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[ampersandwitch]

Gents, gents, we need to fess up-
I know rhyming is too fun to pass up;
But I take your failing endurance,
As just one more assurance,
That I'll win, "hands down, ass up."

[Peet]

Bob that was a fine insult to swallow
My response can seem naught but hollow
What an excellent rhyme
The best in some time
It's really a tough act to follow

[karl gambolputty...]

Astaldo, it sure would be fun
To give you a beatdown my son
But before we dance
Give this a glance
And come back once you've learned how it's done

[karl gambolputty...]

Shit, your last one was actually pretty good.

[Peet]

Amper the rhyme is as good as the impact is
But the long and the short of the fact is
Although you rhyme well
I feel I must yell:
We don't care about your sexual practice

[jhocking]

Amper the rhyme is as good as the impact is

dude that isn't even close to the right number of syllables

[Elizzybeth]

The boarding in this thread is strong
But it's twisted my brain all 'round wrong
Now this I have read
In each other thread
I think non-limerick posts don't belong.

[Sox]

Slow down there, mr Jhocking
Your conduct is really quite shocking
Have you not read
You must rhyme in this thread?
Boy, you are in for a clocking!

[ampersandwitch]

Do I hear somebody a mocking
The honor of my dear Joseph Hocking?
Slow down, my pup,
He's just warming up,
No need for intellectual cockblocking.

[Peet]

As a maverick lyrical genius
I rhyme racier than a bikini is
To hell with convention
My lines are invention!
And tastier than a zucchini is

[BobJoeJim]

Perhaps JHocking will improve this night
But his first post was a painful sight.
It may not quite rhyme,
But at least there's five lines,
See, Astaldo is doing it rite.

[jhocking]

So sorry, I sometimes forget
This thread has a theme to be met
Next time I'll beware
It is only fair
The rules I must follow or quit

[Patrick]

The mockery of our dear Joey
Just proves all your mothers are ho-ey
You all need to work
more at being a jerk
And go get a job, please, and blow me

[Sox]

Wait, hang on a bit...
oh mr Jhocking, you tit!
"forget" and "met"? fine
But "Quit" does not rhyme!
But you did rather well, I admit.

[ampersandwitch]

DEAR ASTALDO

I'm duly impressed by your little stint,
Though, Pete, you'll be wishing you didn't.
Your rhymes are so dangerously swank,
I foresee a reprimanding spank -
Bitch, someone call in the reinforcements.

[Patrick]

The backup's already been called
And my rhymes will leave you all blueballed
I'm going insane
Like a cat on cocaine
And your rhyme-shits leave me quite appalled

[BobJoeJim]

Dear Patrick, I'm posting from work.
These limericks are an excellent perk.
Making otherwise boring
Tasks more worth enjoying
But weak rhymes like yours drive me berserk.

Here there are no shades of grey
I'm the best, there's no more to say
The sharpest mind
Is mine, you'll find,
(And Patrick listens to Coldplay)

[Peet]

Joe's been too long on the net
It is my unending regret
That since Hocking's entered
He's shown he's demented
For "quit" does not rhyme with "met"

[Sox]

Oh man! Harsh! OUCH
BobJoeJim is clearly no slouch!
Let patrick recover
before giving him another
Here man, rest on my couch.

[Amaroq]

The definition of limerick in this thread
Has been oh so mightily twisted
The meter is wretched,
The rhymes are all stretched;
As poets I think we've lost all cred.

[BobJoeJim]

You complain about metric deficiency,
But your syllable counts are off by three,
And as for stretched rhymes,
They make wonderful dimes,
As long as you just drop them carefully.

[Peet]

I have come to quite a junction
I suffer a degree of compunction
For I find myself shirking
When I should really be working
Making notes on renal function

[karl gambolputty...]

Tis not a syllable-count you must meet
Tis the right number of metrical feet
Please repeat after me
"Three three two two three"
With this knowledge you cannot be beat

[Patrick]

(And Patrick listens to Coldplay)

Oh FUCK NO YOU DID NOT.

Got balls of steel, BobJoeJim
But your face is so much like a quim
With a dong in your mouth
Like a place further south
Your rhymes are so weak it's a sin

(we need to take this to spokenvswritten.com or something)

[Amaroq]

Wow, some people just can't take critique
Guess they're caught up in their own mystique!
I'll stick by my meter,
'Twas example feeder.
I'm sorry, but our poetry reeks!



However, that's just an aside
I'm willing to quietly abide.
I think BobJoeJim
Should respond to him
As has just stuck a knife in his hide.

