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Poll

Which alcohol would you fuck, were it a human?

Vodka
- 12 (10.8%)
Brandy
- 4 (3.6%)
Scotch
- 3 (2.7%)
Rum
- 17 (15.3%)
Jaegermeister
- 6 (5.4%)
Beer
- 7 (6.3%)
Whiskey
- 11 (9.9%)
Tequila
- 5 (4.5%)
Gin
- 11 (9.9%)
Wine
- 12 (10.8%)
Schnapps
- 2 (1.8%)
Goldschlager
- 5 (4.5%)
Some other dang alcohol I don't feel like thinking up
- 5 (4.5%)
Bourbon
- 11 (9.9%)

Total Members Voted: 90


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Author Topic: Sex and Booze Poll  (Read 20176 times)

Inlander

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #50 on: 03 Mar 2008, 23:51 »

Bringing up Tequila in the conversation because I feel she's underrepresented

Eww, no way man. I heard she has worms.
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axerton

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #51 on: 04 Mar 2008, 01:48 »

I'm surprised no one's mentioned absinthe, sure you'd regret it the morning after, but damn it would be great in bed.

This from the guy who doesn't drink at all.
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Fletch

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #52 on: 04 Mar 2008, 01:58 »

8th Post, Ax.

But the real question is not, "Do you drink?"
It is, "Do you fuck?" :-P
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simonterry

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #53 on: 04 Mar 2008, 03:09 »

Gin. British girls rock.
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Elizzybeth

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #54 on: 04 Mar 2008, 03:22 »

Gotta say rum.  Though I greatly prefer drinking beer, he'd probably end up being too much foreplay and not enough action.  And I've always had a thing for guys who are just barely on the straight side of the gay / straight line.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #55 on: 04 Mar 2008, 03:44 »

Uh, I don't drink.

Does that make me celibate in this rather poor metaphor?
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0bsessions

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #56 on: 04 Mar 2008, 06:08 »

And Bud Light is your basic Tommydski. Nobody will cop to liking it, but it sure does seem to get around anyway.
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thewayigroove

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #57 on: 04 Mar 2008, 06:48 »

Mmmmm I’d bunk up with Jack Daniels.

Possibility for a Jim bean & Jack Daniels threesome...


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Ballard

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #58 on: 04 Mar 2008, 06:59 »

Mixing Tennessee whiskey and bourbon?

That's like bringing home a girl and her mother on the same night..
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negative creep

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #59 on: 04 Mar 2008, 07:10 »

If vodka is the German guy, who is jägermeister?

I voted for vodka because vodka is your friend! She's never hurt me. Can't say that about Russian girls, though.
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Slick

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #60 on: 04 Mar 2008, 07:15 »

Ballard, more like bringing home a girl and her ugly cousin on the same night.

My dream girl is an assertive, rugged lady with a cute southern accent that makes her endearing even when she's threatening.
Bourbon, where have you gone?
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Lines

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #61 on: 04 Mar 2008, 07:40 »

I picked rum because a rum like man would be the type to have adventures and take me sailing. He'd be rugged, probably spends a lot of time in the sun, and would swim like no other. He may occasionally pillage or have to kill somebody with his sword, but that is okay, because we'd be doing it together. Captain Morgan would be a fling, but Bacardi I could take home to mum.
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Jimmy the Squid

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #62 on: 04 Mar 2008, 07:53 »

Bacardi would be a dude from the carribean with a flowing shirt unbuttoned to his navel, barefoot and wearing khaki trousers that flap in the wind in a daring and somewhat dashing manner. Shit I would take him home to mum, simply to see the look on her face if nothing else.

