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Author Topic: Engagement rings  (Read 34682 times)

jimbunny

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Engagement rings
« on: 20 Dec 2007, 21:45 »

So, I'm pretty much engaged right now, just don't have a ring(s) yet.

Wondering what this forum has to say about the whole business of rings. I like the idea of wedding bands. But the engagement ring? To me, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Right now, I think we're going to buy some simple bands for both of us, then maybe replace them with something else when we get hitched.

What do you guys think?
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SusurrusIgnoramus

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #1 on: 20 Dec 2007, 22:08 »

i think it's a bad idea to ask the internet for advice. :)

that being said, i agree that the idea of an engagement ring is kind of dumb.  marriage is supposed to be about two lives joining, not the size of a diamond.

but i'm just a dude. what do i know?
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #2 on: 20 Dec 2007, 22:18 »

Everyone should shower me in diamonds.




I will edge my power saws with them.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #3 on: 20 Dec 2007, 22:27 »

I don't get engagement rings either. If I ever got married(lord forbid), I think I'd just want to use the engagement ring as the wedding ring. And I would probably just get a silver band, or something. Nothing real fancy.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #4 on: 20 Dec 2007, 22:53 »

my parent's rings are plain gold bands, literally zero design to them whatsoever besides the fact that they are round, err, rings. A ring is only tradition, a symbol telling the rest of the world that you are cut off from your promiscuous sex with the opposite gender. I personally find even the idea of a ring for marriage antiquated complete bullshit, but since I wouldn't want to look like a cheapo I'd still probably like to have one, as long as it looked cool.

       Cool like ice, Baby!
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Emaline

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #5 on: 20 Dec 2007, 23:10 »

See, I think the ring idea is a cool one. It shows you are connected with another person. I think thats neat.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #6 on: 20 Dec 2007, 23:11 »

Standard gold band for me.  It's a nice symbol and a useful one (you hypothetically don't get into any awkward situations with strangers who are attracted to you and decide to be spontaneous).
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #7 on: 20 Dec 2007, 23:16 »

doesn't mean it has to be some gaudy and opulent diamond though. Simple ones show your connection just as well. My mom's ring is a simple gold band with a mother-of-pearl (it's her favorite gem/stone/whatever, apparently) stone on it. Huge diamonds just look stupid.
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ruyi

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #9 on: 21 Dec 2007, 02:11 »

oh that reminds me, i have tentatively decided that i want to avoid jewelery with inflated value like diamonds, so i don't want a diamond ring.

i have been meaning to ask, is there something foolish about this? does someone have a cynical counter to this stance? because i would like to know if there is something hypocritical or ineffective about it. i have been paranoid about the mindless teen liberal stereotype lately.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #10 on: 21 Dec 2007, 02:17 »

"Any 20 year-old who isn't a liberal doesn't have a heart, and any 40 year-old who isn't a conservative doesn't have a brain."- Winston Churchhill

best I can come up with?
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #11 on: 21 Dec 2007, 04:49 »

I'm not sure if you are looking for advice for you in particular, or just personal opinions of other people.

My advice type comment: Since you are "basically engaged" but it's not official, why not talk to your significant other about it, if you haven't already?  I know it's not very romantic, but since you're already in "engaged" territory without going down on bended knee, you're not following a classic courtship pattern anyway.

My personal opinion on jewelry:  Unless it's puncturing fleshy tissue (piercings are awesome), I'm not a fan.  It is a good thing I can't see myself settling down, because rings drive me CRAZY when I try to wear them.  I sorta get wedding bands though.  They're a nice tradition, rings symbolize eternity, and whoever mentioned their value as a social tool to identify unavailable folks was right.  Something I've seen that I like the idea of is a plain band engraved with something personal.  Simple, not gaudy, and more special than some big ol' rocks.