[BobJoeJim]

'M' and 'N' are different letters,
Leave the rhyming to your betters.
Your vulgarity rate
Is impressively great
But your wit is that of an Irish Setter.

[ampersandwitch]

Patty, oh, Pat, let it be,
Though his affront mayn't be your cup o tea -
The claim was untrue,
And this fact will subdue -
At least he didn't claim ICP.

[ampersandwitch]

You just don't appreciate their genius.
Yes, they're not amazing. Like zucchini is.
Infact, they are crap
I'm shutting my yap!
DAMMIT, STAY OUT OF MY BIDNIZ

[jhocking]

I'm not sure ass-tall-doh can complain
"Quit" worked well to end my refrain
Sox was only okay
Fine/rhyme he did say
But "demented" just caused in me pain.

[Peet]

With one fourth of your blood going through me
I regulate blood osmolarity
I make erythropoetin
And I'm tasty for eatin'
Good sir; I am a kidney!

[BobJoeJim]

Astaldo, you have broken my brain.
Your last poem has left me in pain.
I cannot denounce
Rhymes I cannot pronounce,
Please never do that again!

[Patrick]

'M' and 'N' are different letters,
Leave the rhyming to your betters.
Your vulgarity rate
Is impressively great
But your wit is that of an Irish Setter.

I honestly wish you were dead
Your parents should never have bred
Go take a shotgun
Blow yourself a new one
Then take some buckshot to your head

(holy crap this is fun)

[Sox]

KimJong, that was too far, dude.
Infact, it was terribly rude.
I'm sorry young feller
But now you're old yeller
Let's head to the barn, your brain's screwed.

[ampersandwitch]

Bee Jay Jay, you'll find you're mistaken,
Reread Pete's, you'll see you're quite taken -
Not simply with the obscurity
Of his scientific maturity.
Lads, observe love, in the makin'.

[öde]

This thread is turning far too mean,
I think people are running out of steam.
We can all be kind,
and in that frame of mind,
smiles from everyone will beam!

[BobJoeJim]

Patrick may be getting quite personal,
But I take no offense at it all.
It's kind of amusing
Watching him abusing
All for which intelligence is useful.

Still though it might be wise
For us all to be sure not to devise
Rhymes excessively cruel
Which could violate rules
And deny this thread a reprise

[BobJoeJim]

Amp, I was being sarcastic
It hurt, but I can be quite elastic.
Did I understand it?
Only partially I admit,
But he kidney poem was fantastic.

[Peet]

To woo with lyrical prose
Is something that everyone knows
Can really work well
It's something quite swell
Ampersandwich, your text frankly glows.

[karl gambolputty...]

Hey now, what is all this?
Something is clearly very amiss
Where are the posts so irate,
and the venomous hate?
Please tell me you're all taking the piss

[Amaroq]

Astaldo's suggestion of wooing is true
I woo'ed a lady with e-mail haiku
Now, she's my wife,
And, sadly, my life
Hardly ever includes a good screw.

[bryanthelion]

I really have to pee
I hope it doesnt smell like the sea
I dont want it to be smelly
I want it to smell like grape jelly
"That so yellow" said me.

[ledhendrix]

Don't piss in the ocean
You'll only cause a commotion
Its at times like these
That i beg and say please
For people in it are a washin'

[bryanthelion]

Oh dear,
Didn't you hear?
I wasn't going to piss in the pacific.
That'd be too horrific
I mean, people would peer*.
(*As in peer over.)

[Lunchbox]

I'm actually quite bemused
I thought you'd have all been confused
But stanza composing
See? Not so imposing!
I'm terribly glad you're amused

[ledhendrix]

Well as long as you refrain
Then i shall feel no pain
From drinking the slightly hotter
Highly piss infected water
That wouldn't have tasted like rain

[Peet]

Having completed my studious work
I find the thread has gone slightly beserk
For all that I see
Are poems about wee
They're not even raising a smirk.

[bryanthelion]

Snow caved me in
I used my shovel made of tin
Broke my back
Feels like I have a frozen sack
5 inches of snow is a sin

[littlelove]

Record high snow
has never set glow
to many canadians out there,
since spring came, we swear!
but the snow has come back to blow.

[Switchblade]

It is sad that I'm forced to refrain
from being able to feel with your pain.
I am English you see,
snow is alien to me
because all that we get here is rain.

I'm afraid I must also point out
that you've missed what this thread is about.
It was poetry, yes
quite good, I'll profess
but a limerick? somehow I doubt.

[StaedlerMars]

i'll try to throw in a limerick
this rhyme might sink like a brick
but what i will say
(i'll stay out of this fray)
this site should give you a kick