He may also have a big gold earring.
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Lines

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #63 on: 04 Mar 2008, 08:02 »

What? That's what Malibu makes me think of. That or some middle-aged woman in a slinky suit on a beach that really needs more coverage.
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Ozymandias

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #64 on: 04 Mar 2008, 08:06 »

Guys what I have basically gathered from this poll is that the personification of bourbon is Katie.
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Slick

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #65 on: 04 Mar 2008, 08:22 »

And we all want in her pants.
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öde

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #66 on: 04 Mar 2008, 08:39 »

Long Island Iced Tea likes long walks on the beach as the sun sets and reading books that aren't too hard to understand.
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SevenPinkerton

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #67 on: 04 Mar 2008, 08:50 »

Spiced Rum! It's all scruffy and manly and talks like a pirate.
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #68 on: 04 Mar 2008, 09:32 »

Improperly made absynthe from the late 1800's is a blind french dude screaming with maddening pain.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

pat101

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #69 on: 04 Mar 2008, 10:30 »

in my mind Gin is a strong-willed, witty, tart, but always-up-for-a-good-time, kind of partner.

aka. right up my theoretically alley

Something Witty

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #70 on: 04 Mar 2008, 10:33 »

Guys what I have basically gathered from this poll is that the personification of bourbon is Katie.
Voted bourbon before I read this post, for the record.
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ledhendrix

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #71 on: 04 Mar 2008, 12:20 »

Its WHISKY guys. There is no e unless your referring to irish WHISKEY. Sorry but i wouldn't do Whiskey but i certainly would Whisky.
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E. Spaceman

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #72 on: 04 Mar 2008, 12:36 »

American whiskeys are also with an E, you silly sod
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Boro_Bandito

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #73 on: 04 Mar 2008, 13:08 »

yeah, hate to burst your bubble. But anyway, I'd do either Irish Whiskey or Tenessee Whiskey, because ones hot and Irish and the other's hot and southern. Plus I have a thing for red hair.
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Yeah, I mean, "I won't kill and eat you if you won't kill and eat me" is typically a ground rule for social groups.

jeph

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #74 on: 04 Mar 2008, 13:11 »

I wouldn't fuck anything I drink, and I wouldn't drink anyone I'd fuck.
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jeph

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #75 on: 04 Mar 2008, 13:12 »

Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
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Uber Ritter

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #76 on: 04 Mar 2008, 13:53 »

Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world
And that's why we love it!  Also perhaps Jeph you haven't tried gin that doesn't come in lysterine bottles.  Tanqueray and Plymouth are like fancy aids-riddled Haitian prostitutes.

But cognac, armagnac and other pretensious brandies will always be first in my heart.  French chicks be crazy, judging by my sample size of one (and God knows that the above statement is STATISTICALLY infallible).  But oh well. 
« Last Edit: 04 Mar 2008, 13:56 by Uber Ritter »
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michaelicious

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #77 on: 04 Mar 2008, 14:54 »

Tanqueray tastes the way I imagine a Christmas tree would.
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Inlander

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #78 on: 04 Mar 2008, 15:28 »

Long Island Iced Tea likes long walks on the beach as the sun sets and reading books that aren't too hard to understand.

Funny, I could've sworn that Long Island Iced Tea was the elderly matriarch who always swears that she never touches a drop of alcohol, when everyone knows that she actually has bottles of liquor stashed away all through her house.
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Uber Ritter

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #79 on: 04 Mar 2008, 15:32 »

Tanqueray tastes the way I imagine a Christmas tree would.
I think it tastes like you're drinking the pacific northwest.

So yes, delicious.
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öde

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #80 on: 04 Mar 2008, 15:35 »

No way Harry, it is totally a lady in her late 20s who seems totally innocent but then you take her to a real party and have wild sex.


What the fuck, this thread. What the fuck.
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Ozymandias

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #81 on: 04 Mar 2008, 15:38 »

Seriously, I didn't expect or desire this thread to go anywhere. I was just mocking the comic forums.

Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.
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Lady Lavish

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #82 on: 04 Mar 2008, 15:49 »

I'm a whiskey girl for sure! Whiskey seems like the kind of guy who would fuck the shit out of you and leave bright and early in the morning. None of that emotional bullshit to deal with. *grin*

Although i'd have to say a nice cheap malt liquor wouldn't be too bad of a fuck either. Probably like fucking a punk-rock boy. Decent foreplay, hard sex and then they'd hand you back your drink afterwards. Hahaha!
« Last Edit: 04 Mar 2008, 15:54 by Lady Lavish »
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karl gambolputty...

