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Author Topic: Terrible Movies Thread  (Read 208285 times)

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #200 on: 03 Mar 2008, 14:11 »

I'm not a huge fan of movies that jump around in a way that makes no sense, so Slipstream is on my list of bad movies now. Got it because Anthony Hopkins, who is probably one of my favorite actors ever, wrote, directed, and starred in it, but I just couldn't get into it because of how jumpy it was.
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Kwang

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #201 on: 03 Mar 2008, 18:45 »

Has anyone mentioned Ultraviolet yet? It was kind of entertaining on "mute", but when you pay attention to the story and, oh god, the dialog, it all goes to hell.

"It is on!"
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #202 on: 03 Mar 2008, 18:46 »

yeah, it's been mentioned. On a similar note, I've never seen it, but it seems like Barb Wire has to be a top contender for the shitty movie crown in the vapid cheesecake action film category as well. I mean, c'mon: Pam Anderson vehicle.   :|
« Last Edit: 03 Mar 2008, 19:53 by Whipstitch »
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #203 on: 03 Mar 2008, 20:09 »

I'm wondering why Hackers hasn't come up yet.

Just to clarify: I love this movie.
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singeivoire

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #204 on: 03 Mar 2008, 20:17 »

It's a good thing you clarified, because I was about to kill...

but yes, Hackers = <3
« Last Edit: 04 Mar 2008, 09:23 by singeivoire »
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #205 on: 03 Mar 2008, 20:59 »

Oliver Stone - I like the guy even when he's being ridiculous, but I can see how he turns people off.

I like a lot of Stone's movies, JFK, Platoon, Wall Street, but my god I hated Natural Born Killers. I'm sure there is a good film in there somewhere but the editing style and cinematography was so over the top it just drove me crazy. I realise that this was the point of the film, to satirise the media depiction of violence, but it just went beyond the point of satire and pissed me off immensely instead.

Kingdom of Heaven

Boo to you sir.

Kingdom of Heaven defiantly has its problems, Orlondo Bland chief among them, but I think it’s criminally underrated. The director’s cut in particular is pretty damn good, I just wish they had cast a different leading man.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #206 on: 05 Mar 2008, 02:38 »

Matrix 2 & 3: Damn I'm glad someone else said that ... no one else I've mentioned it to agrees. I think they're in denial.
The Deaths of Ian Stone: Horrible, horrible movie. Possibly something salvageable from the concept ... but they didn't find it.
I Am Legend: How did they manage to f* the book so hard?

I've only seen Ultraviolet in Chinese (I don't understand a lot of Chinese) ... somehow, I think that made it more interesting. That, and having nothing else to do.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #207 on: 05 Mar 2008, 05:15 »

Fletch: I started watching Matrix 2 and couldn't stand it enough to finish it, so I guess I agree. I won't be watching part 3 (obviously).

You didn't like I Am Legend? I thought it was fantastic.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #208 on: 05 Mar 2008, 07:19 »

If I had never read the book, I would have thought it was pretty cool.
The problem with that is, I did read the book & I cringed while the movie veered off in the opposite direction.
Some parts I thought I might just be watching the sequel to fight club -
Quote from: Tyler Durden
You'll hunt elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center
:P

I wanted to see fungus infested vampires that used to be the protagonist's colleagues, neighbors, etc.
Monsters with blood that glued in bullet holes & people that were shafted by the advance of science, but a number of whom were still essentially people. People that didn't want to be "saved" or "cured" & felt threatened by his zombie-killing existence.
IAL (movie) brought ghouls with trap-making skills, pack instincts ... bacon. And worst of all, redemption.


I had to be sure the Matrix didn't get any better after the first. :) I didn't make that mistake with star wars, though. JaJa was retarded.
« Last Edit: 05 Mar 2008, 07:21 by Fletch »
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #209 on: 05 Mar 2008, 12:38 »

Napoleon Dynamite
Nacho Libre
Titanic

can't think of any others...  I had SOME fun with Napoleon dynamite.  It makes a nice spark shower in the microwave.

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #210 on: 05 Mar 2008, 20:47 »

Matrix 2 & 3: Damn I'm glad someone else said that ... no one else I've mentioned it to agrees. I think they're in denial.

I think one good movie could be made out of the two of these, unfortunately they didn't do that, so instead of one very good, possibly great movie, we got two shitty ones.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #211 on: 06 Mar 2008, 03:53 »

The New World...I saw the preview and thought "Indians versus Knights!?  AWESOME."  Then, when I got the chance to watch it, it bored me so powerfully I went into a coma.

