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Author Topic: Because I'm morbid...  (Read 15922 times)

KITTENS!!!

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #100 on: 26 Feb 2008, 14:56 »

Precisely.

I'd also want to instill that LIFE IS PRECIOUSZORZ sort of mindset on the survivors, but that comes secondary to the aforementioned dementia.
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KITTENS!!!

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #101 on: 26 Feb 2008, 15:05 »

BLACK AND DECKER: THE TRUE STORY OF ONE DRILLBIT'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE AORTAS OF THOUSANDS
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jhocking

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #102 on: 26 Feb 2008, 15:40 »

That actually sounds like a hilarious movie. I would watch a movie with that subtitle.

gardenhead_

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #103 on: 27 Feb 2008, 02:06 »

I'd have my body rolled up in a carpet and tossed out of the side of a van speeding across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in mid to heavy traffic.

The carpet would be expensive.
This is such a great idea.
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KITTENS!!!

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #104 on: 27 Feb 2008, 13:37 »

New idea! I got it from Patton Oswalt.

Fill up all your pockets with candy and little toys and jump off a skyscraper, so that when you splat it'll be a FIESTA OF JOY.
"OH MY GOD, SO MUCH BLOOD... is that a Jolly Rancher? Mm... tangy."
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Patrick

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #105 on: 27 Feb 2008, 13:41 »

You know that link I posted? The one with the badass cheese-wire suicide? Yeah, the Pinata method is on that same page.

Just sayin'.
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KITTENS!!!

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #106 on: 27 Feb 2008, 14:00 »

I didn't look. My face is a sad one.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #107 on: 27 Feb 2008, 18:57 »

Those of you who want to be turned into diamonds may or may not already know about the company that will do this for you.  Personally, I think their website is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, mostly because of how they keep referring to "your loved one's carbon".

I looked at the website, completely prepared to be creeped out (I can never imagine wanting to wear a loved one's ashes...).  But after reading the testimonials, my mind has been changed.  For some people, it's really important to remain physically close to their loved ones.  And at least this way, your preservative-filled body isn't taking up much-needed space in some graveyard, nor is it burnt into ashes that sit in an ugly urn on the mantle. 

A friend of mine was telling me about a freezing process where your body is shattered and turned into fertilizer, but I can't seem to find any more information about it on the internet.  That really sounds the best to me--environmentally beneficial rather than detrimental, like most forms of death care.  Does anyone know anything about this?
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vaguely

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #108 on: 27 Feb 2008, 20:17 »

I'd fuck my boyfriend nonstop for three days. No joke. No clothes. Showering often, but having sex in shower. I'd whip out all the crazy kinks that I keep in my head for fear of scaring him because hey, what is it gonna matter?

I'd make sure my friends knew how much I loved and appreciated them.

I'd gather all the money to my name (all $5 or something) and buy everyone a nice dinner where we could all sit, smoke and laugh.

I'd plan my funeral. It would be the coolest funeral ever.

And then, two days before The Moment of Doomage, no matter how petty this sounds, I'd hunt down the two fat bitches who ruined my life last year and beat the shit out of them with a twinkie and a bat. The twinkie for distraction. The bat for carnage. Then I'd set their trailers on fire. It'd be so awesome. I'd die right before the cops found me.

And I'd die like Virginia Wolfe. Pocket full of stones and a freakin' river. No head in the oven for me, Sylvia, I've got this covered.
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calenlass

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #109 on: 27 Feb 2008, 22:37 »

Gracious me, someone's got a grudge.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #110 on: 27 Feb 2008, 22:58 »

It's her axe, and she'll do what she wants with it.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #111 on: 28 Feb 2008, 00:47 »

I would spend time with my friends, alert the internet, and fly to an undisclosed location in th U.S. for an undisclosed reason.

That is totally someone who said they'd sleep with you if you were dying, isn't it?


I would see if I can get life insurance that has almost instant coverage, pay $50 for a million dollar policy.