I knew a couple that got matching tattoos as their wedding "rings."  It seemed like a really cool idea until they got divorced.  I still think it's a neat idea, one that I'd consider considering if my life ever took that turn.  The only problem is that it's a lot harder to cover up a tat than it is to take off a ring if things go sour.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #12 on: 21 Dec 2007, 04:56 »

Nothing says "unbreakable strength" like Titanium. Good for a man's wedding ring, and a great metaphor for a marriage.

That's just my opinion.

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #13 on: 21 Dec 2007, 05:43 »

It's always been about the gold. If it ain't 24 carat, it damn ain't gold. </chinese>
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #14 on: 21 Dec 2007, 05:59 »

Just looking for people's opinions, here. She's on the same page as I am - we've been talking about it for a long time now.

I like the wedding band thing for basically the same reasons mentioned above. It symbolizes eternity, as well as being bound to something. Which is really the reason that I don't like the engagement ring tradition - why should she have to wear a ring when I don't?
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #15 on: 21 Dec 2007, 06:05 »

Because it makes a lady feel special, that is why. It is no use asking us what you should do - ask your lady if she wants a gosh darned ring! Gosh!
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #16 on: 21 Dec 2007, 06:20 »

My wife and I were of the mind that the man's engagement ring became the wedding ring. Not traditional, surely, but it worked for us.

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #17 on: 21 Dec 2007, 07:05 »

I think Dr. McNinja had a good guest comic on the topic that is some what relevant.

http://drmcninja.com/page.php?pageNum=10&issue=7
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mberan42

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #18 on: 21 Dec 2007, 07:52 »

Anything less than 1 carat is too small. Anything other than Platinum is too cheap. Buy the girl you love a ring that she can flaunt in front of her girlfriends and her family.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #19 on: 21 Dec 2007, 08:08 »

That statement makes me sad.  Being engaged isn't about flaunting the size of your ring.  That's like saying "Look!  My fiance thinks I'm worth $2,500."  Personally, I like rings.  Diamonds aren't my thing, but it's the tradition behind a ring in general that makes it special.   
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #20 on: 21 Dec 2007, 08:27 »

I think engagement rings make more sense when you are going into a relatively long engagement. They can serve the same usefulness in signifying your status to others in the time until the wedding, and some of them are simply attractive pieces of jewelry in their own right. My fiancee and I are both ordering non-conflict-diamond, aircraft titanium rings from a local artist- it really is fun to pick something like this out with your significant other.
This is the sort of thing I would normally be fairly cynical about, but I am a fan of the general idea. Fuck the 'huge shiny rock or nothin' mindset, but I'd hope none of you are marrying a soulless golddigger anyway;)
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #21 on: 21 Dec 2007, 08:36 »

 I'm not 100 percent about the idea of engagment rings. I mean, if you are in a monotonous relationship with somebody, and plant to marry them, can't you just say so?
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #22 on: 21 Dec 2007, 08:38 »

man whatever you guys, when i get engaged my future husband had better be buying me one giant fucking diamond to put on my finger.  and that diamond should preferably come with a promise of more diamonds to come for every year of our lives that we spend together.

basically what i am trying to say is that i am planning to marry for money, and i want a lot of shiny material things.
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Liz

Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #23 on: 21 Dec 2007, 08:52 »

Anything less than 1 carat is too small. Anything other than Platinum is too cheap. Buy the girl you love a ring that she can flaunt in front of her girlfriends and her family.

Damn straight. The women in your life have taught you well.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #24 on: 21 Dec 2007, 09:03 »

Everyone should shower me in diamonds.




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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #25 on: 21 Dec 2007, 10:46 »

I have my mother's engagement ring she got from her grandmother (through my father of course) for when I find someone worth proposing to. I kinda like the idea of it being a family heirloom and all.
Also, in light of this post:
Anything less than 1 carat is too small. Anything other than Platinum is too cheap. Buy the girl you love a ring that she can flaunt in front of her girlfriends and her family.
I should share the best advice a woman ever gave me. "Wait until she says yes to show her the ring, if she'd say no based on a diamond then she doesn't love you."
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Emaline

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #26 on: 21 Dec 2007, 17:24 »

if you are in a monotonous relationship with somebody...

