beside him and the window rolled down. A voice issued from inside the car saying
"Excuse me, young man. Could you direct me to mmreemmghsmmerm?"
IronOxide took a step closer to the car, "I'm sorry, where are you going?"
"I'm going to mmmmremmmmurmmmmem."
Once more IronOxide took a step closer to the car. "So sorry," he said. "Where is it you're go-AHHHHHGERROFNOHELPOHGODNOFUCKINGARRRRRHGGHH!"
IronOxide's head had been pulled inside the window and the window rolled up. As IronOxide struggled to free himself the car began to roll forwards, picking up speed. IronOxide knew he was about to die so he looked up, straight into the face of the person holding his head.
"It was you!" He screamed. "You killed all those people." He had stopped struggling now and was running to keep up with the car, fishing about in his pockets for something.
"Yes it was us. Don't bother asking why though, we don't know ourselves. It simply must be."
Just then the car swerved violently and the driver
turned the wheel to maximum fastness slammed down the accelerator. IronOxide turned his head slightly and saw what was ahead.
The forensics team thought they would have a hard time identifying the body considering that the head was nowhere to be found but the murderers had kindly left the wallet of IronOxide in his trousers so it wasn't as hard as they expected. When the Sherrif arrived at the scene one of the nameless forensics investigators showed the Sherrif the most conclusive piece of evidence they had seen. Scrawled on IronOxide's arm with a black marker were two words.
Mafia and
axerton.
The Sherrif kicked in the door to axerton's apartment. Axerton looked up from where he was sitting in mild surprise.
"What seems to be the problem, officer?"
"Axerton, you are under arrest for the murder of IronOxide, the murder of Ampersandwitch, the murder of october1983 and the murder of McTaggart. You have the right to remain silent, anything you do say can be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorny, if you cannot afford one one will be provided for you."
"That's so cute." Axerton said, smiling. "You think I'm coming quietly!"
With lightning speed axerton pulled out a pistol and began firing. The Sherrif dived behind the relative cover of the couch, firing wildly. For a moment there was silence. When the Sherrif looked over the top of the couch it was obvious that axerton was dead, three of the Sherrif's shots having pierced his chest and one in the shoulder. As axerton's body slid down the wall to slump on the floor the Sherrif thought a word had escaped the Mafia members lips. But it was unclear what the word was.*
Your town Sherrif has taken out another Mafia member but there were still others involved! Don't get complacent. Cast your votes, gentle townspeople. CAST THEM I SAY!
*
The word was "Damn."