They are totally too clever for that and make you sign something that says to the best of your knowledge you are not about to die. It is a shame, really.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #112 on: 28 Feb 2008, 00:50 »

You could lie, I think! Maybe!
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #113 on: 28 Feb 2008, 00:52 »

No, you can't. They'll find out and take all the money back. Insurance is weird, because it's essentially a total scam but if you get caught out without it when something totally terrible happens then you're really fucked.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #114 on: 28 Feb 2008, 01:46 »

Last semester I was enrolled in a bunch of philosophy courses, and one day toward the end of term, my Existentialism professor asks the class this very question. At the time my head was filled with all sorts of ridiculous nonsense (depressed, etc.), and I said I would do everything exactly the same, except to quietly arrange my affairs, and write some letters to my friends/relatives.

Of course, thinking about it now, this is dumb.

Now would be a bad time for this (Haw haw), since my friends are all spread out through the country, but I'd tell my closest (geographically) friends about it, and hope they'd forget about school for the second week. First week would be spent preparing and telling girls straight up that I like them. Also I would go home, not tell my family, but generally make them all feel loved.
Second week, we go to the Oregon Coast, camp (Using the rest of my savings), and generally have a rip-roaring time. Second to last day, get some LSD (Or shrooms if aid cannot be found), and spirit journey with friends. Last day, talk, be generally serious and awesome, and at sunset I jump off the biggest goddamn cliff I can find.
(Also: Dongs.)
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normz

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #115 on: 06 Mar 2008, 19:53 »

one final big party where the moet flows as does the white stuff thats the right stuff, I'd also have lots of wildcrazy sex and get a tattoo and I would write letters to everyone telling them what i really thought but when the final moment came i think id have my friends and family with me and just let them know that i love them so much and their all awesome and they have to be strong without me
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NarwhalSunshine

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #116 on: 06 Mar 2008, 22:47 »

If I knew for sure I was going to die, I'd finally ask the cute girl that works at Wal Mart out.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #117 on: 06 Mar 2008, 23:10 »

Does it help that I can tell you right now and without a shadow of a doubt that you are going to die?
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Patrick

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #118 on: 07 Mar 2008, 00:03 »

If I knew for sure I was going to die, I'd finally ask the cute girl that works at Wal Mart out.

Sucks for her if she actually likes you though.
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Spluff

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #119 on: 07 Mar 2008, 04:05 »

Unless she's into that kind of thing. In which case, it's probably good to find that out before she finds out you've passed on.
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clockworkjames

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #120 on: 07 Mar 2008, 07:43 »

I'd do pretty much exactly what I have done for the last 2 weeks over again. except spend all my money and kill some scummy bastards.

Shirk responsablities (I never went to colleger  :oops:), spend some time with new people, clubbing pubbing, having a good time and just being pretty damn happy.
Get together with my best friend and get drunk watching movies like we I used to come visit her before I moved through, burn down the shop I used to work at (A few people would thank me for that) and with the money I have access to, which is maybe almost 2 grand, buy a second hand superbike - maybe an old R1 or a fireblade, a ninja or something else stupidly fast and find out what it feels like to be going 3 times as fast as anything else on the road, walk Argyle and Sauchiehall street with a bat, beating to death all the smackheads who ask for my money.

Pretty much the same as most people then.

Also fuckings until my dick falls off of course.

Come to think of it, I don't take care of myself too well, I enjoy life and in doing so I am killing myself pretty quickly. Also 2 weeks from now I will be packing up to go to the multiplay i-series LAN and I don't want to miss that :(

Also I wanted to be barbequed and eaten at my funeral but my mum says no.
« Last Edit: 07 Mar 2008, 07:48 by clockworkjames »
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Elizzybeth

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #121 on: 07 Mar 2008, 18:39 »

Also I wanted to be barbequed and eaten at my funeral but my mum says no.