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #83 on: 04 Mar 2008, 16:09 »


Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.

All we're missing is some Jack Daniels/Jim Beam slash fiction
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öde

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #84 on: 04 Mar 2008, 16:14 »

Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.

I was all being ridiculous and then Harry ruined my Long Island Iced Tea idea.
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Lines

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #85 on: 04 Mar 2008, 16:37 »

Seriously, I didn't expect or desire this thread to go anywhere. I was just mocking the comic forums.

Turns out I LIKE HURR is about as creepy about booze as those people are about Jeph's drawings. Good show, people.

Where you went wrong was thinking a good portion of us actually read those forums.
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Inlander

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #86 on: 04 Mar 2008, 16:56 »

I was all being ridiculous and then Harry ruined my Long Island Iced Tea idea.

You're only upset because you know I'm right.
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simonterry

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #87 on: 04 Mar 2008, 18:51 »

Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world

that makes the martini recipie a whole bunch less dignified.

Martini

1/2 ounce Dry Vermouth
2 ounces AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute, chilled

In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.

Serving suggestion: Garnish with olives, lemon twist.
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E. Spaceman

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #88 on: 04 Mar 2008, 19:22 »





In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.

.


WHAT THE FUCK
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Fletch

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #89 on: 04 Mar 2008, 19:26 »

Blargh. I think the AIDS-riddled haitian prostitute did it for me. Or the geriatric alcohol. Or the point where this seemingly stopped being about what alcohol you like, and which one deserves a skanky crown.

Wait ... that was the first post, wasn't it?
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onewheelwizzard

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #90 on: 04 Mar 2008, 19:43 »

I'd definitely have sex with the most expensive saki available.
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jhocking

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #91 on: 04 Mar 2008, 19:56 »

In a shaker full of ice, shake the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute and vermouth before straining into glass.
WHAT THE FUCK

Also gin is the AIDS-riddled Haitian prostitute of the alcohol world

a pack of wolves

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #92 on: 04 Mar 2008, 19:58 »

Jaeger, since she'd be tattooed, play in an extremely loud band and get me into some ridiculously chaotic situations before doing it. In the morning she would disappear before I awoke to go on tour, leaving an illegible note attached to my fridge with bubble gum and/or blood after having stolen an item of small importance (the note will be a convoluted explanation of why this was absolutely necessary). I'd also like a fling with absinthe, she'd be a self-destructive artist or writer who'd flip between melodic flights of imagination and grim, bitter, paranoid rage. Both moods would be equally conducive to creativity and sex. Whisky would be the one to settle down with though. She's variable and moody enough to make life interesting but not so mental you have to chuck them within a few weeks for fear of becoming as deranged they are. Plus they'd improve with age and the more you got used to her the more she'd reveal subtle depths to her character.
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simonterry

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #93 on: 04 Mar 2008, 20:06 »

that sounds like a monologue from a nick hornby book
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Ozymandias

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #94 on: 04 Mar 2008, 20:07 »

I think he's more pissed that anyone would dare shake their martini.
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dennis

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #95 on: 04 Mar 2008, 20:26 »

Jaegermeister I always imagine personified as a chain smoker addicted to meth. The meth being Red Bull.
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frullic

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #96 on: 04 Mar 2008, 21:42 »

Rum all the way! South American babes are teh hottest! (according to x-rays of my pelvis)
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quietnow

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #97 on: 04 Mar 2008, 21:55 »

guys. i would fuck each and every one of these liquors EXCEPT for jaeger.
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a pack of wolves

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #98 on: 04 Mar 2008, 22:53 »

Jaegermeister I always imagine personified as a chain smoker addicted to meth. The meth being Red Bull.

Is it bad that this would not put me off?
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Slick

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Re: Sex and Booze Poll
« Reply #99 on: 04 Mar 2008, 23:22 »

Hangin' round,
Downtown by myself.
« Last Edit: 04 Mar 2008, 23:28 by Slick »
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It's a roasted cocoa bean, commonly found in vaginas.
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