The Good Sheperd.  Matt Damon, Robert DeNiro, Joe Pesci crawling out of wherever he's been hiding since Lethal Weapon 4, all to make a movie about the formation of the CIA...it sounds exciting, but you'll need to read a graduate thesis on Cold War Intelligence Offices to understand the plot.

Epic Movie...hurt.  From the parody of Lazy Sunday that dated the movie so badly that it may as well have put the release date on it, to the constant "I think Rap Jokes are funny!" jokes, it just hurt.  I bought it on bootleg, and when it was done, I literally burned the disc so it wouldn't harm anyone else.  "2 of the 6 writers of Scary Movie!"  The wrong two.

War was pretty bad, too.  Why is Jason Statham (who is so obivously British), constantly playing an American FBI agent?  Nothing against the British, but really, there's no American Action stars who can play an FBI Agent Who Plays By His Own Rules To Catch An Asian Gang Member?  Also, why is it that whenever there's a cheesy action movie, the gang of choice is always Triads or Yakuza?

I agree with the Boondocks Saints reference.  I don't know that it sucked, but it's given way way way too much credit.

Also, Super Mario Brothers:  The Movie may have been bad, but I still love it.

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CEOVanilla

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #212 on: 06 Mar 2008, 04:16 »

Super Mario Brothers was so bad that it was good. As for the Matrix program, I saw it once and thought it was boring. I've never seen the sequels.
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Fletch

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #213 on: 06 Mar 2008, 08:00 »

Quote
Why is Jason Statham (who is so obivously British), constantly playing an American FBI agent?  Nothing against the British, but really, there's no American Action stars who can play an FBI Agent Who Plays By His Own Rules To Catch An Asian Gang Member?  Also, why is it that whenever there's a cheesy action movie, the gang of choice is always Triads or Yakuza?
I've seen his stuff, and I pretty much just assumed/pretended he was British in the film & enjoyed the explosions. I couldn't sit through 15 minutes of Transporter, though.
Not in memory - who would you prefer to see starring in the next film to copy this role?
Correct me if I'm wrong; They're not American & easily recognisable. There aren't too many racial gang stereotypes to choose from, iirc. Hollywood latches on to stereotypes when a movie is successful with them (even if that's not what made the movie successful) from what I hear ...
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #214 on: 06 Mar 2008, 14:34 »




MOAR 80s, PEOPLE!
   /
 :-D
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #215 on: 06 Mar 2008, 14:41 »

Oh god!  Horrible flashbacks to American Ninjas 1-4 (were there more?  I only saw those four)!
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #216 on: 06 Mar 2008, 16:56 »

You saw all 4‽
And while we're at it:

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #217 on: 06 Mar 2008, 21:43 »

In French, we have a name for movies that are so thoroughly flawed they are bloody fun to watch: we call any of these a "nanar". I'm only a newbie in the nanar fans community, but I''ve already got the chance to view the movie that is considered by most nanarologues as the greatest nanar of all times, namely the mythic
Dünyayi Kurtaran Adam
aka
The Man who Saved the World
aka
Turkish Star Wars
(IMDB)

It's the astounding result of a total lack of means with a total lack of talent, put together by a drop of pretentiousness and a whole tank of shameless plagiarism.

It's full of surprises, in the sense that it manages to get worse even when you think it's impossible. It starts rock bottom, then it digs. With a massive drilling rig. And occasionally dynamite.
It's spectacularly bad and I heartily recommend it - if you're a bit pervert.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #218 on: 07 Mar 2008, 00:30 »

Sounds right up my alley. I think it's up entirely on Google video.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #219 on: 07 Mar 2008, 07:46 »

Turkish Star Wars is possibly the most absurd thing ever created, i back this.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #220 on: 07 Mar 2008, 12:53 »

You saw all 4‽
And while we're at it:



Yes, I've seen all 4.  Deathstalker 2 is actually a decent farce.  The rest of them are 4.5 hours of my life that I could have better spent cleaning the infected anal glands of any member of the weasel family.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #221 on: 11 Mar 2008, 14:30 »

Has anyone mentioned Cast Away yet? That film was APPALLING.

I'm serious, I can't believe how many awards it was nominated for. I had to skip bits of it, it was so dull. The only remarkable thing that is in that film (and by remarkable I mean worthy of mention, not necessarily good) is the volleyball called Wilson.