That's funny--my vegetarian brother requested that a couple of years ago and really frightened my parents.  He'd just turned 18 and wanted to write it into his will.  They somehow managed to talk him out of it.
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CEOVanilla

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #122 on: 07 Mar 2008, 19:29 »

I'd try and guilt a Dow component into letting me be on the board of directors.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #123 on: 07 Mar 2008, 23:36 »

Gee, I bet that would work magnificently.
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clockworkjames

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #124 on: 07 Mar 2008, 23:59 »

Elizzybeth your brother sounds like a wise man. I was about that age and vegetarian at the time. Many problems with the legalities too.
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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #125 on: 08 Mar 2008, 17:32 »

"oh yeah, that bomb I forgot about it supposed to detonate in 3 days"
y'know, keep people on their toes. They'd be good last words, I think.
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KITTENS!!!

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #126 on: 10 Mar 2008, 18:05 »

"Kick Dane Cook in the scrotum for meeeeeeeeeeee..."

...as I plummet down Leonidas' pit of despair.
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Kwang

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #127 on: 10 Mar 2008, 19:19 »

Iunno what exactly I'd get up to, but I know I'd exploit others' pity for me to the fullest.
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Chrasstor

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #128 on: 10 Mar 2008, 19:41 »

I wouldn't tell anyone. At first, I'd spend time with my family. I'd buy them a wonderful dinner, and do something to make them realize how much I've appreciated their company my entire life, even if most of the time I didn't show it. That'd be the first week. I'd let my closest friends know how much I love them, too. At the end of that week, I'd leave them a note explaining my predicament, and telling them that I'm not worried about it and that neither should they.

 I'd make a loan from a bank, or something like that and then fly somewhere pretty. I'm not sure where, but somewhere with beautiful scenery and fair skies, free from other people. I'd spend the remainder of my time there, wondering about what's going to happen to me when I die and reflecting on my passed life; especially remembering the stuff that made it worth while... The time I spent with my brother and family when I was younger than school. Realizing how wonderful it was to be new to a world and to be instantly surrounded by people who cared for me and took me under their wing... How I enjoyed time with my oldest friends, how they supported me too. I'd try my hardest not to worry about my coming death and instead try to realize why my life was so important to begin with and how beautiful of a thing death can actually be.

I'd probably die happier than my actual coming death.
« Last Edit: 10 Mar 2008, 19:43 by Chrasstor »
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DonInKansas

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #129 on: 11 Mar 2008, 00:36 »

I'd take a dump on a national landmark.  Nation to be determined.
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I mean, it would still suck, but at least it would suck creatively.

Patrick

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #130 on: 11 Mar 2008, 06:24 »

I wouldn't tell anyone. At first, I'd spend time with my family. I'd buy them a wonderful dinner, and do something to make them realize how much I've appreciated their company my entire life, even if most of the time I didn't show it. That'd be the first week. I'd let my closest friends know how much I love them, too. At the end of that week, I'd leave them a note explaining my predicament, and telling them that I'm not worried about it and that neither should they.

So basically you're going to get a sex change and you're going to die two weeks later from complications from the surgery. Gotcha. You need to do it more like this guy:

I'd exploit others' pity for me to the fullest.

HE IS DOING IT RIGHT
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #131 on: 11 Mar 2008, 12:00 »

God man, if I think about it I might just not tell my family and leave the country, dying alone someplace with a false ID. that way my family wouldn't actually know what happened to me, and the grief factor would be spread out over time. If they never find my remains they might just think I'm alive and elsewhere.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

Elizzybeth

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #132 on: 11 Mar 2008, 12:16 »

Do you seriously have such disdain for your family that you'd do that to them?  Ouch!  Way to stunt the natural, healthy grief process. (I mean, of course, that'd totally be your prerogative if you somehow managed to end up in this situation.  But still.)
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Because I'm morbid...
« Reply #133 on: 11 Mar 2008, 14:42 »

Not really disdain, in fact I'd pretend it was just to get them to hate me so it wouldn't hurt them that I left. If they think I just moved away and was never heard from again then it wouldn't be grief, it would just be "Hey, remember your asshole brother? Yeah, wonder whatever happened to him. Don't care enough to find out"
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.
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