I'm almost fairly sure you mean monogamous. However, I agree that they are fairly interchangeable.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #27 on: 21 Dec 2007, 20:35 »

I like the idea of engagement rings, but I do not want a large stone of any type. I use my hands a lot and I don't like wearing rings as it is because they snag on things, among other things. They just aren't my thing. And I would have no problem with using my engagement ring as my wedding band or getting a cheap one and then replacing it with a better band when I actually get married. And if I did get stones, they'd have to be flush with the band itself - I'd prefer something done more interesting with the metal (silver or white gold) anyways. My mom laughed when I mentioned this to her once and said I'd regret that later on, but I just seriously do not want a fancy ring or a large stone.

One of my professors did something interesting ring-wise with his fiancÚ - he bought her a Mickey Mouse ring as an engagement band. She didn't feel the need for him to spend large amounts of money on a ring now when they could get two later on and she could just switch the MM one out for her wedding band. He was talking about how one of her coworkers thought that was silly and her response was, "He doesn't need to buy me a big ass diamond to show everyone that I belong to him." I thought that was cool.
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mberan42

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #28 on: 21 Dec 2007, 21:15 »

See, I view it not as the woman belonging to the man so much as the woman flaunting herself, her diamond, and thusly her man to her friends (and whoever sees the ring). It's a good thing to have a flashy, sparkle-y diamond.
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calenlass

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #29 on: 21 Dec 2007, 22:23 »

You can give me a huge diamond, Matt. I would certainly appreciate it.

I've been needing a new drill bit for a while, see.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #30 on: 21 Dec 2007, 22:29 »

My fiance proposed with his great-grandmother's ring which still has their initials and the year (1924) engraved inside. In some small, tiny way I wish I could have picked out a ring that is to my own taste, but it's very sentimental and I adore it. Besides, if I had picked out my own ring it would be tin with a peice of coal stuck in the front, because that is about all we could afford. Doubly besides, Jesse could have proposed with an onion ring and I would have said yes. (Probably would have insisted on the bit of tin with coal stuck in it further on, though, for practical reasons. Mouldy onion ring = eww.) We still need to get wedding bands.

Traditonally the engagement ring appears to be so the lady had some idea of what the man was offering her in terms of how wealthy and generous he was (you know, in the days where couples got married before they had even held hands or kissed if they were proper). Nowadays it is to make the lady feel special. The wedding bands themselves have always been the important symbolic part of marriage.
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Ernest

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #31 on: 21 Dec 2007, 22:57 »

oh that reminds me, i have tentatively decided that i want to avoid jewelery with inflated value like diamonds, so i don't want a diamond ring.

i have been meaning to ask, is there something foolish about this? does someone have a cynical counter to this stance? because i would like to know if there is something hypocritical or ineffective about it. i have been paranoid about the mindless teen liberal stereotype lately.

I dunno, maybe that it should be a sacrifice to buy the ring to show her that you value her much more than other people and things. 

I guess you could just counter that by saying that you can find other ways to make your significant other feel special, but it's a tradition to do it this way.  And getting engaged is a big step. 

Sometimes I think I'm figuring shit out.  Like now.  I'm thinking that engagement rings are a not only a way to tell other guys "taken" but to show how formidable the guy is by how fancy the ring is.  It's like the guy marking his territory I guess.  Huh, engagement rings are pretty sexist.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #32 on: 21 Dec 2007, 23:13 »

Ruyi is a lady, dude.

I'm not sure how I feel about the thing. On the one hand, diamond rings could certainly be perceived as giving into the culture of materialism. On the other, making the lady feel special is important. The various responses on the subject from the ladies and dudes alike sort of highlight this dichotomy. Considering I can't even get into a relationship at the moment, I guess I haven't really thought about it seriously before.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #33 on: 21 Dec 2007, 23:17 »

See, I view it not as the woman belonging to the man so much as the woman flaunting herself, her diamond, and thusly her man to her friends (and whoever sees the ring). It's a good thing to have a flashy, sparkle-y diamond.