I have an inkling I might get shot down with forum-fire for this post, but oh well.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #222 on: 18 Mar 2008, 04:41 »

How about "Sinbad of the 7 Seas" with Lou Ferigno?
or [other stuff I'm too tired to remember right now]?
OOOh! Like "Ella Enchanted"!
Jurassic Park 2 actually kills a small part of you that can never be resurrected.
Jurassic Park 3 (I've not seen it), is rumored to be used in interrogations in 3rd world countries, and would be against the Geneva convention if not for its production year.
Krull. period. I saw making of where the crew and actors honestly thought they were making a stellar movie.
It's like a law of movie making. If the actors praise the movie in the making of, it's a crap movie. If they praise (or, rather revere/fear) the director, it's an epic blockbuster. It has to be everyone who's worked on the movie, or it's up in the air.
I've thought sometimes, that those same production crew people who talk of working hard to please the director and being glad when they do probably hate him behind his back.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #223 on: 18 Mar 2008, 07:59 »

ANY of the "Billy Jack" movies
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #224 on: 18 Mar 2008, 08:37 »


Krull. period. I saw making of where the crew and actors honestly thought they were making a stellar movie.


I hate to break it to you but Krull kicked ass and you are horribly wrong.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #225 on: 18 Mar 2008, 15:28 »

I thought the MST3K version was HILARIOUS "And now the Manos Womens' Guild will reenact..." had me in stiches.


Also, if you have not seen Black Supaman, you must. Immediately. It's Master P's take on a superhero movie.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #226 on: 18 Mar 2008, 16:44 »



You would think this would be one of those "so-awful-it's-amazing" movies. But no, it isn't. It's just..awful.
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warofthebees

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #227 on: 19 Mar 2008, 07:34 »

That looks like one of those movies you see in that weird movie store at the corner, the one no one really goes in, but for some reason is still in business.  Usually there's 3 or 4 guys outside, arguing about something.

Also, Surf Ninjas was pretty bad.  I'm gonna throw out that any combination of ninjas and surfing make for a bad movie.  Which means the story of my life will never make it to the big screen.

Oh, yeah, and Stephen King's TV movie version of The Shining.  I watched up until the point where Tony floated in, and then had to stop.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #228 on: 19 Mar 2008, 11:38 »

Big Bad Wolf

Normally, I have a soft spot for werewolf movies, but when you get to the final couple in a horror movie in 20 minutes, after 3 sim-sex scenes (with fairly marginal looking actresses), some dialogue that tries to be cheesy and bad (and fails) and one of the worst werewolf costumes I've seen since the 4 year old came around last Halloween, I had to hit the eject button and apologize to the wife....I can often turn my brain off when watching movies, but when my willing suspension of disbelief goes, "That's it!  I'm outta here!" its time to go do-do.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #229 on: 20 Mar 2008, 05:32 »

Death Race 2000.  It was an old B movie, and it was so horrid that it earns the title of best B movie ever.  Horrid acting, horrid props, horrid lines, and horrid 'plot.'  It was that bad.  A friend and I sat and stared and laughed at the sheer horridity of it.  Horrid.

(Seriously, so horrid you need to see it just so you know how horrid it is.  And maybe fit in a laugh or two.)
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Muppet King

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #230 on: 20 Mar 2008, 06:26 »

Nope, the best B movie ever is Troll 2.

Death Race 2000 was terrible, but you don't know so bad it's good until you've seen Troll 2...and Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings......and Santa's Slay.

Besides, the new Death Race 2000 will be worse.  They're getting Jason Statham to star in it.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #231 on: 20 Mar 2008, 10:41 »

Deathrace 2000 is one of those movies that is so bad its good. 

It's also entered into the common psyche for North America - how often have you driven past something and gone, "that's 20 points."    Even before you saw the movie you were probably doing it.

Not saying it's agood movie, but its not without its merits. 
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Muppet King

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #232 on: 20 Mar 2008, 11:41 »

Oh I agree, but it's far from being the best bad movie as was said.  Alas, most people who say something like 'that's 20 points' have never heard of the movie, much less seen it.
« Last Edit: 20 Mar 2008, 15:50 by Muppet King »
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #233 on: 20 Mar 2008, 14:33 »

I dunno, I still feel like the Gymkata poster can't be topped. I mean, c'mon, look at his shoes.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #234 on: 22 Mar 2008, 02:10 »

Megaladon 3.  Movies about giant sharks are cool right?  No...not really.  Submarine movies with sharks are just boring, and giant sharks....ehhhhhhh no.

