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Author Topic: Too good to pass up  (Read 6436 times)

captain zoe

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Too good to pass up
« on: 18 Jan 2008, 09:39 »

A friend passed along this link to me this morning and I've spent about an hour browsing through and pretty much laughing my ass off.  I thought y'all would enjoy it too.

http://www.sexinchrist.com/index.html

One of my favorite passages:

Quote
"We have a close friend next door who has been widowed for a number of years and doesn't wish to remarry. Yet, at 61, we can see that physically she is lonely and longing for lost intimacy. Could we invite her into our bed? We are all the same age and so reproduction isn't an issue."

This is a perfect example of a couple being called to share the divine love of their relationship with another in the spirit of Christian charity. This situation would seem to fit all of the criteria that we outlined for a Christian threesome. Since your friend is widowed, adultery is not a problem from that perspective. If your wife is open to this arrangement, there is no reason for you not to open up your bed, and your hearts to this woman, sharing your love for each other and for the Lord.
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imapiratearg

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #1 on: 18 Jan 2008, 09:41 »

That is slightly disturbing, and slightly hypocritical-sounding.
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captain zoe

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #2 on: 18 Jan 2008, 09:43 »

It is.  Parts of it did make me mad, because it's clearly the whole "man rules the family end of story" kind of rag.  Which pisses me off.

It's still an amusing read anyway.
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AnotherQCaddict

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #3 on: 18 Jan 2008, 09:44 »

Jeeeesuuuus loves the liiiiitle chiiiiiildreeeeeen... aaall the chiiildreeeen of the worrrrrrrrrld...



 :police: - I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to arrest you for pedophilia.



 :roll:
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tommydski

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #4 on: 18 Jan 2008, 09:49 »

This site should have been called Who Would Jesus Do?

Missed opportunity.
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öde

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #5 on: 18 Jan 2008, 10:09 »

I don't know, there's a page called Fisting and God's Will which redeems that slip.
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Cartilage Head

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #6 on: 18 Jan 2008, 10:39 »

"A BDSM relationship between a dominant husband and submissive wife is actually the ideal of marriage set out in Ephesians 5:22-26 taken to its logical conclusion! Let us explain further. "

 I say unto you, the power of God, is up in you.


 Oh man I also had to add, what the section about threesomes is saying is basically "Two men? That's fucking gross.. now two women? That's cool."
« Last Edit: 18 Jan 2008, 10:42 by Cartilage Head »
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #7 on: 18 Jan 2008, 11:36 »

Pretty sure this is just a joke site.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

captain zoe

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #8 on: 18 Jan 2008, 11:44 »

I wondered if the Question and Answer page was written by the writers of the site, because there are two way extreme comments on there, so I wonder. 

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Runs_With_Scissors

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #9 on: 18 Jan 2008, 13:29 »

The power of christ compels you (to have sex with your widowed neighbor)
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BobJoeJim

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #10 on: 18 Jan 2008, 15:11 »

It's a pretty blatant joke site (or else a site made by utter morons) when they pretend to think "backside" and "backslide" are synonyms...

Quote
Another suggestive scripture tells of a womans pride in her valley (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: "How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ' Who will come against me?' (Jeremiah 49:4)
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RobbieOC

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #11 on: 18 Jan 2008, 15:20 »

Really, it's better if it is a joke site, because that's an awful lot of work to put into a joke... seems to me, anyway.

Though, I'm glad to know that I'm allowed to look at pornography as long as I'm learning something in the process. Cause I have much to learn.
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Neuvost

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #12 on: 18 Jan 2008, 16:45 »

I like how it explains that Jesus wants women to swallow.
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calenlass

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #13 on: 18 Jan 2008, 19:59 »

Guys how could this not be a joke site? Seriously, it is no more terrible than like bonsai kittens or whatever that site was that had the LOL-Love Our Lord underoos.
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bryanthelion

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #14 on: 18 Jan 2008, 20:02 »

WOW!
I love you Captain Zoe.
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Ernest

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #15 on: 19 Jan 2008, 00:45 »

I love how people go "the Bible says" and then some quote which they then interpret to mean whatever they want

everything is justifiable
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Where I come from, we usually just shorten that to "yee-haw!"

captain zoe

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #16 on: 19 Jan 2008, 10:17 »

Right.  Some of those supposed interpretations seem like a bunch of bull to me.  I was reading them going, what?  You must be smoking crack when you're reading your bible, mate. 

I'd much rather it be a joke site really, because the idea of people out there who actually think that scares the bujeezus out of me.  Kind of like the Westboro Baptist Church.
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ImRonBurgundy?

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #17 on: 19 Jan 2008, 15:26 »

I like how it explains that Jesus wants women to swallow.

That part had me in tears.

Quote
When the woman asks Jesus where she can get this water, he tells her to fetch her husband, clearly with the intention of instructing her on how to fellate him and swallow his semen.
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stella

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #18 on: 19 Jan 2008, 16:11 »

I wish they had shown us this in sunday school.
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KickThatBathProf

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #19 on: 19 Jan 2008, 17:47 »

Hilarious.  The mother was turned out, indeed

Don't know why, but it kind of reminds me of this site
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Eli

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #20 on: 22 Jan 2008, 08:23 »

That website reminded me of this one on masturbation: http://www.angelfire.com/on4/selfabuse/
"For instance, if you are tempted, if you become aroused, think of yourself being nude and your genitals covered with raw bacon while you are standing in front of 6 starving Pit Bulls."
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jhocking

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #21 on: 22 Jan 2008, 09:13 »

rule 34 says that could just make things worse.

Liz

Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #22 on: 22 Jan 2008, 09:34 »

If that website is not a joke, I think you just made my day.
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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #23 on: 23 Jan 2008, 00:25 »

"There is no greater gift that a bride can give than to offer her pure, unsullied maidenhead to her husband on their wedding night."
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jhocking

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #24 on: 23 Jan 2008, 08:14 »

That's ridiculous. The greatest gift a bride can offer is cooking you eggplant parmesan.

Paav

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #25 on: 23 Jan 2008, 08:24 »

The rules of Christian Porn, too much. Here's my favorite

"No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)"

I mean come on, watching people getting stoned is totally a fetish now.

Joke site or not I now pray to captain zoe.
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McTaggart

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #26 on: 23 Jan 2008, 18:48 »

So if you film it, S&M out of wedlock is a-ok?
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Oli

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #27 on: 24 Jan 2008, 16:22 »

Only if you film it and sell it to spread the word of God.
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BobJoeJim

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #28 on: 27 Jan 2008, 13:00 »

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #29 on: 27 Jan 2008, 17:19 »

Quote from: eHarlequin
Breast (except for breast cancer if necessary)
Geez/jeez (but "sheesh" is acceptable)
Heat (when used to describe kisses)
Hell (except in the religious sense, but this would be rare)
Swear, as in "I swear..." - Christian characters are not supposed to swear.
Undergarments - of any kind

This seems like something straight out of Achewood.
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ummmkay

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #30 on: 27 Jan 2008, 18:23 »

Quote from: eHarlequin
but we don't want to sound quaint or absurd.
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Kai

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Re: Too good to pass up
« Reply #31 on: 27 Jan 2008, 18:26 »

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