See, I don't like flaunting and I don't like flashy. Diamonds are nice, but I'd prefer them smaller and set around the band like this or this. Now these are very pretty, but I wouldn't want to wear them.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #34 on: 22 Dec 2007, 02:56 »

Engagement rigs are nice, I guess. I'm not really sure of the purpose of them except to have something to present to your significant other when down on one knee.
As long as I've been in the relationship I'm in, we've just always talked about getting married in about 7-10 years when we're both through with college, have gotten a stable job and are basically well-established in the home and in financial areas. I see no real reason for him to propose or give me a ring. It's money better spent towards a living area or such. Haha. Believe it or not, we really are romantics.

Maybe talk to her and see what she wants? Or ask her friends or family if she has an opinion if you want it to be secret.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #35 on: 22 Dec 2007, 08:02 »

I learned several important things when getting a ring for my fiancee:

First off, gold is passe. At least yellow gold; get white gold or platinum. I remember distinctly watching an episode of Sex and the City with my gf (she's a fan, don't judge me) and one character gets a gold ring as an engagement ring and the women all get a little disgusted. I had no idea why and my gf had to explain.

Two, steal one of her existing rings to get her size from. Do not expect any other source will be forthcoming for this crucial information. For example, my gf told me to bring her friend for help when I go ring shopping. As much fun as I have hanging out with this girl (it definitely took a lot of the pressure off,) she was absolutely useless as far as any information about what to get. At the very least I was expecting she would know the size (since apparently she had been briefed ahead of time) but she didn't know.

Third, geographical location matters in terms of your girlfriend's feelings about these things. For example, I found out she intends to wear both the engagement ring and wedding band on one finger after we get married. I had never seen that before she told me, but since then I've been seeing that a lot. I don't know if the reason I never noticed it before was just because I wasn't paying attention or if it's a midwest thing (until recently I hadn't been around many midwest folks,) but at any rate it's something to keep in mind.


BONUS TIP: It may be too late to affect anything on this point, but making her think you are broker than you are will work to your advantage. In my case, her friend assumed I could only afford a tiny rock, and was relieved that I had enough saved to get a carat (incidentally, as another example of how useless she was, this girl had little understanding of diamond pricing until we got to the first store.) Lowered expectations are your friend here, assuming she really love you and would say yes to whatever.


To people who are saying "if she loves you she won't care how big the diamond is," what you have to realize is that she'll say yes regardless, but she might feel disappointment, and if YOU love her then you will want to make her happy.


man whatever you guys, when i get engaged my future husband had better be buying me one giant fucking diamond
:-D
« Last Edit: 22 Dec 2007, 08:14 by jhocking »
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #36 on: 22 Dec 2007, 10:28 »

Ruyi is a lady, dude.

I know that.  The "you" in my post isn't her, it's just anybody, really.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #37 on: 22 Dec 2007, 13:42 »

First off, gold is passe. At least yellow gold; get white gold or platinum. I remember distinctly watching an episode of Sex and the City with my gf (she's a fan, don't judge me) and one character gets a gold ring as an engagement ring and the women all get a little disgusted. I had no idea why and my gf had to explain.

Wait, what? Could you explain this to me, too? As my ring is apparently passe? ;_;
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #38 on: 22 Dec 2007, 14:29 »

Ideally I'd like a wedding ring that also is a Captain Planet ring

but not Heart.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #39 on: 22 Dec 2007, 14:39 »

Wait, what? Could you explain this to me, too? As my ring is apparently passe? ;_;
Well there's not a whole lot to explain beyond what I said. Yellow gold is an old fashioned look for engagement rings, and the fashion these days is white gold or platinum. I mean obviously this doesn't change the individual tastes of any given person, but overall the fashion these days has changed.

