A young Iraqi gentleman shows great promise and talent at playing Australian rules football. He shows so much promise that he is drafted to play professionally by the Collingwood Football Club. He becomes a very popular and successful football player and wins the best & fairest award at his club. Excitedly he calls his mother to tell her the good news. "Mother, mother!" he exclaims, "I have won the best and fairest award at the Magpies and I am making so much money and you should hear the crowds cheer for me when I get the ball! I am so happy!" "That is very good, my son" replies the mother, "but things are awful here with your family. Your brother has been beaten by a gang, your sister has been raped! We are afraid to leave the house and there is sounds of gunfire and screaming all night!" The son is dismayed to hear this and says he asks if he can help in any way. "Help?" asks the mother, incredulously. "You're the reason we had to move to this godforsaken Collingwood hellhole in the first place!"