ANY Will Smith movie where he is the main actor.  I like Will Smith...I really, really do.  His Fresh Prince stuff was amazing, but that was what? 10-20 years ago back when he was cool and "fresh"?  I am Legend, Hitch, I(,)Robot, Wild Wild West are all horrendous movies.  Just because the guy can act DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE CAN CARRY A MOVIE ON HIS OWN.  "aww hell no!" just really doesn't cut it anymore.  The guy needs someone to support him, someone good...not that guy from King of Queens.

Queen Latifah.  Every movie she touches turns to garbage....her and Jimmy Fallon in like Taxi Driver or Taxi or whatever made me want to puke. I could barely sit through the trailer. 

Fantastic Four 1 and 2: The Silver Surfer was not cool.....at all....Galactus was not cool either.  Just cause Jessica Alba is hot doesn't mean that the movie will be good.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #235 on: 22 Mar 2008, 10:12 »

I Am Legend was NOT terrible.  It was mediocre, maybe, but not nearly on the same level as Wild Wild West or Hitch.
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warofthebees

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #236 on: 23 Mar 2008, 04:51 »

Fantastic Four 1 and 2: The Silver Surfer was not cool.....at all....Galactus was not cool either.  Just cause Jessica Alba is hot doesn't mean that the movie will be good.

I think the problem with the Fantastic Four movies were that they came off like a kid's movie.  Did anyone else think that, or was it just me?

AI was bad because it WOULD NOT END.  I think I'm still watching it.  After the third time I thought it had ended, I kind of drifted off.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #237 on: 25 Mar 2008, 06:52 »

The problem with the first Fantastic Four movie (I learned my lesson and have not seen Rise of the Silver Surfer) is that the "actors" (exception the guy who played Thing) displayed all the acting range of a block of wood.  The "romance" between Jessica Alba and the guy playing Reed Richards felt almost as wooden and forced as the love story between Padme and Anakin.

The guy playing Johnny Storm was having fun with his role, but a lack of ability (or did the lame script just suck all the ability away) he showed brought his performance down to an unenjoyable level.

Having seen jessica Alba in a couple of movies I have come to the conclusion that the only reason she is an actress is her willingness to wear very little at times....
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #238 on: 02 Apr 2008, 01:24 »

Why do the good threads die? Probably 'cause there isn't much you can elaborate on after listing movies you hate.
Feel free to ignore this post.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #239 on: 02 Apr 2008, 05:24 »

Thought of this one, just because of the upcoming new Indiana Jones movie - Temple of Doom qualifies as a medicore/bad movie in an otherwise excellent franchise.  The kid and the chippie took an otherwise enjoyable piece of mindless entertainment and sucked away all the respect I normally have for both Spielberg (why did you cast your future wife in the role?  Wait a minute...) and Ford.
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Ikrik

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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #240 on: 02 Apr 2008, 06:42 »

Thought of this one, just because of the upcoming new Indiana Jones movie - Temple of Doom qualifies as a medicore/bad movie in an otherwise excellent franchise.  The kid and the chippie took an otherwise enjoyable piece of mindless entertainment and sucked away all the respect I normally have for both Spielberg (why did you cast your future wife in the role?  Wait a minute...) and Ford.

No way man....I think that Temple of Doom was amazing, I enjoy watching it more now than any of the other ones.  Although that may be because I argued for years with my sister over which one is chronologically first (my argument was for Crusade, hers was for Raiders) and so I ended up hating Raiders.  And now I can't stand Sean Connery and Crusade just kind of bores me.  Sure Doom wasn't....spectacular, but it was still a lot of fun, the heart scene.....amazing.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #241 on: 02 Apr 2008, 07:41 »

The worst film I´ve ever seen is "The Running Man". For someone like me who´s a huge fan of Stephen King´s works, that movie was damn near physical rape. I can´t believe they actually had the guts to claim that it´s based on a novel by Stephen King!
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #242 on: 02 Apr 2008, 09:43 »

Sure its "based on" a Stephen King novel, I mean they share the same title, right? :roll:  The story and the movie have the same relationship as Bernard Cornwell's Sharpe novels have to their movies - no wait a minute, the people in the Sharpe movies can actually act so that comparison is out...And the storylines aren't completely divergent...
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #243 on: 02 Apr 2008, 09:47 »

Not only do they share the title, but the protagonist´s name is the same as well! And so is the game host´s (although in the book, he was black...)! Isn´t that truly something!
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #244 on: 02 Apr 2008, 09:54 »

A surprised gasp!  Stephen King is racist!  The game show host was black and this proves it!  Also, because he's a man, Stephen King must be in favor of rape!
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #245 on: 02 Apr 2008, 10:15 »

Although you were joking, Stephen King DOES have a worrying predeliction for the 'magical negro' archetype.