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #40 on: 22 Dec 2007, 14:45 »

I think this might be one of those things whereby the actual gesture and what the token symbolises is the important part.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #41 on: 22 Dec 2007, 14:50 »

If you refer back to my first post, this is a similar situation:
To people who are saying "if she loves you she won't care how big the diamond is," what you have to realize is that she'll say yes regardless, but she might feel disappointment, and if YOU love her then you will want to make her happy.
Basically, this applies to anything where you are thinking the ring itself isn't too important and it doesn't matter if it's the ring she wants. Ultimately, sure she'll appreciate the gesture and then you two are hitched. However, she'll feel a certain disappointment with the ring, and really you want it to be something she is proud to wear at all times.

It's kind of like how only a really shallow person would leave you because you got her a bad birthday gift, but neither will she be happy about it, only in this case the stakes are higher.

ADDITION: Here, if that example still doesn't make sense to you, try turning it around. Would you be disappointed in her if she showed up late and wearing slovenly clothes to your graduation? Why is that? The reasoning is similar.
« Last Edit: 22 Dec 2007, 14:57 by jhocking »
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #42 on: 22 Dec 2007, 15:31 »

I think I just realised that this is just another reason why I simply don't understand marriage, so you should definitely listen to Joe on this one.
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jhocking

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #43 on: 22 Dec 2007, 15:56 »

Not necessarily. What I'm saying applies to most women/relationships generally, but may or may not be true for his specific case. However, even if she says she doesn't care about an engagement ring, if you aren't absolutely 100% certain that she doesn't want you to blow money on an engagement ring, then better play it safe.

Ozymandias

Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #44 on: 22 Dec 2007, 17:41 »

Diamonds.

Suck.

Period.
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jodizzle

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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #45 on: 22 Dec 2007, 18:07 »

Diamonds are spakly, and I liek shiney things.  So diamonds are win.

I don't like gold though, I just...dont.  I prefer silver, or white gold!  Also I want a shiney ring when I get engaged, because it's the kind of thing a girl should get to feel all special!  you know, something to mark the occasion.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #46 on: 23 Dec 2007, 21:40 »

re joe's pronouncement about yellow gold: feel her out on what she likes. just because something is pretty doesn't mean it would fit her style or that she'd feel comfortable wearing it. i've been looking at rings lately and there is some stuff out there that i find godawful ugly, specific things that my boy would probably never guess. and things that are pretty but that i would still never want to wear.

on engagement rings as an idea, i am in favor because they are an official, recognized symbol of your commitment to one another. giving her a ring will make that step from being basically engaged to something that people will take seriously, which personally is important, especially when "people" includes your families. i don't think that just because they are a symbol means that people should reject them for being too traditional or for giving in to people's expectations. i mean, people can live together as if they're married but when they actually do get married it changes how they are viewed, even though nothing really needs to change in how they live their day-to-day lives.. i think the same holds true for getting engaged.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #47 on: 23 Dec 2007, 21:51 »

I'd just like to reiterate what previous posters have said. The engagement ring isn't for you, and it's not about how you feel about the ring. It's about how she feels about the ring. If you're already pretty much engaged, it really wouldn't hurt to ask her what she wants. I know that when I get married, I'm going to get the biggest ring I can afford. I want to show whoever it is that I'm marrying how much she means to me. It might be shallow as hell, and the ring might just be a thing, but it represents the bond between us, and I think that's pretty damn important.
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Ozymandias

Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #48 on: 23 Dec 2007, 23:38 »

Woooooooooooooooo...

Show how much you care with a worthless rock whose monetary value has been determined by the exact people who are telling you that your relationship's value is determined by the size of said rock.

I think, by reduction, that means your relationship is worthless.

What I am saying is Katie and Johnny are the only people in this thread who make sense.
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Re: Engagement rings
« Reply #49 on: 24 Dec 2007, 00:00 »

If I end up getting engaged, I'd like the ring that he (or possibly she) gives me to have sentimental value.  Whether that translates to monetary value or not is not my problem. 
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