Also he's a pretty bad writer.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #246 on: 02 Apr 2008, 13:41 »

I wouldn't say he's really a bad writer, but he definitely has a lot of failures in his carreer, mainly for a tendency to caricature himself, both in terms of plot and of style. When he's focused and careful, he can bring amazing plots and his style can be efficient and enjoyable. That's a far too common issue when a writer becomes such a star that editors lack the authority to object and criticize.

As for "The Running Man", it's just a unnecessary and crappy spoof of the rather good movie Le prix du danger, which itself is based on the excellent short story "The prize of peril" by Robert Sheckley, a forgotten Sci-Fi genius who definitely deserves more glory (I try to use every occasion I have to mention him and his work).

Since I'm posting here, I have two more movies to mention, both amusingly crappy in their own ways. Before getting to it, I have to tell something about how I know them. In my city, there's a small theatre that specializes in (mostly) artsy movies, or at least its purpose is not to feed on blockbusters. It's also the only theater that systematically shows movies in subbed version instead of dubbed. In this theatre, a projectionist created a weekly special night, "L'Absurde Séance" ("the absurd séance" - I guess) where unusual movies are shown. By "unusual movies", I mean obscure Asian movies, interesting B-Movies, underrated treasures and, of course, nanars (crappy funny movies, in French). This is how I've seen these movies on big screen, including Turkish Star Wars. Yeah, I know, you're jealous.

Now, to the movies.

One is French, it's La revanche des mortes-vivantes (The revenge of the living dead girls). It's a very odd, very failed attempt at a vaguely erotic zombie movie. It's... hard to describe. The "plot" revolves around the death of three girls, killed by poisoned milk, and rising from the tomb to get their vengeance due to chemical waste dumped in the graveyard by a local factory. The costumes, the acting, the plot, the characters, the random softcore erotic scenes: all in this movie is plain ludicrous, except for the gore fx, which are efficient if completely over the top and sometimes plain gratuitous.

The other is Italian, by the late master of nanars Bruno Mattei (accurately nicknamed "the Italian Ed Wood"): Rats - Notte di terrore (Rats: Night of Terror) is a post-apocalyptic flick showing the tragic adventure of a band of bikers who roam the surface of the Earth after humanity had been forced underground for a century due to a nuclear war. One night, they find an old hotel with plenty of booze and food, and decide to stay there for the night. Little did they know that the place was already inhabited, I'll let you guess by what (oh well, it's in the title anyway). Caricatural characters (and not in a flamboyant way), loose plot, unconvincing FX, lame acting, crappy shooting: a very efficient cocktail that makes this movie as fascinating as a car wreck or a burning building. The fact that the black girl's nickname is "Chocolate" should tell you something about the core disaster this movie is.

By the way, some more stuff about Turkish Star Wars: the website nanarland.com, the French reference about nanars, provides some video excerpts of this movie, which are pretty representative of the overall stuff. Have a look, it's worth the loss of some neurons.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #247 on: 02 Apr 2008, 14:31 »

I think that one is known as "Hell of the Rats" stateside, and it is actually pretty awesome in how bad it is.  Bruno Mattei films rock.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #248 on: 02 Apr 2008, 19:54 »

Also he's a pretty bad writer.

I could not read Stephen King to save my life. In my lifetime I've managed to read one of his books fully through and I've abandoned at least five within the first hundred pages. He pretty much just sucks.
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Re: Terrible Movies Thread
« Reply #249 on: 03 Apr 2008, 00:01 »

I like his books very much, although I have to admit that the way he portrays the "bad guys" in his books is a little naive (in some books, if a feller is described as physically unattractive, they´re evil in some way). His habit of pulling out ridiculous deus ex machina -endings is rather bad as well, but if you can overlook those, the books are rather good.
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